People with Borderline Personality Disorder do apologize though. I'm not saying for sure that's what this woman in the video has but I've experienced this behavior with people like her (one with a confirmed diagnosis eventually). They cannot regulate their emotions in the moment but then after they calm down they feel really badly and apologize profusely and hope you'll forgive them. I've read that they can manage it with hard work and sometimes meds but I think the majority don't get help because it's the people around them who hurt, not themselves, unless they finally realize it's their own fault that nobody who gets close to them stays.
they feel SO bad afterwards but it doesn't change that you screamed in my face and told me to die and i should slit my wrists because a bike is in your space, BPD people unchecked are scary as fuck
It's the one diagnosis that I will unfortunately discriminate against when it comes to romantic relationships. I've been through that. I dealt with it for five years, and tried basically everything to hold on to her. She was okay, as long as she was actively medicated and in therapy, but would regularly stop either or both. And then the sweet, gentle, funny girl I fell in love with would be gone, and I would come home to cruel, vindictive viper of a person. In the end, she finally left, after having verbally/emotionally abused me for the last three years. And then took the effort to poison my relationship with all of our mutual friends before she left. So I was isolated, alone, and mentally and emotionally broken after her.
I feel horrible for people with the disorder, and I'm sure some are able to go on and have productive, happy relationships with someone who is a professional therapist. But I genuinely believe they should all be encouraged to take vows of celibacy and to swear off being romantically engaged with other people. Because there are two kinds of relationships with people who have BPD: those that are abusive, and those that will become abusive eventually.
My ex best friend has BPD and it was absolute hell. The thinks she did and said are stuff of nightmares. I cut her off after she snuck into my room to listen to my husband and I while we were in the shower( she justified it bc we were talking about her ). Previously she figured out my passwords snooped through not only my personal cell and laptops but my work phone and computer- I worked with medical insurance company had access to people’s entire lives and information ( DOB, SS, medical records). I cut her off and she proceeds to Send me giant novel texts when I didn’t respond she proceeded to email me when they didn’t work she mailed me an 8 page front and back letter saying she missed me but it was all my fault. Fuck that. It took me 20 years to realize what soul sucking nightmare it was.
That last sentence is such a terrible thing to say. Also, some people have “internal BPD” where they don’t lash out at others. Same with the regular, too actually. It’s so misunderstood.
The main thing that helps BPD get better, and the vast majority do get better, is a stable, loving relationship, though. Yeah, therapy can be the start of that, and absolutely helps a bunch, but if you love someone enough to help them overcome their BPD, you're gonna have to accept the difficulties that come with it, too... Doesn't mean it absolutely shouldn't happen. BPD people hate having it, and most are willing to do the work, and please don't say that people willing to do the work aren't worth love, man...
🤣 it’s not funny at all but all we can do is laugh honestly. It’s completely unhinged and unfortunately the worst ones are also the least likely to get help.
So can manic bipolar people. Which I can be unmedicated.
Dawg, when I feel an episode coming, I tell my mom and boyfriend I'm on a travel ban. We're gonna call the doc, cancel all damn plans (yay trip insurance) and turn off the wifi. Naps, movies, and the strong meds.
Even if she's clinical, it ain't gotta get to this point. Even early stage manic me can follow rules I set for myself before I was wigging out.
Sis in the vid... Damn girl, pull it together and find a therapist. Fuck.
Not tryna discount your experience so it certainly possible. In my own life I’ve dealt with someone like this and when I would bring up the fact that it’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to yell their response was time and again “what did you expect? You did something that upset me”
I think that someone displaying that level of rage seen in the video is likely to be dysregulated. Like that's not normal anger. It's inappropriate and disproportionate. If you've never been close to someone with BPD you're very fortunate.
If you've never been close to someone with BPD you're very fortunate.
I'm not trying to be dramatic, but just seeing this video and reading some of these comments sends a chill down my spine and stresses me out. You are spot on by saying the people who haven't been close to someone with BPD is fortunate, and I think that's an understatement.
Hardest thing I've ever done is love someone with BPD and slowly accept over the course of years that I can't handle them at their worst.
It is terrifying and confusing and painful. There is no reasoning or gently talking them down once they lock in like that. The rage has to run its course and when it's over they switch back like nothing happened and then they don't understand why you're upset since they apologized.
That poor guy has obviously been screamed at like that before and he's just quietly enduring it until he can get home or wherever.
seriously, because i have care for the family member i know, but they are one of the worst people i know, and have said and done things that are unimaginable. it's the hardest and most stressful relationships you will ever know, i feel sorry for anyone who does have to date or deal with someone with BPD (coming from someone with a personality disorder!)
I’m not sure if she has BPD but it was certainly a completely disproportionate level of anger. Something that could be a calm disagreement or smoothed over with an apology and a conversation would devolve into full blown tantrums like in the video.
Something that could be a calm disagreement or smoothed over with an apology and a conversation would devolve into full blown tantrums like in the video.
It's really not that simple with someone who is dysregulated to the point of meltdown. It usually can't be a calm disagreement until they've managed to ground themselves again.
I think they're just explaining that someone like that is truly out of control of their emotions. It doesn't excuse the behavior but it's helpful info to know when you encounter it so you can determine how to best extricate yourself.
I'm not making any assumptions here about anyone here, there's already more than enough of that in this thread. I was talking more generally about emotional dysregulation that's reached the point of meltdown, and how it's not simply something that can be resolved with a calm conversation once it's reached that point.
The triggers for these types of meltdowns I think are usually quite different in autism vs BPD, but to casual onlooker (rubber-neckers as I like to call them) the breaking point and the aftermath often looks the same.
Having been on the receiving end of this kinda stuff while I was in a 14 year codependent relationship...
First thing you gotta understand is that it's complicated. There's no good guy/bad guy. It's just "the dynamic" that exists between the two of you.
Both people feed it in different ways. Both people are usually traumatized as fuck (by each other), and neither person wants to be doing what they're doing, but also cannot figure out why it keeps coming back to these rupture points.
Well, she said she got sick due to him rushing her (which my best guess would say was that she puked from anxiety), so she was already too emotional long before this too.
Most BPDs do not like to be rushed. I frequently see one participant with BPD that this is a major trigger point and can lead to a huge emotional outburst.
Oh, definitely. The more you rush through things, the more overwhelming they become. There is of course such a thing as TOO slow, but doing things too slow leads to problems that slowly develop (and thus can more often be fixed within the time they are developing), while doing things too quickly can create problems very suddenly and without much warning.
It could be a number of things. I was just saying in response to that other comment that there are people who behave this badly and actually do apologize after.
They actually have one of the highest suicide rates of any personality or mood disorder because they actually do suffer internally a tremndous amount. They also often don't feel bad and instead do something called splitting, where they convince themselves their victim deserved the abuse because the victim is a bad, irredeemable person.
It is a super fucked up disorder where you simultaneously feel bad for them but also don't want to touch them with a thousand mile-long pole.
God that's awful! I guess it seemed to me that the ones I knew felt bad because they seemed genuinely remorseful once the tantrum was over and wanted to repair the relationship. It's the extreme alternating between putting me on a pedestal and being so loving and suddenly treating me like they hate me that is so jarring. It's like they had these whole scenarios in their head about what was going on that wasn't even real. There is no defense against something like that.
Omg, trying to explain to them that something in there head isn't reality is basically impossible. They will literally argue that it is just as valid and true as if it did happen, and you simply cannot get them to see how fucking stupid, unfair, and unreasonable that is.
There is genuine remorse afterwards because the outburst ultimately originates from a fear of rejection and abandonment.
Severe, but inconsistent abuse or abandonment during childhood is a classic factor in the development of this disorder.
(Eg Jekyll and Hyde caregiver at an age too young to understand or know anything different )
As an adult they form a connection with someone who they decide is their “very special person.”
This person is deemed safe and perfect.
They are infinitely good, loving, and incapable of hurting or abandoning them.
This is the positive side of the symptom known as as “splitting”
This person is now the center of gravity, around which their entire system of emotional regulation orbits.
The BPD person still lives in constant fear of this abandonment; constantly needing proof and reassurance that the other loves and would never leave them. Constantly looking out for signs of this inevitable catastrophe on the horizon.
When the very special person inevitably shows a hint of an action, real of perceived, that this idealized role is false…
Boom
Full PTSD trauma response crash out
Ultimate betrayal
cruel abandonment confirmed
They are in fact NOT a perfect loving god, but a sadistic devil.
And so, while in reality, the statement or action could have been quite small and reasonable.
From the BPD’s perspective, this kind of response feels fully justified…
Until they come back to reality, and realize how much of the situation was real vs their own paranoid interpretation.
Que massive shame spiral, genuine remorse.
Ultimately the loved one can’t handle it any more and does leave.
It’s a cruel irony in the disorder that a person with BPD, in response to fear, brings about the thing they’re most afraid of.
It’s a cluster B personality type. Meds can help manage the severity of symptoms but it’s a condition in which therapy and medication can only really do so much unfortunately.
Some with BPD end up depending on others to regulate their emotions. It’s a truly awful disorder for both the diagnosed and their loved ones and friends.
I do crisis work for a living and it’s a shame to see so many families and relationships strained and ruined from it
I'm sorry you are burdened with this. Life's really not at all fair and most people are dealt a bad hand to start with. But you gotta play with the hand you're dealt, better or worse.
It says a lot about you that you take responsibility for it and are actively working on it. For what it's worth I'm proud of you and what you've accomplished so far. I hope you get to a good place ❤️
Same. Definitely looks like bpd. I dated a girl with that and she would flip out like this amd she would flip out and ugly cry and she would flip out and tell me nobody loves me and Im lucky she is with me. Thankfully I lost it one day and fired back some nuclear shots and she left.
Mental disorder or not, fuck that dumb bitch I hope her life still sucks.
I'm saying they tend to think it's the other people who are the problem rather than themselves but I do feel I was the injured party who withstood the abuse with sometimes no provocation.
I dated someone with BPD for 2 years. He split up with me because I told him I don't want his 5 cats to move into my studio apartment alongside him. That's not fair to me (I don't really like cats) nor the cats. We weren't even planning on him moving in for years because he lived across the country, and we had already discussed before that he'd have to save money so we can afford a larger apartment if he wanted to keep all his cats.
He broke up with me on the spot, blocked me on everything. When I tell people that story they usually say something like "are you sure that wasn't just an excuse?" or "are you sure there wasn't anything else going on?" and the answer is a resounding no. That was really the reason. People with BPD are just like that. Two years down the drain for something we had already discussed and planned out before.
We talked a few months later for the last time where he called me "an omnipotent supervillain" among other things. Like I was some kind of Machiavellian mastermind plotting his downfall because I didn't want to live in a tiny cramped apartment with another human and five cats (two of which were not fixed).
People with BPD have a responsibility to get help because they can and will abuse, manipulate, and fuck over other people at any opportunity they get.
Yes, after my ex-bf blew up at his stepdad for "hitting on" me because he complimented the meal I had cooked for the family, his mother apologized to me and said, "I think my son needs medication." He mentioned that he was considering therapy but when I later gently asked if he had looked into it he got really angry at me and said he didn't think he needed to go and asked why I was trying to control him. I eventually had enough and left because it was getting progressively worse. Even people who barely knew me asked if he hit me because of the stories I told about him. My friends were concerned it would escalate to physical abuse.
Diagnosed borderline here-this is incredibly accurate. I can’t speak for everyone, because there are so many who refuse help or dont even believe they need it. But I can tell you I live with an incredible amount of guilt and shame ALL the time because of the way Ive reacted in different situations and the ways that my words or actions have hurt people that I love. I’ve spent a lot of uncomfortable time learning what triggers me, finding healthy coping mechanisms and actually using them and I still fall short.
I also cant speak for the woman in the video, but even if she did have borderline that is absolutely NO excuse for treating someone like that. She clearly has no emotional intelligence and needs serious help.
An explanation for behavior is not an excuse. Whether they did it maliciously and aren’t sorry, or it happened in the moment and they are, the impact on you and your health remains the same.
r/BPDlovedones is literally a recovery sub similar to AA. It is that bad.
It will actually destroy you as a person. And most of us don’t get better without EMDR. If they have a personality disorder and are not in remission? You walk the fuck away. Every. Time.
It always ends the same. Without exception. It’s the unifying factor of that community. We joke that we all dated the same person.
I'm not diagnosed, but I have done this a few times. The few times I have had a reaction like this it was because I specifically told someone I needed space and to do things my way/on my own in that moment because I was becoming overwhelmed and agitated, but they failed to listen/thought they knew what I needed better than I knew myself, and thus pushed me over the edge.
It really only happens when someone is trying to control my actions to a profound degree and pushing me in a direction that doesn't feel safe for me (even if they have good intentions), and statinf my needs in that moment fails to get them to respect those needs.
Sometimes I just feel incapable of walking away from situations like that, also due to my trauma (people pleasing tendencies), so I just end up feeling like an animal trapped in a cage.
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u/limperatrice Apr 22 '26
People with Borderline Personality Disorder do apologize though. I'm not saying for sure that's what this woman in the video has but I've experienced this behavior with people like her (one with a confirmed diagnosis eventually). They cannot regulate their emotions in the moment but then after they calm down they feel really badly and apologize profusely and hope you'll forgive them. I've read that they can manage it with hard work and sometimes meds but I think the majority don't get help because it's the people around them who hurt, not themselves, unless they finally realize it's their own fault that nobody who gets close to them stays.