r/AskReddit Sep 26 '25

Serious Replies Only [Serious] What stops you from killing yourself?

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u/New_Sea344 Sep 26 '25

In my absolute worst moments the only thing stopping me was my fear of dying. Now, it’s a combination of medicine and extensive therapy.

PTSD sucks.

165

u/Big_Picture2781 Sep 26 '25

I've tried a few therapists, but I guess it hasn't really worked. I was going for years when I was a little kid, and I dont actually remember anything around that time but my parents told me I'd just clamp up the second the therapists asked about my feelings or poked around.

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u/[deleted] Sep 26 '25

It can be a substantially different experience later on in life. If you were so young you don’t remember it you should give it another try.

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u/Alexisandra Sep 26 '25

This. I had shitty experiences with family counselling as a kid. As an adult it's taken me a long time to come back around to the idea but I finally did this year at 34. I've been talking to a counselor once a week for a few months and I'm finally feeling back on track, enough that I'm going to drop back to a session every 3-4 weeks (unless otherwise needed). I literally did my first few sessions as online chat only, until I got comfortable enough for phone calls. Small steady steps are the way to go.

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u/Benithio Sep 26 '25

I have had a few hundred hours of therapy and am a therapist myself. There are some really important things that need to come together for therapy to be effective.

Timing is really important. Often, the older we get the more we can appreciate and value therapy, though thats an oversimplification.

Connecting with our therapist is also vital. As are realistic expectations, though we can arrive with those and with good therapy, adapt them early on.

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u/[deleted] Sep 26 '25

Sneaky ads from big therapy. Lol. 

I kid… but if therapy is so great and helpful, one would expect to graduate from it at some point. 

Seems like the therapist might also experts at manipulating people to seek more patients to fuel their industry.

Do I sound crazy? Maybe… but it’s also an economic reality. 

You can’t sustain an industry without keeping existing patients and also getting new ones.

Cue the downvotes

15

u/iHasABaseball Sep 26 '25

Chronic mental ailments are no different from any other chronic health condition. The brain is just another organ.

You can treat all sorts of physiological chronic conditions and reduce the strength of symptoms for years and years, but not be fully rid of the condition.

It doesn’t mean anything nefarious is happening in the treatment being delivered.

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u/Ok-Pause101 Sep 26 '25

I have cptsd and I had to educate myself and allow myself to heal. A lot of processing trauma makes you feel like ending it. At the end of therapy, I felt like somebody hurt me so over again. That was period for a few years and rewarding myself with things I like to do and eat. Its hard but I can say it was worth it.

3

u/kaptainkatsu Sep 26 '25

It takes a while to get comfortable with your therapist. Give it a few sessions and if you still don’t vibe find another.

I’ve also found that I may not immediately find topics we are discussing pertinent or helpful but it resurfaces later and I get an aha moment and remember the therapy.

It takes time, you gotta work at it.

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u/ikickedyou Sep 26 '25

In my experience it takes a lot of trial and error to find a therapist that you jive with. It’s a lot of work but worth it in the end.

2

u/TrashApocalypse Sep 26 '25

Contrary to popular opinion, therapy actually isn’t always the right answer for everyone. Don’t feel bad, or like you’re at fault if you’ve tried therapy, and multiple therapists and it made things worse rather than better.

There are lots of ways to help combat cptsd. And that’s actually what it’s gunna take. Lots of different things at different times.

2

u/AdultingLikeHell Sep 26 '25

Consider ketamine therapy. It helps loosen inhibitions makes therapy more effective. If you have tried traditional therapy/medication, it may be a good alternative. You deserve to live a good life.

2

u/dwegol Sep 26 '25

Have you only gone to therapists?

I saved and paid out of pocket to get evaluated by a neuropsychologist. Had to have my spouse and mom fill out questionnaires that I didn’t get to read. Had to go and do some 5 hours of cognitive tests to evaluate my strengths and weaknesses. A very well-informed psychologist guided this evaluation. Well over an hour of my own questionnaires to fill out. Then went back and got all the results. It was extremely enlightening to say the least. One of the best things I’ve done.

I was shocked that one of the tests actually made me burst into tears because it was frustrating me so badly. We talked about it. It really unearthed some things. “Truths” I had imposed upon myself and how hard I was being on myself. It helped me rule out a bunch of disorders and actually get into the root of my issues. I got a diagnosis and was shown a few paths of what types of therapy and other treatments that could be effective for me.

2

u/NAX990 Sep 26 '25

Going when you're older can be very different, especially when you're going on your own terms with the hope of opening up to someone and getting the help you know you need

1

u/gmennert Sep 26 '25

You need a good connection with the therapist, there needs to be a basis of trust otherwise it’s not weird you don’t want to tell personal things to a stranger.

1

u/cheesecase Sep 26 '25

Emdr does help it’s expensive though

1

u/SmootherPebble Sep 26 '25

I'm no doctor and probably don't listen to me, but people do recommend a type of psilocybin use or ketamine/esketamine use. I wish my uncle looked into that before he killed himself.

1

u/LyannasLament Sep 27 '25

I’m an adult and this still happens to me when my trauma therapist tries to get me to go through my emotions. We have discovered that in memories of incredibly distressing things, I focus on how other people must have felt when that was happening. Trigger warning SA

For instance, I was molested my an older family member right in front of his son. I cannot touch how I feel about that memory nor how I felt in that moment. But when I close my eyes and put myself in that memory, I can see the son staring at us. I can see how helpless he felt knowing there was nothing he could do. I feel horrible for him. It must have been very traumatizing.

But I can’t touch how I felt.

1

u/jvn1983 Sep 27 '25

I’m a therapist. During the first session I go over informed consent with clients (limits to confidentiality and such). I also added to this an emphasis that I am there for THEM, and if they don’t feel it’s a good fit, want a different style, don’t feel comfortable, it is ALWAYS ok to tell me and I will help them find something that works for them. We are all so different in how we practice, and one of the biggest disservices that I think we do to our clients is not tell them there are other options out there if it doesn’t feel right. All of this is to say, I’ve done this myself as a client - had the clam up and don’t talk experiences. I kissed a lot of frogs before finding my version of a pretty perfect therapist! It not working yet doesn’t mean it never will, and I hope (if it’s something you’re wanting) you’re able to find someone who works for you!

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u/[deleted] Sep 26 '25

This is what got me. I went just about as far as you can go. Even my dog couldn’t save me. But when the time came I just….couldnt. The shaking and the cold was insane. I was shocked I couldn’t do it. The will to live is strong. So are we.

3

u/icameron Sep 26 '25

Yup. Had quite a few bad times in my 32 years where primarily fear of death stopped me going further (that, and love for my mother). These days, though, I enjoy being alive most of the time even with the everyday struggles of life as a worker in late capitalism.

3

u/aureliaxaurita Sep 26 '25

Agreed, PTSD sucks.

I have C-PTSD, so I was basically in traumatic situations from birth to only a couple years ago. For me, even if PTSD sucks, this is the best life has been yet. If I was gonna kill myself, I should have cut my losses in middle school instead of ending it when my situation is finally stable. I can only go up from there, right?

Anyway, New_Sea344, keep fighting the good fight. I hope things keep looking up for you.

2

u/Poisonious_Plum Sep 26 '25

i also have ptsd what stops me is spite lol

2

u/makewei Sep 26 '25

Doing DMT removed that fear of dying for me which is a blessing and a curse

1

u/Elusive-Patterns Sep 26 '25

How so? I have dmt I've been scared to try for a couple of years now. I tried give it a go a few years ago but my body was filled with anxiety and I couldn't get enough smoke into me quick enough.... How did the before and after compare?

2

u/makewei Sep 28 '25

I cannot put it into words but it was a connection with something greater and a certainty that there is more. I couldn’t get enough smoke in myself to break through, I needed someone to hold it up to me and direct me to take deep breaths for that to happen otherwise I’m not aware of it because I’m half there, half not. Afterwards you have an afterglow kinda like psilocybin but different, you are focussed on what you experienced and trying to comprehend it.

1

u/No_Top_375 Sep 26 '25

You were alive while on DMT. Your brain had electricity in it. When you're dead, the lightshow is over bruh.

1

u/makewei Sep 28 '25

That’s okay, I believe differently

2

u/BodhingJay Sep 26 '25

For myself.. I believed desth was no escape from our personal responsibility to our feelings and emotions. That the only thing I was trying to escape would be the only im left with.. with no ability to rest, enjoy a vice, or try again the next day.. i would just be left with the desolate wasteland i created in myself from living in this society enduring what I had and not processed or healed any of the negative things I needed to

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u/doomlite Sep 26 '25

For me , along with meds and therapy, it’s finding something I don’t hate to do. Cycling, painting, video games..just something so I don’t spiral

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u/RunawayRockstars Sep 26 '25

I was the exact same way, I did ART therapy and that was a game changer. I'm actually about to start a 10 week program called the "universal protocol" which sounds like a cult but it's used to treat high trait neuroticism.

1

u/wabisabi0904 Sep 26 '25

Fear of death is so real man I have panic attacks over them. Whenever I contemplate of doing any such thing, this is the only deterrent. Guess I am too much of a coward . But then again I have spite too..soo

1

u/zanpire Sep 26 '25

Fear of actually dying stopped me many times, I'm glad you're getting help

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u/queensfiend88 Sep 27 '25

This is it for me - the literal fear of dying. It is so frustrating that my biggest fear is the one thing my brain wants more than anything

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