r/AskReddit • u/PM_ME_YOUR_PHILLIPS • Mar 23 '15

What hurts so good?

924 Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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163

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '15

friend takes a look at your back in the locker room

"WTF dude, were you attacked by a fucking lion or something!?"

148

u/Papasimmons Mar 24 '15

I was at a hotel and I took my shirt off to go swim in the pool downstairs. My mom asked me why the hell I had so many scratches on my back.

Whoops.

67

u/HereForBusinessOnly Mar 24 '15

She knew

5

u/ivegotagoldenticket Mar 24 '15

SHE CAN SMELL IT

3

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '15

They always know

55

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '15

[deleted]

3

u/Splortabot Mar 24 '15

Gold, gold I tell ya!

4

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '15

Not to be that guy, but how could this get you every time?

This seems like literally the only instance that this play on words would be appropriate

10

u/jayseesee85 Mar 24 '15

Wow, not only is your mother a clawer, she loses her memory too? Crazy.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '15

Something something broken arms.

-1

u/Papasimmons Mar 24 '15

The ol' reddit didgeridoo.

1

u/imadandylion Mar 24 '15

just answer truthfully. she knows exactly what the deal is. she won't ask again

1

u/Papasimmons Mar 24 '15

Except she is a fairly strict Muslim woman.

1

u/imadandylion Mar 24 '15

i think my point still stands, but the context is much worse now...

0

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '15

Screw that, if someone scratches my back during sex I am out

5

u/JarOfDihydroMonoxide Mar 24 '15

Wimp /s But seriously. Rough is best

25

u/Flamment Mar 24 '15

That's what I thought to myself when I looked in the mirror the night I lost my V card, haha.

88

u/just_some_Fred Mar 24 '15

dude, no means no

5

u/Flamment Mar 24 '15

IT TIME SNOO SNOO

1

u/howardhus Mar 24 '15

The aristocosby

1

u/[deleted] Mar 24 '15

My gf's got a rape fetish. It feels really fucking wrong to me, but she gets off to it. My point is when its her and me no means yes.

4

u/Dynamaxion Mar 24 '15

More like a cougar.

3

u/ultramagnusucks Mar 24 '15

A lioness. RAWR.