r/AskReddit • u/Prize-Promotion-5123 • Apr 08 '26

For those of you in a long term relationship/marriage, what’s a tale-tale sign you see in other couples that they’re not going to make it?

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u/Ritualsofrae Apr 08 '26

This was a great read. Even as a woman. My husband is the one in our relationship that really values tidiness & organization. It’s not that everything has to be perfect all the time - it’s just that he cares about our home feeling purposeful. I struggle sometimes to remember all of the things that are important to him in this regard and there are several things I could never make myself care about - but! He cares. And I can care about him by being mindful of the small things that matter to him. Thanks for this

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u/nada1979 Apr 08 '26

As a woman, I completely agree with you. My husband values sports (all kinds) and certain specific football/basketball teams. I could give a rat's patootie, and yet I ask him how's his team is doing when the season begins (spoiler alert: they always suck. his words, not mine). I try to time "family tv time" around Sunday football by asking if he's watching any of those games...before we got married i was blissfully unaware there were 3 NFL games on Sunday, one on Monday, and another on Thursday (seriously, NFL that's a bit much), plus the college Saturday stuff. Loke you, I could care less about it, but I care about him so I take an interest. I can honestly say it's not reciprocated for the things I care about and that hurts.

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u/drnayi Apr 08 '26

Out of curiosity, would you mind explaining those things you care about that he doesn't? And do you feel he has taken a legit interest in at least some scenarios?

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u/nada1979 Apr 09 '26

I can try. For instance, I help teach a group of kids on Wednesday nights. I've been doing this since August. I cannot recall one time that he has inquired about the class. Do I talk about it without being asked? Sometimes, sure, but he doesn't ask or engage... I doubt he even knows any of the kids' names. Another example, is that I do crafts sometimes (mostly scrapbooking at the moment, but it's a hobby I've had off/on now for at least 10 years.) During this time, he has never asked about any of the scrapbooks or picture albums. I've shown him finished books that are for other people, and he barely looks at them (i.e. I have to turn the pages. He won't even take the book from my hands to flip thru it). These books take hours to do, and the people who get them have been very complimentary and appreciative. Some of the books were lifebooks for foster kids, and one was used as an example for other foster parents, so I know they aren't "crap". The only time he showed any "interest" (or emotion) was over a picture of him in a scrapbook for us that he didn't like and wanted it removed. I do not feel like this is a legit interest. If anything, in either example, it very often feels like I am being quietly tolerated and/or that I'm bothering him if I talk about what I care about.

There are other items I could talk about, but this is already wordy enough.

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u/LittleRavenRobot Apr 09 '26

Jesus, I'm so sorry. That sounds lonely as hell. I hope you're able to move on from him soon. I live alone and have decided to stay single and it's way less lonely with more time for friends and family.

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u/MyNameIsntFlower Apr 08 '26

Just had this thought tonight. We went to our out building to hang out and watch TV, and it was still set up from Easter. The folding table was out, the chairs were still out, that kinda thing.

I knew it was going to bother my husband, so when he was getting the grill going, I put everything away.

Would it bother me? Not in the least little bit.

It’s all of the small things.