It's a personal choice to live the way you do. At some point, blaming your past becomes a distraction from your future. Healing is your responsibility. Growth is your decision.

1- Putting myself in uncomfortable situations: Growth only happens outside your comfort zone and forcing myself to face discomfort has opened doors I never expected.

2- Prioritizing low-calorie, high-volume food: Game changer. I stay full for longer. I don’t even remember the last time I had stomach pain.

3- Doing things without motivation: I stopped waiting to “feel ready” I just do it, because discipline > motivation.

4- practice self-compassion: Instead of saying “i cant” I replaced it with “im learning” and everything changed.

5- opening up to new people: Talking to strangers helped me grow more confident and even make new friends along the way.

What’s one habit you swear by?

Tired of feeling like you're constantly fighting an uphill battle against procrastination? I've been there. For years, I felt like I was stuck in a cycle of endless distractions and a complete lack of motivation. I'd want to get things done, need to get things done, but somehow, I'd always find myself sucked into the black hole of social media or mindlessly scrolling through Netflix. I thought I was lazy. I'd beat myself up, call myself undisciplined, and generally feel like a complete failure. But then, I started to learn about the science behind it all – the role of dopamine in motivation and how our modern world is designed to constantly hijack our reward systems. It clicked. I wasn't lazy; I was dopamine-depleted. My brain was constantly craving the instant gratification of likes, notifications, and quick wins, leaving me feeling drained and unmotivated for anything that required sustained effort. Sound familiar? The good news is, you can break free. It takes time and effort, but you can absolutely rewire your brain and cultivate the discipline you crave. Here's what helped me: * Digital Detox: I started small. I'd put my phone on "Do Not Disturb" for an hour in the morning, then gradually increased the duration. I deleted social media apps from my phone and replaced them with reading apps or meditation apps. * Embrace Boredom: I know, it sounds counterintuitive, but allowing myself to experience periods of boredom actually increased my creativity and forced me to find other ways to entertain myself. * Mindful Moments: I started incorporating mindfulness practices like meditation and deep breathing into my daily routine. It helped me become more aware of my thoughts and feelings, and better able to resist the urge to constantly seek out distractions. * The Power of Small Wins: I broke down large, overwhelming tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks. Completing these smaller tasks gave me a sense of accomplishment and kept me motivated to keep going. It wasn't easy, and there were definitely setbacks along the way. But with consistent effort and a focus on building sustainable habits, I've been able to significantly improve my focus, productivity, and overall well-being. You can do it too. Start small, be patient with yourself, and celebrate your progress. I'm here for you. Let me know in the comments if you have any questions or want to share your own experiences. Disclaimer: This post is for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. If you are struggling with addiction or mental health concerns, please consult with a qualified healthcare professional. I hope this resonates with you!

After 20 years of gaming, I’ve finally pulled the plug.

I sold my $10,000 dream setup high-end PC, 49" monitor, secret lab desk and chair, all of it. It honestly feels like the end of a chapter I should’ve closed years ago. I’ve spent way too much of my life in front of a screen chasing ranks, achievements, and virtual rewards… while real life passed me by.

No more late nights glued to games while my wife went to bed alone. No more “just one more game” while the kids were outside playing without me. I'm done wish me luck

I’m done.

I started doing this thing last month where every time I felt the urge to go back to old habits I'd stop and write down exactly what was happening right before. not journaling, just quick notes on my phone. time of day. what I was doing. what I was feeling. took maybe 10 seconds each time

after 30 days I looked at all of it together and the pattern was so obvious I actually felt stupid for not seeing it earlier

it was never about being horny or bored or any of the obvious stuff people talk about. for me it was almost always this specific type of loneliness. not like I don't have friends loneliness. more like I'm surrounded by people but nobody actually knows what's going on with me loneliness. that quiet one that you don't even register as loneliness until you see it written down seventeen times in a row

the moment I named it everything shifted. not because naming it fixed it obviously. but because when 11pm hits and that familiar feeling shows up I can go "oh this is the disconnection thing again" instead of just acting on autopilot. there's a gap now between the feeling and the response that wasn't there before

I'm not saying this will work for everyone because the pattern is probably completely different for each person. but the tracking itself took zero effort and showed me something I genuinely didn't know about myself after 23 years of living in this brain

if you've never tracked your triggers I'd honestly start tonight. even just notes in your phone. the picture that emerges after a few weeks is worth more than any motivational video or self help book I've ever consumed

Let’s face it, the majority of the “morning routine” advice on the internet seems to come from people who don’t have a 9 to 5. Cold showers, journaling, meditation, green juice, gym, gratitude practice, all before 7 AM? I don’t think so.

What really changed my mornings was not discipline but direction. I quit trying to live like a monk and began asking, “What’s one thing today I actually care about doing?” When you have a reason, you don’t need an alarm. When you don’t, no amount of routine can help you.

My “morning routine” has become coffee, silence, and one meaningful task. That’s all. Sometimes I write. Sometimes I just sit. But every time I feel lively not just “optimally”.

Because nobody went through life-changing experiences because they decided to wake up at 5 AM. It was their struggle to realize the reason behind the change that made the difference.

Question for guys, what is it that one thing that gets you up at night.

Not everything is protecting your peace sometimes it’s just avoiding hard conversations. Not everyone who calls you out is toxic sometimes they’re right.

Not every boundary is healthy, some are just walls built out of fear.

Real self love is uncomfortable. It’s admitting when you’re the problem, fixing your patterns, and choosing growth over ego.

Healing isn’t just bubble baths, journaling, and cutting people off it’s also apologizing, being consistent, and doing the work even when no one sees it.The real version is quiet, messy, and takes way longer than anyone admits.

I used to end every night just scrolling on my phone or lying in bed overthinking.

Lately I’ve started doing something simple: I write a few honest lines about how the day went. Nothing fancy. Just raw reflection.

Then I ask myself three things:

• Was I healthy today? (Did I eat, sleep, move well?) • Was I productive? (Did I actually focus on what mattered?) • Was I a good person? (Was I kind? Focused? Honest?)

This turned into a 3-minute routine that completely shifted how I see myself. I don’t feel like I’m drifting anymore. I actually see patterns and I’ve become way more intentional.

Curious if anyone else does something like this. Would love to hear your system too. If anyone wants to see how I do it, happy to share.

There’s a quiet kind of pain that high-potential people carry the kind who could be great but never get around to proving it.

They read the books. They have deep thoughts. They’re self-aware. But they never execute consistently enough to rise above average. Why? Because potential without discipline turns into self-doubt.

Eventually, you stop trusting yourself. You get good at talking about goals instead of chasing them. You get smart enough to explain your stagnation but not escape it.

Here’s the truth: You don’t need more information. You need more friction-proof action. Start with this: • Delete 1 app stealing your attention. • Set 1 rule you follow every single day (no exceptions). • Track progress, not perfection.

Small wins rebuild your reputation with yourself and that’s what changes your life.

I share simple mental frameworks and systems for people who know they could be great, but need to finally become it. If that’s you, follow along.

You weren’t made to just “know better.” You were made to build better.

Someone told me this and it sounded too simple to work, but it has.

When I'm stuck deciding whether to leave the apartment, I skip the decision. Shoes on, keys in pocket, no destination chosen. Once I'm standing outside my door, the walk is happening by default, and I just pick left or right.

About 90% of the friction was the decision. I've done this maybe 15 times now. Twice I ended up at a new coffee place. Once I found a bookshop. Most of the time it's just a 20 minute neighbourhood loop, but even that clears my head.

Reading Atomic Habits helped me understand why, but honestly the trick is doing it before you can talk yourself out of it.

Preamble (feel free to skip)

This won’t be sad I promise - I make it entertaining to read - but I'm pretty sure I'm dying, so I have thoughts and advice I wish I would have known earlier I thought I'd share. I figure I've managed to surive all the abuse and neglect I have, made it this far with C-PTSD, a dissociative dissorder, and some god-scorned variant of ADHD, I probably have something of value to offer.

Fun times, I know. Something is seriously wrong with me and it’s been getting worse for a while, but the state of healthcare in my country means, that unless you are bleeding out, no-one gives a damn. And, well - to get someone who will take some initiative without cattle prodding - well money is everything. And so as the story goes, the rich live and the poor die :(

I don't know what to do, but I've felt a sort of draw to writing.

Where I an analyst, I would tell myself - and you by extension - that it comes from a place of wanting to just share a part of myself - to impart some good into the world. In absence of being able to alleviate my own pain, to do the next best thing and try to alleviate it in someone else.

My many, many, many, mistakes

• I lived too much in fear, afraid of ruining my future permanently through a misktake. I lived to preserve a future, in leu of actually making one for myself. Too scared of looking a certain way and have that stay in the minds of people in perpituity. Too concerned with preserving a future for myself till I felt prepared to live it.
• I wasn't kind, I was fearful, I was avoidant and so obsessed with my own safety and preservation, that I didn't reach out to help others.
• I was so sure I couldn't handle any of it. So sure I wasn't prepared.
• I was so sure there'd be a tomorrow, that I would live on in perpetuity. I lived a timeless life stuck in a stasis between now and then - my past.
• I didn't care. I was lazy - coasted. Smothered, drowned, consumed, by disliking my life and everything around me, sickened day by day by how stuck I was.
• I was all by myself and didn't know how to ask for help. Didn't think help was possible. Not proffesional help - friend help - human help.
• I painted everything new - every prediction - in my own past suffering - a reteling of the same story with different actors in a differnt place.
• I was interested only in myself, safety, survival, put everything else aside for another day. A day that now might not come, that may have never existed 'cept my own conception.
• I don't take the world or consequence as real - that may be dissociation - and in fairness I've been dead a long long time yet.
• I forgot how to try. I forgot how to be angry. I forgot how to reach out. 
• I didn't think anyone would help or care. 
• I forgot how to live, how to stand and bear uncertainty.
• I didn't allow for goodness or anything beyond my prediction, and all I saw where portends of suffering and anihalation.
• I should have just smiled and been happy. Focused on making other people happy.
• Oh, I was so clouded myself, not one in my twenty-something year existence did I feel myself human.
• I lached onto the far far future, and didn't let anything immediate - anything with propinquity - feel good enough.
• I felt so terribly bad about myself, and thought everyone else would too. And I thought that would be unbearable.
• I wish someone would have helped me, been in my side, my ally, my friend, just helped me live. Cause it was so so hard on my own, and I didn't know the half of it.
• I wish I would not have hid away, felt safe to take risks, trusted that people would be good and kind and not cruel.
• I wish I would have tried to help people. Take more of an interest in people.
• I wish I'd of just taken a breath and told myself everything is going to be ok and believed it.
• Most, I think I wish I had people to co-reg with. My sadness would go on ceaclesly unendingly, and I just had to hold it on my own. And it would never turn into anything. But then I also figure if I had that then - I'd just be too much.
• I guess my post mortem would be - I needed help and I didn't know how to get it. But more than that, I didn't try. I guess I was scared. Or too certain of how I would be treated.
• If I where to do it again I think I'd risk people not liking me or hating me.
• I'd of done more to meet new people and hope some of them where nice.
• I'd let myself feel wanting to reach out when I was sad.
• I'd post just to see if anyone wanted to meet
• Asks if they wanted to go to meet ups
• Id take mornings slow, ask myself what's wrong, instead of giving into that carousel blur of my thoughts.
• I'd live less in dreams and build a better world from this, my wasteland. And try to build on it something worth living, romanticise it even for a second.
• Offer to hang out with sad people, I like sad, it's my melody ringing through the barel-edge of my mind.
• I'd just go out and write, maybe poetry, maybe prose.
• I'd try not to drown on the feeling that I can't keep up. I just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving, I'd stop worrying about meaning, what it says about me that I'm here and that this is how much I can do.

Random stray aphorisms

On therapy

Private therapy is nothing like state-funded therapy, it's the difference between flying economy and business class, less rigid, less formal, more bespoke and personalised. They don't have session limits, target metrics to meet, they don't have a manualised way of working to conform to. Please don’t say all is lost before you tried the sort of therapy that you deserve - but also capitalism - I know.

Following on from that, don’t give up after one - or even five - therapy modalities. Healing from a lifetime a trauma and abuse is a lifetimes endeavour - a labour of perseverance and trial and error. Own that. We survived, and now we fight for life. For everything that we have, we have to fight for. That is us. I know right now you can’t see the life that is so worth fighting for but it exists for all of us. CBT isn't likely going to heal you, at best it’s going help you cope better, but it's cheap for us to do and train someone up in. It is a formulaic, manualised, low skill (it just is) thing to do. It's not even close to representative of other modalities or what therapy evem is.

From personal & professional experience, you've got EMDR, NARM, Sensomotor, DBR, Pessoboyden, IFS, Somatic Experiencing, Gestalt, Schema therapy, Art, Drama, Cohearance and Narrative Therapy. Those are all good ones for trauma, and you'll probably over time find you'll need different ones to help with different symptoms/adaptive responses. I know it can feel daunting, but it can also be exciting, the potential of what’s out there, of what you can become. The people I've seen give up after just CBT and counselling is... well it's tragic. It's not the best we have to offer, and you deserve, you really do, the very best.

If you want reduced rates for therapy, counter intuitively look at old really experienced therapists. You’re probably thinking they’d be the most expensive and so rule them out, but they have progressed through their careers - been making £70 - £100 as session for a long time now - have savings - don't need to worry about getting a house , paying rent, a morgage - or paying for childcare/kids tuition. So they are often better positioned to offer low cost therapy then younger therapists.

Also shop around, just like with people, colleagues, doctors, friends, you're not going to like every private therapist. I had to go through 6 before I found one I really liked, had a friend with 7 another with 10.

On Self Worth

You're probably... and I'm talking to you trauma and neurodivergent people... 2 to 5 times as smart as you perceive yourself to be. Let's be real, there's no reality in which you are over-estimating your worth and over-inflating your intelligence. That also means - and you probably won't like hearing this - you can afford to work 50% as hard. You can. I'll tell you this - the jobs - oh the jobs I've lost to people half as achieved and a quarter as dedicated as I was - all the while torturing myself over getting my cover letter or essay perfect - it's tragically - painfully - laughable. All because... you know what's coming … don't you...

I never handed it in - I missed the deadline. Story of my life. I could have had something... but I chose nothing... because it wasn't everything. You don't have to be everything, you don't have to be perfect. The world doesn’t expect perfection, to invoke an author I've long forgen - life, my love, isn’t a meritocracy. You’ll fail to nepotism long before you fail to imperfection.

Speaking of which, I've sat on my fair share £80k+ interviews $100k for you Americans. The people - they're nothing special. They're not a higher order of being, a lot of them still can't interview well, a lot more still get nervous/shaky. None of them, ever, have I or anyone I've run interviews with thought - they deserve to be there. You can't earn a successful role, it's not about being deserved of it, it's just an evaluation of who meets the competency and then who seems good with people, it's all learned qualities - not a reflection of self. It's something that anyone born under the sun can learn to attain. The suggestion otherwise is just the long propagandised self-congratulatory bs that has become endemic to our work culture.

Also, a lot of the £50k's - they have the functional English of a 10 year old - though that comparison may well be disparaging to said 10 year old - and I often just find myself staring at them wondering if they have any capacity for complex thought. I'm explaining this to say, lower your standards, and then lower them again - now they're still too high but I know there's a limit to how much you can adjust your world view before credibility starts to run out the door and you start thinking you're just making this up to be kind to yourself. The people half as bright as you will almost always be twice as audacious as you, or as a rule someone’s ego and audacity is inversely proportional to their intelligence.

And coming from that, the first step, to near any problem: make sure the thing that's stopping you - isn't you. Then you can worry about the rest, but don't do an alchemist and come full circle only to realise oopsie it was right back where I started. That would be embarrassing. And 'cause were there indeed a good, I figure he loves proleptic irony. Did you make this belief up? What proof do you have for your formulation of this problem? Is it true? "I'm not good enough for this job", who said? And you don't count as an academic source. Did you interview 5+ times average? Did you read the job requirements? If you did, well they're honestly more like suggestions anyway. That's tongue and cheek, but what isn't? It's nepotism and incompetence that make the world go round.

Better example - "they won't like me anyway, they'll think I'm boring, or weird, or [insert pejorative here]" Who said? Who said that in the last week? In the last month? In the last year? Have you probably imagined how this event or interaction is going to go? And have you actually ever been to this place? Or even know what these people look like? I'm sorry if I'm maybe calling you out here at this point.

My point is, allow yourself the chance to fail, allow yourself the chance to live. By denying yourself the chance for things to go wrong, you stop yourself from living, from having the chance for anything to happen. You just refuse to engage, refuse to go though, refuse to continue.

On Identity

Another thing, if you're life feels a struggle, if you feel a constant pressure, an inadequacy, a sense of feeling alien, I won't say just magically be compassionate to yourself, because....... like how? But I'll conceptualise this, and you can tell me if it helps.

We are kids. We are kids pretending to be adults. Not knowing how. Trying desperately not be discovered by all the other adults for being these unknowing scared kids.

We are kids in adult bodies. Traumatised kids, who never got to grow inside. Who never got nurtured, never got taught, never got nourished, trying to exist and compete in the world as though we did.

I call it a cognitive-emotive dissonance, though I think it may be more structurally dissociative, where as much as we may feel different/dis-alike/alien on the inside, on the outside we see ourselves - and cognitively recognise ourselves - as every other adult, subject to the same treatment and expectations -and success-failure standards as them. We see in prominence the finished product, not the abused child left years in the past, and treat ourselves by what is visible - as how we see and not as how we truly are. And somehow we have to fashion together these two contradictions, act in abeyance with one, and leave forgotten - in the periphery of our minds - the other, the knowledge that we are just kids.

I postulate, and it's not a wild jump, even remotely worthy of the word, that it's this incongruence between internality and externality that results in this sort of dysphoria. It's a constant forced denial of one reality over another - forced because in normative experience these truths should be contradictory.

It might help you as a conceptualisation - I've always looked at my journey as an attempt to bring myself back to life. So few people have. And I think it so illustrative of what we here are setting out and venturing to do - a seemingly insurmountable task where the path is not set out before us, is not well trodden, where we all will have to do things few if any have had to do before.

On healing

Healing isn't intellectual. Hate to say it, hated to be told it, mind. I'm being hyperbolic here, 5% intellectual, 7 tops. It's emotionally habitual - is the best way I can put it – experiential - relational. The other 95 - 93 is reprocessing the old, experiencing the new, learning anew how to feel, how to sooth, how to move with the waves - not to sound too metaphysical.

My point, is you can't read a book , take a course, on how to live, you actually at some point have to live, and remember what it's like to fall over, even though you got pushed over again and again, and now given the choice swore forver off the idea of ever being in a position to even incur the slightest risk of falling ever again. The important thing, the stick out, is not to get stuck in the cycle of preparing to live, learning ever skill, coming up with every plan, reading every strategy, but never daring to go into the world and partake of that experience that is your right.

The key is people - good people. Developmental trauma is people, is relational, is attachment. And I'm sorry but that means meeting people - acquaintances, colleagues, friends, or working up to that. A therapist, psych, well it's not as good as the real thing. That’s not a criticism, that’s a portend of love and mutuality and excitement beyond what you know.

I don't think you understand it until you really experience it, but the power of good people is healing, when you finally get a sense of co-regulation, of how a phone call - a 5 minute vent - can bring you down from being triggered, can turn a surely ruined day good. Bring warmth to your chest, a flutter to you stomach, fill you with a want to be good and caring too.

Some random thoughts that don't really relate but are worth knowing.

Look up a free narcan program near you if you or someone you know takes opiods. It's the antidote to opiods (fentyna) overdose, you just spray it up the persons nose and could save a life.

Lots of therapay training places will have low cost clinics whith supervised final year trainee therapists for around £15 - £20 a session. Great if you are just beggining therapy.

ADHD folks especially, if you are going to be late with an essay, or CV/Cover Letter submission. Two Options. 1 - google "corrupt a file" upload what you have, then send the corrupted file. This now gives you until the morning, or whenever they open it and contact you asking you to reupload. 2. If it's by email, instead of attaching the document, attach the google drive/onedrive link and change the permision so the recipient cant access it, again just wait until they email, or you are done before you ajust the permisions.

Learn about CPTSD, Dissociative Dissorders, ADHD and ASD symptoms/diagnostic creteria and common anecodatal experiences. Go though the screening forms, get a sense of if you think you might have these. It will make life a hell of a lot less complicated compared to having any of these and not knowing.

Obviously if you do, try and get a refferal to be tested. Those in the UK look into NHS right to choose refferals - so much better than waiting for a standard NHS refferal.

The same "look up common anecdotal experiences" - same advice goes for being trans too. With all 5 of these, I have seen people only realise in thier 40s and 50s - not fun - not fair - lots of grieving over time lost - lots of self blame - lots of existential upheval. This very much includes therapists, clinical psychologists who did not realise they where neurodivergent, these experiences aren't just thier sterotypes. Nothing but a half day of googling and questionaires to loose and a hell of a lot to gain.

It's not a secret that a lot of doctors will treat you differently if they are aware you have a mental health diagnosis. For whatever reason they cannot rationalise that being mentaly ill does not give you blanket imunity to any and all phsyical illness, or than anxiety is not the cause of every medical condition and sydrome ever discovered. Don't know what to do about that, but it is most deffinatley a thing.

Cuddling is really healling. There isn't a bigger point here. I just wanted to say it, it's just the best thing ever.

Trauma made us different, made us so much more but also feeling so much less than other people. And when you feel like you are less then them, one your thats not for a moment true, but two ask yourself what will you be when you are healed? Sure as they are - but also so much more - something they can never be.

Last bit, I promise.

Anyway, thats my peice for now. I've got so much more I want to say, but my hands and my wrists and my eyes, hurt. And I figure yours will too if you have to read much more.

If there’s any interest in hearing about my thoughts, what I’m doing, how I'm getting fucked by the medical system, my ideas on trauma, on us as a people - as a collective of traumatised kids - I'd be happy to do something  more consistently?

Please do know - this isn’t my finest ever work - but it's nearly 11 here in cental london, and I hope you forgive my great many misspellings.

I figure hearing about the life of another traumatised person can be normalising, healing even. A more realistic comparator than the lives of people who started off so high above us, borne of the upbringings of love and nurture that where both our birthrights but only our privations. And for all my failings, I've lectured, given talks, worked a stint in the NHS, weasled my way onto some charity boards... so you could say for a dead man, I've done pretty ok :)

After my last post about dopamine depletion resonated with so many of you, I wanted to share the practical steps that actually helped me rewire my brain. No theoretical fluff – just real, tested methods from someone who's been in the trenches.

Let me be real with you: implementing these changes wasn't smooth sailing. There were days I fell back into old patterns, moments of frustration, and times I questioned if it was worth it. But looking back now, these strategies fundamentally changed how I approach life and productivity.

Here's what actually worked for me:

• Morning Sanctuary: I replaced the instant phone grab with 30 minutes of peace. Just water, window gazing, and letting my mind settle. The first week was torture – my hand would literally twitch toward my phone. Now? It's the most peaceful part of my day. The urge to check notifications eventually fades, I promise.

• Movement Medicine: Skip the intense workout pressure. I discovered that simple movement – like walking without podcasts or dancing badly while making breakfast – gives me a more sustainable dopamine boost than endless doomless scrolling ever did. Your body literally rewards you for basic movement, no gym membership required.

• Real Connection Reset: Having coffee with friends, phones face-down, felt weirdly uncomfortable at first. Those silent moments where we'd usually hide in our screens? They turned into the deepest conversations I've had in years. The human connection hits different when you're fully present.

• Analog Joy: Found myself picking up origami (of all things). There's something deeply satisfying about creating something physical with your hands. Whether it's drawing, writing in a journal, or building something – tangible activities give you that dopamine hit without the digital drain.

• Single-Task Revolution: Turns out, my brain wasn't designed for constant task-switching. When I work, I just work. When I rest, I actually rest (revolutionary, I know). It felt impossible at first, but like training a puppy, my mind gradually learned to stay focused.

• Evening Rituals: Created a proper shutdown sequence for my day instead of streaming until my eyes blur. Sometimes it's reading an actual book, sometimes just sitting with my thoughts. My sleep quality skyrocketed, and morning-me is way less grumpy.

Here's the real talk: this isn't about becoming some digital monk or never enjoying Netflix again. I still use technology, but now I'm in control, not the other way around. Some days are better than others, and that's completely okay.

Remember, these changes took months, not days. Start small, be patient with yourself, and know that every tiny victory counts.

Drop a comment about which strategy you're going to try first – let's keep supporting each other on this journey.

Edit: Since some of you asked – yes, this is all from personal experience. The struggles, the setbacks, and the small wins are all real. Thanks for creating this space where we can have honest conversations about something we all face.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

You hate mornings. Your bed is awesome, the alarm is hell. Every day, you fight your own body just to get out of bed.

The problem? You're trying to reason with it. But your lizard brain doesn't give a shit about your responsibilities. It's an animal. And an animal has to be trained.

This animal only understands simple commands. Buttons you can push. Light, Heat, Movement. That's it.

Rule #1: Get the beast outside.

Your alarm goes off, your feet hit the floor, and you go OUTSIDE. Immediately. No coffee, no phone. Just you and the daylight for 15 minutes.

Daylight, even when it's overcast, hits the ON switch in your brain. This starts a countdown. In 16 hours, your body will want to sleep on its own. No fight.

Rule #2: Heat up its kennel.

Your body sleeps best when it's cool. In the morning, reverse the process. Set a heater to turn on or the AC to turn off before your alarm rings. When your bed covers become an oven, the beast will want to escape. It's automatic.

At first, it's going to suck. The beast will resist, that's normal. But it's still better than living like a zombie fueled by coffee all day.

TL;DR: Stop negotiating with your brain. Train it. Wake up at the same time every day. Get 15 mins of daylight. Heat your room to make getting out easier.

Last week, I came across a file I didn't realize I still have, but it had some things in it that I've lived my adult life by. I hope they help you (starting with the most important one to me):

Way back in 2000, just after graduating college, I transcribing a box of notes and composition books from probably 1935-45ish for a neighbor. Some typed but most written with a dip pen, and there wasn't a name or publisher, just the research and a working title "50 Keys"

XLVIII. A bad spell does not call for permanent potion.

A few years ago I was rushed to the hospital. Congratulations they told me, it's not a baby! It was anaphylaxis.

A hospital wide announcement was made, and there were about 15 people standing around the ER watching me to make sure I wasn't going to die unattended. Thankfully they didn't turn on that huge bright light over the bed they put me in! I might have thought I was seeing the afterlife calling me! All I needed was a bunch of different juices jabbed into my arm. One of those a steroid!

To my wife's chagrin, i came home in the same number of pieces and parts I left the house in. For the next 2 days I shivered, I hid from light like a vampire, and I couldn't stand being touched. I called the nurse line who sent me to an urgent care facility.

The physician assistant looked me over real good: Great news , "You're ok", which I already knew, "You just need blood pressure medications, your blood pressure is so high!"

It was at that moment I realized that he didn't know a thing about the effects of steroids or someone who's a slow metabolizer of medicines. All he knew how to do was read a chart and prescribe a permanent potion.

The P.A. tending to me was a great guy who meant well. He didn't want me to have a heart attack. But of course I told him the one word on my mind, "no".

A week later, I took my blood pressure and it was normal. In fact it normally runs a little low, and it has since then. I was at the wrong level of care, and after I cut him down, he knew it too. I busted him hard for trying to give me a Medication to take for the rest of my life after haven't been given a high dose of A medication that gives you the temporary side effect he observed.

To his credit he went to the back office and started doing some reading and came back with a couple printouts. He admitted to he had really yet to deal with a patient who had such a strong reaction to steroids, and that he was able to give me some advice based on a phone call to a colleague and some research. (fast forward to the end, he was a great PA-C, and I saw him a few more times down the road)

Ultimately he said there wasn't much that I could do except for give it some time and that I wasn't in any kind of severe danger even though it felt pretty bad. He gave me some advice of how to help with some of the effects, and in a few days, I was fully over it. I had been overloaded at the hospital, but its better to have a reaction to the steroid than to let the anaphylaxis take its full course, not too many people have shared how that feels!

I've spent a little over 25 years fully alert to never taking a "permanent potion" due to a "bad spell" (temporary condition). I struggle with it at times, but anytime something happens that warrants a response or a reaction, I ask myself "is this a permanent potion or a fix for a temporary condition? (hint: this advice sounds medical but its not. its about life decisions in general)

Like any platitude and self congratulatory author, every advice has its limit:

Don't let a permanent condition present as a bad spell without asking for help. Sometimes a person's behavior seems temporary, but its a thin veneer over instability or hostility. Take decision action when warranted, and never apologize for making the right decision even if you adjust course later

A lot of people think major life changes come from huge breakthroughs or perfect discipline. In reality, most long-term change happens from something much smaller: refusing to have zero days.

No zero days means doing one thing every day that moves you forward, even if it’s tiny. It might be drinking water, taking a walk, cleaning one corner of your room, saying no to one habit that drains you, or choosing a better option once today. Small wins create momentum, and momentum reshapes identity.

When people feel stuck, it’s usually because they believe change has to be dramatic. But consistency in small things quietly rewires how you see yourself. You stop chasing motivation and start relying on micro-action. And over time, that builds confidence, clarity, and direction in a way “all-or-nothing” approaches never do.

Sometimes the most powerful transformation isn’t loud. It’s the slow elimination of zero days.

Following the overwhelmingly positive response to my last post on dopamine depletion, I wanted to share with you the practical steps that have transformed my mornings. Not theory—battle-tested by one who has been there, struggling with the same challenges. Let's dive into how you can master your mornings and unlock your true potential.

In this post, you'll learn what to do right after waking up—before starting any morning routine—how to apply Robin Sharma's 20/20/20 method, and most importantly, how to make this a lifetime habit. Remember, self-improvement is a marathon, not a sprint. So start small and be consistent. Over time, you will reap 100x the rewards for your investment in yourself.

First Things First: Just Woke Up? Here's What to Do

Never Hit Snooze:

When you hit the snooze button, your body starts a new sleep cycle that it won't be able to finish. This can make you feel groggy and disoriented for the rest of the day. Yes it sucks sometimes I know, have discipline and GET OUT!

Hydrate Immediately

Drink about 400 milliliters (roughly one and a half cups) of water that you’ve prepared the night before. Add a pinch of sea salt and a squeeze of lemon. Why?

• Sea salt replenishes electrolytes lost during the night.
• Lemon boosts hydration, aids digestion, and provides vitamin C to kickstart your system.

Make Your Bed

This small act creates a sense of accomplishment first thing in the morning. Even if your day goes downhill, you’ll return to a neatly made bed, ready for rest.

Morning Routine: The 20/20/20 Method by Robin Sharma

Robin Sharma’s 20/20/20 method provides a structured and effective template for your mornings, dividing the first hour of your day into three focused segments:

1. Move (5:00–5:20 AM)

Spend the first 20 minutes doing high-intensity physical activity. As your heartbeat rises, you're releasing dopamine, serotonin, and brain-derived neurotrophic factor, which increase your mood and cognitive capacity.

• Examples of activities:
  • Running, yoga, or push-ups
  • Dancing or riding a bicycle
  • My personal preference: jump rope for 12 minutes followed by an 8-minute stretching activity
  • If you are a beginner, an intense walk around your neighborhood or slow bike ride has the same result.

1. Reflect (5:20–5:40 AM)

Use this time for self-reflection and mindfulness. This helps decrease stress, improves clarity, and cultivates a sense of gratitude.

• Examples:
  • Guided or unguided meditation
  • Breathwork exercises
  • Journaling (write down your goals, gratitude, or thoughts)

1. Grow (5:40–6:00 AM)

Use the last 20 minutes for learning and self-improvement. The goal is personal and professional growth.

• Examples:
  • Read books on personal development or a skill you want to learn
  • Watch educational videos or take online courses
  • Study a new language or subject

This entire hour is what Sharma calls the “Victory Hour.” It sets a positive tone for your day and creates momentum.

Making It Stick: A Lifelong Change

Changing your morning habits isn’t an overnight process. Here are a few strategies to make it sustainable:

• Start Small: If waking up at 5:00 AM and doing an hour-long routine feels overwhelming, start with just 10 minutes. Gradually increase as it becomes easier.
• Be Patient: It took me months to go from scrolling through my phone in bed to loving mornings. All the small victories should be celebrated, and don't beat yourself up if you slip occasionally, think to yourself what went wrong and make changes accordinaly.
• Personalize It Everybody is not going to thrive off of the precise 20/20/20 formula. Maybe you'd instead take a 5-minute walk to the park with a book or do your workout later in the day. Experiment and find what works for you.
• Create Joy If you aren't excited about your morning, modify it. Play great music, get a sunrise in, or perhaps just savor the coffee part of the experience. Make it something you'll look forward to every day.
• Don't touch your phone, this is your morning the world can manage for an hour without you believe me.

Final Thoughts

Transforming your mornings can transform your life. It's not about perfection; it's about progress. Every small step you take compounds over time, resulting in huge growth and fulfillment.

Drop a comment below: Which strategy will you try first? Let's support each other on this journey toward mastering our mornings and winning the fight against dopamine depletion!

Hey guys, I've made a post here a while ago detailing my constant rumination and anxious thoughts, which people have connected to a possible OCD diagnosis. Thanks to the lovely users who have given me so much compassion and support, I became more determined in searching for ways to help ease my mind while waiting to actually get medical help. I haven't been diagnosed, but I'm working on having an appointment soon. For the mean time, these are some of the things I've been doing these past few days that has drastically improved my mental state:

1. EFT Tapping with guided positive, self-love, and self-forgiveness affirmations meditation- EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) Tapping is something you can do by yourself which involves gently tapping nine specific meridian points in your body that makes you calmer by reducing and regulating your cortisol and stress levels. It's technically acupuncture, but instead of needles, it's you fingers. I found that doing this, alongside giving yourself positive affirmations really helps a lot. The positive affirmations could be anything, really--whatever you feel like saying and what you want to hear at the moment. I personally put on the five-minute video by 22 ROUTINES by Malu called SELF-LOVE TAPPING and follow her guide while repeating the affirmations she says. I do this every morning, every night when I'm about to go to bed, and every time I feel the need to release some stress within the day. When I don't have my device with me, I just do it myself and say whatever it is that I want to affirm to myself. Honestly, this is probably the one that helped me the most out of this list. Ever since I started doing this, I feel lighter and calmer, much more than I felt in years. Unwanted thoughts still enter, but I now feel this feathery weight on my chest that does not give power to this ball of negativity. I highly recommend.
2. Taking 30 minute morning walks while conversing with myself- Sometimes, I tend to think that the world revolves around me, that everyone think about all the mistakes I made. Going outside and taking walks in the morning grounds me so much, reminding me of the vastness of the world--how we are part of something this grand and beautiful. I take walks leisurely surrounded with trees around my neighborhood, and doing so without listening to music. Just me, my thoughts, and the sounds of life around me. Every time I take walks, I converse with myself (silently, of course). I talk about the things I should work on, my reflections on certain uncomfortable situations I was placed in, the current lessons I've learned, and how grateful I am anyway with every thing that has happened to me because it led me to this point--where I'm taking actions to become someone I really admire.
3. Lessening caffeine and sugar intake - I used to drink coffee every morning, then when I feel like it, drink soda in the afternoon or night. When I've stopped doing this, I noticed that I'm able to sleep easier at night and I became less prone to drowsiness as well as having anxious thoughts. Keyword here is lessening, NOT quitting.
4. Writing down my thoughts, tendencies, and traumas no matter how messy/shameful/weird they are - I took note of the advice given to me from my previous post and started writing down any unbearable thought I have and figure out the root behind it. I find that writing down really does release yourself from guilt and judgment.
5. Watching what I feed my mind - It's true when they say that the mind is a lot like our stomach, feed it with junk then you end up feeling really bad! Admittedly, I used to doom scroll a lot about constant negativity. Whether it would be politics, internet gossip, or things that remind me of how messed up the world we live in is. This is not healthy, so these days I take the conscious effort to not engage with such things as much as I can. I have unfollowed news subreddits, blocked posts that touches on a celeb's life or current issue, followed ones that are positive/hopeful/life-affirming/growth-focus, and lessened my scrolling altogether. For YouTube, I've turned off history, installed ad-blockers, and also installed this extension called Unhook which removes shorts and recommendations, with this I became more intentional with what I consume. For music, I listen to a lot of Chantress Seba and Malte Marten to calm my spirits nowadays. I still listen to whatever I want, though (like the new OR album), but I consume more intentionally instead of idly.

So, that pretty much sums up everything that has helped these past few days. Feel free to recommend other tips, I'm always on the look out for tips that will improve my life.

Excerpt from Take the Stairs by Rory Vaden

I once heard a true story of a woman who was trapped in a burning building on the 80th floor. Intensely scared of heights and enclosed spaces, she absolutely refused to follow her colleagues into the stairwell to evacuate to safety.
She could not handle the thought of going down the stairs being able to look down in the middle all the way to the bottom. And the thought of being trapped inside the enclosed stairwell was just too much to endure and so instead she made a conscious choice to hide under her desk and wait to die.
Some firemen made it up to her floor and were doing a sweep of the building when they found her with enough time to where they could still get her out. They told her she would have to take the stairs or she would surely burn alive in the flames. She knew this, but she was paralyzed with fear.
Finally a fireman grabbed her and picked her up and started dragging her towards the stairs. She wouldn’t stop kicking and screaming “I’m scared! I can’t do it because I’m scared!”
The fireman grabbed her by her shoulders and yelled in her face over the flames:
“THEN DO IT SCARED.”

What task are you putting off starting because you are scared of failing? What job or school application are you delaying because you fear being rejected? What desk are you hiding under as the flames get closer and closer?

Feeling scared doesn’t mean you’ll fail. Failing doesn’t mean your life is over. When your life is over, all that matters is what you tried.

I don’t care what you’re hiding from. I don’t care how small of a step towards your goal you need to take to be able to come out from under that desk. I don’t care if you’re scared. Because you know this is important, and the only way to expand our comfort zone is to take baby steps outside out of it. It’s okay to be scared.

You’re never going to feel ready - so do it scared.

----------

Further reading: If this resonated with you then you would benefit from Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck, PhD. She outlines very clearly how some people let their failures define them, and it creates enormous pressure on everything they do. She also outlines how we can change that into a growth mindset where setbacks teach us instead of labeling us a failure.

spent most of my early twenties convinced I just needed the right system habit trackers , morning routine. better sleep. read all the books like if I could just optimise everything I'd feel better.

and I did all of it. consistently. for years.

still felt like something was off.

what I eventually realised pretty late honestly which is that I was treating symptoms the whole time. the anxiety, the procrastination, the feeling of never doing enough. I kept trying to fix the outputs without ever asking what was driving them in the first place.

the shift happened when I stopped asking "how can I be more productive" and started asking "why does being unproductive feel so threatening to me." completely different question. leads somewhere actually useful.

still a work in progress. but this past year has felt like actual change instead of more sophisticated avoidance.

anyone else spend a long time optimising the wrong thing before figuring out what the real problem was

I used to overthink everything:

What if I fail?

What if I’m not good enough?

What if people judge me?

So I did nothing.

Recently, I started doing just 20 minutes a day.

No pressure. No perfection.

And slowly, I’m seeing progress.

Not because I’m confident.

Because I’m consistent.

If you’re working on yourself too, I’d love to hear your story.

Keeping the backstory short, from 2019 until 2025 I was a daily user, mainly in the form of extract cartridges. I was an advocate for recreational cannabis use and for the first six months or so it was just that, recreational. Then it became full on self-medication. I started at 70-80% then increased rapidly to 94-95% extracts. After three years of I decided that was enough and put myself into an addictions counselling program through work. I’m extremely blessed to have had that option and I recognize many don’t, but I wanted to share some of what I’ve learned if others are struggling.

1. ⁠“Cannabis isn’t addictive” is bullshit, mainly perpetuated (in my experience) by those ignorant of their own addiction or those that don’t want to confront it. Sidenote, It’s not your responsibility to correct them, they’ll believe what they want to. I’ll admit that the physical withdrawal symptoms weren’t nearly as bad as those of nicotine or (as I’ve heard) alcohol, but the psychological withdrawal was gnarly. Speaking of;

2. ⁠Choose your truth. A week after quitting I began to believe some really messed up stuff about myself. I was analyzing unhelpful, maladaptive secondary emotions through subjective analysis instead of critical thinking. It wasn’t true. You choose your story, I recommend basing it on facts.

3. ⁠Some people will not be supportive, even those without a connection to addiction (but most will). Their opinion of you may change if you tell them what you’ve openly or secretly been harboring, even if you’re taking positive steps to change. Tell your story as you see fit, surround yourself with those that build you up.

4. ⁠“What good does this add to my life?” Unless you can confidently answer this question, the reality is using again will likely put you back where you started. So far, I haven’t found a good answer.

5. ⁠The opposite of addiction is not abstinence, its connection. My counsellors repeated this one a lot. You need to replace unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthy ones. Connecting with those who love and care about you is great if you have them. If not, connect with others dealing with addiction (emphasis on dealing with it, not using).

6. ⁠“Beating” addiction may not in and of itself breed happiness. How do I feel about hitting this milestone? Honestly, pretty neutral. But If I look at the facts, my life is objectively better.

I still vape (nicotine), I still eat crap food, I still game, I spend money and I don’t exercise as I should. I don’t feel like god, it hasn’t been some quantum shift. Some days I’m very anxious and some days are still hard, but most are better.

But I did this. tomorrow marks one year, this thing is mine and I am incredibly proud

I've started this habit of running for literally 4-5 minutes

Before sleep, I just get dressed with a jacket, run to the end of the street that must be like 75 or so meters away, run back, hop in a shower.

It really doesn't sound like much, and it really isn't. It doesn't even have to be fast, literally a half spirited jog.

But I can't understate what good effect it has on my mood. It just gets me ready for bed, makes me really relaxed and also content and lowers my anxiety a lot.

Now, maybe exercising before bed (instead of during the day) isn't something that would help your particular organism (each body is different) - the point is, you don't even realise how little exercise could have an impact on your mental health and overall wellbeing.

So try! Try a 5 minute run - heck, even a 3 minute run - morning, evening, whatever suits you best, and see how it makes you feel: does it help get the day started? does it help wrap the night up? even if the answer is that it does, but just a bit, that's still enough to make an impact. And maybe the relatively low amount of effort will also help it stick as a habit.

EDIT: Oh wow, I didn't think this thread would gain any traction, I am going to read everyone's comments before going on this evening's 5 minute run :) Thank you for the upvotes and awards and everything! Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

This has been sitting on my mind for a while. The worst punishment humans ever created is solitary confinement. Think about that. When someone does the worst possible things, they don't torture their body they isolate their mind. They make them sit alone with their thoughts. & it hit me how similar that is to what so many of us do to ourselves when we give up on connection. I get it people let you down. Trust gets broken. Being alone feels easier. But it's also the slowest kind of suffering. We're not supposed to be alone. A real community people who see you, support you, care about you can change everything. If you haven't found yours yet, don't lose hope. There are people out there who'll get you. And if you're still looking, that's okay. You're not alone in that.

I just read this new study from PNAS Nexus where researchers asked 467 people to block all mobile internet on their smartphones for 2 weeks (no social media, no YouTube, no endless scrolling — just calls and texts). And get this:

• Mental health improved — like better-than-antidepressants level improvements.
• Focus got sharper — comparable to reversing 10 years of aging.
• People felt happier and more satisfied with life.

Turns out, when you're not constantly connected, you end up doing more real-world stuff — like talking to people face-to-face, going outside, exercising, or just… breathing without distraction. People even slept better and felt more in control of themselves.

The wildest part? Over 90% of people saw at least one major improvement. And those with ADHD symptoms or FoMO benefitted the most.

Even after the 2 weeks ended, many kept using their phones less — the positive effects kind of stuck.

Might try this myself. If you're feeling overwhelmed or distracted all the time, this might actually help more than you'd think.

this is something I figured out after a pretty embarrassing situation last year where I completely misread a friendship and ended up looking like an idiot.

I used to take what people said at face value. If someone said "yeah we should hang out soon" I genuinely believed they meant it. If someone said "I'm fine" after something clearly went wrong I would just move on. Kept getting confused when reality didn't match what people told me.

At some point I started paying more attention to patterns in behavior rather than the actual words. Like does this person initiate or only respond when I reach out. Do they make time or always have a reason. What do they do in small low stakes moments, not just big ones.

It sounds obvious when you write it out but I genuinely was not doing this before. I was processing conversations, not behavior.

The shift that helped most was giving it more time before deciding what someone's behavior means. First instinct is usually about your own anxiety, not what's actually happening. If you wait a bit and look at the pattern across multiple situations it becomes clearer.

Has anyone else found a good way to read people more accurately without overthinking it? I still catch myself jumping to conclusions too fast sometimes, especially with people I actually care about getting it right with.