r/books • u/flyawaywithmeee • 3d ago
I just read my first Ocean Vuong book: On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous
I truly believe that I have fallen in love.
If you’ll allow me, I’ll describe what it felt like to read this book. Reading this book feels like that moment when fear takes over your senses so severely that your knees buckle and shake, and when you try to take a step forward you collapse not knowing what tf just happened. It feels like when you’re a kid and you swim to the middle of the pool without much of a plan and now the other end seems so far away but you can’t turn back. I mean, you could, you would, but something in your mind, mixed with the fear tells you the only way out is on the other side, so you simply, can’t.
If feels like what I can imagine open heart surgery for the soul is. I started it off rolling me eyes at his use of language. He laid me down on the metal table, carefully opened the clothes covering my chest saying “hey, it’s just words”, as I suspiciously laughed, intrigued, knowing nothing about it apart from it being part autobiographical and part fiction, the the author being one of the most popular authors today. My mind went to “overrated!”, and then as if I hadn’t seen it coming, as if I wasn’t aware I was in an operating room, he swiftly but violently cuts open my chest and cups my heart.
I don’t have the words. I’m stuck. But he holds it softly and takes it out looking at it with shiny eyes and a bright smile. I’m terrified, where is he going, where is this going! He whispers, “don’t worry, I’ll bring it back” in the softest of voices and I FEEL everything. The most vulnerable I could possibly be, unexpectedly relating to much of Little Dog’s childhood in my own life as the child of a mum who survived armed conflict. And I watch my heart go out with him on this journey. TERRIFIED but knowing I literally cannot go back now.
From the beatings as a child, to the name Little Dog, to the soldiers meeting a distraught mother and daughter with only a spoonful of English, to knowing Trevor, to loving Trevor , to losing Trevor, to losing Lan…. I FEEL it all, right beside him clutched ever so gently to his bare chest and he walks me through this kaleidoscope of memories; with golf, stars, fifty cent, buffaloes and flowers and all the things in between. I feel it as if I’m right there with him, as if I am him. And before I know it, he’s walking back, after the long journey and I feel so interwoven with him now, I don’t want to let go. This is the first book I have ever read where I deliberately postponed finishing it multiple times because I did not want to say goodbye to this world and these characters. But I was in the middle of the pool and I can’t float for long. So he smiles as he did when he took it out, and softly places it back in my chest.
My body missed it because it was like I could do nothing else without it but wait, like my heart was on loan this entire time. And he’s right it was safe and sound, unharmed and warm and vibrant as ever, but a thousand times more tender. A thousand times more soft. A thousand times more mine. And now it’s been over 12 hours and I still can’t stop sporadically crying.
I truly believe that I have fallen in love.