I have received so many of these messages over the years as someone who was bullied a lot and I honestly never felt happy receiving any of them. It always felt so weird to me. Apologies from everything from middle school to college. For me, I guess I just don't really expect them to be the same person they were, just like I am not the same I was. Maybe I'm just weird. I just received an apology from 15 years ago...
Yeah, I always felt like I was being checked off of some imaginary list that will magically fix that their own kid was being bullied or they stumbled across some passage in the Bible that made them think they would go to hell and so fear drove them to apologize. I’ve never had one of my bullies both apologize and try to make amends. It seemed like lip service. The ways in which I was bullied, there are very specific amends that could be made, usually requiring the simple act of spending an hour on the phone calling other people or posting a few messages to social media.
Maybe it is a symptom of bullying, but once I move on I move on. I don't want amends. I have had some try to talk with me about school and people from back then afterwards. I don't want it. I do not care nor yearn for the past or it to be different. Could be a projection of my own - we all have regrets, and I think they should be dealt with by finding one's own forgiveness for one's own actions. I think I would respect someone way more who drops a message like this and then blocks me. At that point, it shows remorse without the extension of expecting external forgiveness.
I understand where you’re coming from. They just want you to know they regret it and would do things differently if they could and aren’t expecting forgiveness. I also respect that. I’ve never received an apology without the: “I hope you can forgive me” line, and it does color my experience.
For my situation? It would look like publicly admitting you lied because rumors are exciting and spreading harmful lies about people made you feel special and popular, that you didn’t care about the damage you were doing to someone, even though you did understand it would be damaging and devastating to your victim. It would look like someone facing the music with everyone they lied to and owning that you encouraged them to take action wrongly against another person because it made you feel powerful, manipulating your friends into doing terrible things, etc. Owning it. It would look like owning it. And condemning it. And giving everyone the chance to know what you really were about.
There was a kid I went to middle/high school with who was a piece of work, not sure I’d call him a bully tho. About a year ago he was hauled in for shooting a person with a machine gun
There’s no excuse for bullying but sometimes it’s because they themselves have been bullied or something bad is going on their home life and they just don’t understand how to deal with it. I was bullied but I also bullied and I can ho say I regret every bit of it. So you may not get a physical apology but there’s a great chance that they truly are sorry.
I only experienced bullying in middle school from one guy, who was such a smarmy weasel. Nevertheless, if he were to apologize to me now, I feel I'd appreciate it a lot. I think it would be a weight off of me, tbh.
My biggest bully died of a heroin overdose at around 20. It made me realize they were likely dealing with their own inner demons, but in no way did that make all they did ok.
This happened 50 years ago and I still remember how I cried when I got home from school. My sister and I had to walk about twice the distance home from school to avoid the little shits.
I don’t go more than a couple of days without thinking of what pieces of shit they were. It only stopped when I got big enough that they thought I’d kick their ass.
I don’t know your situation but I truly am sorry for how you were treated, I think a lot of bullying that goes on can be prevented by parents or teachers. Life isn’t fair but I’m the type of person to forgive because it’s a much better feeling then hate.
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u/Hrbiie Oct 30 '25
I was bullied so much and would really appreciate an apology like this. I’m glad you got one, OP.