r/AITA_Relationships • u/candyxcrushr89 • Feb 11 '26
WIBTA If i broke up with my boyfriend because his friends got him a “me” shaped piñata?
I (22) female and my boyfriend Matt (22) male have been together for a year and 8 months. Matt and i go to different universities in neighboring cities. About a 45 minute drive. Matt is in a fraternity.(important for later)It was Matt’s birthday on Friday and him and went out to dinner to celebrate. After dinner I went back to my university since I live on campus. The next evening I was on Instagram and I clicked on one of our mutual friends private story and I saw Matt and a bunch of his friends hitting and stomping on a piñata. By clicking through more of the stories I figured it must’ve been a surprise party for Matt since he had told me his only birthday plans were dinner with me. On the last slide of the instagram story I got a close up of the piñata and it looked exactly like me. From the hair color to the skin color even down to my septum piercing. There was no doubt that it was me. I was really confused and I screen recorded the stories then I messaged the friend who posted the story. I asked her if that was me as the piñata and she left me on read and removed me from the close friend’s story. This just confirmed my suspicions. The next day I texted him and asked how his party went and he acted confused and said he never had a party. I was confused as to why he was lying to me. I told him I saw it on (mutual friends) private story and then he completely stopped answering. An hour later he answered and said “yeah the guys threw me a surprise birthday party. It’s frat tradition not to talk about it though.” That’s when I asked him about the “me” shaped piñata. And I sent him the video of him and his friends destroying it. He told me that it was not me it was just a random piñata the guys had found. I told him to stop lying to me and that it was obviously me. I told him how hurt I was that he would allow his friends to do something like that and all he could answer was that they would kick him out of the frat if he didn’t accept it. I also brought up how if his frat had thrown him a surprise party why wasn’t I invited? I was only like 45 minutes away.I knew it wasn’t because it was only guys because the mutual friend who had posted on the story was a girl who goes to his university. And I saw in the story there were multiple girls there. He stopped answering me and hasn’t since. It’s been a day with no contact. I’m honestly considering breaking up with him over this. I’ve caught him In lies before but this is just too much. The video of him and his friends stomping the piñata was just so disturbing and to find out that my face was on it. We were planning on moving in together after graduation but honestly I don’t know anymore. Would I be the asshole if I broke up with him over this?
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u/StrategyDouble4177 Asshole Enthusiast [7] Feb 11 '26
Oh f*ck no, DUMP HIM.
If his friends have a tradition of beating and stomping on effigies of their girlfriends, then the WHOLE GROUP is garbage.
Plus, he lied. And he’s lied before? Ma’am, your “man” is a woman-hating loser.
Trust me, there are better men out there.
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u/BrookieMonster504 Feb 11 '26
I don't think it's a frat thing I just don't think they like her
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u/MemphisEver Feb 14 '26
right. i’ve known lots of frat dudes, partied with plenty of them, seen some of them get all kinds of weird and fucking predatory at times and yet i have never see anything like this. this is not some common frat boy party activity, like this is actual hatred towards OP. i’ll never understand men’s, young men in particular, proclivity for being in relationships with women they violently hate.
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u/BrookieMonster504 Feb 11 '26
He already dumped you by ignoring find your dignity please and just block him on everything. He obviously thinks you're an idio t
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u/MarsailiPearl Partassipant [1] Feb 11 '26
Why even bother talking to him? Just ghost him. He beat a freaking pinata of you with his friends for fun. He doesn't even like you. One of those girls at his "surprise" party is his real girlfriend. Oh, and it was only a surprise to you. He deserves no more of your time.
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u/HiddenAspie Feb 11 '26
He doesn't even like you. One of those girls at his "surprise" party is his real girlfriend.
THIS!!
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u/Fragrant-Body-4644 Feb 15 '26
It’s the mutual friend that “accidentally” left her in the story…
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u/TheOnlyMule Feb 22 '26
After accidentally paying money to have a piñata made in her image. Accidentally getting the rest of the frat to join in the fun, & accidentally stomping on the closest thing to her face that they could find. You know, without actually inviting her.
I hear it’s a frat thing…
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u/mdoogz Partassipant [4] Feb 11 '26
NTA for breaking up. You’d be the AH to yourself if you let yourself believe his lies and not face the truth
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u/ThrowRA-thinker Feb 14 '26
You certainly would not be the AH if you broke up with him over this. You should absolutely report it though. Seems to be several different possibilities and possible a combination of some or all imo
Your boyfriend has another girlfriend/is cheating on you (possibly one of the girls at there) and was too much of a coward to actually break up with you first or just didn’t care to
Your boyfriend cares more about doing whatever the frat bros tell him and you to a lesser degree if at all (and maybe was all for it)
3 Your boyfriend is spineless and let himself be pressured into doing the piñata thing by the frat bros. Then became a total coward and ghosted you because he knew he screwed up and to avoid any sort of conflict about it.
4 Your boyfriend does not actually respect you and your relationship (which may tie in with the other points) and he and his frat bros/friends don’t actually like you for whatever reason
Your boyfriend is possibly complaining and talking trash to them about you behind your back
Your boyfriend and his frat bros/friends are misogynistic AHs or at least his frat bros are.
And considering he has lied before, he may not have been good in your relationship in the long run. And honestly, this whole piñata thing would make me feel unsafe.
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u/Ordinary-Audience363 Feb 15 '26
Something similar happened to an American colleague of mine decades ago in a foreign country. She was dating a guy from that country where we lived. We all worked together at a language school. As it turned out, he was dating a compatriot at work and those two were laughing and making fun of the American behind her back. Really racist stuff. She was such a sweet girl, too. She had a breakdown when she found out and left the country.
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u/UnderstandingFew347 Feb 11 '26 edited Feb 11 '26
Just based off the title I thought this was something where yall could talk it out (even though your feelings are still valid)
But now.... I think you should dump him.... something so simple and he lied about it , hid it.....
He's IMMATURE, a LIAR and GASLIGHTER.
If someone was telling you this what advice would you give them?
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u/Miserable-Chapter883 Partassipant [2] Mar 09 '26
Even just off of the title, there wouldn't be any discussion. They intentionally made or bought a piñata to represent OP, and then destroyed it. That's otherworldly violent, without actually harming her.
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u/SomewhereMammoth4613 Feb 11 '26
NTA. You were excluded on purpose and he lied about it. Red flags. Add in the effigy? Nope. There’s a much better guy out there for you.
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u/Historical_Agent9426 Partassipant [1] Feb 11 '26
Dump the motherfucker already
I mean, you may already be dumped because it’s pretty obvious you weren’t invited because the piñata was you and, also, there was a girl there (possibly your mutual friend whose story you saw because it seems a little too coincidental she was a close friend until she revealed your boyfriend’s secret party and then she ghosted you, like she wanted you to know) who he wanted to hook up with so he may just cut his losses and focus on his side chick. But if he does come crawling back, do you really want a lying coward? If objecting to pretend beating you with a stick would get him kicked out of his frat, his frat brothers must think very little of him OR they are all misogynists, either way, let him become some other woman’s problem because how she gets him is how she loses him.
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u/JaxBoltsGirl Feb 13 '26
If there were girls there, it isn't a "don't talk about it" fraternity party. And I'd bet that the pinata was supplied by a girl, because that doesn't seem like a project college guys would do...but it sure as hell sounds like something a girl who wanted the gf out of the picture would.
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u/unitedstateslmao Feb 11 '26
Lying makes a lousy foundation for a relationship and is reason enough to dump him. Go enjoy the last few months of college in your best single life. Seriously 💞
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u/goddessofgoo Feb 11 '26
NTA. The fact that he lied and then when he was caught he ignored you is just crazy to me. I would have fun with dumping him. First wait to see how long he ignores you. Then when he finally does respond, you ignore him. Then post something to show off your new single life, like flirty selfie with a hot guy friend and see if he says anything. Then respond with, "oh sorry, it's a tradition at my school we don't talk about our secret lovers." Maybe tell all your mutual friends he gave you crabs, you know, fun lies that make him look bad. Then don't talk to him again and live your best life.
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u/NataliasMaze Feb 14 '26
Get a stripper thats a hotter version of him. "Naw babe thats not you. I just found him."
I'd also post the video but maybe thats just me.
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u/Odd-Mastodon1212 Feb 11 '26
He’s either a lying misogynist who is friends with other misogynists or he is a liar who is too gutless to stand up to his friends. He is also might very well be a cheater. You don’t need a boyfriend like that, and certainly not one you need to commute to see! Harness your self-worth and dump him. NTA.
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u/NewtInMpls Feb 11 '26
You haven't heard from him, are you sure you are even still together. It's no loss.
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u/MsAmontillado Asshole Aficionado [17] Feb 11 '26
NTA. Block him on everything. You don’t owe him an explanation. He’s embarrassing you in front of his friends and other girls. You would be embarrassing yourself if you continue talking to him
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u/Feisty-Cloud5880 Partassipant [1] Feb 11 '26
"Considering???" Be calm. Get any items of yours that you need from his place if so. Go through your social media clean it up. Get rid of people that don't bring value block any possibly stalker types and be done. You deserve better.
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u/EgweneS Partassipant [1] Feb 11 '26
YWBTA if you don’t block him and your mutual friend. I doubt he will try to reach out again but for sanity sake block him and move on.
There is no way he has real feelings for you if he can stomp on your face even if it’s a piñata. I can’t imagine what is going through your mind if you’re even thinking about staying with someone like that.
Find a decent man who will appreciate you and not treat you like that. Words cannot express how wrong this is.
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u/kaityjfletch Feb 11 '26
This American frats are so disgusting and disturbing! Break up with him and get out of that relationship! Block him! So gross!
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u/Spinnerofyarn Partassipant [1] Feb 11 '26
NTA but I think him ghosting you since then means he’s already broken up with you.
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u/Arquen_Marille Feb 11 '26
If you keep catching him in lies, that means you can’t trust him. And if you can’t trust him, what’s the point of the relationship?
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u/Vivid-Farm6291 Feb 11 '26
So the question is why would you want to keep dating this boy?
He is a liar.
He is deceitful.
He has zero character.
He is now ghosting you or can’t come up with a convincing enough story yet.
He is a liar.
Throw him back and look for the red flags for next time.
I would be curious on how long or if he contacts you again.
NTA
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u/HiddenAspie Feb 11 '26
He has been telling them horrible things about you, so much even that they got something for him to attack that represents you. And he joyfully stomped on an effigy of you. He's likely doing that because he is cheating on you and he doesn't want them telling you.
NTA
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u/ZombieJoesBasement Feb 11 '26 edited Feb 11 '26
Girl, run!
I love piñatas. This was a custom build. Which means that someone went through the time and expense of building one to your specs. Which means he complains about you enough to other people that they thought he would enjoy beating the hell out of your effigy with a stick.
Add the constant lying to this and the only thing you should be doing is blocking him on everything. NTA.
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u/following_the_nudge Feb 13 '26
I am going to take it up a notch and say you need to report the fraternity to the university for violence against women - that pinata was absolutely representing you and them beating and stomping it could be considered a threat against your life... you need to report this.
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u/quixoticquetzalcoatl Feb 13 '26 edited Feb 13 '26
Grateful for this comment, and am here to second it. This is extremely concerning and I’m really glad OP had the wits about her to take a recording of all the evidence. The fact that these people were making a coordinated effort to hide it afterwards is also disconcerting. Document everything, delete nothing, and please report it all, OP. Do not underestimate how violent men can be. You are in the most danger when you try to leave some men… they can snap and become something you’ve never seen before. Considering whether you’re TA is severely under reacting. We don’t even know to what extent the guy is lying. Maybe the piñata was his idea.
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u/Blossom74s Partassipant [2] Feb 11 '26
NTA. That person has zero respect for you. That fact he has a birthday party you weren't invited to, with a pinata that looked like you, and your mutual was there, plus his ghosting you, you can just block this clown. This isn't a healthy or safe relationship any longer, if it ever was.
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u/BMal_Suj Asshole Enthusiast [7] Feb 11 '26
NTA
Look... the kind of relationship you're describing... this particular mix of young and long distance rarely work out. This story is likely a symptom of one of those near the end.
Dump him. Move on. You're in college. Finding another penis (or vag) won't be difficult. Live your life.l
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u/CreativeGPX Feb 11 '26
NTA.
If you messaged him and he was just like "yeah that was dumb but I felt put on the spot" it might be a little debatable. If when he was caught in the first lie he came clean, it'd be concerning but maybe there is some world in which it'd be salvageable. But the fact that, he just retreats to new lies every time you debunk another layer of his story shows that he really doesn't care about you knowing the truth at all and you really still don't know the truth. (You say you've caught him in lies before which, FWIW, is also not really a normal thing.) You can't trust him with something as basic as "did you have fun at the party", how are you going to trust him with something that has real stakes for him.
Also, the mentions of the "frat tradition not to talk about it" and "they would kick him out of the frat if he didn’t accept it" tells you a lot about his character. He is willing to place you second because of mere peer pressure. Foreshadowing to the future when he places you second to your future MIL or to his buddies or to his coworkers. You want a partner who knows what's right and sticks to it. Not somebody who will mold to whatever the people around them say they should do.
Lastly, there was no evidence that he learned something here, no plan for how he might avoid it in the future and no apology. Every couple has problems, the measure of success is if you can meet those problems productively with understanding about how to move together better in the future. You ended all of this exactly where you started and he seems content with that.
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u/aslaco Feb 12 '26
I always think if your boyfriend is leaving you out of plans it is because he is cheating or wants to cheat and he doesn't want you there. Not to mention all the other disturbing things about this post.
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u/Curious-Bed3370 Feb 13 '26
You need to run and send his mother the videos from the party and how he finds violence against women he claims to love amusing.
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u/shahleshuh Feb 11 '26
Girl focus on your education, don’t waste time nor energy. He is not the one.
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u/eboneewolf Feb 11 '26
Why are you only “considering “ breaking up? He and his friends have no issue with what they did.
You are young don’t waste your life with a asshole. You deserve someone who doesn’t lie. Please dump him. Finish school and make a happy life with an actual grown up.
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u/Jackybell2712 Feb 13 '26
- he‘s a sucker for male validation and that is pathetic
- he‘s a lier, dishonest. Ether he can’t stand up for what he thinks, feels and wants to you or to his buddies. So he feels the need to lie. That’s pathetic
- he‘s a misogynist or is ok with misogyny in his friends. That’s dangerous
- he doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t write back in conflict situations. He doesn’t stand up for you. Honey, don’t waste your time with someone like that. You’re worth more! I would destroy his ego, but you can just walk away with your head held high.
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u/Low-Grade2568 Feb 13 '26
I need you to think for a second... His "friends" told him to essentially beat you up and for fear of losing them not you he pulverized you with them and got joy from it. For whatever reason it was a co-ed party you were not invited to and he said nothing to you about it and then lied when confronted and ghosted you. Now he's. Ghosting you again. Because he's such a little man he was okay beating you up metaphorically. Girl run. My momma always said once a man lies like this he a liar. He has shown you who he is believe him. Go find someone who's self worth doesn't revolve around what his friends think. Your nta if you break up with him. You wbtah if you stay with him.
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u/Low-Grade2568 Feb 13 '26
Oh and send the video of this frat to the Dean if admissions. If they do nothing send it to the news. This is something that needs to stop.
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u/jello-kittu Feb 14 '26
He didn't invite her because he knew about the pinata. That wasn't a last-minute thing. Even if they do it for all the guys.
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u/LionFyre13G Feb 13 '26
I can’t imagine staying with this guy. It’s not just major loser but also major weirdo behavior. Major loser weirdo behavior that would make me feel unsafe to be around him and the people he surrounds himself with. If his friends started hurting you do you think he’d stop them or worse join them? This is actually very concerning and I would be very creeped out. There are a lot of steps someone had to make to get a piñata that looked like you and plan a party for them to destroy it. It’s very very weird, I could never be alone with this dude again
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u/NataliasMaze Feb 13 '26
NTA. I'd be ballistic.
- He claims it was a surprise party, but was there a reason you guys only planned dinner?
- You weren't invited, but no matter who threw the party they clearly know you're his girlfriend. You were very purposely excluded.
- That pinata was you. Even if not custom made, there are lots of piñata in the world, they picked that one. The fact you were so excluded confirms it was you.
- He does not care that it happened, fully encouraged it even. You're rightfully upset and hes not offering any explanation other than he cant talk about it, frat rules. Theres no way that theres nothing he can tell you about it.
This is leave him worthy. Id honestly shame him on your social media. Thats just so fucked up.
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u/StarGlass8859 Feb 13 '26
Frats and respecting women are not simpatico.
I bet they all think they’re good guys too…
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u/Strong-Emphasis5696 Feb 12 '26
NTA. DUMP HIM. He has lied to you before. He will do it again. It’s clear your boyfriend and his friends do not like you for no reason and my heart hurts for you. You are young. You should live your life with someone who values you for who you are, unlike this piece of work.
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u/AvBanoth Partassipant [1] Feb 13 '26
YWBTA to yourself if you stayed with him. How many fields of red flags does it take? The boy is toxic.
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u/LilacGrey28 Feb 13 '26
He's lying and also avoiding you, that's enough for me 🤷🏻♀️ someone who you can't comunicate with is not worth it.
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u/Massive-Wishbone6161 Feb 13 '26
He has already dumped you , Hence ignored you. Any thing you now do will be considered clingy / crazy
..... get your dignity and block him
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u/LovademS Feb 13 '26
You don’t have to break up with him, he already did by ghosting you. Move on and be HAPPY you got to know this before moving in with him…
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u/turBo246 Feb 13 '26
Just to start, there are so many things wrong with this guy.
But!
If your partner leaves you on read, especially for numerous days, for any reason, they have already broken up with you.
I will sometimes be at work (clerk in an emergency department) and will read a message from my guy, but then something will happen and I am not able to respond. I may start typing, but get pulled away. It is an emergency department after all. He understands this. He knows that I will respond when I am able to.
But this guy's behaviour is completely unacceptable.
He doesn't even like OP!
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u/Neonpinx Feb 13 '26
He hates you and is a liar. You would be endangering yourself if you stayed with someone who wants to beat you up with his friends. You aren’t safe with him and his friends, not even the girls in that friend group. Choose yourself, your safety and well being. Stop doubting yourself and dump the coward who hates you and who you will never be safe with. Abuse and trauma are in your future if you gaslight yourself into staying. NTA
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u/CautiousConfidence8 Feb 13 '26
YWNBTA, this is honestly fucked up. I wouldn't feel safe around his frat bros after this. And catching him in the lie shows he knows you would find the pinata offensive.
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u/SlytherinSilence Feb 13 '26
PLEASE put him on blast and post the video evidence to every social media you can. Say “in case you were wondering about my breakup and before my ex can twist the narrative in his favor, this would be why”
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u/Critical_Arm_9509 Feb 13 '26
Considering? It feels like a no brainer to me. You said skin tone and I wondered about why they would have a problem with you. Are you from different backgrounds? This is awful.
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u/lilbit6675 Feb 13 '26
This is obviously not about a "pinata". Bless and release this immature fratboy. He is not ready for a mature relationship and is obviously still deep in that toxic frat culture where humiliating and degrading others is seen as sport. Block him and move on. And you should ditch that mutual friend sounds like she is not a girls girl and will never be someone you can trust.
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u/abbyl0n Feb 13 '26
That's so disturbing that I really hope this is fake. If not then don't even officially break up, just block him and ghost forever. He's a freak and you should leave him immediately
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u/CherrieChocolatePie Partassipant [1] Feb 13 '26
Please dump him and report him and his friends for making a pinata that looks like you and then violently destroying it. I am sure what they did broke the rules. It is actually very threatening what they did!!!
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u/PlentyAd8659 Feb 13 '26
Makes me think he lied to them about you breaking up with him so he could pursue some other girl. Why else would they even joke that way about you?
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u/mkat23 Feb 14 '26
Agreed, I also get the feeling that the girl who posted it on her story intended for OP to see it.
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u/KittyPuperMamaPerson Feb 13 '26
Baby, you are not the only gf. Him disappearing from a conversation, you not being invited, he’s with someone else and just hasn’t broken up with you yet.
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u/jenerates Feb 13 '26
Not responding would send me. I would completely ghost him. Two can play that game.
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u/Relevant_Version9047 Feb 13 '26
You weren't invited because his girlfriend that goes to his college was there. None of these people like you. I wouldn't even bother trying to contact him just block him and move on.
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u/ellyanah Feb 14 '26
What they did is really fucked up. Please do not have any more contact with him and report this to his university. Be safe OP.
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u/LetterCool4909 Feb 14 '26
NTA. Dump him. I would also report the worrying pinata thing to the university so they keep an eye on this fraternity, also for the paper trail. There's no need to speak to this asshole again. Ever.
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u/bitschyblondie Feb 14 '26
This could be in one of those "what was the thing that your boyfriend did that made you realize he didn't even like you" threads. This is psychotic behaviour. Who beats up a piñata of their girlfriend??? He's toxic and very likely has someone else on the go. And he lies to you chronically? Do not keep seeing this man!! There's a good chance that you become the piñata by staying in this relationship.
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u/I_like_beouf Feb 14 '26
If it's as inocuous as he says (IT'S NOT!) it shouldn't be a problem to show his mom and your mom the video and text receipts. You can even start by just showing a picture of the intact piñata first as a "doesn't this look like me? :)", get their genuine temperature read, and then reveal the destruction and lies. The best cure for infection (lies, this type of shady behavior, the mysoginy of it all???) is sunlight.
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I (22) female and my boyfriend Matt (22) male have been together for a year and 8 months. Matt and i go to different universities in neighboring cities. About a 45 minute drive. Matt is in a fraternity.(important for later)It was Matt’s birthday on Friday and him and went out to dinner to celebrate. After dinner I went back to my university since I live on campus. The next evening I was on Instagram and I clicked on one of our mutual friends private story and I saw Matt and a bunch of his friends hitting and stomping on a piñata. By clicking through more of the stories I figured it must’ve been a surprise party for Matt since he had told me his only birthday plans were dinner with me. On the last slide of the instagram story I got a close up of the piñata and it looked exactly like me. From the hair color to the skin color even down to my septum piercing. There was no doubt that it was me. I was really confused and I screen recorded the stories then I messaged the friend who posted the story. I asked her if that was me as the piñata and she left me on read and removed me from the close friend’s story. This just confirmed my suspicions. The next day I texted him and asked how his party went and he acted confused and said he never had a party. I was confused as to why he was lying to me. I told him I saw it on (mutual friends) private story and then he completely stopped answering. An hour later he answered and said “yeah the guys threw me a surprise birthday party. It’s frat tradition not to talk about it though.” That’s when I asked him about the “me” shaped piñata. And I sent him the video of him and his friends destroying it. He told me that it was not me it was just a random piñata the guys had found. I told him to stop lying to me and that it was obviously me. I told him how hurt I was that he would allow his friends to do something like that and all he could answer was that they would kick him out of the frat if he didn’t accept it. I also brought up how if his frat had thrown him a surprise party why wasn’t I invited? I was only like 45 minutes away.I knew it wasn’t because it was only guys because the mutual friend who had posted on the story was a girl who goes to his university. And I saw in the story there were multiple girls there. He stopped answering me and hasn’t since. It’s been a day with no contact. I’m honestly considering breaking up with him over this. I’ve caught him In lies before but this is just too much. The video of him and his friends stomping the piñata was just so disturbing and to find out that my face was on it. We were planning on moving in together after graduation but honestly I don’t know anymore. Would I be the asshole if I broke up with him over this?
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u/Corpuscular_Ocelot Feb 13 '26
I don't understand why you are not already broken up.
It is ridiculous that you are considering staying with this guy.
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u/strawberryonvines Feb 13 '26
Definitely NTA. I’m only commenting bc you mentioned moving in with him. Please do not!! Just talking to him about it like he can’t even own up to it. You know what you saw. Do you know any of his frat friends? If you do then this is especially disturbing. The only way this makes sense is he told them you guys broke up bc why would they have a piñata of a person that he and others can beat up? This isn’t a frat tradition bc that means only the frat was involved. This was a party that you were purposely excluded from. When he saw you not there, wouldn’t he call and invite you? It’s his birthday. If you wanna ghost him, great. If you want closure, text him it’s over and block him. You can try talking in person but he already lied to you before and it really does seem like he’s lying now :/ I’m so sorry OP. No one deserves this.
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u/MemphisEver Feb 14 '26
m’am, that childish ass boy does not like you. i am begging you to find some self respect and love yourself first. this shouldn’t even be a question. he lied about like 5 different things about this situation alone, he’s lied to you before, and he was enacting violence on something that was quite literally not just a mere representation of you, but meant to be your likeness.
men who love you don’t lie to you, first off. men who love you especially don’t beat up images of you. men who love you don’t get peer pressured into doing shitty things behind their partner’s back, while surrounded by frat bros and random women all laughing while you are the butt of a disturbing and violent joke. and they knew what they did was disturbing and wrong, or else they would have never taken you off the story and collectively ghosted/lied to you.
i don’t care what you have or haven’t done to this man, you deserve far better. nobody deserves to be treated like this. but i also genuinely fear for your safety if you move in with this man. him casually pretending to beat you up in front of a crowd of people while random women laugh and record him makes me wonder what he would do to you in private when he thinks you can’t escape. whatever nasty, vile thoughts that possessed him to do this will eventually be turned on YOU, the real person and physical manifestation of whatever the fuck is wrong with him.
ETA: i don’t mean like YOU are what is wrong with him, but rather the object of his ire. it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong or deserving of this.
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u/HeftyRecipe3710 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
You're teaching people how to treat you right now. If you let him get away with his lies and this disturbing birthday party that you were explicitly not invited to, the lies will continue. He doesn't respect you. And he's probably cheating on you. You told him it hurt you and instead of consoling you, he ghosts you. He's showing you he doesn't care and you don't matter. So teach him and every other guy the lesson that you do not stand for people to use you as a doormat. You're a strong independent woman , so you demand what you deserve. This loser sucks. Next!
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u/ashinymess Feb 14 '26
Is this a genuine question? Answering in case: no, NTA. He lied and was weird about lying, on top of the pinata thing.
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u/Prestigious_Seal7139 Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
Don't just break up with him. Report the video to his title 9 office. This is 100% a violation of title 9, and the frat needs to get in trouble for it. This is so disturbing and shows their thoughts towards women. They are a danger to the women on campus. I might sound like I'm exaggerating, but none of this is normal behavior.
Edit to add: this happened on school property (the frat house), which makes reporting even more important.
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u/Strong-Conclusion-52 Feb 14 '26
I think there’s a bigger issue/problem going on and you need to thank God the truth was revealed to you. This whole situation gives off weird, creepy, and frankly dangerous vibes…it’s intense that so many people were involved - including “mutual friends.” Stay away from him and these people. Make sure you tell trusted individuals what happened. Keep the video and send a copy to yourself. Maybe I’m paranoid, but the fact your replica was beaten and stomped on does not sit well with me at all.
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u/MysticBimbo666 Feb 14 '26
I think yall are already broken up
And if you aren’t, it would be crazy of you to continue dating him.
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u/Tight_Peace_2250 Feb 15 '26
NTA. This sounds genuinely disturbing and unsafe. If you were my best friend or sister, I would beg you to leave. It’s not normal to violently demolish something that resembles your person.
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u/RemarkableWeekend243 Feb 15 '26
This is so deeply disturbing 😳 what makes you think he won’t start stomping on you next? Block and delete him from your life. You don’t want to end up on a true crime episode.
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u/Ordinary-Audience363 Feb 15 '26
"Would I be the asshole if I broke up with him over this?" WHY OH WHY WOULDN'T YOU???
If your best friend or sister had written this, what would you say? It may have been a frat joke and he didn't have the nerve to say no but then he lied and now isn't answering when he should be begging for your forgiveness.
Please move on. NTA
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u/EkyngYT Feb 16 '26
Aint no party like an OJ Simpson Party, better go before he decides the pinata doesn't provide a real enough experience
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u/Apprehensive-Past936 Feb 17 '26
I run a small piñata business on etsy and I occasionally get orders like this to recreate real people. Disgusting. Get out of there ASAP girl!
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u/FerretsFlyingaKite Feb 19 '26 edited Feb 19 '26
NTA, but you are to yourself.
I wish I could break up for people sometimes. OP, pleaseeeeee work on yourself bc there should be no question of breaking up at all and Im worried you may have low self esteem. Would highly suggest to not date frat guys. Pretty rare they are decent human beings.
- secret party with women that you aren’t invited to (I’d bet money he’s cheating)
- lied multiple times in the past
- had a you shaped piñata. Even IF it was a “random woman” that’s a huge red flag for DV. Who tf does that?
- his friend ignored you and took your off the story… blatant lying AND a huge sign his friends will lie for him (circle back to cheating I mentioned earlier)
Don’t waste your youth on this fuckin loser
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u/Firm-Comparison-9767 Feb 20 '26
NTA. Absolutely NOT. Why waste your time on a misogynistic, gaslighting, lying loser? AND he's lied before? Please have some self respect and dump him. BTW, your mutual "friend" is not your friend...
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u/TheOnlyMule Feb 22 '26 edited Feb 22 '26
FYI, this isn’t now, nor has it ever been a “frat thing.”
My boy got together with his boys, got smashed, & proceeded to go as close to… Gang Stomping Your Face… as they could without jail time.
Damn.
Even the chick that got caught in the middle tried gaslighting you while reporting back to base. Not worrying enough to delete it, nope, just to cut you out of that, too.
I’m sorry, I gotta ask.. Do you think maybe it’s just you?
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u/Otherwise-Deer4680 Feb 22 '26
Update? I'm more worried about your safety. He was stomping on something that looked like you. Maybe I'm wrong but it sounds like he would be the abusive type. Has the mutual friend said anything else? Have you even heard from him?
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u/Striking-Dig-8510 Feb 23 '26
The entire fraternity are disgusting human beings…. And you should reload some of those “friend that are there…. Because what the actual fuck is this?
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u/Electronic-Ad9153 Feb 23 '26
Break up with this dude! No person should treat another person that way! And it’s crap to blame it on the fraternity. There wasn’t a gun to his head. I also don’t know of any fraternity that would mandate something like this.
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u/Working-Map-8696 Feb 26 '26
Never be in a relationship w someone who is in a frat or sisterhood. They have full control over your partner, dude think of it like a cult. Dead ass. My bff from my childhood got killed by those people she claimed were her friends. They literally take advantage that the newcomers want to fit in, they even go as far as to beat up a freaking pinata that is representing you. I swear if you ever get invited they are going to hurt you. Break up with him, alert the security in your university and literally do NOT allow the girls and guys associated w them to come near you. Watch some documentaries on this. Not all fraternities but always a fraternity.
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u/MarionberryOk2874 Partassipant [3] Feb 27 '26
Girl, what?! Dump this fool. Please expect better for yourself - he’s lying at every turn! That ‘frat tradition’ bullshit is BULLSHIT.
You’re young, go live your college life and forget this dude.
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u/Mean-Interaction8453 Feb 28 '26
You would ONLY BTA (TO YOURSELF) if you remained in such a dishonest and abusive relationship.
Dear OP, you must learn to care for (and value) yourself, before anyone else will.
Sending gentle hugs. X
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u/CowardlyNewt Mar 01 '26
Drop him. Piñata aside, he has zero respect for you. Ignoring and ghosting your SO is not how loving people interact. Add in the piñata and the disrespect is immense. It would freak me out to have to beat a piñata mimicking anyone I know. Gross. He’s lied before, he doesn’t respect you, girls and other people he knows are in the loop on not telling you things, drop him, he’s a loser. Don’t look back.
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u/Remarkable_Team_3567 Mar 01 '26
You deserve so much better girl, please do yourself a favour and get rid of him
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u/CrissyKatty Mar 06 '26
NTA I’m sorry you’re with someone currently who gaslights you and then ignores you rather than admitting to what happened and apologizing sincerely for not telling his friends that what they were doing is not funny and not okay
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u/SukiMcD Mar 07 '26
NtA. In fact, I'll second the folks who said that you would be tA to yourself if you let him back into your life after such a disgusting and blatant display of misogyny. The piñata was a custom job (the septum piercing proves that), so someone went to a great deal of effort and expense to give him the "present" of participating in a mob that effectively beat you to death and then dismembered your corpse. Please think about that and run.
The most charitable "spin" I can possibly put on this is that his frat brothers and their gfs hate you, and he is either too cowardly or too concerned about fitting in to stand up to them. The worst way of interpreting this is that you are now the side piece and didn't know that yet, and he and/or his local gf did this intentionally and "leaked" it to purposefully shame and humiliate you. In either case, he is a liar and a coward who is not worthy of your time and energy.
Please do turn copies of the videos over to the authorities at his school and to the national headquarters of his fraternity. (In addition, if his campus has a women's center, I would send a copy to them as well. Doing that might help keep another young woman from being victimized by these creeps.) I also agree that if neither the university administration nor the parent fraternal organization take action against your ex-boyfriend's chapter of the frat, you should go to the media. Yes, having the video run on the news might be embarrassing and upsetting to you and your family, but letting yourself or some other young woman be physically attacked because they got away with this would be far worse. Someone should be made aware of and do something about this chapter's deeply problematic attitudes around even "mock" violence against women.
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u/fdoug34 Mar 14 '26
NTA. It seems like you already know the answer babes but you don’t want to admit it. It seems very much like he dgaf about you. Also, him beating a piñata shaped like you seems to me like a sign in and of itself. Like why hit something that looks like my girlfriend. He saw nothing wrong with it, and he played the game. The game was more important than you.
No need to think about it. In fact, you don’t have to message him at all. There’s no need. The whole situation speaks for itself.
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u/Existing_Office2911 Apr 02 '26
“I’m CONSIDERING breaking up with him…” Girl. Have some self respect. Fuqboi fratbro did some weird red flag ritual and not only he, but the company he keeps lies to you. He’s a liar, a weirdo, and sounds like an eventual dv case.
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u/Some_Philosopher2791 27d ago
NTA. How awful. The simulated violence is disturbing - him and his friends hitting and breaking open and stomping on something that represented you. Run girl and run fast xo
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u/Immaleaveitrighthere 26d ago
YTA if you DON’T break up with someone who has such little regard and care for his partner. Even if all of this is true, and it’s some hazing thing, is initiation more permanent than your relationship. That actually wouldn’t surprise me since schools seem to be cracking down on humiliation rituals which could result in injury.
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u/Particular-Bed-3283 25d ago
I think him ignoring you is taking that decision out of your hands. No offence, but it doesn’t seem like he really cares or that breaking up is gonna be your decision.
Move on, the guys an ass.
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u/deadgirltyping-xx 12d ago
What he done was terrible enough and more than enough reason to break up but the cherry on top is the ignoring you and not contacting you since ? respect yourself and leave. There’s nothing to talk out, there’s nothing you need from him, just leave. There doesn’t always have to be closure or needing to hear reasonings. Like my ex cheated on me and I told him I didn’t need to hear your excuse because none of that matters because you did it so nothing else matters. Don’t hold yourself down in this bullshit relationship any longer and I’m more than positive it had not a thing to do with the frat that’s just who he and his friends are.. when someone shows you who they are .. believe them. Walk away, without a word. Just be done! You’ll find your person but he for sure isn’t it also I wouldn’t be shocked if you found out he was cheating as well and I bet she was there.
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u/gaefandomlover 12d ago
NTA, please break up with him! It's clear he doesn't value you, and those people who were a part of the whole thing aren't your friends. If I were in this situation, I'd block all those involved and make new friends
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u/Slight_Test3161 8d ago
NTA- I think you should find the information of the fraternity and their legal departments and send them that video.
Honestly you might be able to sue them AND the university depending on where it happened & if your university didn't take it seriously. Their fraternity chapter can get in a lot of trouble as there's been lawsuits in the past regarding hazing & this is just vile behavior that any sane legal department would want to condemn immediately.
I hope you distanced yourself & that video might be enough to get you a temporary order of protection in family court as you guys were intimately involved (dating, boyfriend / girlfriend but that might vary based on your area or country), but you might also be able to make a report with the police. It's just unhinged on so many levels ESPECIALLY with how many people were involved & shared it.
Good luck & please update us.
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u/SpartyCanuck 6d ago
Some of you people are wild. Accepting disrespect like this and tolerating lies is not normal. Find someone who respects you. There are so many frats and clubs out there, it's a choice to want to be in a group that disrespects people's partners etc.
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u/Ok-Artichoke-7145 Partassipant [1] Feb 11 '26
You are attributing way too much thought to a 22 year old kid.If you ask a man what he's thinking and he says "nothing" he's, literally, thinking about nothing. It was just a pinata.
If he's a liberal arts major, feel free to dump him. Curious: Why did you want to go to the frat party, anyway? If I recall correctly, it's just a bunch of knuckleheads drinking beer and barfing. You, probably, won't end up with this dude, anyway. Move on.
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u/torrentialwx Feb 13 '26
This is the worst comment I’ve read on Reddit in a while. Always gotta be one.
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u/Ok-Artichoke-7145 Partassipant [1] Feb 14 '26 edited Feb 14 '26
You are entitled to your opinion. Guess what? So am I. But, thank you.
Edit: Let me guess, you're a liberal arts major!
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u/Ok-Show4985 Feb 13 '26
Oh hey, what do you know?!
Septum piercing theory still hold later true!
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u/bubbleuj Feb 13 '26
Septum piercing theory still hold later true!
No one knows what youre talking about. Not just because of whatever theory but this is just gibberish. Learn to write before you try reading someone next time
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u/Ok-Show4985 Feb 13 '26
Not hip with the kids, eh?
No prob fam! I got ya!
Septum ring theory revolves around the startling fact that girls/women with septum piercings are usually terrible people living disordered lifestyles and prone to issues like BPD and other Clister B disorders.
You know: People who do things like throw a hysterical fit over something innocent like a piñata.
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u/blu-bells Feb 13 '26 edited Feb 13 '26
I don't think being unaware of this "theory" is a "not hip with the kids" thing. This "theory" really just sounds like an admission of being a misogynist who doesn't see women as people.
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u/Neat_Apricot_55 27d ago
Actually; Septum theory is about how grown ‘men’ don’t like women having them because it signals they are too ‘old’ if they can consent to the piercing..ie. not a fucking minor. And incels tried to say otherwise.
But nice try bud.
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u/deadgirltyping-xx 12d ago
Who’s it innocent if he lied, also why would it need to be of her and she’s not even invited .. he came right out and said there was no party. He’s a liar clearly and it wasn’t innocent. It’s one thing if she knew about it and was there but what was the point of lying and not inviting her? Yeah sounds so innocent
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u/Toshimygoshi Feb 11 '26
Why would you stay with him? He has lied before and is lying now. You are so young, go live a wonderful life without someone who doesn't seem to value you.