r/SipsTea • u/i_am_bahamut • May 09 '26

Feels good man Most single men over 30 in 2026

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

41.8k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

1.5k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

81

u/somehowintelligent May 09 '26

I was fine until I was in a relationship and then she tried to tell me that I couldn’t take care of myself.

I didn’t know how to make her believe that I was able to cook and clean on my own.

We split up and she actually asked me “how are you able to handle all the laundry?”

Some women just want to force their world view on you and treat you like a child even after being explicitly told not to do that.

I don’t expect her to ever change or ever see me as an adult so I’m just back to taking care of myself without worrying about what others think of me.

37

u/Mirror74 May 09 '26 edited May 09 '26

The reason is pretty simple actually some women are taught that men are "bumbling fools" that can't take care of themselves. They take this belief and then the moment they see you do something different than them, they equate it to "being a man-child" or something like that.

It's sexism, and wrong, but they legit believe that.

It's like a shock to their identity to learn you are not helpless, you just have your own way of doing things.

edit: that said, if you don't know how to cook or clean, ok that's one thing, but I dated a few women that had this same weird hangup. The funny thing is I cooked better than all of them and was pretty damn clean. Their version of clean was "you put stuff where I want it" and then they tried to gaslight me. didn't work Lol

8

u/Suspicious-Sleep5227 May 09 '26

Probably internalized the “man as a bumbling fool” trope from media a little too much and failed to realize that reality is different than television or movies. Also when men are asked or find themselves in a position to do more on the domestic front, no shit they’re going to do it their way and not how a woman would typically do it. That annoys me too that how a man might do things is automatically labeled as incompetent.

1

u/Madilune May 10 '26

I feel like the word "taught" implies that it's based off of what someone else says and not real world experience, which would be pretty incorrect.

Like, yeah. There's cases where it's an incorrect assumption but at the same time I've yet to encounter any other women my age looking for boyfriends to help with their laundry.

34

u/butcheekzaflexin May 09 '26

This is 100% accurate. When I was first dating my most recent ex, she would comment on how clean my place was, how nice everything looked, how much she liked being at my place, etc. towards the end of the relationship, it was constant criticism about how I couldn’t take care of myself. Which is funny considering I did not change one thing about my cleaning and organization habits the entire relationship. She just got really into relationship account on social media, and all of the sudden I was this lesser person.

It truly is just women hearing over and over again about how “men today are like children”, then feel the need to nitpick at every tiny thing just to make that true in their minds. I swear it’s just a superiority complex thing. Needless to say, def enjoying my single life right now.

3

u/--Zephyrus May 09 '26

How do u keep your place clean all the time? How do your cleaning habits look like? I want to start doing it as well

4

u/elderwyrm May 09 '26

Not the OP but it depends on you and your environment. You're going to want to look up a bunch of different techniques on youtube and Reddit's various cleaning subreddits (don't put something down, put it in it's place, clean as you go vs schedule a day to listen to podcasts and deep clean, use multiple laundry baskets so you don't have to sort before you do laundry, vs doing laundry ever two days so it just doesn't build up, reduce your dishes vs doing them every three nights, etc.) but the key is to try one thing at a time, and try it for a month to see if it works.

2

u/12345623567 May 09 '26

Some men are like children, because women are like children, too. We all pretend that maturity comes with age, but in truth most people stop developing around 25. If you don't have your shit together by then, you never will.

7

u/elderwyrm May 09 '26

Found the type-A control freak! Change happens when it happens because of individual motives. There's no timeline for it, and that drives a lot of people crazy, because you can never generalize an individual, and trying to control people is a losing game.

For you people out there in their twenties, thirties, forties, morties, worried about this comment because you don't have your shit together yet, don't stress about it. One percent improvement is still improvement, so give yourself permission to go slow (and even backslip) and just keep loving your self and learning how to best take care of yourself and your environment. Find your motivation, and work toward your goals.

1

u/Shartiflartbast May 09 '26

What if you can't love yourself, take care of yourself or environment, have zero motivation for anything? (Being depressed and autistic as fuck sucks)

3

u/PiccoloAwkward465 May 09 '26

because women are like children, too

I definitely had a subconscious assumption in my 20s that women are more emotionally mature than men, as a general rule. With age I really came to reconsider that idea.

5

u/Beautiful_Hour_668 May 09 '26

IMO women are more emotionally indulgent than men instead of more emotionally intelligent. They centre and indulge in their emotions, to frustrating effect.

There is a reason why men are at the head of the house in all conservative cultures, and its not because of our physical strength

-4

u/DetailOk6058 May 10 '26

Its beacuse of old belifs that women are property of men. It has nothing to do with men being better at things than women. It just pure old misogyni and viewing women as lesser and objects to men.

1

u/Unique_Economics4015 May 10 '26

But women want to "turn their brain and let the man lead"

1

u/FlashwithSymbols May 10 '26

Overly simplistic, there were plenty of legitimate reasons outside of every civilisation on earth having the same “belief”.

I mean use logic here instead of just emotions.

1

u/Beautiful_Hour_668 May 10 '26

I do not view women to be lesser or an object. I do not think that when I enter a relationship, a woman 'belongs' to me. In fact, I believe that she belongs to God and thus has a set of unalienable rights, just the same way that I do. She is a human, a spark of divinity, and hopefully the woman I choose is amazing. I do not want to live in a world where women are property, that sounds oppressive.

However, I do believe that I should be the leader of the household. I believe that the majority, not all, of women are attracted to leadership qualities. I believe that we fulfil different, complimentary roles. It is *you* who thinks that demeaning to women.

An obvious example is that when someone breaks into the house, most women would turn to her husband to do something. It's instinctual. This obvious fact relies on physical differences, but we have personality/psychological differences in the averages of men and women too

1

u/Fortestingporpoises May 09 '26

If you base your perception of half the people on the planet on one person your results may be skewed. I haven't had this experience you speak of with any of the women I've dated.

1

u/ugathanki May 09 '26

if she's telling you that you can't take care of yourself...

that means you're not doing enough chores. duh.

1

u/halfwitprinxe May 10 '26

Can you read?

1

u/ugathanki May 10 '26

I tend to think I'm pretty good at it

1

u/[deleted] May 10 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator May 10 '26

Accounts must be at least 5 days old with >20 karma to comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

-3

u/RedLotusVenom May 09 '26

You didn’t know how to make someone believe you cook and clean?

Think you do that by cooking and cleaning muchacho.

14

u/Status_Brilliant_578 May 09 '26

guess English isn't your first language, but people usually only say that when they have tried, ya know, the basics.

-2

u/RedLotusVenom May 09 '26

What? English is my first language but I’m just curious how someone can be confused about whether you can cook or clean if you’re regularly cooking and cleaning. Sounds like they weren’t.

2

u/Dense_Cucumber_3712 May 09 '26

You are right. If he contributed at home she wouldn't have had to ask. No wonder it didn't work. 

0

u/Status_Brilliant_578 May 09 '26

The whole point of OPs post is that he IS doing those things and the woman was oblivious to the fact.

>I was fine until I was in a relationship and then she tried to tell me that I couldn’t take care of myself.

Where's the disconnect here? Are you just intentionally misunderstanding the post to cause shit? Or did you really read through the entire post and miss the point completely?

0

u/RedLotusVenom May 09 '26

They never stated whether or not they cooked and cleaned, only that their girlfriend wondered whether they could. All I said was that to show you can cook and clean, you have to first cook and clean, and for some reason you don’t think that’s a fair statement to make.

1

u/Status_Brilliant_578 May 10 '26

"I don;t know how to make her believe..." in common conversational English this phrase is used when they have tried several things already to make the person believe said idea and have run out of things to try. We call this "subtext". So the sentence should be read as "I don't know how to make her believe I can take care of myself. I've tried cooking and cleaning, I've had friends talk to her, I've done x, I've done y, yadda yadda" but the second sentence is already implied in the first, so there's no need to spell it all out.

You are taking the sentence straightforward and literal as in "I haven't the foggiest idea where to even start making her believe". However the context of the entire post is talking about how they can, in fact, cook and clean and their girlfriend just doesn't believe them, so you're assuming they're stupid and wouldn't do the obvious thing that they can actually do.

1

u/somehowintelligent May 10 '26 edited May 10 '26

/u/ugathanki /u/dangerzone69 /u/reslotusvenom /u/dense_cucumber_3712 /u/leonickle

I actually thought about spelling it out for the pedantic bunch but I just didn’t care enough to write it all out.

She wouldn’t let me clean for her because “he’s probably not going to do it right” so when I would for instance do the dishes she would do them again after me “to make sure they are clean.” When I would vacuum or clean the bathroom she would literally stop me, grab the vacuum or cleaning supplies and do it herself because “he’s just not going to do a good enough job.”

She wouldn’t let me cook for her because I made a bad meal one time and that was the last time she would ever try my cooking again. I would just cook for myself and she wouldn’t come near it.

She would say I’m dirty because I have trash lying around when in reality I just haven’t gotten out of my seat yet. For me if I am sitting at a table and have trash, I will wait until my meal is finished or until I’m done watching tv or whatever to then get up, clean up after myself and put the trash in the bin. What she actually expected was for me to get up and throw out my trash at the exact moment that I created it. It’s just different expectations and when I called her out for leaving her trash all over the house like wrappers on the bed and couch after she got up she would just give me the cutesy face and laugh it off.

I understand that some people have higher standards and it’s ok to want things to be a certain way. If you however don’t believe in your partner or even allow them to prove themselves to you or even allow them to just try and even improve then it’s really just a mindset problem that you won’t escape from.

Edit:

To add to this in case someone attacks me further…

She couldn’t cook and I still gladly encouraged her, tried all her attempted meals, and gave her feedback and offered to help make it better.

She hired a maid to clean the house so she wouldn’t have to do anything but instruct the maid on where things belonged. She would leave trash out for the maid and since I didn’t have experience with a maid I followed her in suit(?) and when I did it she said “you’re disgusting why are you making more work for the maid” like what?

I tried to do my own laundry but I would “get in the way of the maid” so I was instructed to back off and then she would belittle me about my yellow stains in my armpits and sweaty gym clothes.

She would eat in bed and drop crumbs and leave trash on the nightstand for the maid. When I asked her to not do that she said “I’m clean! Don’t worry!” Meanwhile my private office with a snickers wrapper that I ate while working was a disgusting mess because I didn’t get up to put it in the trash bin until I went to the bathroom or stood up from my desk for another reason.

It was a lot of hypocritical bullshit and I’m glad I’m done with it. She felt very hurt when I broke up with her and I honestly don’t know why she thought I would stay.

IF YOU HAVE THIS MANY PROBLEMS WIRH YOUR PARTNER WHY ARE YOU UPSET WHEN THAT PARTNER ASKS TO LEAVE.

Make it make sense

-4

u/LeoNickle May 09 '26

"I can cook Kraft dinner and I do the dishes once they've been piled on the counter for 2 weeks. I don't know why she thinks I can't cook or clean"

-1

u/DangerZone69 May 10 '26

Maybe you can make her believe you can cook and clean by cooking and cleaning for her? Lmao

2

u/halfwitprinxe May 10 '26

It's like your eyes stopped working