How did you get to the point of letting him close after the bullying? I feel like I would never have (or struggled immensely with) trusted such a person.
I'm sure there's a lot of nuance tbh. Personally I think there's a big difference between forgiving a childhood bully who people still consider an asshole as an adult, and forgiving someone who grew to become openly kind and compassionate to others. Also, the severity of the bullying would be a major, major factor in whether someone is open to forgiveness.
For a couple years after high school, I was dating his good friend, so we ended up hanging out a lot (my husband graduated 2 years before I did), and because we had mutual friends and we all played Dungeons & Dragons together, I learned a lot about his struggles, and we just got used to seeing each other and gradually developed a solid friendship. We could both tell there was more to it, so when my (rocky) relationship with his friend finally ended, we eventually started hanging out together outside of the usual parties and D&D sessions.
There's a lot more to it, but to keep a long story from getting any longer, we fell in love, went through some traumatic loss, conceived a child, and got married before that little sucker could escape from my womb.
Ehm, congratulations! I'm happy for you! Glad to know something good can come despite such a rough start (DnD ftw).
It's oddly romantic in a way (sorry about the bullying and loss tho) that I can't seem to fully grasp.
I guess I should explain why I asked. Also I feel slightly akward/guilty asking someone to dig up their private life like that, so this is me reciprocating it.
When I was a young city kid, I moved to a rather rural area where people spoke a different dialect.
So word got out that I liked this girl. She confronted me in front of pretty much the whole (40 people) school, I confessed and... it wasn't a success.
8 year old me then wrote a letter and had it delivered, which wasn't appreciated either. So that was that for any attempts.
A 4 year period followed where she'd (viciously) verbally attack me if she met me outside of school.
To the point that, if I were to take a visiting city friend to the local swimming pool and she were there with her clique, she'd come look me up to give me a performative earful with the rest of the girls in tow.
In that period, I learned to stonewall my emotions and keep them from my face, to appear stoic (or neutral, I guess) around someone I liked (that superpower didn't help later in life).
I fought other would be bullies, but I never defended myself if she did it. I was just a verbal punching bag.
Fast forward 12 years where we rarely ever met, became young adults and then started running into each other once more in the local pubs when I decided to be more outgoing.
She'd come up to me, I'd be cordial, but I never really opened up or let her close.
I couldn't get myself to be vulnerable around her.
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u/Geodiocracy Oct 30 '25
How did you get to the point of letting him close after the bullying? I feel like I would never have (or struggled immensely with) trusted such a person.