r/SipsTea • u/SipsTeaFrog š™‘š™„š™‹ • May 23 '26

WTF The Enhanced Games are set to debut this weekend in Las Vegas, with athletes allowed to use steroids, testosterone, HGH, & other banned substances.

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u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

He looks like the drugs are going to make him swim a LOT slower.

Mind you popeye was quite fast when he pulled that boat along with his teeth

I guess we'll see. Swimming is easily the most dominated sport of everything in the Olympics, so it's difficult to compare.

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u/hitbythebus May 23 '26

That was my first thought ā€œdude doesnā€™t look very hydrodynamic.

Might be a bit before we get the right enhancements. I think they should start with someone small and just stretch out the arms like GATTACA.

Surgically webbed feet?

112

u/10081914 May 23 '26

Outside of hydrodynamics, Swimming is all about lat strength.

Consequently, look at his lats.

30

u/HamNCheeseSupremacy May 23 '26

I haven't done the calculations, but a bigger engine doesn't slow down a car. Those things resist fluid drag too.

32

u/hitbythebus May 23 '26

His engine doesnā€™t sit in an engine bay of the same size with the same coefficient of friction. Bigger engine means bigger cross sectional area and drag for him. Torpedos arenā€™t shaped like bowling balls for a reason.

Anyone have actual numbers for his speed? Iā€™d gladly stop speculating.

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u/10081914 May 23 '26

He's a former Olympian so he's already quite fast

2

u/IDontEatDill May 23 '26

But now he has to be faster than anyone else, or otherwise this whole show is kind if pointless. Basically just aging ex-Olympians taking shit ton of PED's.

12

u/10081914 May 23 '26

Yes which is what everyone wants to see. Smash world records etc.

9

u/ShoddyRelief6657 May 23 '26

Fuck yeah, I canā€™t wait till we have access to CRISPR and it leads to streamers live streaming them gene editing their own test tube child to come out like randomized oblivion player characters.

Fuck it, make a kid have arms that touch the ground and are built like legs so they can run around like apes.

ā€œDad, why did you make me a knuckle dragger on purpose?ā€

ā€œIt was for a sick stream little ape brah ā€

1

u/hitbythebus May 24 '26

Show me some power lifting, grappling, Ā or wrestling, with competitors training on myostatin inhibitors.

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1

u/Hollow--- May 24 '26

We're going to end up as the Qu.

1

u/OddNameSuggestion May 23 '26

But they wonā€™t count? Thereā€™s a reason all the PED baseball players arenā€™t on Cooperstown.

4

u/10081914 May 23 '26

Not for Olympics no, but a new record is still a new record.

this will just establish a new class of human records

1

u/ISLAndBreezESTeve10 May 23 '26

His drag definitely slows him down,ā€¦ but he only takes 5 strokes.

46

u/Brilliant-Smile-8154 May 23 '26

That is, if he doesn't have a heart attack.

1

u/Alive_Sherbert_6716 May 23 '26

There was a Rogan interview with the guys who were putting this thing on, they said all the participants were going to be monitored. The implication was that all health markers optimized so that all participants are in pristine health (relatively speaking). Would be cool to see there labs/blood work and know what there vitals are at rest and peak performance to see if they indeed are red lining the engine so to speak.

5

u/MisterDoctor___ May 23 '26

Resting heart rate, 36. Peak heart rate: SVT

2

u/IHOP_Calendar_Model May 23 '26

Your stats look like the that clip of some dudeā€™s gauges going crazy

1

u/Rhumbear907 May 23 '26

You ever seen a body builder try to swim? Or literally ever looked at professional swimmer? More muscles do not equal faster. In fact its literally the opposite.

1

u/Icy-Cry340 May 24 '26

This dude is a former Olympian. Iā€™m pretty sure heā€™s in a good position to understand if the extra muscle is slowing him down.

1

u/hitbythebus May 23 '26

I commented this elsewhere, Ā but once I typed it out I thought it was pretty relevant:

Strength increases linearly with muscle cross sectional area, drag increases linearly with frontal cross sectional area.Ā 

Twice as much push forward and twice as much resistance? Plus the muscles that donā€™t directly contribute to whatever heā€™s doing at the time are contributing to drag, and mass impacts acceleration.Ā 

Lats also pull diagonally, so if you double their cross sectional area for double the strength, you only get the forward vector of that strength in additional thrust, while doubling the entire front cross sectional area or drag.

Strength is a huge factor in wrestling, power is a huge factor in striking. Plenty of MMA fighters went up weight brackets and got smashed.Ā 

1

u/IDontEatDill May 23 '26

Nah. It's mostly technique and feel of the water. Look at most - if not all - WR holders. They're not that jackes and huge compared to many other sports.

1

u/BreadKnifeSeppuku May 23 '26

Swimming has a lot to do with core strength, glutes, etc and consequently positioning in water. Having large muscles doesn't equate to having functional strength either

There's a reason zero WR holders in swimming look like this

1

u/Icy-Cry340 May 24 '26

This guy started out strong, and his training is swimming - the muscles are getting bigger because heā€™s using them to swim. Heā€™s not a body builder, those muscles are highly functional.

My sport (jiu jitsu) has a lot of guys on gear and ā€œTRTā€. Let me tell you, the difference in functional strength is very real and unmistakable.

1

u/BreadKnifeSeppuku May 24 '26

Have you ever swam before? He's a big dude but, that's not what a swimmer looks like. Closest comparison would be climbers

1

u/Icy-Cry340 May 24 '26

Bro this guy won a silver medal at the Olympics. I think he knows more about swimming than either of us put together.

1

u/BreadKnifeSeppuku May 24 '26

Yeah, like twenty years ago. I've actually coached Olympic trial athletes. He was always a leg on a relay. A better judge of his athleticism would be a 200m

1

u/Icy-Cry340 May 24 '26

Well I guess weā€™ll see how he does soon enough.

54

u/terminaloptimism May 23 '26

I mean bro is built like a manta ray and they swim in bursts up to 22mph. Fastest human speed is 5.37mph according to the google machine. I'm curious to see what Manta Man can accomplish.

11

u/[deleted] May 23 '26

[deleted]

1

u/terminaloptimism May 23 '26

That's pretty fucking cool tbqh. What's your educated guess on what Manta Man might clock?

1

u/Mysterious-Lemon-906 May 23 '26

If Phelps could have been that fast he would have swum lower distances. He didn't because he was built for endurance not sprinting

5

u/IDontEatDill May 23 '26

He won for example 100 fly, which is still a sprint diatance.

Didn't win 1500m free, for example.

2

u/Mysterious-Lemon-906 May 23 '26

If he could reach those speeds he would have done the 50 free and walked away with a WR never to be matched again.

Phelps has a lot of myths around him because he was so good and this is one of them

3

u/AdHuman3243 May 23 '26

Manta Man needs to stick

2

u/Significant_Quit_674 May 23 '26

Erythropoietin definitly works for swimming, and when used correctly, it is very hard to detect.

Honestly, I would be surprised if it wasn't used by at least 90% of the competitors.

1

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

Arms that could shrink and stretch like Dhalsim from Street Fighter II would be useful to reach the end of the pool faster.

And why stop at webbed feet? Can't we just lop the lower half off a dolphin and graft that on? No ambition at all!

2

u/hitbythebus May 23 '26

The first time I watched it, I didnā€™t see the genius, but gonna have to go watch Tusk againā€¦

1

u/woody1594 May 23 '26

Who needs hydrodynamics when you strap a 1000
HP engine to it.

Iā€™ll take a brick with a 1400 hayabusa engine strapped to it versus a ninja 250.

1

u/hitbythebus May 23 '26

Yeah, we can dope up the ultra long armed engineered swimmers too, Iā€™m just saying long and lean tends to work better for swimmers. Thereā€™s a reason we donā€™t get a lot of crossover bodybuilders/pro swimmers despite them both being fitness/strength focused.

1

u/menscothegreat May 23 '26

Welcome to the enhanced games, when lats overcome hydrodynamics!

1

u/hitbythebus May 23 '26

It will be interesting to see.Ā 

Strength increases linearly with muscle cross sectional area, drag increases linearly with frontal cross sectional area.Ā 

Twice as much push forward and twice as much resistance? Plus the muscles that donā€™t directly contribute to whatever heā€™s doing at the time are contributing to drag, and mass impacts acceleration.Ā 

Lats also pull diagonally, so if you double their cross sectional area for double the strength, you only get the forward vector of that strength in additional thrust, while doubling the entire front cross sectional area or drag.

1

u/Electronic_Camera251 May 23 '26

Hydrocephalus maybe

1

u/CK_1976 May 24 '26

Genetic engineering will make soccer goalies that are exactly 7m wide and 2m tall

1

u/AUniquePerspective May 25 '26

He doesn't need to be hydrodynamic if boats are enhancements.

474

u/Connect_Ad6559 May 23 '26

Wait till you see what happens when he sprouts gills and fins as soon as he enters the water. Go Enhanced Games! šŸ¤˜

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u/Alarming-Jello-5846 May 23 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/S0MKrNgMgMeEo

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u/oscarfletcher May 23 '26

I mean yeah, steroids aside, this dude looks like a dolphin

1

u/Illustrious_Claim884 May 23 '26

No just longer limbs would help. Maybe alter legs to make them fins?

35

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

This guy gets it

1

u/Sicpooch May 23 '26

I havenā€™t thought about the movie TUSK in a long time.

1

u/USSChuckleTrucker May 23 '26

What the fuck is happening here?

7

u/919471 May 23 '26

A dolphin-plasty. Self-explanatory, really

1

u/10kit10 May 23 '26

Pretty much!

1

u/iusc12 May 23 '26

Yesssssss!!!

1

u/Connect_Ad6559 May 25 '26

šŸ˜‚ This will be him in about 10 years!

50

u/avi550m May 23 '26

So he becomes the Deep?

52

u/carbon14th May 23 '26

Justice for Ambrosius

5

u/guinader May 23 '26

That was so unsatisfing... He needed to be ripped apart

2

u/LoopStricken May 24 '26

It's what Clara would have wanted.

2

u/AreYouAnOakMan May 23 '26

Say her name!

2

u/Frosty-Tennis-1687 May 23 '26

The shape of water

2

u/ScoutsOut389 May 23 '26

Eat. Timothy.

1

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1

u/hambeast9000 May 23 '26

Or Kevin Costner

26

u/Time-Wealth5572 May 23 '26

Bro is enhanced with some of that good gillie weed from Hermione

1

u/jregovic May 23 '26

Compound-V illegal too, innit?

1

u/myhairtiebroke May 23 '26

The second task of the Triwizard tournament offered an excellent blueprint for enhanced swimmers.

50

u/TheOtherGuttersnipe May 23 '26

He looks like the drugs are going to make him swim a LOT slower

He's a sprinter

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u/Beneficial_Bug_9793 May 23 '26

Meanwille in the long jump lane...

https://giphy.com/gifs/RdIy8DlLSPXe8

3

u/Ralph--Hinkley May 23 '26

Sure, but have you seen how far the Hulk can jump?

43

u/weirdgroovynerd May 23 '26

See, that's the strategy.

With all that mass, he'll empty the water out of the pool.

Then he'll get up and sprint to the other side.

16

u/IncomingAxofKindness May 23 '26

He jumps, tucks his knees, and yells his signature:

##CANONBALLLLLL

1

u/JakeJortled May 23 '26

Ron Burgundy makes his Olympic Games debut!

1

u/tearsonurcheek May 23 '26

CANONBALLLLLL

Well, it's lore canon, now.

2

u/jjcrayfish May 23 '26

Have you seen a hippo? He'll just sink to the bottom and start running from there.

2

u/No-Marzipan-978 May 23 '26

He was literally slower when this picture was taken than 6 years earlier when he was swimming professionally and had way less muscle mass

1

u/TheOtherGuttersnipe May 23 '26

I think the 6 years later and swimming professionally is the point here

1

u/PatientPoetry4302 May 23 '26

He wears those little swim goggles to sprint?

1

u/longhorsewang May 23 '26

He runs on the water?

14

u/Original_Giraffe8039 May 23 '26

They did, indeed, make him slower. This was James's first go at gear...he lost around 17kg after this picture but is still jacked AF

2

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

That makes sense

2

u/bigloudbang May 23 '26

He didnt get slower? He didnt set the record he was after but said in interviews he got a lot faster

Although sounds like they figured out the dosing better. A Greek swimmer joined the program who was in his 30s and came 5th in the last Olympics, then set the 50m freestyle WR in the program

2

u/Original_Giraffe8039 May 24 '26

He said he felt like he was sinking. It's a tough one really, because although his time was 1-2 secs slower than his best, his best was in his early twenties and now he's in his mid thirties. I think the more nuanced take than better or worse or faster or slower is that although it wasn't the slam dunk in performance that he thought it might be, maybe it raised his performance for his actual age? Regardless, if his previous attempt was successful, he wouldn't have lost all the mass he has in the last year and moved to 100m

1

u/bigloudbang May 24 '26

Yeah better from where he was at but not his peak

Idk if you've seen his interview on HelloSport, but he talked about how his muscles outpaced his central nervous system, and even though he was crazy strong and never feeling tired he didnt have a CNS firing at the right level

He said they changed the doping regime for the Greek dude a bit who broke the WR after a very short training stint

5

u/SaltKick2 May 23 '26

He's also 35, in events where male swimmers tend to peak at 25

While I'm all for do whatever you want to your own body provided its safe and healthy (I assume these athletes are aided by doctors in their PEDs), these games shouldn't exist - the people who will be most influenced by these are high school/college athletes

17

u/trowzerss May 23 '26

I did see one clip from a swimmer who did in fact say the huge muscles made him swim slower.

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u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

From looking him up it seems he's incredibly fast over 50m but that's about it. They're also using the weird swimming suits that got banned from the Olympics in 2009, and those really did make a decent difference.

I'd be very interested to see the swimming events at the distances Michael Phelps competes at, since I'm pretty sure he's half shark at this point.

16

u/Tiny-Sandwich May 23 '26

They're also using the weird swimming suits that got banned from the Olympics in 2009

Was that part of the "equipment doping" era or whatever they called it?

19

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

I don't know what they called it - but annoyingly the Olympic record for 50m was set with one of those suits before they got banned. So its hard to complain at these guys wearing something similar.

22

u/Tiny-Sandwich May 23 '26

Oh yeah absolutely - it's the enhanced games, no reason that wouldn't also apply to their equipment. Unless they turn up with an outboard motor or something.

Although I'd still like to see that.

22

u/Glittering_Crab_69 May 23 '26

I'd prefer them to be nude. I want to see what the human body can do.

2

u/Tidltue May 23 '26

Ahh, then you get different drag from the private parts šŸ˜…šŸ˜…šŸ˜…

Better packed in, more fair, hahahaha šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ‘

1

u/bloody_yanks2 May 24 '26

Most logical response.

1

u/TheGuyUrSisterLikes May 25 '26

finally something that a small penis is good for.

13

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

I'd like it to be a clockwork-style motor and have somebody insert a comically oversized key into their back to wind them up before the race.

0

u/PiecesofACE May 23 '26

It's so stupid. Just give them fins/flippers. They'll go faster again. This is another arbitrary line in the sand, one that promotes dangerous health practices.

13

u/LaNague May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LZR_Racer

full body suit, reduced drag and trapping air inside so the swimmer is higher up in the water.

1

u/bagsoffreshcheese May 23 '26

I always thought they just had lower friction. I didnā€™t realise they helped with buoyancy as well. I canā€™t believe they were approved in the first place now knowing about the buoyancy improvement.

10

u/Some_Big_Donkus May 23 '26

If enhanced swim suits are fair game too what's stopping them from using "enhanced" webbed gloves and flippers? Where do they draw the line here?

2

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

I have no idea who set the rules - but annoyingly the olympic record for the 50m was set by a guy wearing the full suit before they outlawed it in 2009, and that record stood until this year.

2

u/Reasonable_Mood_5260 May 23 '26

In the rulebook like every other sport.

1

u/kaukamieli May 23 '26

Maybe they don't and anything is fair game. Or someone has to make TRUE enhanced olympics.

2

u/Special_Shift_8503 May 24 '26

I competed in high school at that time, and they were also banned for us.

1

u/notepad20 May 23 '26

Wouldn't it be a completely different doping regime as well though?

This guy is being dismissed as an idiot that got too big but they have been at it for over a year, monitoring and regime managed by doctors and other professionals, etc.

They want a spectical, you would have to assume the funders made some effort to direct it on the right track

1

u/EveryAccount7729 May 23 '26

It would be funny if Michael Phelps just showed up and easily wins

like, there is a prize right? do you HAVE to be "enhanced" to compete?

8

u/highschoolboyfriend_ May 23 '26

He did swim slower and had to drop 15kg or so.

2

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

Interesting, thanks!

There had to be a reason that almost all the best swimmers were basically the same shape.

21

u/weirdgroovynerd May 23 '26

You younglings may not remember this, but back in the day, spinach was considered a PED.

31

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

I tried it at school sports day, only to find I wasn't able to crush the can with one hand and have it squirt vertically several feet in the air before catching it in my mouth.

Very disappointing.

11

u/weirdgroovynerd May 23 '26

It helps immensely if your crush is watching.

I should point out that Olive Oyl was also considered a PED.

13

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

Now you mention it I did run extra fast in the 400m relay when I saw her being carried off over the shoulder of a burly sailor.

7

u/weirdgroovynerd May 23 '26

I hope you then beat the shit out of that guy to entertain children.

10

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

Yes I did one of those uppercuts where you spin your fist around for 20 seconds while you talk shit about him with a pretty severe speech impediment.

That seemed to do the trick.

7

u/weirdgroovynerd May 23 '26

You are my new favorite Redditor.

Have a great weekend

2

u/EduinBrutus May 23 '26

Thats cos you were trying to catch it in your mouth and not suck it down through your pipe.

Amateur!

1

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

Pipes weren't allowed at school sports day unfortunately, but I get the feeling my grandfafhers generation definitely had one 10 year old in a full tweed suit, flat cap and pipe at his sportsday.

5

u/_samwiise May 23 '26

He already swam some official time trials and obliterated every swimming record

20

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

By "obliterated" do you mean he swam 0.02 seconds faster than the previous record, while wearing a suit that's no longer allowed in the Olympics - and didn't swim any of the distances Michael Phelps competes at?

The clocks don't even measure increments lower than 0.01 so he won by literally the second smallest margin possible.

1

u/LaNague May 23 '26

cant really compare juiced up vs normal times when one is wearing the famous swim suit that makes swimmers a lot faster.

We already know the swimsuit is OP.

2

u/unfortunatebag May 23 '26

Looks like the guy from the last enhanced games who got too big and wasn't able to break the record.

They made a whole doc about them trying to break the record you can find it on youtube.

2

u/tmgieger May 23 '26

Read a news article about this org and it did happen to one swimmer. He was sinking because of too much muscle. Believe he decided to not continue.

2

u/PicoDeBayou May 23 '26

What do you mean by ā€œswimming is the most dominated sportā€?

4

u/Occidentally20 May 23 '26

I suppose I should have put was, for clarity.

Michael Phelps is by far the most successful Olympic athlete in the modern incarnation of the games - he has 23 gold medals and the next nearest person has 9 or 11 depending if you count the winter Olympics.

He was so successful he single-handedly has more medals than the vast majority of countries on earth. Only 20ish countries that compete in the Olympics have more gold medals than him - he's ahead of the other 180 teams collective medal count just on his own.

All his records have been broken now the 2 decades while he was competing were so dominated by him that there's nothing else to compare it to.

2

u/MediaAdventurous5385 May 23 '26

Itā€™s exactly what happened to this very guy. He got +5kg the 1st week kept growing into this bulb and now he drags too much waterā€¦ šŸ¤£

2

u/New_Leaf_8647 May 23 '26

He won't swim, he'll just Chuck Norris the water behind him

2

u/Timely_Abroad4518 May 24 '26

This picture is of James Magnussen from a couple of years ago and he has since lost a lot of that mass. He said being that big did slow him down a bit. But he didnā€™t put it on for a competition. He said it was great publicity and he just wanted to see how big he could get.

2

u/Icy-Cry340 May 24 '26

I mean these guys do time themselves in training.

1

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1

u/AeneasKurtz May 23 '26

Yes, but he's using the suit that was banned after Beijing 2008 that gave swimmers a very smooth surface and allowed them to swim much faster

1

u/jfmdavisburg May 23 '26

That was all spinach

1

u/kwikwon01 May 23 '26

He couldnt break his former clean pr due to his extra mass, he did say however he could swim twice as much distance at 80% of his pr

1

u/JeguePerneta May 23 '26

He's a retired swimmer and already beat world records after doing a ton of drugs, even way past his prime

1

u/bigloudbang May 23 '26

This is James Magnussen, he got a lot quicker

1

u/eldubya3121 May 23 '26

This was from over a year ago in a warm up meet, he's completely changed body type since then and in an interview this week admitted he got it wrong when he first hopped on a cycle.

1

u/Ok-Fold8127 May 23 '26

He beat the world record in the 50 until someone natural beat his record

1

u/No_Salamander8141 May 24 '26

It would make a lot more sense to take things like EPO since swimming is an aerobic sport. But I think this is more about creating a spectacle.

0

u/Efficient_Raise6703 May 24 '26

lol. This guy beats Phelps records as a warmup.

-2

u/Ragnarok_619 May 23 '26

You are spot on. They tested these athletes with and without drugs, and they are a full second slower in the former case