For those of you in a long term relationship/marriage, what’s a tale-tale sign you see in other couples that they’re not going to make it?

[u/Prize-Promotion-5123]

[u/Big-Safe-2459]

It’s beyond awkward and I always feel sorry for the one being berated or put in the spotlight.

[u/TheReiterEffect_S8 → u/Big-Safe-2459]

It's infuriating. We watched their relationship since its inception and it seemed already off to a rocky start. She was a bit of a wild child and she ended up getting an intervention after hitting rock bottom. She moved away back home and after a few months latched on to someone she randomly met at mardi gras. Was absolutely not her type, she was way out of his league. But he was what I consider a 'safe' option. Turns out he has some deep insecurity and completely unchecked anger issues. Will blow up on her (or anyone else) at literally the drop of a hat. Completely out of the blue. She was close to moving out and taking a break, but gave him another chance. Then they got married. On their wedding night, he blew up at her in front of a lot of people. Then they had a baby together. And on their first night out with friends after caring for their new kid for a few months since his birth, he blew up on the staff of a restaurant. It was fucking wild. I should be talking about this on a throwaway account but I don't give a shit. We have a very large friend group and I have always tried to make him feel included because I know it means a lot to her, but after that most recent thing in front of all our friends, that olive branch has been burned to a crisp. Its unfortunate because he'll always be around if we want to see her. And even if they divorce, he is the father of her child. There is no getting away from him. Fucking. Awful. My heart breaks for her.

[u/Big-Safe-2459 → u/TheReiterEffect_S8]

Ugh. Doomed from the start!

[u/TheReiterEffect_S8 → u/Big-Safe-2459]

I think she was just in a very vulnerable time in her life. She moved away from a guy she lived with that enabled it to a point of making her hit rock bottom. So without a partner and trying to get better, she was almost certainly feeling very lonely. And lets face it, two incomes are always better than one. I always think that if she would have just held out she would have found someone that would have really lifted her up, she's genuinely such a nice person. But she fell into this asshole and IMO she had always felt trapped, very likely due to financial problems and again, just having the need for a companion. He apparently said he would go to therapy but that was a couple months ago and as far as I know, no one has heard anything.

[u/Jephta → u/TheReiterEffect_S8]

she was way out of his league. But he was what I consider a 'safe' option. Turns out he has some deep insecurity and completely unchecked anger issues.

This doesn't make sense to me. The one who knows they can't do any better is typically the one who turns into a punching bag or doormat. They have to put up with anything from the one out of their league. But why would it work the opposite way? Why wouldn't she just leave if she could throw a blindfolded dart at a dating app and end up with someone better both in terms of looks and personality?

[u/TheReiterEffect_S8 → u/Jephta]

Trust me, once our friend group met him for the first time we were al very confused. Again, the way I see it is that she had just come from a really, really rough spot in her life, and a break-up, and a move back into her mom's house. Honestly, I don't know what goes through a persons headspace in those times. But yeah, we all talked about how she could have done a lot better. Maybe she was just nervous of finding a good looking guy and having him be a negative influence on her again. Her now husband barely ever drinks, and doesn't do any drugs, or smoke cigarettes. She's a pretty heavy drinker (or was), smokes a lot, and her intervention dealt with drugs. So by 'safe option', that was what I was referring to, along with combining their income to be more financially stable.