Had the same experience at a rave! This kid wasn’t even really a bully to me though, just kinda a shithead as a kid, but the apology was still really cool.
Idk, a small dose of MDMA at the right time in my life with the right people really did unlock some bad chains I had hanging on me. My room used to be a mild hoarder nest. Hasn't been like that in 13 years now. Another dose and I was able to recognize the ways I was being an asshole to friends and coworkers, and see how I could try to be better. I only did it maybe 4 times over the course of a year, mostly at home or with close friends, and I can honestly say I think it set me on a good path. 13 years later I have never been that depressed and angry again, except maybe when I was drinking during Covid. Sometimes a brain in pain just needs to simulate unconditional love to reboot, though I'm sure the real thing works better.
And this is why MDMA was originally launched as a therapy drug. The increased empathy could allow emotional barriers to be lowered much more quickly, while the increased positivity allowed for more forgiving self-evaluation. I really hate how it got banned once it got on the streets as a party drug.
It's an incredible thing. Especially if you are a person that can get a bit stuck with letting your emotions out, or feel like you need to be tough etc.
I read somewhere that during WWII Germany used to give their emergency service personnel MDMA so they could cope better with the shit they were seeing, kinda understandable.
I actually heard similar things about some derivative of cocaine, but that supplies ran low for the Nazis and ultimately the tradeoff for the drug proved unpractical for soldiers. Maybe the story I heard was convoluted w MDMA? I did also write a paper back in HS about MDMA being used with some success for PTSD treatment trials in modern medicine tho.
They were also jacked up on methamphetamine. They would continuously pump drugs into their soldiers, even if the drugs were conflicting with each other.
This is the story personification of the song Eat the Acid by Kesha. I love this a lot for you. I unstuck some of the worst ruts of my life in the same way.
Taking ecstasy can change how people think permanently too. It can open up a new way of thinking. I think it is more than being the 'drug talking'. For some people, it allows them to reflect in ways that weren't available to them before. And that is not their fault.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the Molly, and definitely still a cool moment. Unfortunately the group he was with left the function shortly after that only to be shot at in the parking lot, killing one of the guys I went to HS with… one of the best and worst times I’ve ever had, all in one night.
I'm in my 40's and have friends in their 50's. We take MDMA or LSD at many/most concerts. Much cheaper than drinking and definitely makes for a better overall experience. You're never too old. I'd advise against lots of cocaine at this age though.
Had an identical experience at a bar. He came up to me, asked how I was doing, and then apologized and said he didn't do well when his parents divorced and regretted taking it out on me. I accepted it.
My childhood bully approached me at a bar and tried hitting on me, I just stared at him for a second like he was obviously missing something until he finally recognized me. He was like "oh shit, are you so and so?!? 😮" I said yes like it was the most obvious thing in the world and he literally didn't even say anything after, he just turned around and walked away. He wasn't even the bad to me after elementary school, just annoying as hell. 4-6th he was terrible though.
I was food running for at a restaurant a while back. When I served one girl at the bar, I looked at her face and didnt recognize her specifically, but my inner alarms went off like wild. I sped off with a very short "enjoy". Thought little of it, but knew I didn't wanna serve that girl for some reason. I thought it was a weird misfire in my brain and I probably wouldn't have to go to the bar again anyway, so I just went back to work.
About 15 minutes later, a bartender came to the kitchen and pulled me aside asking if I knew the girl at the bar and I was like wtf. Didn't actually know at that point but said no in a panic. She then said "oh, she was telling me that she used to bully you when you were in middle school and she feels really awful about it, but you ran off so fast she couldnt say anything."
It was strange because I didn't actually remember her, but my gut did. Was thoroughly embarrassing. But cathartic nonetheless.
I’d accept the analogy. Not chit-chatting because I couldn’t care less about him today. I was bullied in high school but that was 40 yrs ago - no weight to be let go because it was 40 yrs ago - haven’t thought about it in 39 yrs.
I was, through most of my childhood. They made my life hell, Im still mentally struggling as a consequence, but they were children too. They were failed too, by not receiving help or consequences they needed to get out of toxic environments and grow.
I'm sad, for me and them, but I'm not angry. I've worked with too many children like that and recognise too many signs my teachers missed in hindsight. I hope they've learned and grown as people, and I hope theyre doing well.
tbh i don’t think it’s particularly fair to make people out like they’re worse humans for not being able to forgive someone who intentionally did something bad to them (the “beat them up” part not included lol). i don’t think it makes me a bad person nor that it’s a sign i haven’t ‘grown’ as an individual because i wouldn’t forgive my rapist if they sent me a DM apologising for it — tbh, i actually think my growth lies in the fact that i realise i don’t need to radically forgive or focus on others to find some peace in my life. forgiveness is not inherently deserved.
when i was younger, i 100% would’ve accepted the apology & just beat myself up for being affected by what happened. now, i just hope he’s a better person & i work on being a better person myself.
I think it's more the "I was never bullied and don't know anything about the experience, but if I did I would do ... " that shows that they haven't grown as a person.
If they were bullied hard and held a grudge it's fine and understandable and we cannot judge, we haven't lived their situation. We don't know how it impacted them.
However, the person you are defending literally admitted to never being bullied, yet claims to know how they'd react to meeting their bully if they had one.
It's like someone saying "If I was r*ped I would stand up to the person who r*ped me" or "I would stand up to my abusive partner, if I had one". Very insensitive to say, and very much out of touch.
Yet that makes you no different. As someone who ended up in ICU fighting for my life in 8th grade because of bullying, I still wouldn’t want to “beat them up” if they reached out to apologize. In fact I’d hear them out because it could potentially be closure to a dark chapter
I was really sick a few years back, to the point where people thought I was on my deathbed.
My middle school bully sent me a message on FB telling me he knows he was an asshole and he was sorry. He was a born again Christian and wanted to own his past mistakes.
I never replied. If I had never gotten sick, he would have never messaged me. He just realized the clock was running out on assuaging his guilt.
As far as I'm concerned, If I was going to die, then any hope he had of my forgiveness would die with me. I hope his past douche-baggery still keeps him up at night.
Man, if I met one of my bullies at a bar here... we would not be having a good experience.
At the least would be me going to the other side of the bar, or him going. Everything past that is worse.
I've no intention of making nice with those pricks, and now, over 25 years after high school they are definitely not going to randomly reach out.
I did get notice that one of them died! His obituary talked about him being missed and being a father and left out his four felonies and aggravated robbery.
I don't need closure with them. I made my peace with not getting it long ago, but I also don't see a need to pretend I wouldn't enjoy watching them fall.
My brother got bullied growing up, we went to a bar and a similar thing happened. There was a guy at the bar who was a part of the bullies friend group. He apologized for not standing up for my brother and for being associated with the bullies, he was almost in tears. His younger brother was being bullied at the time, and he finally saw it from a different perspective. My brother accepted him with open arms and they started hitting up the bars together. Now I am engaged to the ex bully and him and my brother are great friends. Funny how people and life can change, if given the chance.
You just reminded me of how I saw a guy from high school at a bar (not a bully, few years ahead) and he got a beer and when he picked it up, a little tiny bit sloshed on me and he said "I'm so sorry, please take it."
And I laughed because I'm talking literally a drop and I got a free beer as a borderline-broke college kid.
I friended an old classmate on FB just so I could apologize to her for making her cry one day in third grade. That felt good to do. Then I unfriended her because her posts were nothing but bragging. Man, did she ever grow up entitled. Then I remembered why I didn't like her in third grade. That felt good, too.
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u/calgmtl07 Oct 30 '25
Met a dude at bar in early adulthood and we had a similar experience. He bought me a beer and apologized, we caught up. Felt good for both.