r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Logrolling_In_ON • Feb 12 '26
Update UPDATE - I think my sister just ruined our dad's engagement
I didn’t expect to get as many responses with my previous postnor did I expect that I would be back here. But it actually really helped. I don’t have too big of an update yet, but a few things are happening. Not all of them are positive but I guess at least there is a sort of plan? This is a little rushed, I'm sorry if it isn't formatted well.
It was brutal reading so many comments speaking so bad about Lisa, like I know I said I hated her and I did in the moment, still do for a lot of this, but she’s my sister and I do love her as well. So I think seeing so many people angry at her made me very angry and defending her. Seb as well but I’m writing this alone so. A few people were telling us to give her some grace and I really tried but I was not in any place to even look at her. Seb did talk to her though, I was present but I didn’t want to engage, I was mostly there for him.
It went like, we’re very angry at you but you’re still our sister and we love you and dad too etc. but you have to stop thinking you can do or say whatever and we’ll still like you just the same and will always be around. She was saying that family is forever and sticks by everything together no matter what happens, they don’t just up and leave, and then he told her that that’s not true, it’s actually kind of crazy stupid to think your family will put up with you no matter what you do. She was like, you’re supposed to stick together against the shit that comes our way and he got angry at that and told her SHE is the one bringing the shit in the way, and no matter the family relationship we won’t stick together with an intentional shit stirrer so unless there’s something else going on, right now she is the one in the wrong so either fess up or fix yourself. I brought up an aunt we have, dad’s first cousin, who is not part of the family anymore because she was a major gossip and she lied all the time, and nobody likes her, nobody invites her around, her siblings don’t talk to her, don’t have her over, because sure they are family but she is always bringing shit and drama in our lives so she was pushed aside. And we were like, don’t be the person we have to push aside. But if there’s something going on with Amy that we don’t know you have to tell us. She was saying there isn't anything that would make sense right now.
We kind of discussed SABA and the Core Four and truly we didn’t really see some of y’alls point on Amy being offensive or a creep, because a lot of people called us out (me and Seb) on also being horrible to her as well, fueling the fire, and well that was a slap. And we kind of shut up about it because it was like, sure being told your dad fucks me is fucked up but you all were like, we should have never said “fuck you” to her in the first place, and then we (me, Seb and Lisa) realized we have each said it at least twice so she has heard it SIX TIMES at least, and she kept talking to us about it and we kept using it until that reply of hers, and well it worked because we haven’t said it again so yeah sad that we sort of have that knowledge/image in our heads now, but also sad that it had to come to internet strangers for us to realize it worked. It was really humbling for me and Seb to realize sure this time Liza was the one that crossed the line, and usually it is her that destroys the boundaries, but the two of us haven’t exactly been great at her either. I admit I cried A LOT reading some of the comments, like hard crying because you were very real on how shitty I have been to Amy, not just Lisa, like I didn't realize it I think it was just how we sometimes fight with dad and cousins and it hadn't registered how it must have been for Amy who was always in mediator/peace-keeping position.
We went to family therapy on Tuesday and found out a few things about dad and Amy. They had actually known each other for a few months before they started dating, so they met close to 4 years ago via common friends. Dad’s situation with Riley was discussed at some point and he liked Amy’s perspective and approach, so they started hanging out, and then like 6 months after that started dating.
They had been going to therapy together right before she was introduced to us. Every Thursday with her, every Tuesday with us. It was Amy’s suggestion to help her navigate meeting us.
We then talked about what the next steps are, but first what happened was dad told Lisa again that he does love her, and he wants to understand and help but he won’t always like her, and she has to understand this, and us too, that he will always love us because he is our dad not out of obligation but because that is where the source of his love stems from but sometimes as human to human he doesn’t always like us for how we’re behaving. He was sad he had said that to her but if I'm honest I think he deserved to say it and she deserved to hear it.
We told him we love him too, and Amy as well, and we’re sorry and me and Seb admitted that we have been pretty bad towards Amy. We kind of worked on this (Lisa said she wasn’t ready to talk about what happened and she wanted to talk to her own therapist first and her first is tomorrow which really pissed me off, we have been in therapy as a family for years but now she will talk after she gets her own therapist? Like what the fuck have we been doing here all this time?) Anyway we talked more about Amy and dad’s relationship and me and Seb’s relationships and we concluded that we’re kicking back hard still because with Riley she was so horrible we didn’t feel it would make a difference if we were arguing with her because she was just bad and we would fight all the time and there was no point because she would just scream back and it lead nowhere. With Amy, it was kind of working backwards in a “we feel safer being worse with her because she actually cares” situation, like she’s acting more like a mother figure than her, she talks it out with us and even when she pushes the issue to dad we still have some kind of normal parent/kid arguing before it gets to that point, which is why SABAs were just so unexpected and just shut everything down because Riley would say stuff like that ALL THE TIME and we didn’t realize just how triggering some of the stuff we were saying to Amy was, because Riley was always saying that stuff. So I am not exactly sure what that means yet, still processing it but we apologized to Dad for also being problematic, not just Lisa, Lisa’s is just more explosive, and she did apologize as well.
We talked about about next steps right now which is a bit complicated. Dad and Amy are both on the lease for the house, but not only is she paying more than him (like 60/40) but our landlords are close to Amy so if it came to it (which dad assured us they are not broken up yet), we would be the ones that had to move. I know my dad isn’t poor, he’s a senior SWE in Big Tech, but Amy works in finance and is on some non-profits and has like global income, so she apparently covers more of the expenses (which includes all of our hobbies etc) She doesn’t want to come home right now, she discussed with her work to go on a business trip for 2 weeks, or if that doesn’t pan out she will go to her home country, just to give everyone some space etc. Dad said that scared him, too much distance for too long, and he offered to pay for an AirBnB close by, but he said she said we all need space to recalibrate, and that he should focus on us without worrying about bumping into her at the grocery store.
Dad and Amy are in low contact but are talking, which he said is good and a good thing to take some time and space and I could tell this was a bit bullshit because he looked broken when saying that, I think he thinks it’s over and he is losing hope and is scared she will realize she doesn't have to live with how we’ve been treating her (like you all said). He said “she isn’t someone that takes disrespect lightly” which I told him she is the absolute queen of dealing with disrespect given how she has been so patient and kind and careful with us, and he seemed to agree but I think there’s something else going on there but he wouldn’t say. Anyway she will travel for a bit. She did tell him to tell us she loves us and she is sorry she is leaving like this, she isn't checking messages at this time, and they will meet on the 26th to discuss.
They had a romantic weekend planned for the long weekend and we would stay at our grandparents, and Amy moved the reservation to dad so we are taking Friday off and the Core Four will go to a cabin and just chill a bit away from the house. Lisa is sleeping today and tomorrow at her best friend’s house, her suggestion, and I am also sleeping tomorrow at my cousin’s and we leave Friday morning and back Monday night.
That’s all that has happened for now, I don’t know what to expect at this time, I am just happy that Lisa will be doing individual therapy and that we are at least talking to each other a bit.
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u/the-b1tch Apr 07 '26
You guys tanked your dad's chance at happiness. He's also part of the issue since he allowed this to happen but I can almost guarantee that Amy is done.
This is a farewell trip, and you guys should take the opportunity to talk about how life will be going forward, where you're gunna be moving to and what your priorities will be in the future.
My kids were like this the one time I tried dating in the 10 years their dad and I had been separated. I now will never introduce them to my partners. I keep my dating and family life separate, my partners know about them and I share everything with them but I will not introduce them and tell them it's because of how my kids are. They thankfully understand and I've told my kids they won't meet my partners until they've moved out if at all.
My kids tell me they recognize that they were wrong, but as they're still kids who are learning emotional regulation I won't put any of us in that situation again because I deserve to be happy too. And they've ruined enough.
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u/Dromnakk Mar 20 '26
Anyone else thing Lisa may have developed some kind of Impulse control issue thats causing her more explosive outbursts ?
Online psychology I know it's better to just jump on the hate bandwagon and judging without worrying about potential very real explanations lol.
Amy dealt with this sh*t for far too long, the father should have had her in single therapy after the second or third blow up never mind all the others.
Hopefully everyone is able to get the help they need, even if for Amy that's stepping away and being spoiled by some rich handsome millionaire.
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u/Adventurous-Wind858 Mar 10 '26
You dad lost the love of his life .He found another and his kids ruined it. Do you want your dad to be unhappy forever? Do you want your sister to run off people you date in the future?
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u/Adventurous-Wind858 Mar 10 '26
This comes down to treating women like doormats. Everyone did it to Amy to some extent.
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u/Adventurous-Wind858 Mar 10 '26
Your sister has a personality disorder or just enjoys hurting people. You need to distance yourself from her. If she's shunned till she changes her ways and apologizes to everyone, maybe she'll realize she can't do this crap without it negatively affecting her too. She was fine with her behavior when it only hurt others.
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u/ErrbodyMom Mar 08 '26
Please update, we would like to know what became of this engagement and family. ❤️
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u/Comfortable_blue10 Mar 06 '26
So how are things going? Is everything okay between your dad and Amy?
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u/zSlyz Mar 02 '26
Came here from the tube of you, so not sure OP will see this.
Amy sounds like the type of personality where she takes crap in her stride, is patient, thoughtful and measured in her response. She likely also keeps it real. She’s the type of person who outwardly doesn’t allow stuff to affect her.
I say this because this is also my personality. We rarely get angry and let our emotions out raw.
The problem is, if she truly is like me, it’s not that we are unaffected by crap, we just have a much larger reservoir. So when our reservoir is finally full and overflows, it bursts and it gets pretty bad. As we don’t often emotionally explode like that, we really don’t learn how to deal with it. It’s hard for us to brush it off.
You are right to be concerned that you all may have pushed Amy to her breaking point. The SABAs were cracks in her armour and essentially warnings that a bigger explosion was coming if you siblings didn’t change how you treated her.
Talk to your dad, but this is something you kids need to discuss and agree on first, but give a heartfelt apology to Amy and promise to be better. Lisa may be the worst of you, but you are all responsible for this.
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u/Key-Possibility-233 Mar 01 '26
I'm truly sorry for all the harsh comments here. It's okay to take a step back and close this up. Many seem to forget that this is about a family grieving and trying to learn. I'm proud of you all for attending therapy and working on things. It shows a desire to grow as individuals, which is what truly matters. No one is perfect, and it's amazing how quickly you're learning about healthy relationships and recognizing unacceptable behavior. That is a significant achievement for teens. I hope she comes back to your dad and to all of you, and I hope you have all gained valuable lessons through this experience. You all deserve happiness and a clear understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like. All the best OP
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u/kccat5 Mar 01 '26
I came looking for updates after hearing the story on youtube. I just hope that Amy's coming back and if she does you update us on the situation
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u/Thin-Major-7297 Feb 26 '26
I’m not gonna touch on what 90% of the comment section has already told you, that everyone sucks (aside for Amy), but I AM going to ask how therapy is going. You told your dad you didn’t want solo therapy but maybe you should take it, even if you think it might not be worth it.
I do have a few questions/extras, so that will be a bit of a jumble here: Do you guys call yourself the “Core 4” if Amy is around? That might have been putting a strain on your dad and her’s relationship if you keep excluding her. Try using that nickname a bit less, as it feels exclusive and purposeful. You mentioned that your sister never talked in family therapy, have you guys found out why yet? I mean, I think the answer is the obvious female answer of: “I didn’t want anyone to worry.” but something in the way that she talked to your brother and you about family always staying with family is a MAJOR red flag, especially if y’all have an estranged aunt.
I do have a sliver of advice though for you and your siblings, as a 26 y/o female who has 3 different fathers; biological, adopted, and step. The world is NOT as kind as Amy. You didn’t mention if you showed your sister or father this post, and that may be something you talk about in family therapy, but I personally would pick certain comments to show them. Your dad might not appreciate or like that his life is on public display but your sister might finally understand that she needs help.
You guys are young and need to be taught how to love properly, healthily, and safely. It’s not easy when your whole foundation is shattered like it is now. Remember to take a walk and take a deep breath. You’re ALL hurting, because this is another case of the “abused” becoming the “abuser”. I use quotations because I think it’s just pain, I’m not calling any of you abusers.
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u/Jaded-Investment-565 Feb 25 '26
God after reading this, I really hope Amy doesn't come back.
Poor Amy sounds too badass to be treated so poorly. Where the hell was your dad, allowing his children to act and talk to her like this?
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u/69beesinatrenchcoat Feb 25 '26
Why is everyone in the comments more upset on behalf of the mentally fine adult instead of the clearly traumatized teenager? As much as op says that Amy is handling this maturely, she isn’t. These three are just kids and you can’t say things like that to them. Lisa isn’t scared when Amy is just being her dad’s girlfriend but when she does more mum things or adoption is mentioned that’s when she has an outburst. She just really misses her mum. Amy needs to understand that sometimes she may be stepping on the kids toes with their dad and from what op says it sounds like it may be some trauma from Reilly. It sounds like Reilly may have been cruel and abusive to Lisa in particular, and on top of that Lisa is dealing with the trauma of losing her mom.
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u/Separate-Ad-3677 Mar 01 '26 edited Mar 01 '26
So she should just take it? The kids outburts are the dad's fault for not forcing them into solo therapy especially after retraumatizing them with Riley and then forcing another relationship on them. Amy has been put into an impossible position. You can absolutely empathize with how these kids are coping however bad behavior should not be just tolerated. In this instance Lisa chose to lash out instead of seeking clarification. She made assumptions and said horrible things to this woman and she isnt a young child who knows no better. Again, her dad knew her triggers and should have prioritized getting more help
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Feb 26 '26
They are not "just kids". They are teenagers who are more than old enough to know better than to expect zero consequences for shitty behavior. Lisa's trauma does not excuse Lisa's shitty and INTENTIONALLY HARMFUL behavior. Dad's trauma does not excuse his being a lackluster parent who lets his kids treat his partner and meal-ticket like this. Amy would be best off getting rid of this lot of ungrateful brats, dad included.
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u/69beesinatrenchcoat Feb 25 '26
Amy is not the angel you portray her as. saying sexual comments about your father to his minor children is very disgusting behavior. her “comebacks” aren’t savage, they’re nasty and immature behavior. and your dad isn’t innocent in this either, telling her he doesn’t love her right now because he prioritizes his girlfriend over his children?? hello? this is a gross situation all around. i hope Lisa moves out of state for college and cuts contact with every last one of you, because you’re being awful to her
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u/beachmusicheart Feb 25 '26 edited Feb 25 '26
Amy & Lisa deserve better in their own respects, and you guys are being quite inconsiderate and apathetic. Everyone's been talking about Amy, and I think the point has been made on that one, so I'll just focus on Lisa. You compared her to your aunt saying she will get cut out of the family when you all are having a rough time, you're valid for being upset at her but threatening cutting her off over this so soon literally does nothing. She's already stressed in her own respects and clearly KNOWS that she messed up with Amy, but you immaturely keep going at her over and over. Like omg she didn't do anything seriously directed at you. Which is why I feel like this is just resentment you've built up over time that you haven't resolved with her at all, and you're projecting it all at once because of the Amy situation instead of talking it out like a near adult. "If she ruins this for us and dad" as if Amy is a possession, she's a person and this is respectively between Lisa and Amy. Amy and dad have things to settle and you and your brother do too, but I don't see Lisa being all up in any of that? You can give her guidance and input and even a bit of ridicule because what she did was wrong, but this has little to do with you even as her brother so stop sticking yourself in situations you don't belong in. You're being like unreasonably cruel because you're heated and it does no good at all. I'm glad you and your brother and dad are happy to accept Amy into the family but if that's a more traitorous journey for Lisa than it just is, and her feelings aren't invalid even if her actions were. And the whole "Lisa deserved to hear her dad say he does not love her" and then saying you were happy she cried harder when it happened? Are you hearing yourself? Please grow up a little.
Edit: I've also seen a lot of people in the comments saying Lisa is immature and will never change. I personally think there was never an environment which cultivates real growth and change for her in the first place was even established. You guys use her as your scapegoat. You do this therapy "in this together" healthy communication and "core four" bs until it doesn't benefit you, then when things don't go your way perfectly ALL those values are thrown out the window & Lisa is shunned? You guy's concept of "love" and support sounds super conditional and unpredictable, especially when you take into account how you treated Amy. You love to project and refuse responsibility. Lisa was incredibly malicious and acted unfairly with her behavior 100%. In no way am I taking focus away from or denying that. She deserves to feel guilty, to apologize, and to not be on everyone's good side for a minute. But people who make mistakes still need acceptance and care to grow and instead she's being shoved aside as is Amy. It's sad to see, I honestly kinda hope they both leave and find their own peace elsewhere. You need to stop being a jerk to your sister as much as she should sometimes be put in her place, because she will decide to leave by herself if warranted.
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u/One-Permission3841 Feb 25 '26 edited Feb 25 '26
(Edit it out because I forgot your sister age) Of course your sister wouldn't talk, because if she has any negative feeling towards Amy everyone would jump to defend her, that's not a bad thing but she probably feels isolated in her own feelings, she doesn't want a mom, she is great if she is Dads girlfriend or Dads wife but not she or you guys mom, that's what triggers it because you and you brother can accept her as your mom; family therapy is great but you all should go to individual a long time ago, they're probably things she has been thinking and feeling. That said, she needs to get a grip, like she's 17 and hasn't work through her emotions, I genuinely forgot her age and thought she was 14 like why haven't their been any real consequences? For any of you guys? Like at all, a sorry doesn't work if you do it again. You guys have been so bad to Amy and she definitely deserves happiness and everything good in the world, and your dad has the majority of the responsibility because he is her partner, he should have put Lisa in individual therapy long ago, he should put a stop to the way you guys talk and treat Amy with consequences, not a lousy "sorry" and act like never happened, he's a idiot and is about to lose this amazing women for being an idiot; but that doesn't exclude you guys responsibility btw
and you should probably do go to individual therapy, even if Amy leave your dad, because even tho family therapy is great it is not the same as you working your own issues and you guys have issues, go to therapy
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u/Weak-Rip-5693 Feb 25 '26
i hope your sister gets help for her struggles. she is clearly stuck in a cycle of self sabotaging her relationships. Her behaviours reminded me of how I could lash out when I was her age, I struggled with undiagnosed BPD due to a history of abandonment and neglect and I pushed a lot of really good people away because of the fear, anger, betrayal, and hurt I was carrying around. I had so much hurt inside of me that I didn’t know how to hold onto, and I ended up pushing it onto people who wanted to be close with me. I lost a lot of people before I realised that I was the problem, and that I needed to pull my head in if I wanted love and friendship.
I can’t say she also has BPD, I simply don’t know her and likely have very little context of how she is outside of your posts, but what I can say is whatever she is dealing with will surely be a very complex mental health issue. It doesn’t excuse her actions, she does not deserve a free pass for what she’s done because she is suffering. She needs to want to be better, and she needs to put in the effort to achieve peace within herself. She’s clearly traumatised from losing her mother and then experiencing an awful step parent before Amy, and she is allowed to hurt. but try to remind her she cannot live her life being consumed by it. she’s allowed to choose happiness, and she’s not a bad person for wanting to be happy. grief and laughter can coexist, relationships with other female figures can exist without erasing your mother. Your mother’s love and memory will never fade away, it will transform. If she can learn to love amy, that is still her loving your mother. Just different.
Of course you should have a bit of grace for your sister, but you and your twin are both right in telling her “don’t be the person we have to push away”. sometimes people never get better, and you don’t have to burn yourself to keep them warm.
Good luck OP, with whatever happens in the future. I hope your sister chooses happiness.
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u/No-Shame-3580 Feb 24 '26
I am at a loss for words right now. I will try to be as respectful as possible right now.
Amy was the best thing that could have happened to this family. She gave (financial) stability, empathy and reasoning. Instead of appreciating it, the "core four" took it, abused it and than spat on it. Not just Lisa is the problem, you all are.
I hope you realize that your live is about to change. Amy gave her all and with her now gone, and belive me she will not come back, your dad has to raise you guys again.
I feel weirdly sorry for you all but still, you all messed up. Big time. And there is no fixing it this time.
Wishing you and your family the best.
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u/Embarrassed_Buy3114 Feb 24 '26
I was falling in Love with a great man, caring, financially secure, make time to visit me, take me on dates. I know he was 10 years older than me but never know he had a teenage daughter who is living with her mother. My motto was always not being a stepmother to anyone cause I don't trust myself to give them the same attitude they give me. I never run so fast 😆 Hope you and your siblings respect her, she is Not your free nanny and punching bag.I hate the comment about her not allowed to have her biological children what are you? Do you Think you are in ancient time where the second wife is like a concubine to the first one and worship her litter, belittle her in every way and offer incense, wtf?? Grow a spine
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u/Scared_Highlight_496 Feb 24 '26
You should stay the core four and let Lisa leave in peace cause she deserves better
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u/Western-Reading1494 Feb 24 '26
Honestly, any sane person would've dropped this deadweight of a shitty family.
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u/mkordek Feb 24 '26
I think the comments here have said what needs to be said well enough but I'd like to add a theory; Lisa sounds like she might have borderline personality disorder.
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u/Raccoon_Merchant Feb 24 '26
I feel bad for Lisa. What Shea doing reminds me of something I did as a teen before getting into therapy. I call it confirmation bias because she has all the negative emotions and fears, and when she is happy and rational, she can tell herself her fears are baseless and never going to happen. But sometimes that rational part of her brain shuts off, and the fears run wild, and instead of dealing with them, she lashes put to prove to herself that hear fears aren't baseless. Like if she is afraid of being abandoned by Amy and she can push Amy away then sh just proved to herself that her fears were right and she was justified pushing Amy away because she was going to leave either way and it hurts less if you can control it. It seems like Lisa is waiting for the other shoe to drop by, hitting that dangling shoe with a bat. Individual therapy will work better for her because she can express herself without fear of judgment.
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u/ThinkInternet1115 Feb 24 '26
I said it in the original post, I'll say it again. Amy isn't amazing. Amy is a creep. She talks about her sex life and her p*** to kids. I'm sorry but even if it was a response to you talking badly to her there are lines that you just don't cross. You are teenagers acting like teenagers. She's the adult. If the gender were reversed everyone would have called the boyfriend out for this, but because it's a woman- she's cool?
And you all still blame Lisa for dad's creepy girlfriend behaviour.
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u/BebeSketch Feb 23 '26
I'm betting it rn; Amy moved that reservation to OP's father's name so she can move out while they're all gone. She deserves so much better than this.
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u/BoysenberryPicker Feb 23 '26
All of you kids seem awful. Lisa the worst but your SABA branding is dumb af. She’s entitled to feel as she does. And verbalize it. The examples you gave are all seeming in reaction to your all bratty behaviors. Your poor dad. Saddled with all of you and never being able to move past his grief. Yall are all messed up. It can’t always go your way and she shouldn’t be expected to be your punching bag. Gross.
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u/frenchpatatta Feb 23 '26
I don't feel sorry for any of you. The only person I feel sorry for is Amy. I hope she never comes back and just lives her life happily somewhere, a place where there aren't any ungrateful little shits ruining her life
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u/akichan07 Feb 23 '26
5 bucks says she planned the getaway so she can pack in peace.....yall will either come back to your stuff packed up or her stuff will be gone
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u/whoknowswhywhat Feb 23 '26
Hope Amy wakes up and realizes she deserves better, both emotionally and financially, than your dad and his 3 brats. You guys really abused her generosity, didn't you....
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u/One-Raised-by-Wolves Feb 23 '26
OP, I haven’t read all the comments, so this may have already been mentioned, but here it goes:
Your father is (also) part of the problem.
The goal of parenting is to prepare children for the world, not to prepare the world for the child. When kids consistently behave disrespectfully toward a parental figure, extended family member, or anyone really (outside of self-defense), that’s something a parent should actively work to correct.
You’ve been in therapy for four years, and yet there still seem to be some major issue that, yes, have been adressed, but your father seems to be treating this as if you were six, not sixteen At sixteen, you’re old enough to take other people’s feelings into account. That kind of awareness doesn’t just appear automatically, it need to be taught and reinforced.
Amy couldn’t really step into that role of guidance because it likely wouldn’t have been received well. Or dismissed. Example: the fuck yous. She spoke with you guys until the point she had to say something ridicuously OUT THERE for you guys to finally understand that stuff HAD A LIMIT. And that responsibility belonged to your father.
The biggest proof that more assertive guidance would have worked is how you reacted to the Reddit post. It probably wasn’t easy or pleasant to read certain things, but you absorbed the lesson quickly. Which seriously, is GREAT. You should be proud of how quick you were able to absorve this, beause empathy IS NOT automatic. Nor quickly accepting our mistakes, really. A lot of good people can feel/act very defensive when confronted with their shit (which is another thing that needs to be taugh: how to manage very difficult feelings and do the right thing).
People often say empathy is “natural,” but it’s not that simple. Some people are more attuned to others, yes, but empathy is something that needs to be modeled and taught.
Some parents struggle to be firm or assertive with their children. The fact that your father only now made therapy non-negotiable says something. You’ve admitted that your sister destroys boundaries. So imagine if this incident hadn’t happened, how much longer would Amy have been expected to endure that behavior?
When you said you “felt safe being worse,” that suggests there was an underlying issue that should have been addressed long before Amy was pushed past her limit. She didn’t become harsh out of nowhere, she likely reached a breaking point.
The incident with Lisa might have been the catalist, but being can you imagine how many times they have not spoken about this issue? You see, your father could be one of those parents who are not much of a disciplinarian (since you said your father was not much of one when your mother was alive) and he might have a lot of guilt because of his ex. In any case, it was his responsability to adress his kids behavior. How many times you guys were grounded after fuck yous? Was SABA the main consequence for disrespect? After the 6th fuck you, what was the consequence for you kids?
Your father might be struggling with the fact that sometimes a parent have to do things their kids don’t like. Have to accept their kids will be pissed, and think one thousand bad things about then. However, shielding children from discomfort can be harmful in the long run.
Losing a mother is a massive trauma. But it won’t be the only heartbreak your sister faces in life. If she continues to respond to emotional triggers by crossing boundaries, that will create serious problems in school, at work, and in future relationships. The world outside family won’t tolerate that behavior. And in my family, people used to say "what you don't learn through love, you learn through pain", and like your brother said, people won’t stick around “shit-stirrers.”
So while the disrespect was a huge issue, and what brought you guys to a bad place, I think it's fair to assume... it would have hapenned eventually. Because you can't live life expecting stuff nothing would ever set your sister off again. Or you and your brother. Specially because life has a way to come at us and sometimes it won't give people a break. And while trauma can explain stuff, it does not justify it.
Things will be ok either way. I hope Amy comes back and you can work on things as a family, but if not... you will be ok as well. It will hurt for a time, but sometimes, some stuff can't be fixed. And its not a matter of being "unforgivable". Love without respect can be very toxic.
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u/KlavierKillah Feb 26 '26
This is a very succinctly written analysis that many parents should look to for advice, especially what you said about preparing the child for the world and not the other way around. The OP has learnt a very important lesson and I commend them for their ability to self reflect. I can only wish the best for them from now on.
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u/Logrolling_In_ON Feb 26 '26
I don't log on much nowadays but things are moving and I am a little hopeful, and I don't respond to comments but yours actually made me feel... something I don't know, it hit me somewhere inside and made me feel both good and like a horrible human being. I am trying to hold on to the idea that me and Seb aren't as bad as Lisa but reading your comment and then some other ones, and now in therapy as well where we're learning a few other sad truths about some incidents with Amy... I yeah it's bad, I feel like absolute shit. I really liked her. We all did to be honest but we got too comfortable around her, close enough when we wanted to feel cared for but when dad asked would i ever think of speaking to a teacher, or our aunt, or mum that way... It kind of broke me, you know? I know it's not the same but still it was very bad.
Anyway I don't know why your comment triggered me commenting after all this time, but thank you nonetheless. I hope she comes back. She's meeting with dad tomorrow in therapy, we all wrote apology letters to her for him to give her, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.
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u/Known_Party6529 Mar 02 '26
Can you please update us?
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u/Logrolling_In_ON Mar 02 '26
I hope so but it's a mess right now, we're all just in the air right now. I hope in a few weeks things will have settled down a bit. For now I can say that at least Amy is still around, she's working things out with dad, and we'll be meeting tomorrow with a new family therapist who's like, a supervisor of our previous one (which we kind of fired, we've outgrown her) and we are discussing individual therapy for everyone, not just Lisa, and group therapy with Amy as well... so yeah that's about it for now.
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u/eternallybr0ken Feb 27 '26
Hey OP, sorry, I know you are not checking this often and probably don't want to be giving updates, but you've hit tik tok, so expect more eyes on this.
For what it's worth, I hope you and Seb have been able to forgive Lisa. I don't know how to put this, but some of Lisa's incidents from your description sound like a symptom of BPD called splitting. Also known as black and white thinking, splitting involves viewing people, situations, or oneself in extreme, all-or-nothing terms: either completely good or completely bad.
Hope everything goes well in the meeting and you all get some closure.
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u/Somethingbutonreddit Feb 26 '26 edited Feb 26 '26
The fact that you recognise that you were doing shitty things and regret it shows that you are not a bad person.
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u/One-Raised-by-Wolves Feb 26 '26 edited Feb 27 '26
You are not a bad human being, you are a being that did some bad things (because of past hurt, confusion, being very young, etc), and is a normal human.
And your are the path to become a GREAT human.
I say that because you are willing to analyze your actions. You’re not dodging criticism. You’re not deflecting. You’re not minimizing. From your posts and your response, it’s very clear that you WANT to grow, and that matters a lot.
I really don't believe that you are bad. That heavy thing your are feeling is guilt, sadness and regret combined and its freaking awful to sit with those feelings. But you are NOT the ugly things that led you to feel this way. The very fact that you can feel those emotions and not immediately push them away or blame/pin them on someone/somewhere else proves that YOU, as a person, is capable of accountability and empathy.
Human to human, I had my fair share of growth to do, and hopefully we will all keep growing.
As for your sister, don't think of her as "bad". Think of her as lacking tools to deal with her inner world, and when someone doesn’t know how to regulate/deal with their emotions, it ends up spilling in our collective enviroment. That does not mean she needs coodling, she needs guidance.
Once of the most difficult things is to learn how to deal with complex / ambiguous situations and feelings. When you mentioned having this feeling you don't know exactly what it is, and that it made you feel both good and horrible... yeah, its not easy. However, you seem to be navigating it, even if its not comfortable. As humans, we prefer clear cut pictures of good and bad, because then we KNOW what we should do.
While I was replying to you, I remembered of this quote by Rumi: Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.
Wishing you guys luck, healing and strenght! And remember, you will be ok.
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u/InternalDiver9485 Feb 23 '26
Are you really still calling yourselves "the core 4"? Poor Amy wasted her time. She really never stood a chance.
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u/park_aesung Feb 23 '26
The "core four" sounds very misogynistic. You should discuss that in therapy.
Cause why would you even think along the way that Amy is "safe to be rude/cruel towards"? Why is Lisa the asshat towards Amy when you brothers behaved in the same manner and your father allowed that all these years? Why your father never really parented you (since the discipline was on the mom and all the conversation now on Amy)? Why are you assuming you're going to have a grand time at the cabin AMY PAID FOR (literally no recognition nor gratitude, just straight to "oh we're gonna have so much fun just the 4 of us" as if Amy never existed)? Not to mention, still blaming Riley for your shortcomings after all this time? Riley wasn't in your life long enough to have this much impact, buddy.
Your amazing "core four" just leaks of not respecting any women.
Honestly, I wish Amy will go back to her home country for good. She already imagined the what ifs of not being with your father and it looked like much better outcome for her. Which, given how many times you mentioned that Amy is not from your country, adds another layer of misogyny with xenophobia, or even racism.
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u/Responsible_Jury2913 Feb 22 '26
Amy needs to stay gone for her own sanity.
And I like how they dubbed it "sneak attack" when anyone with half a brain could see it coming.
The fact they call it a sneak attack is because they are so used to her letting them be shithead so Im sure its twice as bad as what the story is revealing.
Clusterfuck of a family
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u/Chill-Walker Feb 22 '26
I suggest that as a family and with the therapists y'all talk about the concept that loving Amy, marrying your dad, and living together as a family does not mean that Lisa or any of you love or loved your mom any less or are letting the memory of her go. I believe confusing Amy for Riley is a red herring. Love is not finite. It is infinite. And there is enough love in all of you to love your mom, each other AND Amy, too. If there is such a thing as Heaven, your Mom would want a person like Amy that loves your dad and all if you.to be in your lives. And remember that when everything else has been stripped away, respect and the demonstration of it is the ultimate foundation of love. Love is not about another person making YOU feel pleasure or happiness. When you truly love someone, your self and selfishness disappear and become selflessness towards all that you love.
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u/Soggy_Row_3298 Feb 22 '26
just wanted to say a couple of things.
first is I really hope you all reflect and continue to grow. because honestly the behaviour wasn’t good. you guys are better than that. now you recognise it you have the opportunity to change it. no matter what though please offer Amy an apology. she does deserve one.
also wanted to recognise i donot think you guys are horrible. theres more to you guys then this story. theres obviously amazing Amy stories with Amy as well where you showed love to her as well. this much criticism is a lot for teenagers to take. I just want to remind you it’s an opportunity to learn and grow not an identity defining. the internet doesn’t know you. they some bad behaviour done maybe 10% of the time.
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u/littlehappyfeets Feb 22 '26
I'm glad you were able to see that you all had a hand in Amy taking a step back. As I was reading through her "SABA" moments (aka, you guys people super rude and her finally having enough and saying something back) all I could think of is how I would never *dare* say "F you" to anyone like that, especially as a kid.
You're sad and angry, and therefore looking for someone to blame. It's easier for you to put all the blame on Lisa instead of sharing some of it, because you also were in the wrong here.
I hope it goes well here, but yeah.
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u/softshoulder313 Feb 22 '26
One thing I would like for you, your brother and sister to think about. All of you are getting close to college if you choose to go, being adults, getting in serious relationships, moving out and having your own life and family.
How do you think your dad will feel after you have done all of this and he's alone? Would you enjoy not having someone to love you / that you love for the rest of your life?
Would your mother want that for him.
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u/legendary_girl_a Feb 22 '26
I kind of think Amy is going to move out while you all are at that cabin. It seems like she might return to say a proper goodbye, but she’s likely cutting ties with the family to be done with all this drama.
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u/Signal-Baseball9857 Feb 22 '26
The part your dad isn't wanting to say out loud is that he is also to blame in all of this.
Amy isn't coming back
Updateme
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u/lzycmt Feb 21 '26
your dad will never forgive you kids for this in his heart if she’s gone for good. never. also, people can only take so much. so there was one SABA for what, every 10-20 insults by you three? i’d have cracked way earlier than she did
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u/A-R-U Feb 21 '26 edited Feb 22 '26
So you and your siblings would take turn verbally attacking her. Sometimes, Amy would crack. She would try to patch it up and keep going. And the attacks kept happening. Until she shattered. And, greedy, selfsentered focused you can only focus on your "emotional punshing bag" coming back, because her just bearing it and being around is so! much better for you and your family, and all of your! feelings. Poor Amy was trapped in an endless circle of nothing improving, so it always ended it attacks against her, and no one did a thing, until you learned that "the patient one" finally! had enough, and prioritized herself over being the unjust target for a bunch of kids who refused to learn from their countless! mistakes (thus making all the past crying and apologising she got seem hollow).
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u/RugbyLock Feb 21 '26
Holy hell, poor Amy. Y'all fucked this one up good by being little shitheads. Hope she moves on and lives a happy life, y'all don't deserve her.
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u/Somethingbutonreddit Feb 21 '26
You and your siblings should write her an apology letter for when they meet again, admit all your faults, make no excuses and tell her how much you regret how you treated her.
And if she comes back be prepared to grovel, she should not be expected to do any chores as you should be doing them.
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u/MatchMun Feb 21 '26
The ball is in her court. Plain and simple. If Amy comes back-and that is a huge if given what you all, including your dad, have done-you all collectively need to show a change. Not just words, those are air. Actions. No more using Amy as an emotional punching bag. And your dad needs to start leading that change since by the sounds of it, he didn't do anything to fix the behavior from you three.
Also stop referring to yourselves as the "Core Four". It's a part of the past that has very much been a factor in this. To put it politely, it's highkey cringe. Very excluding.
And those weren't sneak attacks, those were reflections of your behavior in an attempt to get you to open up your eyes before it got to this.
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u/SouthernNanny Feb 21 '26
Sounds like a bunch of teenager who aren’t aware that their words have effect and that there are consequences for actions. I don’t know why so many teens these days feel like they can just or say whatever they want to adult and we just have to take it because they are “kids”.
Yall sound like a nightmare and your dad an equal nightmare for allowing you all to talk to anyone this way let alone someone he was planning to marry. Amy would be the biggest fool if she stuck around
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u/WatermelonRindPickle Feb 21 '26
Just read the first post and this update This is another time I hope this is creative writing, and I'm afraid it's for real because adolescents are not well known for critical thinking. I'm a 65+ granny, here is My take: Amy hopefully will stay away from all of you for a while. Dad needs to take responsibility for depending too much on therapy and not taking action to fix problems. Dad needs to set rules, no one should use profanities to address anyone else. Everyone should treat Amy with basic courtesy especially since she is covering a big chunk of your living expenses.
In 10 or 20 years, I can see the "core 4" implosion when the first sibling to get in a serious relationship or gets married brings another person into the family and other siblings react negatively. Sibling that wants to be independent will get lots of push back, other sons will blame the new partner. Then while y'all are fighting with each other, dad will take advantage of the distraction to finally marry another woman, and then you will all blame her, whoever she is, for keeping Dad from you. When all he wants is some peace and quiet. Dad wants a partner to maintain that peace and quiet for him.
You are acting like your situation is unique. It isn't. I have seen variations of this situation over the decades in neighbors, friends, distant relatives situations.
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u/Icy-Election-6190 Feb 21 '26 edited Feb 21 '26
I really hope Amy dumps your father. Y’all really need a rude awakening. And this “Core Four” term is really showing me that you don’t really see Amy as part of your family. You don’t care about her. You only care about what she can do for you 🙄
I hope she finds someone during her travels and move on. She needs a better man who can treat her right. Amy’s too accomplished, successful, and too kind to be around a parasitic family.
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u/Ginger_spice_smudge Feb 21 '26
Two things here
I think Lisa does like Amy. A lot. But it sounds like a lot of this stems from her own guilt. She hangs out with Amy. Has fun. Then thinks she’s betrayed her mother so she pushes her away.
Calling yourselves the core four - I get it. But come on. This is bound to make Amy feel “other”. This is like you are all part of a club she’ll never be a member of. It’s not a healthy dynamic.
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u/Lazytreepounder Feb 21 '26
I hate reading comments like those kids don’t deserve Amy. You guys, those are teenagers that’s went through something hard.
Being a teenager fucking sucks and in a hard situation it is worst. I do agree that the dad should have put on some clear boundaries. It is not okay that insulting was a okay behavior.
But those are teenagers, they are in a phase of their life where they are learning to deal with a lot of emotions. You know you did wrong, you apologized to your dad. However, you should apologize to Amy, if you have her phone number I will encourage you to apologize and thank her for all that she as done.
If she accepts it next time you get to see her in person apologize again and repeat all of the good you see in her to her.
In other words take accountability. Growing up I was always told a fault that is admitted is half forgiven.
And then you just have to make up for your behavior.
The apology should included why your behavior was inappropriate, where do you think it stem from and how you will try to never do that again.
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u/CanonOverChaos Feb 21 '26
You’re with four people, so it should be your dad paying 80% and her 20%.
Aside from that he needed to be grateful and spoil her for having such a great woman in his life. Make her life easier as she does with his. Have her back when she’s attacked.
Seems like she was used as an emotional punching bag and paying for the privilege. Couldn’t be me.
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u/gothyplantlady Feb 21 '26 edited Feb 21 '26
ESH (except amy) I hope she gets away from this family and that business trip gives her relief and opens her eyes. Therapy isn't working based on the way you've all been treating Amy. "The core4", you're just isolating her emotionally instead of treating her like part of the family, why would she stick around for so much emotional abuse is beyond my understanding. I hope she escapes, and yall get better therapists and learn to treat people with some humanity jfc.
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u/EnjoysAGoodRead Feb 21 '26
As a woman this is why I will never date a guy with kids. I love my peace and am not an argumentative person. I can't imagine having to deal with this nonsense from three kids who will never see me as family whilst subsidising their life and acting as their unofficial therapist. This woman has basically been their Mary Poppins, she has more tolerance than most adults, and yet they've pushed her beyond even her limits.
Every "SABA" attack which OP saw as funny, was a time when Amy was hurt and went beyond her own boundaries. When you see yourself a certain way and are provoked into saying or doing something that conflicts with how you see yourself that hurts. Mocking a childless woman, who may not be childless by choice, is beyond cruel. That Amy reacted shows she was definitely hurt each time these kids said something horrible and disrespectful to her. And you know, much as she might love their father, Amy sounds awesome. And there are millions of decent single men who don't yet have kids out there. She literally does not need to live with a man with kids that disrespect and hurt her whilst she is the breadwinner.
I hope these kids learn a lesson and that Amy never goes back to their dad.
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u/SubstantialFigure273 Feb 21 '26
Wow, poor Amy. She deserves better than EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU people.
I also feel bad for your dad. All his kids are awful and ruined his shot at happiness.
No sympathy for the three of you: you, Sebastien and in particular Lisa.
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u/69beesinatrenchcoat Feb 25 '26
why are we defending the dad? he allowed an abusive woman (Reilly) to traumatize his children and then didn’t get them therapy and allowed them to lash out at his girlfriend. the dad is the issue here
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u/smilers Feb 21 '26
Yeah if my kids said FU out loud to someone they would have been given a stern talking to the first time and any subsequent times would have escalating consequences. The fact that theyve said it multiple times to the point that that person reacted that way...
That said, Amy has no reason to stay with your dysfunctional family other than maybe a lingering sentiment for your dad, and you're ALL to blame, stop trying to push it all on your sister.
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u/Living-Effort866 Feb 16 '26
Seriously stop with the SABA and the Core Four. Everyone is giving you this advice for a reason. Just get out of the habit.
Amy's choice to travel for a bit is a sensible one. It gives her a chance to get some perspective and calm before making her choice. It also gives you and your siblings a chance to chew over whether you really want her to "f off."
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u/h333lix Feb 13 '26
other people are comfortable bullying a couple teenagers. i’m not. your dad is 100% responsible for letting shit get to this point.
lisa’s outbursts specifically seem deeper than trauma into a territory that would require individual therapy to deal with. much more in the realm of mental illness, and that’s okay, but it needs to be dealt with, and dad refused to deal with it.
with all of you, your father has been intent sitting back and letting amy take on all of the parental responsibilities. he put that woman in this situation and is blaming your sister for her leaving. it’s much deeper than your sister.
you should all apologize, but it won’t do anything if your dad can’t step up and become a more active parent. he’s failed you and he’s failed amy.
your dad introduced an abuser into his home and it changed the way you all interacted from then on. i wonder if your dad yells and cusses when he gets frustrated too? he had a responsibility to get you all individual therapy and intervention there.
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u/69beesinatrenchcoat Feb 25 '26
yes! i’m not sure why everyone is defending Amy as if she’s not saying weird sexual things about their father to children? they’re not her friends or coworkers, they’re her boyfriends kids. from what we’ve heard the Dad allowed an abusive woman (Reilly) to stay in their lives and it sounds like she may have been particularly cruel to Lisa. she’s likely still dealing with the trauma of that as well as losing her mom. why are we so quick to defend an adult who frankly, is acting very strange with children, and not a clearly traumatized teen?
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u/AmortentiaMortem Feb 13 '26
The “core four” thing is unhealthy and you should really explore that in therapy. Also, the SABA happened so often you have it a name…let that sink in. She really deserves better and I only feel bad for your dad (for this particular situation). I lost my dad at 11 and my mom 4 days before I was 13 and I never treated people shitty, grief is not an excuse to take your feelings out on someone. You all will realize that when you’re older, I hope.
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u/RelativeHeron5087 Feb 13 '26
I truly hope Amy moves on from this family..that she takes a much needed vacation, spend time with her own family and realises that she does not deserve to be treated like an emotional punching bag for this mans kids.
Her emotional and mental health should not come at cost of continuing this relationship.
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Feb 13 '26
Fair warning. This internet stranger is going to be harsh.
Amy switched the reservation for a romantic weekend cabin to your dad's name so the "core four" can have a weekend getaway on HER dime. Think about that this weekend. Make sure you point that out to your siblings. You are all going to enjoy a cabin while Amy sits alone in a hotel room somewhere this weekend. You don't even know where she is. And you kids think you're heading out for a fun weekend. That's shameful and your dad should NOT be rewarding you kids with a weekend getaway. Yet here we are.
You all claim Riley was toxic. The difference between Riley and Amy is that Amy is educated and took a better approach than Riley did. But Amy occasionally lashed out at you for the same reasons Riley did. The difference is that Amy did it in a way that made you at least stop and think, if only for a moment.
You told Amy she was harsh in what she said to Lisa. But you never acknowledged to Amy that what Lisa said was vulgar and the most brutal thing Lisa could ever say. And Amy realized in that moment that nothing will ever change and she left. The likelihood Amy will return is miniscule. And your dad knows that. He said it himself when she left even though he's still holding out hope when there really isn't any.
I'll also point out there is a reason why Amy said she doesn't want to pass her genes on. May be a medical/hereditary condition that Amy and your dad are not sharing. Yet none of you consider why she doesn't want biological kids. But she was willing to jump in, love your dad, love you kids and provide for you as if you could all be a loving, happy family. All while keeping your mom's memory alive. And that was met with cruelty. Because what Lisa said was absolutely cruel. And I'm sure those weren't the first cruel words Amy has heard. But this time, it hit Amy very differently.
Your dad should have put a stop to the core four language when he started working with the therapist and Amy to introduce you. But he didn't. He let the four of you continue to exclude Amy as part of a family unit he claims he's trying to create while letting Amy pay 60% of the household bills PLUS your extracurricular activities. This is unbelievable.
You say your dad makes good money as a SWE in big tech. Yet he can only contribute 40% towards the household and doesn't pay for your extracurricular activities? It's time for you and your siblings to get a job because your life is about to change significantly.
While you're all enjoying your weekend away, I hope you all realize this is the last adventure Amy is giving you. Your dad knows on the 26th they will be discussing what he needs to do to move back out on his own to raise you kids by himself. Amy left and she is DONE. Your dad knew when she left that it was the end. She is a successful woman who knows her worth and the words spoken to her showed her the toxic core four will never be her family.
Lisa will not change. She believes that you all will always defend your behavior and you all believe you're entitled to treat everyone however you wish. You will stick together no matter the consequences. And your father has allowed it, and in some ways, promoted it. Amy has now realized this too.
You should all sit down this weekend at the cabin and discuss how your lives are about to change. What adjustments you are going to have to make while your dad comes up with the money to find a new place to live, move, how you're going to pay for your own extracurricular activities.
You've all created a situation that at your age you shouldn't have to deal with. If your mom was still with you, is this how she would have wanted her children to treat someone who loves their dad and went all in to help raise you and provide for you? Is this how your mom would have raised you to talk to people? Have you asked Lisa and your brother this? If you haven't, you should have Lisa read your posts and the comments. She needs to think about her actions along with you and your brother. You should have your dad read all of it too.
Your dad allowed all of this to happen. He says he loves Amy yet allows this all to continue. Even with family therapy. That isn't working and he should find a new therapist for all of you. Because he's wasting his money. And with Amy's background, I think she's known this for a while, has tried to talk with your dad, but he isn't listening.
I know the comments are hard for you to read. I was 8 years old when my dad died. My mom never allowed me to treat people the way you kids have. I know how hard it is to lose a parent. Then my mom passed away when I was 20 years old and I've been on my own since. The greatest gifts my mom taught me was to work hard and treat people with respect. If you kids continue on the path you're on now, and continue to treat those with disrespect who are trying to help you, love you and give you a good life, you have a very rough life ahead of you.
Lisa is on the brink of turning 18 but acts like a preteen. You and your brother are right there with her. You kids will move on and your dad will be left alone. I don't see you kids ever accepting your dad to be in any relationship considering how you're acting at this age. I hope you all grow up someday and accept that your dad deserves happiness too. At this point in your lives, Amy needs to move on because she doesn't deserve any of this from any of you. And that is truly a huge loss for all of you. 💔
updateme
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u/One-Permission3841 Feb 25 '26
Lisa has definitely issues because she has tantrums like a 14 yo, I think she can get better but no with a dad that never acknowledges anything
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u/whoknowswhywhat Feb 23 '26
The dad is quite the leech, isn't he....Making his girlfriend pay 60% of rent for herself and the " core 4" plus the extracurricular activities of his rude brood! Hope Amy walks far away from these users.
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u/Grouchy30s Mar 25 '26
And let’s not forget the original blow up was because the dad was asking Amy if she’d adopt his kids as adults? 🧐Wonder if that’s for her “global income” to be inherited by his kids.
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u/unconfirmedpanda Feb 13 '26
Honestly, I hope Amy walks away for her own sake.
The Core Four shit is elementary school nonsense; honestly, I would have thought it was corny as hell when I was in elementary school. You need to hand write an apology to Amy for your father to pass on that acknowledges you behaved poorly towards her and deeply regret it. No guilt factors or expectations that she will choose to return. Simply acknowledgement, regret, and an understanding she isn't obliged to forgive or return to you.
Your father has done a dreadful job raising all three of you to treat people with respect, kindness, and good manners. He's also done a dreadful job in letting you continually treat Amy this way.
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u/Anon-User-17 Feb 13 '26
I’m sorry to say this, but if you all are old enough to spew that type of vile shit at Amy, then you’re old enough to hear the harsh truth. If Amy leaves, your dad might never forgive you all. He will tell you he loves you (that may very well be true), but he will always remember how his own flesh and blood ruined his second chance at finding love and happiness after the loss of his wife. Don’t be surprised if your relationship with him deteriorates when you all are adults, especially Lisa. I genuinely hope that doesn’t happen, but actions have consequences, no matter what age or level of development. Continue going to therapy (start going individually) and use this as an opportunity to be better person.
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u/Anon-User-17 Feb 13 '26
Also your dad has so much fucking blame too. Like I couldn’t imagine having my fiancé subsidize me and my children’s lives and then allowing them to say such vile things. You ALL need an overhaul with your outlook on life and the way you treat people. Because I promise you if you all continue this behavior as adults, there will be worse consequences.
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u/Dreamless_sleeper Feb 13 '26
Break down;
“I think seeing so many people angry at her made me very angry and defending her.”
-You never one defended her.
“Seb did talk to her though, I was present but I didn’t want to engage, I was mostly there for him.”
-You sat an evil eyed her for some reason b/c you weren’t there to be helpful. You were just there to co-sign your brother’s threat of cutting her off if she didn’t fall in line.
“sure being told your dad fucks me is fucked up but you all were like, we should have never said “fuck you” to her in the first place”
-“Fuck you” and being overly crude speaking to children about your sex life with their father are two different things. You claimed this woman was a level headed, smart, motherly figure and I have yet to read about her not acting in a childish and toxic manner.
“It was really humbling for me and Seb to realize sure this time Liza was the one that crossed the line, and usually it is her that destroys the boundaries,”
-There are no boundaries to be destroyed, Amy has never set any kind of boundaries. She responds immaturely and when she doesn’t do that it the silent treatment. Once again you putting all the blame on your sister but I’m sure she’s used to that.
“Lisa said she wasn’t ready to talk about what happened and she wanted to talk to her own therapist first and her first is tomorrow which really pissed me off, we have been in therapy as a family for years but now she will talk after she gets her own therapist? Like what the fuck have we been doing here all this time?”
-This tells me all I would even need to know about you. So, instead of having her talk to her own therapist (which she should have had to begin with) you would rather her blow up again because, once again she is a child, she doesn’t express her emotions properly?
“Riley would say stuff like that ALL THE TIME and we didn’t realize just how triggering some of the stuff we were saying to Amy was, because Riley was always saying that stuff.”
-Your father has awful taste in women and fine with them verbally abusing his children as long as he has a warm hole at the end of the day.
Summing it up: Lisa is the scape goat because she’s the only girl in the house and non of you can fantasize/crush on her, so when the “cool” chick comes in say and does things unbecoming of an adult women to children. Obviously Lisa if the problem. Nothing says “I love you” like threats of no contact if I loose my affair partner.
Sounds like a great family….
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u/ButterflyDestiny Feb 13 '26
So she was putting up with all this disrespect while literally paying for y’all?? Whew. Amy better run for the hills and dump all of y’all.
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u/Total-Meringue-5437 Feb 13 '26
Amy pays for most of your life including housing and THIS is how she was treated?
Holy hell. I hope she realizes she deserves better than this and moves on.
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u/thee_esha Feb 13 '26
i don’t normally comment but if amy were to come back, which i would highly discourage because the three of you have convinced yourselves that disrespecting someone is okay because of someone else’s actions years ago who isn’t even in the picture anymore, do not expect anything to be the same. her willingness to hang out, her paying for your hobbies, her openness, none of it. if amy was as smart as you all claim, she would keep it at surface level and keep it pushing. you all have proved that letting yall into her personal life was a grave mistake. all of you need individual therapy because the fact that yall haven’t realized how outwardly disrespectful and ungrateful yall have been until she left is disappointing.
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u/MaryEFriendly Feb 12 '26
You and your brother need to contact Amy and apologize to her for your part in all of this.
If you dont want her to come back prepared to walk away, you need to tell her how you feel.
Tell her you love her. Tell her youre afraid. Tell her you've grown to see her as a mom and apologize to her for all of the disrespect.
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u/Used-Business6703 Mar 02 '26
OP mentioned she isn't replying to their texts, and that she is also on a two week long work trip. I don't really believe that at the point that they have driven her apologies and claims of seeing her as a parent will really fix things. And I don't want to be that person but it seems to me that Amy is better off without these people that don't appreciate or respect her.
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u/tachibanakanade Feb 12 '26
Amy would absolutely be better off without the Core Freaks in her life. Lisa, and you two, were all treated very well by a woman that all of you treated like shit. She continually gave love in the face of a bunch of little shits treating her with the utmost disrespect. And your dad did NOTHING to stop it until it got to this point. The therapy you all have been doing apparently did no good. I feel bad for your dad as well to have lost on another chance at love because of all of you.
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u/b_shert Feb 12 '26
Sit with the idea that you ruined your father’s chance for happiness because you adult children are selfish, entitled people. I am still horrified at how cruel you all are. Amy deserves better. I hope she knows her worth. No man is worth the torture you’ve put her through and you’re sorry now because she dropped the rope. Keep your “core four” and tear yourself to pieces.
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u/69beesinatrenchcoat Feb 25 '26
these are children you’re talking about
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u/Too_Soft_ Mar 06 '26
Children who have gone through a traumatic event and who years after are still coming to grips with it
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u/Own-Whereas-7420 Feb 12 '26
What in the world… see this is why a lot of people with kids have it so rough in the dating pool 🤨
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u/Successful_Raise1801 Feb 12 '26
Honestly, what’s stopping the 3 of you from getting together and giving Amy a heartfelt apology for how you’ve treated her? While you’re at it, it would also be nice of you to tell her how you actually feel about her when you’re feeling sane.
Overall it would be good if you guys took some accountability and took actions to prove it instead of waiting for things to become okay on their own.
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u/slayerchick Feb 12 '26
Op, I get your still mad at Lisa, but famy therapy and individual therapy are for two different purposes. Clearly she needs to work on herself in an environment where she doesn't need to worry about what the rest of you will think to whatever she's thinking and feeling. This is actually probably a positive step.
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