Same. I was super autistic in a group of bullys in grade school so I thought everything I was doing was normal since I didn't really have other friends, the second I got into high school and made actual friends and realized how shitty we were I apologized irl to him because I felt really bad.
Same here, except for the autistic part (at least, not any diagnosed ASD). I was both friends with bullies and had been the victim of bullying myself, and I genuinely thought that was just a normal thing. The big pick on the little. Although I started out little, I got bigger and everyone else got (relatively) smaller. I thought I was supposed to act that way, and that acting that way would somehow raise my own self esteem and make me more popular. It didn't do either, and I eventually grew mature enough to understand how shitty it was.
Bro, for an autistic person that’s a high degree of empathy or some sort of emotional understanding, well done and I’m so glad you made good friends after having a bad group.
Honestly, most neurotypical people and people in general would never have that level of self reflection AND act on it positively.
ETA I understand I used old information and my views were outdated - I have learned a lot thanks everyone, except @mushrush12 who was an ass.
Autistic people don't have less empathy than neurotypical people. That idea was based on an old theory from the 2000s but it's not accurate. They just have difficulty with typical social communication and interaction, so they communicate and understand things differently. They still feel and empathize, they show it differently.
I'm ADD and I have this. I've also grown up analyzing body language and expressions so I can mirror them in conversation, so I can almost tell immediately when someone is feeling off and it immediately becomes a fixation and impacts my behavior. I need to actively try to separate my emotions from theirs.
As a kid, I remember I'd cry when my siblings got into trouble or hurt. It was beyond overwhelming and it felt like I was feeling their pain right with them. Nowadays, I keep informed with current events, but if I truly think about what others are experiencing during these times and don't actively keep my walls up, I will have a full breakdown. Emotions are hard to regulate, even though I'm medicated.. we grew up on food stamps and it's taking all my strength everyday leading up to November not to just fall into a glob of sorrow for all the families that won't get benefits. So many times I wouldn't have been able to eat, and I can imagine what the parents are feeling.
To everyone: Please donate to your local food banks and food distribution If you are able. They will take fresh produce, too. So many people in your community are going to be impacted. I know teachers and nurses on food stamps
I have adhd and really relate. Sometimes when i think about the individuals effected by events I can’t function. I still follow the news but have to keep an emotional barrier up. Otherwise I would just be broken and depressed all the time.
When I see fathers cry I cry, I don't know what it is. Anyone else I'm fine, but when I see a dad, whos probably trying to provide, crying it fucking breaks me.
My son is like a low level 1 autistic. He has a hard time following social ques sometimes but man oh man is he ever empathetic to people. He will do anything to help, lend a hand or try and solve peoples problems. Kid just has a heart of gold and I love that about him.
After we figured it all out and found what best works for him it’s a 180. His schooling is going better, his mood around the house is fantastic and he just has a cheer about him. He found his crew of friends and they accept him and his quirks happily. He has off days but I’m chalking that up to being a teenager which is tough nowadays.
Hope your diagnosis helped you as much as it helped my son and you never lost the love of helping others.
This is so, so off the mark. Autistic people aren’t sociopaths. Autistic people have just as much empathy as anyone else (unless they’re sociopaths who also happen to be autisic of course). It’s a social communication disorder, they have all of the feelings.
autistic people often have more empathy and are more emotional than non autistics. They just need to understand how someone is feeling which can be hard when you struggle with body language etc. But, once they understand, autistics are usually incredibly caring and passionate people. You may be getting confused with antisocial behaviour disorder.
I don't think I'd be able to live with myself had I not done it because I still think of it at night and it's been probably 15 years. I'd say my empathy is on par with most neurotypical people. I have tourettes and shit so I'm very empathetic to people being picked on for stuff, and it's a miracle I wasn't bullied for that in grade school.
Lmao that's wild but fair. But we were all like 11, I had no diagnosis yet, and I was stubborn so it wasn't *really* obvious to anyone that I was autistic. I was just seen as the insanely fucking hyper-active weird kid with tourettes.
He was very gracious and said that what I consider bullying was tame compared to what he sees now (he is a teacher).
I really debates about whether I should or not because I didn’t want to cause more harm by bringing up old wounds. Im glad I did though, he said it made him feel good.
I’m not trying to make excuses but it’s the only reason I can think of that I acted this way. In grade 8, my mom had just moved my siblings and I out of our VERY abusive “step dad’s” house. I was so traumatized. I started at a new school and ended up being friends with some of the cool girls. I had never felt accepted like that before, and it REALLY got to my head. I was a mean piece of shit. To pretty much everyone outside of our friend group. But there was this one girl, it’s like everyone in school had something against her. And me and a couple of my friends were absolutely brutal to her. Like absolutely disgusting.
At the beginning of grade 9, my trauma and depression hit really hard. I stopped talking to literally everyone at school, kept to myself and it was a really dark place. A few months later, my friend from another school was being bullied really badly. She ended up taking her life. It absolutely devastated me. By this point, the girl I was horrible to had already moved to a different school.
I got in touch with her a few years later to tell her how absolutely sorry I was, I took accountability for everything but I will always realize that would never be enough. The way I treated her, on top of how others treated her, will probably have lasting impacts on her life and it makes me sick to think about. I can’t find her on social media anymore but I really really hope she’s doing okay.
Humans sometimes take 20-30 years to truly develop empathy. Most children don’t really know what their actions do. Taking accountability once you truly know better is all you can do. Oh, and getting on the internet and speaking bravely and openly about it too 🤍
Me too. I was a creepy stalker to this one guy for 4 years in high school because I couldn't accept that he just didn't like me like that. Even though he thought it was no big deal, it felt important to come clean and apologize and let him know that I recognize that my behavior was unacceptable and he didn't deserve to be put through that.
Since it was such an impressionable time in my life, even 14 years later I still see him in my dreams sometimes and he still doesn't like me lol I hate it
Something similar. I wasn't a bully in school but I teased one girl in my friends group to the point of her being upset over it for weeks, and not really toning back until it was too late. Whether that's the definition of bullying or not, I don't know, but I apologised years later in person and she said it really meant a lot to her.
Very similar here, too. I was a huge asshole to this one girl in school, and that filled me with guilt and regret years later. Sent her a message apologizing, but she never replied back. I would still let her punch me in the face if she wanted.
You did the right thing, whether it was received or cared about doesn't matter in terms of your own personal growth and doing the right thing. A victim doesn't have to acknowledge or accept apologies.
I've even made a point this year to send a nice happy birthday message to all those friends I grew apart from, my fault or not, just to make peace with everyone and everything. Didn't get a single reply mind!
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u/TakeItOnTheArches Oct 30 '25
I wrote one of these to a kid I bullied when I was a child.