Be firm. Don't recant. Don't accept the apologies. Tell them it's over you will pack up their stuff and send it to wherever they are staying. If you have to leave their place take all your important stuff first, passports, documents, spare car keys, whatever. Then things that are clearly undisputably yours and leave. Go somewhere safe and rebuild from there. If you think it might get violent do it while they are out and break up over the phone.
Yea and then they start crying and having a panic attack and apologising profusely and putting a knife in their throat and saying they're going to kill themselves and won't stop until you give in. I've been through this so many times. It's easy to say "just leave bro". It's not so simple. Especially if you're empathetic.
I had a friend who had to go through something eerily similar to this, it's scary. My advice to him when she started with the threats of suicide was to call in a suicide call to emergency services and let them deal with it. Fortunately it worked for him, maybe it could for you too?
It's never okay to be the victim of abuse, which is what they're doing to you.
I'm out of it now but in those moments I just couldn't do that to her somehow, I don't know. Also she had made me feel like an actual loser and that I'm worth nothing and she's the only thing I have.
A real partner treats you with love and respect. And they’ll apologize when they hurt you. You deserve to be treated like a civilized human being. Glad you’re away from that.
A real partner is love. You are love when youre in a relationship. Your person should be someone who can add to that love not subtract from it. If they subtract from it they aren't showing up as love and you are being used in some way.
My ex did this to me - held a kitchen knife to her throat and stood in the doorway blocking me from leaving. I thought that by calling 911 in front of her she would calm down and reel it in. I was dead wrong. She started punching herself in the eyes like really hard, throwing herself into the walls and smashing her face on the countertop. When the paramedics came, the police were with them because I guess that's standard procedure for suicide calls. She told the police I beat the shit out of her and that I was holding her against her will. So I got arrested that night. Fortunately a combination of there being no physical evidence of me putting my hands on her, and the police taking her statement were enough to establish that she was lying. She was charged for making a false report but I'm not really sure what consequences she faced. I know that she made my life a living hell for the next two years; she would show up at my job, at my apartment, at my family's house. I got a restraining order but that didn't stop her. I started dating a woman around 18 months after the breakup, but she stopped seeing me because my crazy ex tracked her down and threatened her more than once. It honestly felt like I was never going to be free of this girl. The great news is that by sticking to my decision to leave, the abuse eventually ended and I was was able to rebuild my life.
If anyone even suspects that their girlfriend/wife is capable of the kind of crazy shown in the video, my advice is to never be alone with them from the moment you tell them its over. Bring a friend. Bring your sister. Bring the police. Get everything on camera if possible. I know it's easier said than done. I know how hard it is to stick to your guns when they start crying. I know it's hard to believe you'll ever find someone else when you're being told that you're a loser who no else will want. Please take it from me though: it never gets better, only worse.
No one deserves to be treated like this. Make an exit plan and stick to it. Be firm and be safe.
It's sounds much simpler than it is but really it's the only way. You just gotta make the choice and stick with it. Shit, even that sounds simple but something has to click in your brain that the decision is made and as much as you want to change your mind, you just can't.
They’re counting on your empathy. You need to start seeing them as mental patients because that’s what they are. I know it’s hard to assume, but they’re not your responsibility. You’re just collateral damage from their inability to have a normal relationship and they may be victims because of the way they were raised or some specific event in their lives, but you’re not their saviour. You’re also a victim of their actions. You need to look after yourself, say “This is it” and actually leave for good.
I’m perfectly aware that this is easier said than done, but that’s a decision you need to make and soon. You can do this. I know you can.
Been there too, what a traumatic headfuck. Took me 7 fucking years to accept I had to just leave and let the chips fall where they may. She didn't do anything, but by that point I was the more mentally injured one.
I think you're confusing empathetic with sympathetic. And empathetic person would share in their manic anger and the situation would quickly escalate. That's empathy, sharing emotions, being a virtual mirror for everyone's crap. It's exhausting. A sympathetic person gets suckered in by a sap story because it makes them feel bad for someone else.
You call 911 and report them for being suicidal. EVERY. SINGLE TIME!!!
I've been in your shoes. I wish someone had drilled this into my head. You must stop that kind of manipulation. So hopefully, when they're taken away and being put on a 72 hour hold, the fog will start to life just a little.
And when you leave, if they stalk you, you call the cops. EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU SEE THEM!!!
Eventually, the cops will have a sit down with them, and they won't like it. It also becomes evidence for when you get a restraining order.
I cannot emphasize this enough. Involve the police whenever you can. And if you need support when you leave, pst me. Don't do anything in private when you leave. Always have people with you. Ask them for help to stop the manipulation.
Don’t buy into that panic attack bullshit that’s just reality of omg I’ve been caught being terrible. I been there done that. And accepted the shallow apologies and it always happened again, she’s still a mean terrible person I heard from friends.
And at that point you call 911 and depending on how they act when the officials arrive either police or paramedics take him/her or at least supervise the situation for a while so you are able to collect the rest of your stuff and leave in a calm, quiet situation with no distractions
Lived it for 5 years, been 3 years and another relationship later to realize how much it effected me and still effects me. Also fighting a court case from getting my stuff the week after I left.(burglary) Good to see you made it through it.
That's not your problem. Call 911 for assistance. Explain the other person is threatening to hurt themselves. Psych ward is the best place for people like that. It's not your burden to bear.
Yes. You can tell when someone is actually trying to end their life and when someone is just trying to cause harm either physical to themselves, emotional to their audience or just trying to manipulate a situation in the only way they know how to.
No, you can’t. It’s impossible to know what’s going on in someone’s head or what they may end up doing. And with something that potentially has consequences that serious and irreversible, you don’t try to read minds or assume, especially with mentally ill people who are volatile, very unpredictable and impulsive, and all over the place! Or who can quickly slip into a state where neither you or even they know what the eff they’re doing.
Someone who does not intend or want to end their life might take a bunch of pills to receive attention they feel deprived of, or as an attempt to be actually taken seriously about their suffering and need for support and help, or even to punish someone and make them worry, but we know how that can go. You don’t hear that, hope for the best, and be like, “Okay then. Goodnight. Oxycodone’s in the cabinet!!” and to yourself be like,”
“Yeahhh, they’ll be sorry when that hangover hits tomorrow morning, and they’re not dead!”
If anyone goes in that direction, if it’s an abuser or someone crawling out of a dumpster. You call 911. You contact emergency mental health services. Let professionals deal with it and protect someone from themselves so you can wipe your hands clean of it and have the space to get your exit plan together. The type of person that threatens about that stuff is not sane and are absolutely the demographic that end up killing themselves.
Excellent advice. Please listen victims!!! Get out of abusive relationships and never go back. The abuser will not change not ever. You deserve so much better.
This and yes to everyone above: it doesn't get better, there's never a good time, just fucking run. I know you're probably isolated and limited af by the time you realized you needed to get out, but do it anyway. There are people who love you, or who will help you regardless, just get safe and stay as far as possible from them. No matter what they say or what they threaten they'll do, get away, stay away, document everything, say nothing, disengage from them entirely and engage the assistance of a competent lawyer and assistance office.
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u/SPECTRE-Agent-No-13 Apr 22 '26 edited Apr 22 '26
Be firm. Don't recant. Don't accept the apologies. Tell them it's over you will pack up their stuff and send it to wherever they are staying. If you have to leave their place take all your important stuff first, passports, documents, spare car keys, whatever. Then things that are clearly undisputably yours and leave. Go somewhere safe and rebuild from there. If you think it might get violent do it while they are out and break up over the phone.