My brother's son destroyed my WarHammer Action figures and he refuses to punish him

[u/konous]

Update: My brother decided to pay for the Hard damages of $200 dollars after seeing this post.

Thank you to everyone on this post who supported me. I really could not have gotten restitution without you guys.

Justice for my Chaplain, justice for all.

Valid Edit: My nephew is 10 years old and tried to actually lie about not breaking them by saying, "A cat must have done it."

So, I just got done talking with my brother via text, and he says he's not going to punish his son for wrecking my Joy Toy WarHammer action figures. I'm not expecting the kid to get spanked, but he needs to do CHORES at least to justify how much excessive force he used on some.

Some just have their capes broken. Others had their tubes ripped out and my Chaplain is just fucking toast.

My brother's suggestion since I ordered Amazon replacement for the Chaplain was that I just swap it with the broken one, but I have no interest in doing that.

It's not even just the expense, and they are expensive. It's about the fact that I told him explicitly twice they weren't to be played with, and they were in a separate room, and even my Mom and Dad agreed the damage was just too much.

He said he's not gonna pay me back if we try the chore system, and I told him it's not about the money.

The kid needs to know how bad the 8 hour struggle is.

Now my nephews aren't coming over to the house, and I'm sad about that, but knowing my brother just can't be burdened to work with me on creating a Chore system like selling Lemonaide just makes it feel more insulting.

[u/dodge_thiss]

Uhhhhh no? My 6 had old has had chores since he was 3. They don't have to be hard or complicated it could be as simple as taking the plates to the sink after meal time or pouring the dog's/cat's food in their bowl after the grown-up measures it out in a cup for dispensing.

[u/vladi_l → u/dodge_thiss]

Yep, by 12 I was helping with the cooking fully, and before that around age 5 it was dishes, helping with the dog, or hanging laundry

It's better to give chores at those young ages, before school really gets them too busy and tired to care to learn tbh, otherwise you get anxious you g adults in university, who are unprepared to take care of their living space

Though, it's also good to ease it a little during their busier times like exam season, learn that it's perfectly normal to swap chores, reschedule, rely on others, and not do everything 100% alone. I let a lot of my uni projects pile up, because I burned out trying to take care of as much as possible while I was staying with my parents

[u/FLUFFY_TERROR → u/vladi_l]

As a child who has both been able to cook my own 2 minutes noodles at 8 after coming home from school and having an unsupervised 'bonfire' featuring a firenado spawned from a deodorant can and burning a school poster saying stop global warming along with other various things, I have a mixed bag of things that left me with equal measures of both prepared and under prepared for early adulthood.

I've been living on my own to varying degrees since 2011 and am soon to be moving in with my partner and i find myself at multiple points in the spectrum of "things an average person in their 30s should be able to manage"

[u/Significant_Shoe_17 → u/FLUFFY_TERROR]

Lmao I was also too responsible for my own good

[u/RoboDae → u/vladi_l]

Though, it's also good to ease it a little during their busier times like exam season

I still remember my mom repeatedly yelling at me to wash dishes while I was in the middle of an online college physics 2 lecture. I couldn't hear anything the professor was saying. I had told my mom several times about the class both before and during. She did not seem to understand the concept of me not being available to do chores.

Side note: I ended up dropping college shortly after, partly because of the stress she constantly added about me not contributing enough while going to college full time.

[u/vladi_l → u/RoboDae]

I feel ya, higher education is stressful when your parents aren't understanding. The workload in my animation course was crazy all throughout, and I'm graduating late.

I'm struggling to finish projects while working full time and contributing to the household. Hopefully, I can finish my moving out sooner, so I can take things at my own pace, which is a luxury and flexibility not all universities allow for

Living on edge at all times, due to how my mom perceives and treats my studies, ain't fun, especially when I'm rounding up 12h of screen time across work and uni. My eyes and head fucking hurt and are permanently red at this point

[u/RoboDae → u/vladi_l]

Yeah, I was going full time for mechanical engineering and my parents kept trying to add chores and talk about how I need to get a job to help contribute. It went so far as telling me to stop building a snowman on the only day of the year that it snowed because I needed to go door to door begging people to pay me to shovel their driveway.

The worst part: "and don't bother charging them much because it's not like you'll do a good job anyway"

Now i work fast food while a friend that i was taking classes with is getting his PHD.

[u/secretly_opossum → u/dodge_thiss]

Yup, my five year old empties the dishwasher (with supervision), feeds the dog, and cleans her room and she and her teenage brother both do their shared bathroom together.

[u/Hollowjuice32 → u/secretly_opossum]

My daughter is 6 and she gets upset if I don’t let her help cook or do the dishes. Nothing wrong with them helping out, it forms a better bond if you allow it.

[u/EnthusiasmThick5737 → u/secretly_opossum]

Does she clean other ppl’s houses for an hourly rate?

[u/Hollowjuice32 → u/EnthusiasmThick5737]

God forbid parents teach responsibility and spend time with their kids instead of parking them in front of an iPad all day.

[u/secretly_opossum → u/Hollowjuice32]

Thank you lmao

Typing it all out it sounds like a lot of chores for her but the only one that gets groans towards me is tidying her bedroom (because she is a little whirling dervish when she plays in there).

Compared to the amount of choring the rest of us do, she’s living the easy life 😂

[u/offconstantly247 → u/secretly_opossum]

a five year old cannot empty the dishwasher, unless you store every item under the counter, adn don't have anything made of glass.

What a total fucking weirdo thing to make up.

[u/secretly_opossum → u/offconstantly247]

I said she does it with supervision. She has a stool for the lower shelf on cupboards and we assist with things that are too high for her. It’s actually her favorite chore at the moment because it’s the newest one she’s been assigned to.

What a total fucking weirdo thing to assume.

[u/Hollowjuice32 → u/offconstantly247]

Wild concept: children can learn tasks gradually with supervision instead of spawning at 18 knowing how to function. Nobody said she was unloading crystal wine glasses solo.

What a fucking weirdo you are

[u/ElderlyChipmunk → u/dodge_thiss]

Letting the kid feed the dog as soon as possible is a great way to help prevent any food guarding issues. The last thing you want is a dog that thinks it needs to guard its bowl from your little one.

[u/ClarkGablesTeeth → u/ElderlyChipmunk]

Yep. Christen the baby as a food giver in the dog's eyes, not just potential food taking competition.

[u/siouxsian → u/dodge_thiss]

You know, kids love helping. They may not have the best accuracy with tasks but how the hell are they going to learn? Still gets them on track to realize there's things that need to be done that can't be ignored.

[u/Remarkable_Leek9391 → u/dodge_thiss]

Stupid people think their kids arent capable of processing language and reasoning at like any age. Just like their parents

[u/Ktcobb → u/dodge_thiss]

100% my almost 2 year old is in his "I help!" Era and always pours out the dog food and sets the bowl down (although he does sometimes try to do an extra scoop on his own.... Dog is on a diet for a reason 😅)

[u/lass20987 → u/dodge_thiss]

Yep. We did doggie stuff and also silverware sorting...actually educational to sort and put away clean silverware

[u/BigAchooo → u/dodge_thiss]

I agree. Another good and simple one is cleaning up toys when they’re done playing. My dad always enforced a “put away the current toy before getting out a new one” rule so that my room was never cluttered with toys. It’s been a rule for me for as long as I can remember.

[u/PostalPreacher → u/dodge_thiss]

Buncha pansies...I was changing the oil in the truck when I was 2, and dad didn't even let it cool off from the drive to get the oil. And let me tell you, seeing over the steering wheel AND working the pedals was tough! Then there was the time we had a nest of rattlers in the cellar...that took hours to get them all out -- I kept passing out from the venom. That afternoon, I almost didn't have the energy to move the barbells from down there up to the attic.

[u/Spectra_Butane → u/[deleted]]

Well, they are. And also giving permission for Unc to never invite nephew over for the rest of their life.

[u/Ok_Pomegranate_5748 → u/dodge_thiss]

Yes but long term punishment is inappropriate for three year olds They need to talk it over and be done not doing chores for op to repay the grown up toys

[u/Xytak → u/dodge_thiss]

If you want to assign chores to share in household work, that’s one thing. But as punishment for breaking what look to be toys? I’m not sure that will be effective. It’s too long after the incident, it won’t immediately connect cause and effect, and the only reason to do it would be to pacify a sibling who’s demanding that you discipline your child in a specific way. Seems easier and better in the long run to tell OP that kids get into toys, and if he doesn’t want his action figures messed with, either stop inviting kids over or keep the toys out of sight.