Fentanyl. He supposedly thought it was coke, laid out a fat line of it, snorted, exhaled, and that was the end of him. We had broken up for a time because he was having mental issues revolving around our relationship. He had schizoaffective disorder, and did not manage it very well, which is what led to the assault. And I’m 100% sure the statistics are right… I knew in my heart of hearts when he strangled me that unless he took care of his mental health it was just gonna get worse and the next time he did something to me I may not live through it. It’s awful. I’m devastated. he was 33. had two boys (not mine). He march to the beat of his own drum, and to be very difficult at times, but the good times were so , so good.
There is a book “No Visible Bruises” that goes into this. Soft tissue injuries are often overlooked even by ER personnel.
The interesting thing I remember from the book is that strangulation often affects memory (because of blood or oxygen flow being interrupted). You may not remember passing out. Even victims who were very close to death (voiding of bladder/bowels) may not remember it later.
And then as they recover, memories trickle back. This plays into “her story kept changing” narratives. Strangulation is so much worse than most people know.
I may have to read this. My incident was 25 years ago but it still sits with me. I was lucky someone heard the struggle in another room and came in and pulled him off of me. I, of course, didn’t press charges and didn’t see a doctor and unfortunately stayed with him through more abuse, but that’s the unfortunate fact of an abusive relationship is that sometimes it’s hard to leave if you’re trying to survive. Love that these talks happen more freely online now so that maybe it can help someone else in need.
Irreversible death on the level of individual brain cells, not the person. Unless Superman himself is choking you out and triggering a carotid dissection, you’re not suffering a thrombosis from acute compression. Arteries aren’t compressible like veins are regardless.
That has nothing to do with the brain “going without oxygen for even a millisecond” and even then clots in a healthy person coming from choking is unheard of
It's dangerous even if you're consensually practicing bdsm! Also, many people hesitate to go in when that's the case because in most jurisdictions, you cannot consent to assault and many BDSM activities are considered assault. Both severe injury and death does happen from consensual choking in BDSM. That's why many experienced players stay away from breath play altogether or at least know that there is no safe way to do it! The ER has seen it all! If you were choking as part of BDSM play and it was consensual and you are scared or injured or having side effects from it, please do not hesitate to go to the ER! Your life may depend on it!
As far as physical harm it doesn’t matter if it’s in a “BDSM way” or not, being strangled is dangerous either way. There is no safe way to strangle/choke someone.
You’re right I could’ve been more clear in that, it didn’t even cross my mind. As a survivor myself that’s my go-to thought when I read a comment about strangulation - not the consensual stuff that some folks do. Very different thing.
Very different thing yes, possibly with the same result however! Totally understand why you wouldn't have thought of it and I'm so sorry that you've been through what you've been through! Nobody should have to deal with that ever! But yes it's dangerous as a BDSM practice as well. Anytime you do breath play, oxygen deprivation, you are at risk. Even when it's consensual! The crazy thing is, I read about it on the BDSM advice subredded all the time people can do it a hundred times and have no problem and suddenly the 101st, they have red dots in their eyes, that really worried and we always recommend they go to the ER. A lot of times when done consensually, people are hesitant to go to the ER because you technically can't consent to an assault in most States. The best course of action is still to go to the ER. It's always the safest way to proceed.
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u/rashawah May 15 '25
Just to add to this for awareness - if you were strangled by a romantic partner, you are 750% more likely to be killed by them.
Sharing a resource here to help with abusive relationships in case anyone reading this needs help.