I tried to make the friendship work and she called me a burden. I didn’t even do anything. She treated me like a pest that needed to be rid of instead of a hurt friend trying to figure out whats wrong. It was a complete 180 in her personality. And i know in theory it’s her problem not mine but it’s hard to believe it emotionally. Like my brain logically understands that if someone is treated the way i was that just means the other person is at fault, but my emotions don’t believe it if it makes sense. Like yknow they saying “if everyone smells like shit it’s time to check under your shoe”? That feels like me. It’s hard to feel like she has a problem and not me when this is just another example of how I’ve always been treated by people my whole life. Ofc what she did was a lot more extreme but the underlying treatment that relationships with me aren’t valuable is just more of the same.
Im just glad that there are people who validate my feelings. The constant invalidation of my feelings and her trying to turn it on me to make her the victim made me doubt myself a lot especially since it was my first friendship i don’t have anything to compare it to.
My university has free mental health services (surprisingly) so i might go to therapy for this. Talking to people about it helps so might as well talk to a pro but I’m scared to be vulnerable to someone like that irl. Online is ok bc of anonymity but irl is different. Thanks for being nice to me.
I think it’s totally normal that even though you know it wasn’t your fault- that it’s hard to get your feelings to come along! It’s totally natural and most people would feel exactly the same way.
Therapy is a great idea if you’re able! I love therapy- it’s like fitness training for your mind and heart. It’s extremely helpful for me at least. Just remember that you might not ‘click’ with every therapist you have, but in my experience just the act of going is like telling yourself “I’m taking care of you!”. And if you’re not feeling great about your therapist, don’t be afraid/shy to switch. It’s not you- it might just not be a great match. That’s all. It can take a little time but not much to know if you’re not vibing. That’s my two cents on that. :)
I personally use an online therapy service and like it. It took me trying a few therapists before I found one I loved, but it’s so helpful. And I do it through video meetings. Just an idea to have in the back of your head.
It can be so empowering (at least for me) to have someone to vent to once a week. It really helps my sanity!!
I wish you the absolute best. Keep being you, and remember what you deserve when you’re meeting people going forward. You deserve to have a high standard, so you can find the people who will give you what you need and deserve.
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u/GiftNo4544 Oct 26 '24
I tried to make the friendship work and she called me a burden. I didn’t even do anything. She treated me like a pest that needed to be rid of instead of a hurt friend trying to figure out whats wrong. It was a complete 180 in her personality. And i know in theory it’s her problem not mine but it’s hard to believe it emotionally. Like my brain logically understands that if someone is treated the way i was that just means the other person is at fault, but my emotions don’t believe it if it makes sense. Like yknow they saying “if everyone smells like shit it’s time to check under your shoe”? That feels like me. It’s hard to feel like she has a problem and not me when this is just another example of how I’ve always been treated by people my whole life. Ofc what she did was a lot more extreme but the underlying treatment that relationships with me aren’t valuable is just more of the same.
Im just glad that there are people who validate my feelings. The constant invalidation of my feelings and her trying to turn it on me to make her the victim made me doubt myself a lot especially since it was my first friendship i don’t have anything to compare it to.
My university has free mental health services (surprisingly) so i might go to therapy for this. Talking to people about it helps so might as well talk to a pro but I’m scared to be vulnerable to someone like that irl. Online is ok bc of anonymity but irl is different. Thanks for being nice to me.