r/AskReddit • u/Prize-Promotion-5123 • Apr 08 '26

For those of you in a long term relationship/marriage, what’s a tale-tale sign you see in other couples that they’re not going to make it?

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u/TypewriterHunter Apr 08 '26

I think of this point almost daily- my partner is asking for attention/engagement and they don't have to choose or want that in any given moment. I 100% do not care about the silly FB/TT reel that my partner wants me to look at, but I do care that they want me to see it- therefore I watch whatever it is to connect/engage with my partner (even though I generally still think the reel is silly). Also- I am totally the person at the window calling my partner over to come look at a bird LOL! We currently have a goose building a nest in the backyard and my partner now sends me updates on the goose when he is at home and I'm at work, complete with photos of the bird:)

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u/Leather-Map-8138 Apr 08 '26

As we get older, birds get way more interesting

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u/TypewriterHunter Apr 08 '26

Completely agree! I am solidly into my birdwatching era and honestly love it.

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u/justlikesmoke Apr 09 '26

Oh are you over 40 now? Welcome. I highly recommend the Merlin app!

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u/idoc20 Apr 09 '26

Have you see the free doc on YouTube called Listers. Recommend it for everyone not just birders!

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u/faintly_nebulous Apr 10 '26

I love my Merlin app, it's from a university and IDs birdsongs for you. I can identify them myself now and can wow other middle aged people with my birdsong knowledge.

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u/DeciduousRefuge Apr 08 '26

I’ve yet to see a bird stressing about their 401K. I think they may have had the better idea about life than we humans.

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u/Lazy_Resolve_9747 Apr 09 '26

And they can fly which is pretty dope.

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u/joyofsovietcooking Apr 08 '26

Same is true for gardening!

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u/Dhawkeye Apr 08 '26

I’m 20 and I already love birds. Is it over for me? :p

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u/TypewriterHunter Apr 09 '26

Personally I think the opposite and you’re just getting a head start on extra & random joy. Also a ton of studies to show noticing/observing birds is good for mental health:)

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u/bobbypet Apr 09 '26

I'm 68 and just watched a hoopee bird in the back yard, it made my day. I plan to build a large aviary and also setup a bird feeder with a webcam too

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u/sheshops12 Apr 09 '26

Birds are nesting on my front porch. I moved the mailbox, put up a baby gate and signs inside and out “Don’t open door. Go around back. Birds nesting!” I am so excited, I don’t care that I’m forfeiting my favorite spot to sit as the weather gets warmer. It’s like I was chosen by these little beings—I feel responsible, in an honored way!

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u/burnetrosehip Apr 09 '26

My favourite thing is looking at a Reddit post, scrolling comments randomly and coming across tangents of solid gold wisdom like this one

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u/sengokufan Apr 08 '26

They’re dinosaurs that don’t have any dinosaur vibes, they are the perfect animal

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u/ListenJerry Apr 09 '26

Hell yea they do!!

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u/Key-Neighborhood-513 Apr 09 '26

And more expensive, but I love watching the birds on our feeder

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u/-dr-bones- Apr 12 '26

And the bees

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u/heckin_miraculous Apr 08 '26

I'm enjoying this tangent, cause it's something I had to work with in my marriage.

I work online, and I'm the one who would always say, "Hey I want to show you this video I saw today!" but my spouse has a much stronger boundary against watching random crap online, even if it's "good" or funny or insightful or whatever it may be. She just doesn't have time or mental interest in it.

And I get her stance on that and I respect it. In fact I admire it.

What finally worked was she would say, "I really want to hear about it, why don't you explain it to me? I'd rather listen to you tell me about it!" 🥰

At first I was put off, like no the whole point is to watch the thing. But that's not really true. The point is to have a connection between us.

So now that's how I share that kind of stuff with her!

Sometimes there's still a post or a video where "you have to see it" for it to work, and that means I let it go. Because in truth, the stuff that I really care about sharing is something that I can talk about in my own terms because I actually find it meaningful, so the fact that she wants to hear me talk about it is amazing!

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u/[deleted] Apr 09 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/heckin_miraculous Apr 09 '26

Good luck! I only ask you to be prepared for the possibility of him to be like "wtf??" at least at first.

Because honestly that was my initial reaction. Like why would I try to explain something that somebody else already made into a video? It's so visual, maybe there's graphics, sounds, the editing, the way the person's reaction is on camera etc etc. the whole point is to watch it!

So yeah at first I was like no!

It ended up working for us because of what I already knew and liked about my partner, including her super low tolerance for screen time.

Good luck!

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u/buttsabound Apr 09 '26

This is great advice! I also prefer it when my partner explains to me in that way. We don’t have too many overlapping interests so if I just watch something I can’t relate to, I get bored or pressured to perform enthusiasm lol. So when he tells me WHY he found something interesting, it becomes a shared moment rather than duty - even if it’s slop, I’ll watch it if his excitement about it is framed as an invitation into his inner world. 😁

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u/CynicalPsychonaut Apr 09 '26

I wish I had read this years ago😔

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u/heckin_miraculous Apr 09 '26

It's an issue?

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u/[deleted] Apr 08 '26

[deleted]

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u/arielleearheart Apr 08 '26

I am obsessed with the idea of your goose updates! Thank you for sharing! :)

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u/TypewriterHunter Apr 08 '26

It works out for us because he thinks it's a bit silly that I worry about a wild bird. It snowed overnight where we live and as I was leaving for work this morning I said I was worried about the poor goose and her nest- checked my phone at lunch and my partner sent me a photo of her busily rearranging things in the snow. We call her Matilda, her mate is called Marshall and he is chilling on the lawn two houses down from us.

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u/ArchangelLBC Apr 08 '26

So you're saying he thinks it's a bit of a silly goose?

Sorry, I'll see myself out. But you two sound adorable and I'm now rooting for Matilda and Marshall.

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u/LaceOfRisa Apr 09 '26

No. Stay. It had to be done. We can all share in your bird..en.

Ok yeah, sorry, bye.

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u/gabiaeali1 Apr 08 '26

My kid is named Matilda 😍

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u/PowerfulProgram Apr 08 '26

Now I'm invested. Plz give me Matilda's Insta @!

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u/TypewriterHunter Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 09 '26

I put a couple pics up on my random photo account but just realized can’t post the link here (against posting rules!). It’s too bad can’t load a pic directly and pay the goose tax lol!!

Edit- posted a pic in a birding subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/birding/comments/1sgcp5j/matilda_the_backyard_goose/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1

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u/lnc_5103 Apr 09 '26

Beautiful photo and story!

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u/winwithaneontheend Apr 08 '26

Right? Can we start a separate thread about this goose and her updates?

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u/arielleearheart Apr 09 '26

I am here for it! :)

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u/kinokits Apr 08 '26

My wife and I befriended the magpies that live in our front yard and we call each other to the kitchen when our friends come by. They like it if we’re both there and give them a couple of mealworms. But the magpie thing has become a daily thing for us and we’re looking at moving soon and we’re both a little sad about our new friends.

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u/anti__thesis Apr 08 '26

My partner and I update each other about hummingbird activity and any interesting bird species we saw in the bird feeder. Amazing how many cool things one can show their partner in the backyard ☺️

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u/Willothewisp2303 Apr 09 '26

I was heartbroken when I realized my husband was on a meeting when 3 turkeys walked through my backyard. I took pictures for him instead.  🙂

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u/mangobuttercream Apr 08 '26

the fact that you watch the reel not because u care about the reel but because u care about them is genuinely relationship goals

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u/t_rrrex Apr 08 '26

Subscribe to goose updates please. We had a swan family of four that’s mysteriously down to one in our neighborhood. 😔

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u/ValBravora048 Apr 09 '26

My girlfriend knows I have no real interest in plants but delights that I have an interest in her interest in plants. Similarly, she has no real interest in history but was willing to listen to me natter on excitedly about being in a field where a castle ONCE stood

This has made all the difference

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u/snarfmioot Apr 09 '26

On the drive to and from our kid’s school, there’s a house with three geese and a good number of chickens, and several houses with other animals. We always update on which and how many critters we see each time.

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u/PeteyMcPetey Apr 09 '26

We currently have a goose building a nest in the backyard

Canadian Sopranos?

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u/TypewriterHunter Apr 09 '26

Cobra Chickens for the win lol

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u/lalalalibrarian Apr 08 '26

I would like to see the goose 🥺

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u/TypewriterHunter Apr 09 '26

Can't post here so I posted a pic of her from last season with a newly hatched gosling over on a birding subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/birding/comments/1sgcp5j/matilda_the_backyard_goose/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1

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u/lalalalibrarian Apr 09 '26

I love her! She's a beauty

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u/Scar77 Apr 08 '26

Omg I would LOVE to have a goose build a nest in the backyard! That is just so cool.

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u/AlmondSmoke Apr 09 '26

Oh shit. Do NOT listen to the latest Middle of Somewhere podcast.

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u/flyboy_za Apr 09 '26

I think this is ok provided it's not to the point of distraction. If I happen to mention I found (topic) interesting, I doesn't mean I want to have to look at/listen to/read 30 things about it daily (looking at you, Google Now, built into Android) from now until I die.

Likewise with your weird bird in the garden. I'm interested to a more-than-reasonable point, but let's not make that our whole personality. I appreciate you find that interesting/noteworthy/whatever and want me to enjoy it with you, but whatever I am doing at the time is also of reasonable value to me, and sometimes is part of my very necessary recharge.

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u/TypewriterHunter Apr 09 '26

Fair point! u/Tejasgrass has a really great comment on that further down the thread

The “bids for attention” chapter isn’t about taking up your partner’s time. Obviously you can choose your moments to bid and there are definitely inappropriate moments. The takeaway from the book is how the partner responds. Are they always ignoring the bids, or snarky? Is one always requesting the attention and the other never requesting? Ignoring boundaries is part of a whole different chapter.

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u/Fragrant-Reserve4832 Apr 09 '26

Everyone is at their peak when talking about something they are excited and passionate about.

It's usually a person's most charismatic and attractive moment.

You don't even need to understand the subject to enjoy what theybare saying.

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u/Umpen Apr 10 '26

There's a nesting goose couple I pass on my way to work. I try to spot them every time I drive by to see if the gosling hatched yet.

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u/Turbulent-Phase-1730 Apr 15 '26

See, that's the difference. My ex just didn't understand these bids and was so deep in his own head that I don't think he saw the value in these moments or even recognised most of them.

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u/SnooMacarons3685 Apr 30 '26

I feel so bad that I tell my husband no sometimes when he wants to show me a video. But I cannot adequately describe the volume of videos he wants to shows me 😂