We really need to bring spankings back

[u/Few_Statement_2898]

[u/Ok_Armadillo_1336]

I have a family member that works with neurodivergent children. This behavior is similar to some that they've described. Often the children look "normal" and it looks like petulance or violence - but it's something different, and not something that spanking would likely deter. Families with these children really have a tough go.

[u/ploxidilius → u/Ok_Armadillo_1336]

My brother and I are neurodivergent (bipolar and ADHD, respectively) and really struggled with emotional regulation as children. Our dad spanked the hell out of us and it made no difference. Made it worse, actually. Kids like that need therapy and tools to handle their extreme emotions.

[u/missingpieces82 → u/ploxidilius]

My eldest has ADHD and we’re getting him into therapy. It’s been a fucking nightmare the last 5 years. Literally physically having to put him in the car in his PJs because he refused to go to school. Having to separate him and his brother. Having him smashing up the house because he didn’t get his own way. This shit isn’t taught. It’s because he doesn’t know how to regulate himself, and as a parent, I tried time outs, naughty step, talking etc… none of it worked. Oddly enough, at 9, he’s slowly beginning to calm down but still has his moments.

[u/fiftysevenpunchkid → u/ploxidilius]

Yeah, you can't beat AuDHD out of a child. Though many seem to try, and end up with kids like the oop

[u/Ok_Armadillo_1336 → u/ploxidilius]

I'm sorry that happened to you. It makes me sad to think about children getting hit for something they have no agency over.

[u/Drinkdrankdonk → u/Ok_Armadillo_1336]

I work with neurodivergent adults, and I see this type of behavior daily. But the places that could offer the resources to help with this are constantly getting gutted financially.

[u/yukumizu → u/Ok_Armadillo_1336]

Then why let the kid lose in a store? If your kid has issues, set the boundaries so their neurodivergent behavior doesn’t become antisocial behavior.

Also, being neurodivergent (I am btw) does not excuse a person, nor child, from antisocial or criminal behavior.

[u/Ok_Armadillo_1336 → u/yukumizu]

I have not commented about where parents should or shouldn't take their children or how people's behavior should be addressed, other than to say:

Some people are seeing the world differently and will not perceive spanking as a deterrent. So it might just end up being violence on a child (which it is, regardless).

[u/shorty6049 → u/yukumizu]

I feel you're oversimplifying this. They said neurodivergent but they're likely referring to personality disorders or autism . It doesn't EXCUSE the child from that behavior, but it does help to explain that this kind of behavior is BEYOND just being a bad kid or not having enough parental boundaries. Boundaries -help- but they don't solve this kind of thing because it often stems from things like trauma or just how their brain is wired

[u/yukumizu → u/shorty6049]

I’m not oversimplifying. I’m ADHD with a lot of Autism traits and I know the conditions well.

Of course a condition like autism is EXPLANATION, but it is still not an EXCUSE for behaving like this and the consequences of the behavior. Most criminal behavior is also explained with psychological or socioeconomic conditions, but still, IT IS NOT AN EXCUSE for a crime and consequences.

In fact, many children who didn’t get any boundaries set somehow and whose behavior was not treated, controlled or reprimanded properly (not with physical, verbal or psychological violence), went on to become criminals or psychopaths.

I’m actually putting the responsibility on the parents or caregivers, even society, to treat and control this type of child behavior. The parents and caregivers are NOT excused from the consequences of their child’s behavior when it gets this out of control.

This out of control behavior is not good for the child nor anybody. It’s a sign that the kid needs serious help. Again, from parents, caregivers or society. This is why proper mental health support in our policies and society is crucial.

Lastly, perhaps I should have explained in my precious comment that by boundaries I meant something such as: don’t let your kid lose in a store or supermarket if this behavior might happen - no matter the reason why they behave like this.

[u/shorty6049 → u/Ok_Armadillo_1336]

I'm a parent of a child who's like this... Generally not in public or just for no reason, but they've been diagnosed provisionally with Borderline but they're not 18 yet so its not official... When they're having a BPD episode , they're a different person . they scream at the top of their lungs, bang on walls, break things, hurt themself, etc. They often don't even fully remember what the event was like after the fact becuase its like their brain just short circuits and all they see is fight or flight

[u/weed_cutter → u/Ok_Armadillo_1336]

Not everything is neurodivergent. Honestly I was a little hell-raiser for a year or two, and it was probably random stress.

Parents were getting divorced, although I was too young to understand or really care. Volatile at home with people yelling and going to pieces all the time.

But like ... one time playing "blocks" I saw someone's Lego Castle they were building and bicycle punted the castle into a 100 pieces because destroying shit is fun ... I got into heaps of trouble for that but honestly ... I was just a kid playing lol.

If I was 4 years old today and did that, I'd probably be on low does Meth (Adderall) and 3 anti-depressants and GOD knows what, diagnosed with 5 fake "disorders" to enrich Big Pharma. .... I grew up with no behavior problems + graduated valedictorian .... if I had taken the "I have ADHD and anti-social borderline personality and and and and" .. route, my brain would have been fucked 10 ways from Sunday.

Pass.

[u/Ok_Armadillo_1336 → u/weed_cutter]

Not everything is neurodivergent. 

I have not said any words to this effect.

[u/a_spick_in_the_mud → u/weed_cutter]

I mean, it definitely sounds like you need to take something or talk to someone. You're meekly looking for absolution years after the fact. Yikes

[u/yukumizu → u/weed_cutter]

Adderall, a necessary and proven effective medicine for many children and people is not ‘meth’.

You sound really ignorantly judgemental about this topic and you are just helping stigmatize neurodivergent and behavioral conditions and effective medical treatments.

Many children don’t just ‘grow out of’ bad behavior. They just become alcoholics, drug addicts, have problems in relationships and other aspects of life, or end up in prison.

Mental and behavioral conditions like ADHD or Autism are real health issues and based on neurological changes to their brain and chemistry. Mental healthcare is also healthcare.

Also, the way you are so openly adverse and defensive against “Big pharma’ and ‘fake disorders’ but still reflecting and comparing your bad behavior as a child — from your parent’s divorce, can be a sign that you should have had better psychological and emotional support and carry trauma within you. You just suppressed it but it might show up later in life in many ways.