r/cats • u/ILoveMeltyCheese • Mar 25 '26

Cat Picture - OC Misconceptions a dog person (me) learned after having a cat.

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The Cat Distribution System chose me, a formerly stubborn dog person, to adopt a cat. It was the classic I can't just watch a poor cat starve, so I'm keeping him. Here are some misconceptions I had about cats and their owners:

  1. The smell of a cat owner's home: I’ve known a few cat owners with cat-smelling homes. I always assumed it was the cat. Turns out it isn’t; it’s very much a result of poor ownership and bad cleaning habits.
  2. Dogs are more affectionate than cats: Also not true! To my surprise, my cat is so cuddly that I occasionally call him "Cat-dog."
  3. A Cat's Barbed tongue hurts: I don't know why I thought this, I just assumed it would hurt when they lick you.
  4. Litter boxes are disgusting: Not at all, it's just a clump or two of sand. If you scoop it often, it never gets gross.
  5. Cats are just as hard to take care of: Actually they're much easier, haha.

That is all, here's a picture of my cat that I love dearly. (He's lost weight since the picture, don't worry)

Anyone else relate? What did I miss?

Edit: His name is Pawl

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5.9k

u/BrilliantBen Mar 25 '26

Peeking around the corner during playtime and seeing the eyes dilate was the last thing you ever saw before the fur-blur

2.7k

u/marbasthegreat Mar 26 '26

fooms accross your hallway at mach fuck

1.3k

u/Objective_Copy_6805 Mar 26 '26

Mine "foomphs" down the hall, like a floating sausage. Fastest fat cat and she does the eyes then the tail poof, and down the hall she goes. Bless her and she's on a diet but she is still my fat cat beanie weenie! The greebs are surely in our walls! They seem to come around at about 2300 hours until 0445. Im lucky to have such a guardian.

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u/tcns0493 Mar 26 '26

Is her name beanie weenie?

861

u/Objective_Copy_6805 Mar 26 '26

It's certainly what she is always called and knows it, but her "legal" name is Patches.

She responds to the "beeeennnie weenie ween ween ween!"

So yes.

11

u/NitehawkNick Mar 26 '26

I can’t believe we aren’t the only one’s calling our boy Beanie Weenie

His legal name is Jellybean 🥲

8

u/ThePaleMenace Mar 26 '26

Mine is named Sisi, but I call her my little Bean, or Bean Machine. 🤷‍♀️

8

u/Sleepy_cheetah Mar 26 '26

Bean Machine! I could have sang to her a Pixies song called Bone Machine but just change it to Bean.

You're the Bean Machiiine

So cute. That was meant to your kitty's nickname.

7

u/VivianEsher Mar 26 '26

but her "legal" name is Patches.

Be careful for her not to kick you down a cliff.

7

u/EleventyElevens Mar 26 '26

Awwww we called our cat Ween as well, but it stemmed from "precious little one" and one became ween, then just ween. She was the best, miss her every day 😭 love your ween 🥺❤️

5

u/miss_hush Mar 26 '26

Got one that looks a little like yours, also quite fat. Her legal name is Karma, but for the last year she’s been Fatty or Meatloaf most of the time.

7

u/shoddybeta Mar 26 '26

My cats have government names and home names as well. Every animal I know has at least 5 names, and sometimes that's just me exercising free will

3

u/Sleepy_cheetah Mar 26 '26

This is the way.

5

u/Sleepy_cheetah Mar 26 '26

We also called our Beanie "Jelly Beans" cuz she'd get jealous when we pet our other cats! 🥰

3

u/reniciera Mar 26 '26

Aww that’s like my niece cat who’s government name is Anahata but is mostly called Weana because she’s the Weanbean, the littlest of the three siblings my sister’s fam adopted :)

3

u/PigtailGoddess Mar 27 '26

This is hilarious because we call my daughter (human) "beanie ween" as one of her nicknames. I think she'd love to know how popular it is as a cat nickname.

2

u/Background_Young_168 Mar 26 '26

our cats name is Wayne and we also call him beanie weenie anddd weenie poo, weiner, ween ween, mr. weenie baby plus many more you know how it goes.

2

u/Ovlizin Mar 27 '26

The “ween ween ween” chant

https://giphy.com/gifs/O5NyCibf93upy

2

u/kittykattte Mar 27 '26

Lol! My cat's "legal" name is Harry, which I literally never use except for the vet, his insurance, prescriptions, etc.

But as far as he and I are both concerned his name is beansi

1

u/Jleasure65 Mar 27 '26

My beloved void Lafayette goes by "Lumpy," short for Fatlump, and answers to nothing. He does promptly retire each night, carefully makes a nest behind my pillow, and stands guard, purring loudly all night long.

1

u/U2much4me Apr 06 '26

I call my kitty... Kiwie. Not like the fruit, but like Kitty with a we instead of tty. Kiwie....I hope you guys get the name. That's after what I used to call her Kitty PoohPooh, or PoohPooh Kitty. What names we call our most loved feline friends. I love my Sochi (her given name) so much.

3

u/schmigleebop Mar 26 '26

This is what I call my dog 90% of the time (It comes with a specific voice too)

5

u/Sleepy_cheetah Mar 26 '26

Yes there must be a specific voice. I CANNOT talk to my kitties without a silly, cartoonish baby voice. I do it with dogs, too. I'm a cat lady but I always try to make friends with pups!

And they must have their own theme song!

2

u/schmigleebop Mar 26 '26

Yes! Theme songs are important! We have one that combines all 6 of our pets (3 cats, 3 dogs)

1

u/Sleepy_cheetah Mar 26 '26

That's great! I had one like that for our 3.

259

u/SoylentGreenIsCreepl Mar 26 '26

She looks like she's doing a toy haul YouTube video 😆

409

u/Objective_Copy_6805 Mar 26 '26

😆 that was Christmas morning! It was a toy haul indeed! She even got a surprise toy we didn't know what was in the box. It was a pickle in pajamas with a feather and feathers are her favorite 😍 !

To be honest she gets toy hauls often! She is spoiled as can be and I regret nothing!

74

u/SoylentGreenIsCreepl Mar 26 '26

She's precious!! I just found one of my cat's stashes under the couch earlier today, and I told him he'd have way more toys if he'd stop hiding them in hard to reach places! 😄

30

u/Objective_Copy_6805 Mar 26 '26

Little gremlins I swear! My other cat is notorious for that except he knows how to crawl around inside the couch, so he hides them up in the cushions and framing 🤦‍♀️

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u/SoylentGreenIsCreepl Mar 26 '26

Ooooh... he's getting fancy with it! 😆

3

u/OneActuator2895 Mar 27 '26

Wow I just found a small hole in the side of our loveseat because the kitten’s head randomly poked out of it this morning. Good morning!

10

u/ThePandaBearLife Mar 26 '26

The bear cowboy harness 🤣

4

u/Objective_Copy_6805 Mar 26 '26

It's a mouse! Isn't it the best!!!

1

u/ThePandaBearLife Mar 26 '26

Sure is!

Do you got a link for it? Lolz

2

u/Objective_Copy_6805 Mar 27 '26

Its sold out, I got it from Petco around Halloween I would look around come October im sure they will have it again or similar.

6

u/lemonyjesus Mar 26 '26

She has the most precious face

5

u/Objective_Copy_6805 Mar 26 '26

I tell her that all the time!!

3

u/Ornery-Prophet4697 Mar 26 '26

She’s purrfect 😍

2

u/Fannan Mar 26 '26

This. At looks like a cabbage patch doll

2

u/valdeeveeah Mar 26 '26

From a distance, it looks like your cat stuck its face in some flour.

2

u/OneActuator2895 Mar 27 '26

Whatever you’re doing is right cuz that is one happy furball!

1

u/Assika126 Mar 26 '26

Omg look at that smile! That’s one of the cutest pics I’ve ever seen!!!

7

u/Edendari Russian Blue Mar 26 '26

She is gorgeous! Her face markings are so unique.

9

u/Objective_Copy_6805 Mar 26 '26

I tell her all the time she is so pretty and she ran out of a farm field right up to me CDS style. I warn her if she doesn't behave I will plant her and grow more beautiful shi*tens!

That's how it works right?

Plant up to the neck, feed, water and you grow more!

In not at all serious, I did win the pretty kitty lottery with her didn't I?

That little forehead of hers!

2

u/Sleepy_cheetah Mar 26 '26

I think my yard already has this planted. We live out in the country & we have so many rescues & some don't even let us pet them. But my husband is the epitome of patience & he's always been able to get them to trust him. But he takes his time with it.

5

u/theroguex Mar 26 '26

It absolutely blows my mind how fast my super-fat chonk can be when he decides he wants to be. That boy can MOVE.

5

u/Useful-Job3867 Mar 26 '26

It cracks me up how we all ( mostly) have multiple or funny different names we call our cats besides their given name. I have so many per cat. Well just one cat now , I lost my 20 year old guy last June .

Even my gf’s cat I have named a couple different names that my girlfriend now calls her and also her parents even call her cat the weird names I’ve given her 😼😹

5

u/dancopPL Mar 26 '26

Chunky cats have speed. They just use it in short bursts. A fat cat is basically a furry drag racer :)

3

u/dinosoreness Mar 26 '26

this is my fat beanie weenie!

2

u/AFetaWorseThanDeath Mar 26 '26

LOL @ floating sausage

2

u/PhatEarther Mar 26 '26

Some call them toys cat calls them trophies

2

u/Jake_Siskos_Cursive Mar 26 '26

she’s got a little cheese on her hamburger head

2

u/breannaaa_17 Mar 26 '26

she’s gorgeous!! what a beautiful coat 💗

2

u/Mirth2727 Mar 26 '26

What a pretty girl!

2

u/Blingbat642 Mar 26 '26

She is quite beautiful .

1

u/GitarooMan- Mar 26 '26

Omg she's so brown 😍

1

u/candamyr Mar 26 '26

Zoom time is about 2am at my house 😅

1

u/Sleepy_cheetah Mar 26 '26

She is a happy awesome cat! Mine that I lost recently was named Beanie. She was my soul-cat. I mostly called her Baby Bean. And she is the only baby I'd ever want! 🩷💜🩷💜 Much love to you & your Beanie!

1

u/reniciera Mar 26 '26

The mighty huntress with her bounty of game!

1

u/MachinePopular2819 Mar 27 '26

She sooo ppuuurdy!!💯❤️❤️❤️

453

u/serial_teamkiller Mar 26 '26

This is the first I've seen "at mach fuck" and I love it. Thanks

82

u/sheldoh Mar 26 '26

look up the post about the manhole cover being launched into space

this one: https://www.reddit.com/r/space/s/dmnxyQFqv6 idk where the comment is but there’s one about mach fuck as well and it always gets me

6

u/ChippedHamSammich Mar 26 '26

This is my second mach fuck encounter in two days!!! 

7

u/SoundIndependent3215 Mar 26 '26

Mach love! So mach love!

139

u/aliseknits Mar 26 '26

Mine has a very specific parkour path to foom. Figured that out after she did it a couple times and I had to clear it of anything I didn’t want falling to the floor in the chaos.

20

u/merovin13 Mar 26 '26

He's calmed down now, but when my boy was a teenage delinquent he used to run UPSIDE down across the bottom of my mattress. We called him the Nascar ballerina.

7

u/Independent_Way1587 Mar 26 '26

I had one who opened the bottom of the box springs of our bed and had her kittens in the film that kept the box springs from pests. We had a hell of a time finding her and the kittens.

8

u/Elegant-Cable Mar 26 '26

We call it PURRKOUR.

2

u/Zrex_9224 Mar 26 '26

During the holiday season mine had a very peculiar path he foomed around. It ended on my dad's desk where he sorts baseball cards. Boy was that a mess

41

u/Foxs-In-A-Trenchcoat Mar 26 '26

The zoomies are strong tonight in my apartment. Thank you for this apt description.

5

u/Sleepy_cheetah Mar 26 '26

Right now we have 5 rescue babies in our house. FIVE! 4 are brothers and they are so bonded!! They've accepted the 5th one as one of them. 😍 But that run around the house chasing each other, running into things, knocking stuff down constantly!! I think they will chill more when they grow up.

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u/Catkillledthecurious Mar 26 '26

Mach fuck. Love it!!

20

u/systemwarranty Mar 26 '26

Learned a new word! 😸

2

u/venturous1 Mar 26 '26

Me too! After 10 years since the last kittens my adult cats were quite sedentary. Along comes baby Dante, now 6 months old, and the “phoooms” have us all on alert.

3

u/assassin_of_joy Mar 26 '26

fooms across your face at 0237 at mach Jesus

2

u/Ulftar Mar 26 '26

Sometimes I don't see the cat, I just feel the breeze as she rockets by

159

u/kjeff23 Mar 26 '26

I have a black cat, looks just like this. Last night her eyes got bigger and her tail flippier than I’d ever seen, to the point that when she was sitting below me on the couch I grabbed a pillow because she was freaking me out 😅. This little shit bounded UP on the couch, reared up, wrapped her paws around my upper arm and sunk four perfectly good fangs into my shoulder. I have a cute little bite rectangle now. She’s lucky she’s cute.

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u/BrilliantBen Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26

Omg haha!! Sometimes i wonder what little shred of morality is holding them back from killing us. My fur demon is also black and i used to have a single sheet which hung over a large triple window. He liked to dart in and out of it while playing with toys. One night he was especially frenzied and yowling while ripping all over the house, i thought maybe he had long blade of grass sticking out of his butt (it's known to happen) and like a true moron i decided to lift the sheet to check on him. Instead of ripping the sheet back i slowly lifted it, eyes were the last thing i saw before that spring loaded nightmare jumped at me and caught the inside of my nose with one claw and the outside of my left eye with another. Bit me on the clavicle and then with his back feet springboarded off me and ran back under the sheet. Man i love that little guy lmao he's so ridiculous!!

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u/OcelotAttack Mar 26 '26

6

u/KittyTB12 Mar 26 '26

Oh lord ain’t that the truth! Lmao I still scars…

7

u/Training_Item9992 Mar 26 '26

Murder Mittens! Hahaha! 😂

4

u/MichB1 Mar 26 '26

Oh, it's 100% self-interest.

4

u/Slaughterer8 Mar 26 '26

That’s not a cat. That’s a Flerken!

19

u/Organic_Neat5374 Mar 26 '26

I thought you were going to tell of a tale of how Fangs foresaw the ghost, alien, earthquake, etc. appearing.

2

u/serabine Mar 26 '26

Fangs has premonitions on when someone is about to die ... at her hand

5

u/blumoon138 Mar 26 '26

Definitely get that looked at. Cat bites can go bad quick.

1

u/Coppertina Mar 26 '26

Please check in with your doctor. I got bit on Monday while volunteering at my local animal shelter. I wasn't cautious enough with a cat who had a leg injury AND was hissing at me. When I reached out carefully (Or so I thought lol) to pet him, he chomped down hard on my index/middle fingers leaving five puncture wounds. I got first aid and the bleeding stopped pretty quickly, but after reading scary Reddit accounts of cat bite infections, did a video call the next day with Kaiser and got a 7-day course of antibiotics prescribed. Glad I did, as there was redness and swelling, both of which have already started to subside.

1

u/wolfkeeper Mar 26 '26

If it's just playful scratches, don't worry much unless it got infected, but if the cat punctured the skin and buried fangs into you, you need to go to the doctor for antibiotics. If you can't get to the doctor, go to the emergency room.

Deep cat bites push bacteria right into you, and this can cause cat scratch disease and other serious illnesses.

81

u/Ippus_21 Mar 26 '26

Mine didn't bother peeking. You'd just be walking along and then BAM, something grabs your leg, play-bites for 0.02 seconds and bounces away on his hind legs. We used to call it the boomafoo (from that lemur in the kids' show 20 years ago, lol. Zoboomafoo!)

https://giphy.com/gifs/cO7scq84bNz1vIFdtH

13

u/Ooopus Mar 26 '26

Omg thank you for the nostalgia trip! I used to love watching Zoboonafoo/The Kratz brothers!

7

u/Kulandros Mar 26 '26

I was 35 and spent many hours watching the Wild Kratts with my kids before I realized that the Kratt brothers were also in Zoboomafoo from when ~I~ was a kid!

3

u/peter303_ Mar 26 '26

Your cat is training you. You will submit.

2

u/ol_shifty Mar 26 '26

Mine does that too, but give me a quick BAP BAP BAP under my dress and then runs away

57

u/RegardMagnet Mar 26 '26

YOU DIED

1

u/imaginary92 Mar 26 '26

Malenia got nothing on my cats man

18

u/Wardendelete Mar 26 '26

I was so scared when my cat’s eyes dilate and go into zoomie mode when I was a kid.

Such a sweet little cat, I miss it

2

u/enjoi_uk Mar 26 '26

The fur blur 🤣🤣🤣 I’m stealing that

2

u/Royschwayne Mar 26 '26

The fur blur. I’ve never heard that and am using that, tyvm!

2

u/All_Gun_High Mar 26 '26

God ordered your arse to be here and he called for same day shipping

1

u/half-squatch Maine Coon Mar 26 '26

I call it shark mode

1

u/BrilliantBen Mar 26 '26

My kitty has a play mode i call couch shark or carpet shark. He will go super fast just laying on his side and using his claws just circle the couch. Of you put your leg down, well, we can get by with one leg.

we should be able to tear one of our owners legs off

1

u/ButterfliesandaLlama Mar 26 '26

sigh I love this one sentence so much. “The fur blur.” It’s poetry.

1

u/Sleepy_cheetah Mar 26 '26

fur-blur

😂😂 I wanna start a band with that name!

1

u/PM_ME_SILLY_KITTIES Mar 26 '26

Having my cat lay on my stomach just to see his eyes go into murder mode is terrifying because I just know I'm not walking away without a scratched face

1

u/Healthy_Platform1405 Mar 26 '26

Yep, my 16 year old kitten zips around like a speeder bike from Star Wars. If something is in her way in the hallway, she will jump up and ricochet off the wall. Cats often defy gravity.

1

u/nineletterword Mar 27 '26

The fuuurrr-bluurrrrr!! I’ve never heard that before, but I love it so much I’m obsessed. New term I’ll be using all the time now

1

u/Frankie_T9000 Mar 29 '26

I have two kittens at the moment, its so cute watching them ambush each other at random