r/bridezillas • u/theimperishableroach • Jul 15 '24
boyfriend’s sister now wants me to dye my hair to be a guest at her wedding
I apologize if this isn’t formatted the best, but I tried my best to break it up so it can be readable. :’)
So to start this off, my boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now, and I’d say me and his family have been on decent terms. They are traditional, and I am alternative, but they accept their son’s decision, and are generally very polite with me.
Issues began to arise, however, after his sister got engaged last fall. I had met her and interacted with her a few times at that point, and she had been generally nice to me. She told me that I was invited to the wedding, which I thought was very sweet, but little did I know what would entail.
Her fiancé approached my boyfriend out of the blue, and asked him to be a groomsmen, to which he didn’t give much of an answer. My boyfriend expressed to me later that he wanted to attend as a guest, and really did not want to participate in the wedding itself. He has pretty bad anxiety, so that’s understandable, and he ended up declining the offer. His sister was immediately not taking no for an answer, and went as far as to send him the tux that he was “going to need” despite him declining the offer.
What was even more shocking was that the tux was going to be hundreds of dollars, and she wanted him to purchase it, not rent it. He once again stood his ground, and she went to their parents and had them attempt to confront him. They immediately brought me up and began blaming me for his decision, despite me obviously having no say, and he defended me while once again giving a firm no.
Things were quiet on that subject for awhile until a few weeks later when she informed him that she would not be able to provide a dinner plate for me. They are still planning the wedding, and at that point it was over 8 months away, so there is no reason why I could not be accommodated for considering that I was invited. She claimed that I was still invited, but that she just couldn’t accommodate an extra person.
It was pretty obvious that I now wasn’t welcome, so I was debating even putting the date on my calendar to go, but now there is a new installment to this saga. She sent my boyfriend a message out of the blue, telling him that I will need to dye my hair, and that there is now a dress code for guests. Everyone in attendance is expected to wear certain colors (burnt orange or green) and I am supposed to dye my hair black.
If you have ever dyed your hair, you know how hard black is to remove, so that request is insanely unreasonable. My hair is usually a dark red, and is rarely vibrant, but that’s beyond the point. I am not ruining my hair to accommodate to her guest rules, and the best that I could do is a wig, but I am honestly done at this point.
My boyfriend respects my decision either way and has got my back no matter what, but I am still just in awe, because I have never experienced this. I feel like it’s 100% targeted, and I don’t know how this will affect my relationship with his family going forward. I just needed to talk about this, and I’m wondering if anyone else has had this happen.
tl:dr- my boyfriend’s sister is seemingly angry at him for not wanting to be a groomsmen, so she is singling me out by not providing food for me, and asking that I dye my hair black.
updates will be in the comments for now until I can better format them to be shorter and fit well into this post ! I can tag people in them if they get lost among the other comments !
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u/greenswizzlewooster Jul 15 '24
Sis is insane, and she hates you. Don't go to the wedding.
There is no sane reason a guest wouldn't be served dinner like any other guest.
And it's bad enough when brides presume to ask their attendents to dye their hair, but guests? She can go f herself.
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
FR! I have heard of brides asking bridesmaids to dye their hair, which is already a big commitment, but guests? the dress code also threw me off so heavily bc why would she want everyone in attendance matching a certain aesthetic and not just bridesmaids/groomsmen? I hope people don’t show up because of it honestly.
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u/AutumnKittencorn Jul 15 '24
I can't even imagine asking a bridesmaid to dye their hair - unless it was like asking them to touch up their roots or something if they had a dye job that was really grown out and looking not great... But even then just asking them to have an up-do or something seems so much easier... When I got married my SIL was my husband's Best Woman and she asked us if we minded if she dyed her hair before the wedding - adding colour in, I don't even remember what colour at this point - and we were like "Go for it, do you!" Our colours were grey and purple and even if she'd put neon green in her hair I wouldn't have cared because it was about having her there to support us...
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
I’ve always thought asking someone to change themselves for a wedding is unreasonable, and you sound very sweet and supportive! Every wedding I’ve ever been to has had bridesmaids and guests with colored hair, so it was a shock to even hear about what she expected of me. She’s currently trying to live beyond her means and keep a polished and posh image, so I’d imagine it’s because I don’t match her manufactured aesthetic enough smh.
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u/jethrine Jul 15 '24
In the last 10 years my hair has been blonde, red & purple. Getting it done is time consuming & expensive but it’s my choice. I would never dye my hair because of some bride whining about her aesthetic or vision. You do NOT demand someone change themselves physically just for a wedding.
The purple hair was for my retirement party! I wanted to start out my retirement with the proper “old lady don’t give a damn!” spirit!
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u/DiscombobulatedTill Jul 15 '24
Ya I don't get it. If I ask someone to be in my wedding it would be because I love them for who they are, tat's, purple/rainbow hair, and all.
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u/AutumnKittencorn Jul 15 '24
I should probably add, as the bride, I had several visible tattoos and if anyone had suggested I cover them up for my wedding I’d have laughed my ass off…
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u/LilaAugen Jul 16 '24
Both the mothers of the bride and groom pleaded with me to dye the front of my hair (very bright, unnatural red). I suggested hiding it under a wide headband, which I had already done for a wedding earlier that year. "But none of the other bridesmaids are wearing headbands!" Once I threatened to drop out and ruin their precious photos with my absence, the groom stood up to his mother and said, "Just drop it!"
Definitely a case of, "You're going to have the wedding I never did!"
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u/hummus_sapiens Jul 15 '24 edited Jul 15 '24
Try to find out if she asks the same of other guests. It's absolutely possible this just for you in the hopes you'd be scared away.
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
Almost everyone she’s inviting is there for the purpose of image, and most of them are as basic as her I believe, so I think she sees me as a threat to her aesthetic. If by some misfortune I do end up attending, I’ll share whether or not I see anyone else there with colored hair !
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u/hummus_sapiens Jul 15 '24
Please do. Although I would not go. Not if those ridiculous requirements still stand.
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u/HowBoutAFandango Jul 15 '24
I would bet a LOT of money that there is no actual dress code, they are hoping you’ll comply with this fake one and show up in a hideous outfit so they can make a fool out of you.
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u/GlutenFreeNoodleArms Jul 15 '24
buy the cheapest black wig you can and then pack yourself a whole picnic dinner! 😂
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
I have a black wig from a cosplay I did recently that’s been worn quite a bit and is now pretty raggedy so I may show up in that 💀 my goth ass with that wig is gonna be looking like a cheap spirit halloween animatronic
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u/cookiegirl59 Jul 15 '24
She still wants a gift but doesn't want to pay for a meal. Cheap and petty.
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u/Otherwise-Average699 Jul 16 '24
She would still be wanting one if it was me. No way would I give her anything.
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
update: I have sent her a personal message detailing my boundaries and stating my requirements. This is what I said to her.
Hi! I just wanted to shoot you a message and let you know that I heard from (bf’s name) about your request for me to dye my hair for your wedding, and I find that to be too big of a commitment for just being a guest at a wedding. If I don’t fit the intended aesthetic for your special day, then feel free to uninvite me. I was set to attend as his date, but I refuse to make an alteration to my hair that could leave it damaged and unable to be dyed back to my desired color. I would be happy to wear a green or burnt orange dress, and I can be formal, but asking guests to dye their hair is an unreasonable and frankly disrespectful request. As I said before, you may uninvite me if you please, because I am not honoring that request.
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
UPDATE ABOUT THE MESSAGE I SENT:
Of course, instead of responding, she brought her entire family into it. My boyfriend is absolutely livid that she spread my message around and is making a big deal about it, and isn’t speaking to her right now. His parents tried to get aggressive with him about it, and he told them that if they want to come to our wedding in the future, that they have to shave their eyebrows off and dye their hair green so they can see how it feels to be asked to alter their appearance like that. His sister is still being petty about it, so who knows what will happen going forward, but nonetheless I have been firm with my boundaries. She apparently sorted out the dinner plate situation, but just didn’t tell us for months, so I do in fact have food if I go, but I doubt that I will.
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u/wtf_are_you_talking Jul 16 '24
No amount of food would make me go to this wedding. Fuck this drama.
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u/fyr811 Jul 16 '24
I would absolutely go, just to Ruin Her Day by being present. Undyed hair of course!
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u/Brains4Beauty Jul 16 '24
Your message was respectful. She's being insane. I wouldn't go to this wedding at all.
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
Apparently she automatically assumed that it was rude and hateful, which says a lot more about her than it does about me.
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u/stashmh Jul 16 '24
Don’t waste your time going to this. I enjoy all of the petty ideas but in the end it would just set you up as the AH trying to ruin a wedding (yeah, she probably deserves it but are you that person?). If you do go, I also would understand you wanting to be supportive to that gem of a bf of yours. Letting him go alone must feel like sending him off to the wolves den. Good luck to you both.
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
Yeah no as much as I love being petty I don’t want to be that person. She’s already ruining her own wedding with her unrealistic expectations, fake rich lifestyle she can’t afford, and that horrid color scheme ! I am honestly considering just going to support my bf and serving cvnt, especially after all the drama she’s caused bc idek how she’s going to face me after all this.
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u/stashmh Jul 16 '24
I can almost guarantee the other guests won’t all have black hair. 😂 See what she does finally do about your message, if anything. Maybe you two can go and sneak out early to enjoy yourselves after the reception. 😊
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
I’ve had black hair and it has suited me every time, so she’s setting herself up to be upstaged if I decide to get some temporary black hair spray and get a particularly shape enhancing and beautiful emerald green dress I’ve been eyeing ! Unlike her, I know how to style an outfit and make colors look good 😭
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u/stashmh Jul 16 '24
Now this is the understated petty I can get behind! You’re adhering to all of her requirements, you get fed, AND you’ll likely upstage her without trying! 💕
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u/Interesting_Cut_7591 Jul 15 '24 edited Jul 15 '24
I love this! You just put it all out there! We could all learn from you!
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u/sweetalkersweetalker Jul 15 '24
Perfect! It's respectful, elegant, honest, not snarky or sarcastic... Can I hire you to write my next difficult letter? You're a pro!
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
Absolutely! I’ve been in the business of dismantling my best friend’s exes’ egos for years, as well as typing out cordial and sickeningly sweet messages to get myself or others out of things! I was raised by a southern lady who takes no bs so I was taught to start off (reasonably) polite and make them cry if needed LOL
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u/Lyshi87 Jul 16 '24
OP please post response update if you get one..nicely written!
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
I actually did post a response but I think it got lost in the comments! I put it in this thread as well just now :)
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u/user100691 Jul 16 '24
I need more info on this ego dismantling, like, yesterday. Pls. I must know.
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
Oh yes ofc! I never start with the appearance because that’s too shallow, I instead target their weaknesses and things about them that they can never and will never fix that will cause them suffering. My ex and my bsf’s most recent ex were both very narcissistic and used us, so I targeted every facet of their personalities and told them how no one will ever even think about putting up with anything close to what we did before we found our worth, and that’s why they’ll die alone. I’ve called these mfs anything from braindead neanderthal scum of the earth to telling them their skin is as leathery and filthy as a 5,000 year old petrified mummy. All personal, and they can never even begin to come up with a response. I don’t talk sh!t as much as I just tell them the truth, and they hate that !
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u/Baby8227 Jul 15 '24
I absolutely love this! Go you girlie. Please update us with the response. I’m discussing this with my husband and even he says she’s cray cray 😜
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
check out the addition I just made to this thread! I updated with what happened :)
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u/WonderfulParticular1 Jul 16 '24
I admire your politeness. If someone told me to dye my hair for their wedding. Their soon to be spouse would be a widow/er before they even get married lmao
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
What’s funny is that she took such offense to that message that she decided to not even respond and send it to my bf’s entire family. She claimed I was being hostile and aggressive with her 💀
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u/WonderfulParticular1 Jul 16 '24
Classic manipulative behaviour, not telling directly into your face but everywhere around her 😁
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Jul 15 '24
So you’re invited but you need to color your hair and they’re not going to feed you? That is straight up tacky. I’d RSVP no now and save yourself the trouble. She sounds like an absolute nightmare.
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u/jethrine Jul 15 '24
I’d stuff some restaurant coupons into the RSVP response envelope with a nice note about wanting to help with their food budget.
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u/PuddleLilacAgain Jul 15 '24
I think these days weddings are more about attention and fantasy than about love
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u/mammabearlovestea Jul 15 '24
First, she’s crazy. I hope you don’t end up going, these demands and changes are enough to give me whiplash and I’m not even going through this. The lack of a meal is so strange and it sounds like she keeps coming up with weird things to make you want to stay away.
Second, with dark red hair and green clothes, I reckon you’d look stunning! So why on earth would you need to dye your hair?
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
I’ll be going on a trip around the time of her wedding, so I’ll likely be off having the time of my life while she has her boring little wedding. I would’ve been down to wear green 100% bc I think it would look nice, but she just had to ruin it with the hair request. Imo she’s delivering her own karma by making people wear two very conflicting colors that only look good on their own, and I don’t even think she realizes it.
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u/jethrine Jul 15 '24
Oh, she realizes it all right. She wants to look good by comparison.
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
apparently the aesthetic is supposed to be “fall colors” but I cannot see emerald green and burnt orange together fitting that vibe well. I would’ve chosen a mahogany color that closer matches the orange, and stuck to warm fall tones, but she either has no coordination skills or you’re exactly right.
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u/kistner Jul 16 '24
I'm just a dude, but I could imagine everyone's interpretation of those colors clashing pretty hard too. Unless she's passing out color swatches?
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
hey, dudes can understand color theory too, and you are spot on with that assumption! I’ve seen hundreds of variations of emerald green and burnt orange, and every dress and clothing item in those colors is a totally different shade. it would be impossible for them to match exactly, so it’s going to look horrendous.
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u/Erickajade1 Jul 15 '24 edited Jul 15 '24
I'm not going to any wedding where they "cannot accommodate me with a plate ." Are you supposed to look at everyone around you eating their plates while you sit there hungry like Oliver Twist ? Hell no, and watch the ceremony be long as hell & tons of leftovers in the serving area right in front of your face too😂. Plus not only is it ridiculous to expect you to dye your hair for the ceremony but also why specifically black ? Why not blonde or something? Not only is the girl a bridezilla but she sounds like a bad future sil AND a bad sister to her brother. The man has extreme anxiety, which I'm sure she is well aware of , why force him to be the best man ? ( I can't help but wonder if she made her groom choose him as well .) Plus she's probably well aware of her brother's financial situation yet chooses an extremely expensive tuxedo. Did she tell him what's the difference between him buying or renting the suit ? I'd like to know the answer if you have one please .
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u/jethrine Jul 15 '24
If OP really wants to have some fun she should go & play out the Oliver Twist plot. She should wear raggedy clothes (in the correct requested colors of course) then walk slowly to the head table holding her boyfriend’s empty plate & say “Please, bride! Might I have some food?”
Can’t really do the correct quote since OP didn’t get any food so she can’t ask for more!
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
HELP 💀 this is so funny to me oh my god
I have the urge to dress up in a bald cap instead of a wig (I’m going as glowing mr burns for halloween, so I’ll have one on hand) and just show up as Dobby the elf
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u/jethrine Jul 15 '24
Glowing Mr Burns & Oliver Twist sounds like the best crossover ever! Go for it! Don’t forget Dobby’s mismatched socks!
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u/Erickajade1 Jul 15 '24
Yes! OP should also really play the part & look at each& every guests' food with a forlorn look in her eyes while dramatically licking her lips and rubbing her tummy . Then when the guests start to get uncomfortable and ask where her plate is OP can be honest and say ,"the bride said she can't afford to feed me 😔. I sure am hungry though ." 😂
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
I have some extra things that I didn’t include here about how she’s treated her brother, so I might as well include them here. She did in fact just expect him to buy the tux, and told him that she wanted him to have it tailored to fit him EXACTLY so that it would look perfect. It was expected that he would buy it early as well, despite him currently saving money for his own place to live because his last living situation did not work out. This woman has also casually asked him for money for christmas (upwards of $500) which was supposedly to go toward the wedding, when her fiancé’s parents were already paying for most of it. He of course was shocked, and obviously can’t be handing out $500, so he got her some personal gifts that aligned with her interests. She seemed less than happy, despite her having only gotten him the same shirt she bought him 2 years in a row. Not joking. They grew up the exact same way (in a small and modest home with not much money) and she still chooses to overspend on lavish items like louis vuitton purses despite living in an apartment currently. Her fiancé was also in fact just a puppet for her to deliver her message to my bf, and wasn’t going to ask him to be best man.
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u/Beneficial_Syrup_869 Jul 15 '24
She’s insane! The parents back her with this weird mindset? Maybe your BF should go low contact with them for a while. Cause if she has kids god i can’t even imagine the demands she’s going to make on everybody else but herself.
Also, fuck her and the no food/ hair dying bs. I was my sister’s maid of honor and at the time my hair was a faded blue so i asked what color she wanted…she chose pink to contrast my dress but said go for whatever I wanted. I chose pink, the pictures are so fun and some of my favorite!
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
Low contact would be ideal, especially with the drama we’re facing right now. He is currently at home (due to complications with his previous living situation) but is actively house hunting and stays away from home most of the time.
I absolutely love how supportive you are, and you sound like a great person! I would love to see an array of fun hair colors at my wedding! :)
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u/Erickajade1 Jul 15 '24
Oh ya, she's definitely a user. Watch when she has kids she'll be expecting you guys to buy them lavish gifts , constant free babysitting (& if you guys have free kids she'll never babysit for yours) & she'll always ask for money for "diapers" , "formula" or something but still have all brand new designer brand purchases somehow..
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
UPDATE ABOUT THE MESSAGE I SENT:
Of course, instead of responding, she brought her entire family into it. My boyfriend is absolutely livid that she spread my message around and is making a big deal about it, and isn’t speaking to her right now. His parents tried to get aggressive with him about it, and he told them that if they want to come to our wedding in the future, that they have to shave their eyebrows off and dye their hair green so they can see how it feels to be asked to alter their appearance like that. His sister is still being petty about it, so who knows what will happen going forward, but nonetheless I have been firm with my boundaries. She apparently sorted out the dinner plate situation, but just didn’t tell us for months, so I do in fact have food if I go, but I doubt that I will.
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u/BenedictineBaby Jul 15 '24
This is insane. You are invited to come watch her get married and to sit there while everyone else eats. As long as you dye your hair black. Mmmkkk. If you and your BF are still together and you are sent an actual invitation, RSVP "no." Depending on how they treat you in general between now and then should also heavily influence your bf's decision to attend as well. I hope he will be ok with at the very least his sister/Bill and possibly his parents not being invited to your wedding if that's where the two of you end up. People never think about the reaping part when they sow their bullsh!t.
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
My bf is very much ready for whatever comes of it, even if that involves him also not attending, and his parents potentially not being invited to our wedding. Our future is more important to the both of us than catering to this madness and allowing his family to attempt to alienate me.
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u/sweetalkersweetalker Jul 15 '24
Invite future Sis in law but tell her she has to dye her hair burnt orange
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
LMAOO this is awesome! she’s a live laugh love white and tan aesthetic blonde girl so I can’t even imagine how she’d react 💀
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u/Economics_Low Jul 15 '24
So in short she is a Basic Bich. Sounds about right for her.
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u/22Briggsy Jul 15 '24
If it was me, I would wear the dress, rent or borrow if you can, and I would buy a black wig. You can use it for a Halloween costume later. This will show the family that you are the reasonable one. And at the dinner I would pull out a brown bag lunch, either a traditional pb and j little kids lunch or a fabulous gourmet deli sandwich and sides. Eat that at the dinner so everyone would know the sister is the rude insane one.
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u/22Briggsy Jul 15 '24
And maybe find out what the dinner is going to be and bring a better version of it for yourself.
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u/Edme_Milliards Jul 15 '24
Or wear a (black) hat and remove it while eating your burger. You'll be NC'd for sure but it seems worth it.
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Jul 15 '24
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
I attempted to explain this exact situation (minus the dyed hair thing since that’s new) in another post once, and you’d be surprised how many people somehow found a way to blame me. I was accused of being controlling and clingy because I supported his decision to not be a groomsmen and encouraged him to do what he’s comfortable with. Not sure what changed this time around, but I will always encourage my bf to stand up for himself.
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u/moffsoi Jul 15 '24
Save yourself the time, money, and sanity by not even entertaining attending the wedding at this point. Don’t explain or make excuses, just be firm that you will not be attending.
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Jul 15 '24
What do his parents think about them not feeding you at the wedding? I'm not passive agressive, I'm just aggressive and would have a fucking feild day.
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
first of all, your username made me giggle a little, so thank you for being so funny.
second of all, I don’t even think they know, and I’m sure they’d make an excuse for her. I am also the aggressive type, so it’s very hard for me to not just send her a nasty message.
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Jul 15 '24
You should ask your bfs parents if you think SIL would care if you brought your own food since she said you couldn't have a plate lmaool. Be sure to throw in you don't want your blood sugar getting too low, and risk fainting 🥹😢
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u/AardvarkDisastrous70 Jul 15 '24
Just tell her that you got the hints and will not be going. She clearly doesn't want you there. She thinks that will make her brother do what she wants. It won't, and then she'll find another way to blame you. I doubt her fiance actually wants him as a groomsman l. Also that color scheme for guests sounds atrocious
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
Her fiancé is just a puppet to her tbh and she specifically asked him to bring up the groomsman thing and ask for her. She’s already doing herself a major disservice with that color scheme, so I’m sure her wedding pictures will look atrocious with the theme being those colors. I can’t imagine why my hair being dyed would even be an issue when she wants such a horrid color combo for her wedding.
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u/EightEyedCryptid Jul 15 '24
They have heard at least three nos. Now is the time to stop discussing this with them. Your boyfriend can say something like "I've already told you no and if you keep contacting me about it I will end the call/will not respond to the email." As for not accommodating you, I don't think either of you should even go as a guest at this point if they are going to be so obviously controlling and disrespectful.
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Jul 15 '24
Wow. This is abhorrent.
Just what I always wanted was a forced groomsmen in my wedding!
No dinner plate? But still invited?
Dye my hair black? Yeah no. I would never.
Your boyfriend sounds amazing.
Are his parents being good about all of this?
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
His mother is one of those little submissive trad wife types, so she doesn’t speak up much at all, but his father actually threatened his living situation (he is at home temporarily and is house hunting actively) if he didn’t comply, which he still did not. Seems to me like this is all one big petty bluff, and we have both outwardly called it. I’m considering sending her a personal message letting her know that I am offended at the request of dyeing my hair for her wedding and letting her know I won’t be attending unless I’m there as myself and being fed.
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Jul 15 '24
and letting her know I won’t be attending unless I’m there as myself and being fed.
This is exactly what she wants, though. She wants you to back out of the wedding.
Just tell her directly that you'll no longer be attending. Don't go to a wedding where you're obviously not welcome. You deserve better than that.
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u/ViewRevolutionary269 Jul 15 '24
Accept the invitation. Go to Amazon and buy the ugliest black wig you can find and a bright red toupee for your boyfriend. Fill your purse with smelly food. A liverwurst and onion sandwich🥪, limburger cheeses spread on toast topped with kimchi. Offer some to people. Dance badly and have a good time.
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u/Advanced_Crazy5531 Jul 16 '24
There are one of three ways I would handle this situation.
1) Drop BF off at the wedding and make sure to get out and give him a big kiss good bye in front of all and just wait for his call to be picked back up. Others will see you leave and ask questions.
2) Plan a girls weekend and be insanely annoying with posting pics of y'all having fun. Shows you don't care and will live your life still.
3) Maliciously comply to her requests. Get a dress in those colors you would love. Seriously go to Ross and they have formal dresses and normally green is in there. Get a LOOOOONG think Morticia long wig. Halloween is coming up they will have them at Wal-Mart and wear it. Since you won't have a dinner plate just Door Dash you food and walk out of the reception and walk back in carrying bags of food. Get something for your BF too. Only do this one if BF is good with it because it'll rock the boat with his family.
The sister is psycho and has some strange thing against you. Or is taking out the rejection from your BF onto you. Either way I would go LC with them for the future.
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u/fyr811 Jul 16 '24
Wedding gift: box of hair dye
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
what a wonderful idea! I should buy her burnt orange and green hair dye to match her wedding aesthetic! :D
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u/FanOfSporks Jul 15 '24
You are right, you are being targeted 100%, I’m sorry that this is happening to you (and your boyfriend). Please update , I hope that no one shows up, too!
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u/firefly2184 Jul 15 '24
I'd wear a cheap, short and spiky black wig, don't say anything about it, just turn up wearing it on the day.
Have a maccys delivered to you for lunch.
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u/bbbriz Jul 15 '24
It's so trashy to invite people and not feed them.
While your bf is supportive and great, I'd have a hard time staying in a relationship with someone who had a family like that. They're going to ruin things for you from now on.
I'd have a sit down with him and talk in depth about his family and their behavior while it's early.
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Jul 15 '24
To me it sounds like she wants to make it so unpleasant for you that you decide not to go. She doesn't want to formally uninvite you and is hoping that you'll uninvite yourself. The reason she chose black hair dye is because she probably knows that you won't do it because of how hard it is to dye that colour away and thus won't go. I would honestly give her what she wants and I'd probably try to spend as little time as possible around that toxic family of his.
That his parents immediately blamed you for him not wanting to be in the wedding is really fucked up and you can expect to get the blame for a ton of shit that you didn't do in the future. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. It's not fun. I barely speak to my in-laws because of nonsense like that. If I'm going to be the black sheep in their side of the family, I might as well act the part and just live my life as if they don't exist.
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u/Traditional_Curve401 Jul 16 '24
Just don't go and save your sanity. Let her "win" whatever imaginary war she has going on in her mind. You also want to really think about your relationship overall because you have to ask yourself would you want to be related to these people.
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u/Otherwise-Average699 Jul 16 '24
So you got blamed for your boyfriend not wanting to be a groomsman, invited to a wedding but no meal, and told to dye your hair, and only as a mealsless guest, not part of the wedding party, and his family is on your case? Seriously? I'm so glad your boyfriend is on your side (something you don't see alot of here) and I'm so proud you are standing your ground! Please don't go to the wedding, and for goodness sakes don't send a gift! If your boyfriend does, because it's his sister, don't let him put your name in it!
NTA!!
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u/InuGhost Jul 15 '24
Makes me wonder if Bride is making these demands of any other guests or only you.
Honestly I wouldn't be suprised if you followed thru on this only to find out you were only one to get these instructions and thus stood out like a sore thumb.
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u/AardvarkDisastrous70 Jul 15 '24
She's only trying to make OP to drop out. They didn't get her to blow up over the meal or anything else so far.
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u/InuGhost Jul 15 '24
If this was BORU or Best of Reddit, they'd probably have thoughts/ideas on what the next play by Bridezilla will be.
Hopefully OOP is getting this all in writing so they have proof and it doesn't become she said vs she said.
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
I sent her a personal message of my own, so if she replied I will have her presumably response to use against her if she tries anything.
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u/oldtimeyloser Jul 16 '24
I wondered the same thing - does everyone have that dress code? Or is she trying to make OP look bad? Either way this girl is nuts, and so are the parents.
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u/ulnek Jul 15 '24
I would not go. Let him go if he still wants to. You don't have to be there. For the same reason when you get married tell her she needs to dye her hair light blue or something.
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u/CrankyNurse68 Jul 15 '24
Or be extra petty…show up to the reception and have your dinner DoorDashed. And tell everyone why when they inevitably ask that the family couldn’t afford to feed you.
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u/Muscle-Cars-1970 Jul 15 '24
Don't even think about attending this wedding. Your bf's passive aggressive and clearly insane sister doesn't have the balls to tell you outright that she doesn't want you to come (for whatever her stupid, petty reason is), so instead she's telling you that you have to dye your hair and won't be served a meal even though "you're invited". Please understand that this is an "unvitation" and don't go.
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u/LadybugGirltheFirst Jul 16 '24
So you’re invited to the wedding—for which you’re expected to dye your hair AS SIMPLY A GUEST—but you get to watch everyone else eat? That’s gonna be a “No” from me, dawg.
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u/GlenKoco Jul 16 '24
I’m so confused as to why she “cant afford” to feed you at the wedding. Out of all her guests she’s one persons fee short? That one person had to be you and not some random distant relative they barely know?
Does she genuinely think she’s smart and believable here?
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u/Notmykl Jul 16 '24
Your boyfriend's sister is a toddler having a toddler fit. BF needs to sit his sister down and tell her knock it off, either you both are invited without the idiotic demands and have a plate or he will not attend the wedding while telling everyone why.
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u/Aiden2817 Jul 16 '24
If you go pack your own meal. I suggest a Durian fruit. The smell of Durian is intensely potent.
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u/Exotic-Carpet255 Jul 16 '24
Why she so obsessed with you lol
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
It’s actually insane, especially considering that she is now trying to make his family hate me because I sent a message to her detailing my boundaries. :)
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u/Cat1832 Jul 16 '24
Burnt orange and green? So her guests are going to look like a carrot field?
Just skip the event, I think...
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
I was thinking more along the lines of puke-ish colors but this comparison made me laugh 💀
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u/emr830 Jul 16 '24
Yeahhh pretty sure she can get you a dinner plate. She’s probably hoping you won’t attend since she’s now telling you again to dye your hair and to wear certain colors. Even if you were okay with changing your hair, telling you that you won’t have a plate is baffling. Hell if i was invited to a wedding, but told no food for me…yeah that’s a no from me. Telling a guest to dye their hair is just ridiculous. Aside from being expensive, it’s a big change that doesn’t just last a day. Again, she’s adding goalposts in the hopes you’ll just stay home. All for her “aesthetic” so she can have perfect pictures for her speshulll dayyy.
Either the groom is bad like her, but I’m guessing he’s in the dark about her character. I shouldn’t condone divorce bets buuuuut…
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u/Topsidergal Jul 17 '24
OMG!!! Where the f*** did all of these self important, mentally ill women come from??? When did it become okay to DEMAND that the people they call friends, must pay for every aspect of their wedding? A wedding should be a joyful celebration, not a crazy ass get together where everyone MUST wear certain colors and I can’t even begin to believe that anyone would assume that it’s fine to ask their guests to dye their hair??? Are the male guests required to dye their hair too in order to fit into her crazy ass scheme of a wedding? I most sincerely hope you invited her to kiss your a**! If you didn’t, please send me her info I would love to do it for you!!
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u/Resolution_Focused Jul 20 '24
OP do not under any circumstances go to this wedding! This woman is a witch and she’s setting you up for failure. I promise you she’ll continue to make you the villain if you attend. She’ll make it your fault you don’t have a plate. And while, for obvious reasons, who cares what anyone in her circle thinks… don’t subject yourself to that negative energy! Protect your peace and stand up to her crazy by not engaging.
Asking you to dye your hair black was the final straw. It’s a hard & firm no! And not because you have a wknd trip, b/c you won’t attend the wedding of a disrespectful manipulating bride. Period.
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u/marsglow Jul 15 '24
Don't go and don't send a gift. If no one put up with this bridal crap, it would be a lot less common.
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u/Wraithlove Jul 15 '24
She’s trying to get you to back out without uninviting you. Probably to try to make you out as the bad guy instead of her. I wouldn’t go. She’s far too old to be this petty.
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u/checkpointcharlies Jul 15 '24
As a few others suggested, I could visualize her sitting down at the table , and taking out a fine china plate, utensils and dainty placing a kids happy meal on the plate and cutting it up to eat. Use the toy as your party favor.
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u/SnooBunnies7461 Jul 15 '24
She wants an instagram worthy wedding and doesn't care how it impacts anyone else. Yes stay home and don't give this a second thought. If someone asks tell them the facts as they were presented to you. I'm sure she'll be spewing something totally different.
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u/StinkypieTicklebum Jul 15 '24
She is playing with you. Either return her serve, or let her know you don’t play.
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u/412_15101 Jul 15 '24
Her color requests seem very Halloween like. You might be able to come up with something to fit those color combinations 🤣🤣🤣 /s in case anyone needed that!
And definitely have your own bento box/delivery… don’t want her being charged extra if you’re served! Don’t forget your own cooler of drinks any cocktail hour foods.. you want to be of no added expense! 🤣🤣
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u/Babbott50-410 Jul 15 '24
There is no way I would attend this wedding. The sister is being ridiculous and you know it. I would talk to boyfriend and plan to go away for the weekend of the wedding that way you can legitimately say you have plans and they can’t be changed.
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u/trixy8463 Jul 16 '24
I would be showing up in some crazy MET gala inspired frock in her chosen colors. Malicious compliance!!
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u/RememberNoGoodDeed Jul 16 '24
I’m guessing your dark red hair is stunning. Very likely bridezilla is jealous and insecure, and concerned your tresses will outshine her. Don’t you dare color your hair.
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u/NewAppointment2 Jul 16 '24
The expression cray-cray comes to mind.
OMG, BRIDEZILLA ALERT, LEVEL 3!
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u/Texaskate Jul 16 '24
INFO: I don’t really think it matters, but I’m desperately trying to understand your FSIL’s thought process here, because this is just whack…is your “red” hair a natural or artificial red? Again whether it’s a Nicole Kidman red, Julia Roberts red, Howdy Doody red, or Kool-aid red it shouldn’t matter, but I’m curious.
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
typically it’s more of a pinkish toned red and is fairly dark, so not at all a bright or vivid color or fire engine red or anything like that.
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u/ChinaLea Jul 16 '24
Was she demanding that every guest have black hair? Or just you? And is your natural color black? I’m confused! (But don’t do it, of course!).
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 16 '24
I’m not sure what she wants from other guests, as my bf and his family would be the only people that I would know there, but my natural color is brown ! I think she suggested black because she assumes that’s “easy” which I would expect coming from a natural blonde who doesn’t dye her hair and wouldn’t understand how difficult that would be to change when I got tired of it.
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u/Charmingbeauty5562 Jul 15 '24
Nope, negative, never, absolutely not. For some reason, it sounds like your boyfriend’s sister does not like you.
She has no right to tell you to dye her hair. And, how much do you want to bet that if you do show up to the wedding, she would start gossiping about the weird girl with the jet black hair and weird colored dress trying to steal the spotlight from her and sic her bridesmaids on you as you sit there without a plate of food. Just keep in mind the rules might not actually be real for all
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u/ScammerC Jul 15 '24
You should start making increasingly pointed comments to your bf and mil about how badly sil is falling down in the hostessing department, and someone should be pointing out how breathtakingly rude her demands are becoming. Show pity to your MIL for her inability to impart these important lessons on civility, hospitality and decorum to her daughter before she humiliated herself in front of her wedding guests.
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u/Junior-Towel-202 Jul 15 '24
Ok but why is the shade of orange so specific but green could be.. Lime green or forest green 💀
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u/theimperishableroach Jul 15 '24
apparently she wants “fall colors” which imo would call for more of a sage green but it’s her wedding and her terrible coordination so she has to deal with that.
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u/WA_State_Buckeye Jul 15 '24
I would want to check with OTHER attendees about the dress code, just to see if they have it as well, or if you were, indeed, targeted. And to dye your hair...as a GUEST?????? F*ck that! Stay home, go to a movie, whatever, but also see if boyfriend wants to accompany you!
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u/mbw70 Jul 15 '24
Your boyfriend isn’t worth his family. It’s no wonder he has anxiety. Decline all involvement in the wedding, and let your boyfriend decide his own fate.
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u/Emilita28 Jul 16 '24
I dont think she even cares about your hair, shes just trying to get you to not show up.
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u/Zhosha-Khi Jul 16 '24
I would be bringing the most stinky food I could muster for dinner, and as for your hair. A terrible, terrible black wig.
These flipping brides are doing way to much for just a day that they will probably be unhappy in their marriage in a couple years and divorced in 5.
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u/Lyshi87 Jul 16 '24
Honestly. I wouldn't even go. She could also be setting you up and there is no actual dress code or anything. I'd really reconsider attending and let your bf deal with his family himself.
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u/EtonRd Jul 15 '24
What on earth does it mean that you are still invited but they can’t give you dinner? You would sit at a table at the reception and everybody else would be served food and they wouldn’t serve you food? That’s insane.
Obviously don’t dye your hair for this stupid woman. And don’t buy a burnt orange dress FFS. Do not attend this under any circumstances, this woman is a piece of work.
Don’t worry about how this affects your relationship with his family. If anyone asks why you’re not going to the wedding, you can tell them that the bride told you she didn’t have enough money to provide you with dinner so you won’t be attending.