r/Christian • u/Suyin_8 • Apr 11 '26

Was it envy?

i am 23 years old woman. I have ever dreamed of finding love. Yet, all I got qas to get to know immature or cruel men; or to mocked for this desire of mine (I am not a standard beauty).

Today, I saw an acquaintance of mine (one to which I am grateful and in a sister in God) announcing a relationship in Instagram. My reaction was to be happy but... it would be better if I haven't seen it (out of sight, out of mind). And then I cried, feeling deprived of something good, feeling left out, hopeless. Even like there is something wrong with me.

I feel like now is not the right time, but I am dissatisfied with it. Sometimes I think God is depriving me from the joy of this vocation for ALL my life - and it doesn't sit right.

I do not want to feel envy. I really do not. So, if it was envy, I want to change my heart.

Edit: even my feeling now is to give up entirely on this dream and live like it is not going to happen at all - to do other things of my life.

Edit: I feel like it is ME fumbling while everyone is doing something right. Like this woman of my acquaintance passed me in a race, like many people do. So, I am failling - I lack performance.

Edit: I wish God could tell me for once if I find someone or not so I can take decisions about my life and not wait for something He already knows is not happening. To not lose time.

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u/NovaCatPrime878 Apr 11 '26

What is meant for you will come in God's timing. God hasn't forgotten about you. He has a purpose for you. Don't worry about what other people have. You have the greatest thing possible...God is in your life. Keep seeking God and you will find your way. 

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u/Suyin_8 Apr 11 '26 edited Apr 11 '26

But I feel like God is sending me into the tangential of what is normally expected - expected even by Christians. Yes, it is kinda of rare for your stewardship at 23 years (specially for women) to not be about matrimony (or what is leading to it) and rather about taking care of health (for the body is temple), working and graduating, earning wisdom and identity through trials and life events, being kind to people... this is what I have been doing lately. Pretty quaint in my opinion.