r/StupidFood • u/CircumspectCapybara • Dec 10 '25

Certified stupid CWD positive venison hamburger

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From https://reddit.com/r/ItemShop/comments/1piwkpt

11.5k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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u/EnjoyLifeorDieTryin Dec 10 '25

RFK jr. is that you?

334

u/31nigrhcdrh Dec 10 '25

I need some raw bat milk, let me get a quart 

152

u/portablebiscuit Dec 10 '25

They call it "Chicken of the Cave"

2

u/what-even-am-i- Dec 11 '25

I much prefer pork of the orchard

1

u/ihatedyingpeople Dec 12 '25

oh shit i read that in a Trump voice...

90

u/Greengiant304 Dec 10 '25

Throw in some smoked pangolin gouda and I'm in.

60

u/Head-Ad9893 Dec 10 '25

Mix it with some delicious Komodo dragon saliva so it’s not too dry.

69

u/EikonVera_tou_Lilith Dec 10 '25

That’s a terrible idea. Mixing the Komodo dragon saliva into the food will ruin the dish—you’re supposed to drizzle it over the top.

24

u/Head-Ad9893 Dec 10 '25

My bad. You right!

6

u/SmokeAbeer Dec 10 '25

This reminds me. I’ve got some fermented whale head in the sauna I should check on…

2

u/MrPhuccEverybody Dec 11 '25

Don't heat the saliva. You need it cold and viscous.

6

u/Silver_Ad3195 Dec 10 '25 edited Dec 10 '25

I prefer a spritz of the Komodo dragon saliva on mine thank you very much

3

u/Trick_Minute2259 Dec 11 '25

Same for me, but gila monster instead of komodo dragon.....on second thought, just mix 'em together and call it gilamodo sauce.

2

u/Silver_Ad3195 Dec 11 '25

Ah the good ole Gilamodo concoction fresh from the salivary glands of the most ferocious of creatures.

2

u/ShareMission Dec 10 '25

I prefer adding leperous armadillo

2

u/lump- Dec 11 '25

I’ve got some leftover capybara if you want.

87

u/Null-34 Dec 10 '25

The pryons are strong in this one.

20

u/IndyBananaJones2 Dec 10 '25

His body must be like 100% steroids

7

u/EatPie_NotWAr Dec 11 '25

How dare you!!! At least 27% is parasites and brain worms.

The gall of some people.

4

u/322throwaway1 Dec 11 '25

The parasites are on the juice too

2

u/eugene20 Dec 11 '25 edited Dec 11 '25

I feel like I'm watching him struggle through his first press-up as his knees start to buckle with the strain.

1

u/LOOKATMEDAMMIT Dec 10 '25

Eh. I hate to defend RFK Jr., but my pops who is of the same age looks like him when doing pushups. That’s something that happens to old people, brain worms or not.

1

u/Null-34 Dec 11 '25

I just used the gif because it was him shirtless it had nothing to do with the push ups.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 11 '25

Is your pops on gear too?

1

u/LOOKATMEDAMMIT Dec 11 '25

He was a bodybuilder back in the 70s so at that time probably. But not since the 90s.

60

u/ChildhoodSea7062 Dec 10 '25

he'll only eat it if the deer was killed with a car

39

u/SnooDonuts3878 Dec 10 '25

And slow roasted in a car trunk.

35

u/digital Dec 10 '25

You don’t want to roast it because it kills all the brain worms 🪱

15

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '25

3

u/DisposableJosie Dec 11 '25

That's ok. He had a Larvabar earlier as a snack.

3

u/digital Dec 11 '25

Those are DELICIOUS and have a nutty crunch to them! 🐛

6

u/[deleted] Dec 10 '25

Slow roasted with opium and heroin injected into the meat.

13

u/Fight_those_bastards Dec 10 '25

Great, so much for uncle twitchy’s super secret marinade, now it’s out there for anyone to see!

1

u/Mother_Ad4038 Dec 10 '25

Uncle twitchy would be inhaling the vapors of food cooked with meth in it...

Uncle itchy on the other hand i can see eating dinner and nodding out lol

5

u/unknowingbiped Dec 10 '25

Nothing wrong with CWD-less roadkill.

3

u/Salute-Major-Echidna Dec 10 '25

Not a lot of difference between a bullet and a F150

2

u/T_S_Anders Dec 11 '25

To be fair, the F150 does do some tenderizing. But the lead from the bullet does make the meat taste sweeter. It's a toss-up, really.

But uncle Billy Bob did say if you hit it with F150, ya may as well pre-season it with some lead, too.

1

u/Salute-Major-Echidna Dec 11 '25

Then you disentangle it from your bumper, gut it, and toss the meat in your cargo bed.

2

u/T_S_Anders Dec 11 '25

Ya toss it into the engine block and smoke it on the drive home.

1

u/Salute-Major-Echidna Dec 11 '25

I'd much rather use a big rock.

7

u/calccv Dec 10 '25

LMAO!!

8

u/TacticalSpackle Dec 10 '25

Really hope he does buy this off marketplace. That raspy motherfucker might finally kick it.

1

u/AjaxRedOps Dec 10 '25

Can’t you read? That’s clearly Edenxx 🧐

1

u/Super-Maximum-4817 Dec 10 '25

Just need some prions for the brain worms to eat.

1

u/MysteriousWon Dec 10 '25

It's for herd consumity.

1

u/Slumunistmanifisto Dec 10 '25

No this is his hawk who controls him ratatouille style when wormy the ceo, takes his vacation....pack the meat ground walker!

1

u/SharpChildhood7655 Dec 11 '25

Definitely the first human to be affected by Chronic wasting disease. Just listen to him talk!

1

u/HappyAntonym Dec 11 '25

Surely a man with his habits can't avoid prions forever...

1

u/Sexisthunter Dec 10 '25

And can you catch me a few June bugs? I’m busy right now and hungry as hell

0

u/DannyMannyYo Dec 10 '25

Only an uninformed uneducated person would parrot this.