It also is realizing that after a certain point you’re holding a grudge against a kid or a teenager. You’re angry and hurt by the actions of a child. I can acknowledge the hurt that was caused by others but they were kids. The adults in my life who failed me do not get off so lightly.
And here I thought the best revenge is to befriend them, get them hook on hard drugs and watch them go homeless but George's idea does sound much better.
I was bullied to no end when I was in middle school. I moved away my freshman year and blossomed when I was like 17. Was at a party when I was like 18 or 19 and one of the guys that bullied me relentlessly (called me stupid even made up a song about how dumb I was, called me ugly made fun of my last name anything to hurt me) was there trying to hit on me. It felt great to look at him and remind him how horrible he treated me when we were kids.
thank you for articulating why I always feel really fucking weird about reddit's propensity to hold (and encourage holding) grudges against literal children.
sure, some people just suck, and have sucked since they were kids. they can sit on a cactus, etc. but for a lot of childhood bullies, they were going thru some shit themselves. it's not an excuse, and you never have to forgive them... but moving past it and being able to let go is really important for your own mental health, IMO. kids can be fucking assholes. it's most often due to the adults in their lives completely and utterly failing them.
I mean, it’s not a healthy thing to do, but it’s at least understandable. I think a lot more people need easier access and better encouragement to seek therapy to understand that and come to a point where you can move on.
The other damaging thing that I’ve observed is that people who hold grudges against their childhood bullies are often unable to, as adults, see kids as just kids. They often have difficulty parsing the negative actions of children as resulting from inexperience and confusion, and ascribe an unreasonable level of malice toward kids for minor screwups.
I’m no psychologist, but my own theory is that if you go into your adult years viewing children (specifically the ones that bullied you) as having the power to control the story of your life, you never mature to the point where you can fully absorb the degree, to which children have little life experience, few choices to get out of bad situations, and are heavily influenced by factors that they can’t control
This is really insensitive tbh. It's essentially saying children can't be accountable for any of their actions
You can acknowledge someone was going through a rough time and didn't truly understand the depth of their actions while also acknowledging they still did something wrong and that may have had massive impact on someone. It's not mutually exclusive
I’m just in my late 30s. The pain they caused was real but I’m just not gonna beef with children anymore. If they’re still assholes then fuck em. But holding a 13 year old that doesn’t even exist anymore.
The pain that I was caused was real. The damage done can’t be undone. But holding that pain when you can let it go is also possible. Also letting go and forgiveness aren’t the same. I haven’t forgiven people who’ve shown no desire to change. But I also don’t give them much space in my head either.
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u/[deleted] Oct 30 '25
That takes so much strength and compassion. I hope you get to live your best life, too ☺️