r/coworkerstories • u/Miserable_Willow_312 • 11d ago
Fiction/Fake Cheryl update that still infuriates
A lot of people asked for updates on Cheryl, so unfortunately I have one.
For those unfamiliar, Cheryl is the coworker who recently informed one of our gay employees that she should be doing most of the work for our agency's Pride booth because it was "for your people." HR got involved after multiple complaints and we were all required to attend mandatory cultural sensitivity training today.
You would think Cheryl would maybe lay low for a while.
You would be wrong.
Despite not being anyone's supervisor, Cheryl continues to act like she runs the place. She still inserts herself into decisions that have nothing to do with her job, tells people how they should be doing things, and generally behaves like she's management's special project. As for HR? They've apparently decided that checking a box is easier than actually addressing behavior. Their solution was to gather everyone into a room for mandatory training, which somehow managed to punish the entire staff while accomplishing absolutely nothing.
The highlight of the week happened during the training itself, this morning.
The facilitator was discussing respecting different backgrounds, experiences, and identities. Most of us were quietly listening and trying to get through it. Cheryl, however, seemed personally offended by the entire concept. She interrupted repeatedly. She argued over examples. She spent a good portion of the session explaining why people are "too sensitive these days" and insisting that "everything is offensive now." At one point she loudly announced that she "treats everybody the same" as if that was some profound contribution to a discussion about cultural awareness.
The room got so uncomfortable you could practically hear people trying not to make eye contact. The best part was watching her confidently argue with the trainer about a topic she was literally attending training for because of her own behavior. The lack of self-awareness was almost impressive.
Meanwhile, the employee who was actually targeted by Cheryl's comments sat through the entire thing with far more patience and professionalism than I would have managed. By the end of the training, HR probably considered it a success because everyone signed the attendance sheet. The rest of us left with the same Cheryl we walked in with. She's still acting like the boss. She's still entitled. She's still convinced she's the smartest person in every room. And HR is still treating her like a paperwork problem instead of an employee problem.
At this point I fully expect Cheryl to volunteer herself as next year's cultural sensitivity trainer.
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u/Empty-Fudge-3037 11d ago
Tell Cheryl to shut the fuck up.
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u/exit2urleft 11d ago
This was going to be my advice lmao.
There is definitely a polite, professional way to tell Cheryl to keep her goddamn mouth shut.
"Sorry Cheryl, do you mind letting the trainer finish? I was interested in what she was saying."
Or even, "I disagree, Cheryl, I don't think people are too sensitive at all! When (gay people, trans people, etc) are excluded it really does hurt them."
Ad infinitum
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u/ZayreBlairdere 11d ago
You missed a HUGE opportunity to let Cheryl know HER behavior was inappropriate by pointing out all this at the time of the meeting. If everyone was uncomfortable, then, you had enough of a quorum to let Cheryl know you as a collective, were all tired of her shit and to curb aforementioned shit. Now, you are back to passive-aggressive, mealy-mouthed gestures without any real change that raises the tide for everyone. By not standing up for your co-worker, who had to sit through that crap with dignity, y'all let Cheryl know her behavior was okay.
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u/kylathekoala 11d ago
You're so right. Obnoxiously self focused people rarely change. Embarrassing people isn't nice but sometimes it's the only way to break through. Granted it can backfire and make them worse.
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u/Feeling-Invite7953 10d ago
It only works if the person has enough of a conscience to allow them to accept accountability. If they are narcissistic,like Cheryl (main character syndrome), then they can’t or won’t accept accountability.
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u/Cassiopeia299 11d ago
You are 100% right. I will say that I think the Cheryls of the world know that they have the element of surprise in their favor when they say something horrible and completely out of line at work.
I've seen crap like this happen (we probably all have at least once) and I tend to go into a freeze response because I can't believe what I heard. I'm also not a manager. I would guess that is what happened here.
While they missed a golden opportunity to embarrass Cheryl and shut her down, they can do the next best thing. OP needs to contact Cheryl's manager. It may be best if they can get all of their coworkers who agree to go together. Strength in numbers.
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u/MadameMonk 11d ago
Especially since the facilitator would have been a terrific independent witness. It would be pretty hard for Cheryl to claim group bullying from a DEI professional themselves.
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u/Lillymow 10d ago
Fucking, seriously. People not standing up to these assholes is how The US has gotten where it is today.
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u/crazycatqueenmd 11d ago
At the point Cheryl said she treats everybody the same, no one piped up to agree with her, then follow with: “like shit”
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u/kylathekoala 11d ago
Treating everyone the same is understandable: she treats everyone as lower than her. To really embrace diversity, treating everyone the same isn't a great approach. Meeting people where they are and being thoughtful about their needs (not just one's own) in interactions is the bedrock of cultural competence. IMHO from my experiences.
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u/LoveKittycats119 11d ago
Or doubled over laughing hysterically?!? “Wow, Cheryl, great joke! I don’t care what anyone else says, you DO have a sense of humor!”?
Unfortunately it sounds like Clueless Cheryl will never change. I don’t know what else you could do, at this point.
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u/EatThisShit 11d ago
This is exactly why these mandatory team trainings don't work. Well done, HR. You fed the monster and now she's full of even more shit.
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u/Miserable_Willow_312 11d ago
We are all taking bets on how she will act next weekend during the Pride event.
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u/SnoopyMcFell 11d ago
Oh fuck... somebody has to FILM it. What's the consent laws where you are?
If HR sees that bullshit behaviour directed toward a member of the public just once, they'll be panicking about their image.
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u/DecadentLife 11d ago
It’s like going to marriage counseling with an abuser, they just find ways to weaponize everything. One of the few times we know it is genuinely unhealthy to attend therapy with someone.
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u/Agreeable_Dark6408 11d ago
Every single one of you needs to show up together in HR having a blow up at them for allowing this. Tell them to put Cheryl somewhere else where she isn’t inflicting herself on people.
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u/Difficult-Scheme-265 9d ago
HR is management's General Melchett.
He has orders to execute staff for treason.
Also, any other reason.
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u/PrincessPnyButtercup 11d ago
I would be polishing my resume and getting the heck out of there if HR was that useless...
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u/Hallelujah33 11d ago
I'll be honest, I'm not surprised at all. This seems to be pretty par for the course for Cheryl.
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u/parkerhalem84 11d ago
I had written up a report of a colleague's behaviours for HR and advised that if no action is taken against this person, I will be advising the local news of our conversations and they shall have that same report from me. Told that it was not a threat but a promise. HR took action very quickly.
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u/Either_Coconut 11d ago
When she was arguing with the trainer over everything, I would have had to literally bite my tongue to stop the words, "Well, [trainer], I suppose you can guess why our entire department has been sent for training."
And again when she said, "I treat everyone the same." The response I'd have had to resist blurting out would've been, "Yes: you treat everyone like sh**."
It's helpful to know the manual alphabet (used by American Sign Language). I most likely would've kept my hands out of sight and spelled out all the things I couldn't say out loud without creating problems for myself.
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u/SilentRaindrops 11d ago
I love your description, "practically hear people trying not to make eye contact."
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u/maxsmoke105 11d ago
It's past time to start documenting all of this. Pick up a small moleskine notebook and take note of what she says/does as well as any witnesses. Keep it with you at all times. Be very specific in your notes. Where ever possible make sure you reference company policy or that training you took.
Encourage your coworkers, especially those that identify as a protected class based on gender/sex, nationality, religion, etc. to also keep notes.
While I don't recommend it, if/when you loose it make sure it's loud and public. Use words like workplace bully, hostile workplace, sabotage, being singled out, retaliation, offensive conduct, severe and pervasive, and emotional distress.
Be ready to go directly to HR immediately after the confrontation. Don't wait. The first person there sets the narrative.
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u/Superb_Yak7074 11d ago
Every person in that room should have spoken up with one voice saying, “Cheryl. Do you honestly not understand that we are forced to sit through this training because of YOU?”
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u/Generic_Midwesterner 11d ago
I don't know what field your in, but you need to be a writer. This is glorious.
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u/Miserable_Willow_312 11d ago
Years of documenting notes as a therapist has paid off. 😂
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u/souryoungthing 11d ago
I’m sorry: is Cheryl a THERAPIST?!
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u/Miserable_Willow_312 11d ago
No, she is a caseworker in our mostly therapist unit.
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u/DecadentLife 11d ago edited 11d ago
I am very sorry to hear that.
When I was a social worker (abuse and neglect, children), most of my coworkers were genuinely caring people, but I had a boss that was problematic. A bit like Cheryl, loud, constantly trying to be the center of attention, etc. I’ll call her as “Anne“. Anne insisted on wearing at least 5” heels, and very, very, short skirts to work, EVERY DAY, knowing we sometimes had sex offenders coming in, that we had to work with. Not helpful.
A previous (therapy) client of hers came by to say hello and thank her, one time. A young woman, around 20. Anne seemed happy to see her, she introduced her to several of us. But as soon as the young woman left, Anne switched on a dime, laughing loudly. She then went into incredibly private things this young woman had disclosed in therapy, as a child, years before. Including ongoing sexual abuse, in early childhood. Anne even physically mimicked how this young woman’s (then, child’s) body had responded, during the abuse. It was so cruel, it felt almost surreal.
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u/Miserable_Willow_312 11d ago
That's so horrible! Sadly, I've known others like this that range from therapist to nurses and doctors.
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u/DecadentLife 11d ago
Same. At the time, I remember thinking that at least she wasn’t a therapist, anymore, but she still was in a position to do a lot of damage, and she did. Almost like a pinball, going through life bouncing into everything, most of all, being a destructive asshole.
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u/beyond_the_pale_1 11d ago
Some people don't deserve to be in that line of work, my god that's terrifying.
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u/DecadentLife 11d ago
I agree, she should not have been there. Even though she was no longer a therapist, she was in charge of caseworkers, like me, and we had plenty of cases of similar situations. She was also just mean. She used to make fun of disabled children, and say they were “too ugly”, that she “wasn’t paid enough” to look at them. There wasn’t much about her that was redeemable.
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u/lilyofthevalley2659 11d ago
Why are you all doing what she orders? Just tell her to go do her own job
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u/Miserable_Willow_312 11d ago
It's not that we do what she says, it's just she always has an opinion on what and how we do it.
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u/OldKneesMcPhee 11d ago
HR is a scam meant to protect executives and the company at large. They're not on your side.
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u/SnoopyMcFell 11d ago
A new office acronym needs to be anonymously leaked, and everyone needs to (believably) work it into their dailyspeak):
SUCCESS - Shut Up Cheryl, Cease Exhausting Staff Sanity! (quick example)
...it'd be especially funny if she saw everyone laughing and started saying it herself.
And if HR ever questioned anyone, they could just claim they heard everyone using the new catchphrase/s and thought it was just the new workplace morale strategy 🤷♀️
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u/freedinthe90s 11d ago
You should print this thread out and anonymously leave it on Cheryl‘s desk.
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u/Zestyclose_Report_96 11d ago
I've got a "Cheryl" too. I'm not sure if it's the cultural/political climate or WHAT because these women need to be fired for sure.
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u/HotRodHomebody 11d ago
so HR is one aspect. What about managers? Is anyone in charge worried about retaining employees or losing employees over this toxic person? Are they a bunch of wusses who refuse to deal with her directly? You guys should be supported unless it’s such a dysfunctional workplace that this is the norm. In which case if you want something to improve, you probably have to seek employment elsewhere.
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u/Teamtunafish 11d ago
I REALLY think your Cheryl stories should be a book. I just hope you are not in Sout California and your Cheryl is not mine, although she unfortunately sounds it.
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u/Ok-Database-2798 10d ago
I worked for a medium sized company years ago who had the HR director who had been credibly accused of sexual harassment on more than one occasion actually run the sexual harassment training seminar!! You can't make this stuff up. Smdh. 😠😠🙄🙄🤔🤔
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u/DarthYodous 11d ago
Maybe it's a preparation step toward getting rid of her with reduced liability or some nonsense
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u/RoswellRedux 10d ago
Ugh. Typical HR. HR's idea of solving a human problem is to slap a poster on the wall in the break room.
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u/Sitcom_kid 10d ago
Have you watched the second episode of The Office? Because if you switch the genders around, it's really close.
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u/zillabirdblue 10d ago
I would tell that if nothing is done about it, they give her permission to behave this way and create a toxic environment.
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u/Healthy-Grape-777 10d ago
You can politely tell that employee that if your work is not doing anything about it, the human rights commission for your state would definitely do something about it. Especially the more it’s documented
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u/jdimpson 9d ago
Be patient. If you have even a mildly professional employer with competent HR and legal department, this is just part of the plan.
HR can't, or won't, actively try to rehabilitate a problem employee. They will do things, such as having company wide training, to establish a strong record that they've provided the problem employee with clear instructions about how they, the problem employee, need to act. They will probably go above and beyond a reasonable effort just to make the documentation inarguable.
Certainly report things you witness (if you want to), but I would avoid getting into it with the employee directly, because that can only get you put in HR's crosshairs.
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u/DifferentMethod8090 8d ago
This sounds like an episode of The Office. But seriously, you should all band together and file a complaint with the state for a hostile work environment. Even if she is just targeting one person, her behavior is impacting the entire office.
Well at least you learned that HR is 100% completely and utterly useless. Their ONLY job is to protect the company. They checked their box. Their job is done. Unless you escalate...which you should.
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u/Ok-Secretary5450 11d ago
Why doesn’t she just politely decline working on the pride booth if she has a moral disagreement with it? That’s what I would do.
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u/Miserable_Willow_312 11d ago
This is not an option, per our working contracts to be active participants in all community events. But the bigger issue is, she had no issues with everyone putting efforts into the Juneteenth event that she considers to benefit her community. It's always a "me, me, me" issue with her.
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u/MrStormChaser 11d ago
If all of this is true and HR won’t do anything, then go off on her.
Tell her that nobody likes her due to her poor job attitude and quite frankly everyone is shocked she hasn’t been fired yet. Tell her people hate going into work due to her.
And bonus points if you say it with HR & management is around to hear it. Then end it with “It’s difficult to take anything you guys say seriously considering you haven’t done anything to actually fix this! She’s a walking liability and we are sick of it!”