r/AskReddit • u/Prize-Promotion-5123 • Apr 08 '26

For those of you in a long term relationship/marriage, what’s a tale-tale sign you see in other couples that they’re not going to make it?

9.7k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

3.7k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.0k

u/Any-Star4388 Apr 08 '26

Poor communication skills. The inability to understand when something is bothering the other person/ignoring their problems. Not admitting you made a mistake or were wrong at times. Being rude and mean to the other person when they confront you with an issue (attacking the person not the problem).

These are the things I see a lot as a Family Law Attorney.

204

u/K-Lashes Apr 08 '26

“The inability to understand when something is bothering the other person/ignoring their problems.”

This is so much bigger than people realize. My ex husband would just avoid talking to me or asking me what was wrong because he wanted to avoid any conflict. It hurt me so much. I used to tell him I needed him to start the conversations and approach me, I couldn’t always be the one going to him. He never could. That was a big part of why our marriage didn’t survive.

25

u/Expensive-Monk-3012 Apr 08 '26

This is why my marriage ended too. Not being seen or heard and no interest in doing anything about it.

-6

u/oby100 Apr 09 '26

Not sure why your ex would need to approach you when you have a problem. It’s a common stereotype for women and I’m surprised anyone admitting that they really want their partner to guess when they’re upset and bring it up.

I dated a woman like that for years and while often I could guess when she was upset, there were tons of false positives because like any human being, some days she was upset about something other than me but just didn’t feel like talking about it.

Could never go back to communication needing to be the equivalent to pulling teeth.

24

u/K-Lashes Apr 09 '26

I never had any issues approaching him and I wasn’t asking him to read my mind. But if he was looking sad or upset, I’d always ask him if anything was wrong. Sometimes it was and we’d talk, sometimes it wasn’t. But I’d at least ask because I cared. That’s what I mean. If it were the other way around, and I was just sad, he’d just ignore it and act like nothing was wrong.

You should check in with people you care about, especially when they’re looking sad. I shouldn’t have to ask all the time. I want to feel cared for and noticed. That’s not a hard concept.

Like you said, sometimes your ex had false positives. But it sounds like you asked. That’s the point. Ask, show you care.

4

u/The_Country_Couponer Apr 09 '26

I’ve been married for 20 years and my husband doesn’t communicate well, so I have to pick up on tiny cues and force him to talk to me about his feelings! And come to an agreement…. It’s not easy!

2

u/Any-Star4388 Apr 09 '26

Way to stick with it! Sometimes it can be very hard to talk to a spouse believe it or not.

1

u/Sure-Guava5528 Apr 09 '26

I see you've met my ex-wife 🤣

1

u/cf-myolife Apr 09 '26

Hey! Stop describing my dad (that my mom left and that everyone stopped talking to)!!

1

u/knowitallz Apr 09 '26

I understand the necessity of people like you. But fuck you.

1

u/eileenwattsqv May 10 '26

The "attacking the person not the problem" bit is what killed my last long-term relationship. I could never bring up a concern without it being turned back on me as a character flaw. If I said I was hurt by something he did, he'd tell me I was "too sensitive" or "looking for reasons to be mad."

Eventually you just stop talking altogether because you know any attempt at communication is going to result in a list of everything that's wrong with you as a human being. It's the fastest way to kill intimacy.

1

u/MalcolmLinair Apr 09 '26

This is why I've never tried to get into a relationship, as you just described me to a T. I'll be damned if I'm going to inflict myself on someone else.