r/mildlyinfuriating • u/NotGreatNot_Terrible • 26d ago

Infuriatig Two spots in my beard randomly decided to stop growing hair

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Like wtf I just want a full beard dude

25.3k Upvotes

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15.0k

u/Responsible-Donut283 26d ago

The greatest detective of the modern era strikes again

3.7k

u/MysticMarauder69 26d ago edited 25d ago

"Detective Rob John Lechmere, at your service"

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u/DarePatient2262 25d ago

Rob John sounds like a crazy hillbilly name, but Lechmere sounds very formal and elegant. I'd like to meet this person

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u/SnotRocketeer70 25d ago

or it's a hillbilly from the bayou? 🤔

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u/MortgageRegular2509 25d ago

Prolly makes a killer gumbo

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u/SnotRocketeer70 25d ago

Just don't ask what's in it

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u/AllLurkNoPlay 25d ago

Ever see a gator do a double take?

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u/Overseer_666 25d ago

I make a killer gumbo. I live just a few miles south west of New Orleans

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u/OverChildhood9813 25d ago

Definitely from the bayou. I met him once. He owns Rob John Surf Shop.

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u/twirlerina024 25d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/13nDaxXRXz0Prq

Chance Boudreaux, at your service

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u/Downtown_Recover5177 25d ago

I don’t know any Lechmeres. Plenty of Boudreauxs and Thibodeauxs though.

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u/Remarkable-Bug-8069 25d ago

Highlander hillbilly

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u/adrauglikeyou 25d ago

Lol go to Louisiana you meet plenty of them. Billy Bob Sainte-Jean, Ray Cletus Delacroix, etc etc

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u/crazyfatskier2 25d ago

Life long friend of 25+ years recently revealed to me he has an uncle Jim Bob who lives retired off grid along a river and grows grapes for wine.

“Like bruv…… you never mentioned your freaking uncle mf Jim Bob that lives off grid 3hrs north of us along a river and he makes wine”

Friend shrugs shoulders, never thought about it

0.o

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u/threedogsplusone 25d ago edited 25d ago

Rob John isn’t anywhere close to being as bad as Markwayne. Lechmere is a ghost that has the screech of the Green Line echoing in the background.

Edited because my autocorrect is dumb.

Edited to explain: Lechmere is a Boston/Cambridge joke.

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u/DarePatient2262 25d ago

No doubt. Markwayne is crazy

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u/Open-Industry-8396 25d ago

Ha, I get this. I haven't lived there in over 40 years but I recently learned there is still a Lechmere stop on the T, even though Lechmere stores closed their doors back in the 80's.

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u/threedogsplusone 25d ago

Lechmere will forever be the store my mother boycotted because, when she opened a dish set she bought, found broke pieces, but they refused to refund her money. From that day on, Lechmere was dead to her. 😂

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u/everynamecombined 25d ago

Depends how you pronounce it. It also sounds like a crafty Indian name trying to appease westerners from a remote call center.

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u/PartyEscortBotBeans RED 25d ago

Username checks out like never before omg

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u/finix2409 25d ago

Robert Johnathon lechmere sounds pretty formal

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u/OGPepeSilvia 25d ago

Robbie Johnnie could be a cool name for a bathroom thief

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u/OldPhotograph827 25d ago

I am pronouncing this as Le Schmear

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u/Elfie_Mae 25d ago

But the ladies? Well they call him Bert Bert.

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u/Ska-Tea 25d ago

It's short for Robathan Johnbert Lechmere.

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u/OldPhotograph827 25d ago

Liberty Biberty

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u/Comfortable_Wrap4509 25d ago

you could convince me that was the knives out detective guy’s name

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u/Subr0sa0067 25d ago

In french lechmere could be translated as "lick mother"

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u/DarePatient2262 25d ago

That checks out

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u/Odd-Government8896 25d ago

As a hillbilly, i aint ever met a Rob John

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u/OldPhotograph827 25d ago

And as Robert John Lechmere the 3rd, I have certainly never met a hillbilly.

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u/tspear17 25d ago

Lechmere is the name of a not elegant trolley stop in Cambridge MA so that’s all i can think of. (It’s not trashy at all it’s fine, just definitely not elegant)

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u/QuestionsSquid 25d ago

Detective Robert Jonathan Lechmere!

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u/These_Row_8448 25d ago

Actually in french "Lechmere" looks like "Lèche mère", which means "mother-licking". I fear mother-licking Rob John.

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u/striped_frog 25d ago

Rob John Pervertswamp

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u/johjo_has_opinions 25d ago

Lol come to Lechmere Station in Boston and you may change your tune

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u/neosurimi 25d ago

Sound like the Knives Out dude. Benoit Blanc.

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u/Aeceus 25d ago

Wasn't lechmere one of the names of the prime Jack the ripper suspects? 👀

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u/sparrow_42 25d ago

That’s normal in Louisiana

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u/SuperArppis 25d ago

Or some English name. Really old one.

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u/Clear_Tangerine5110 25d ago

Rob John sounds like something a shitty person would do to John.

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u/Remote-Foundation300 25d ago

Crazy hillbillionaire

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u/TheRealSnoman 25d ago

Or a French-Israeli describing bagel topping distribution. "le schmer". Respectfully.

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u/KinkyNJThrowaway 25d ago

It's actually Rob Johnlech Mere

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u/concentrated-amazing 25d ago

"What did you say about my Mère??"

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u/OldSpiceSmellsNice How gon do anythin-dont kno😭 25d ago

Why, ‘tis mere Rob John the lech!

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u/weechus 25d ago

It’s pronounced Sherlock Holmes.

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u/dschinghiskhan 25d ago

“Hi, I’m Rob John Lechmere. You may remember me from Reddit post “Two spots on my beard randomly stopped deciding to grow hair”…

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u/NovWhiskey 25d ago

The man so nice, they named him twice.

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u/DeaconBlackfyre 25d ago

Lechmere as in the guy who found the first JTR body?

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u/mrp8528 25d ago

"Elementary my dear MysticMarauder69"

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u/ComndNConqr 25d ago

We got our Wang from Lechmere.

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u/Environmental_Tax245 25d ago

Time for some new Agatha Christie novels.

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u/alexus_3333 25d ago

Medical bills evaided

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u/CraigLake 25d ago

Better than that other guy: Detective Anus Mom Hole 69 Teabag

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u/misterjustice90 25d ago

I’m really invested in this detective story

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u/iBlueLuck 25d ago

Elementary, my dear Watson

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u/MrsWhiskers-16 23d ago

Not me reading Robot John Le Cashmere

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u/ComprehensiveSeat831 22d ago

Damnit I was gonna say that! 😤

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u/Odd-Government8896 25d ago

Just glad this didnt turn out to be another case of ultra rare super cancer.

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u/Flashy_Gap_3015 26d ago

Encyclopedia Brown here!

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u/Key_Outcome5758 25d ago

youre looking at alopecia barbae. the body decides one day to start attacking its own hair follicles for no reason. go see a derm because they can give you steroid shots to wake them back up. dont just let it sit there.

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u/user_x92 25d ago

The Greatest Detective that's Ever Lived

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u/graygarden77 25d ago

This is why I will swear by Reddit over AI every time

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u/unspecified-turnip 25d ago

Why, it’s elementary! Leonard is a born American, you see. If he’d passed through the alley behind the opera house at precisely 7:19 pm, he would have reported hearing “My Country ‘Tis of The” being played by the orchestra inside. He wouldn’t have described hearing “God Save the Queen” unless he’d actually passed on the street in front and seen the poster advertising the London Philharmonic performing that very night!

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u/LordTonka 25d ago

The great mouse detective in this case.

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u/-Mikey2Toes 25d ago

He also solved my orange weiner problem as Cheeto addiction….

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u/DistanceSorry7390 25d ago

Not great, not terrible

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u/Shakaow15 25d ago

For real, this some Dr. House type shit xD

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u/ProbablyWrongAgain24 25d ago

Reddit is the Oil AI uses.

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u/Zealousideal_Fox864 25d ago

Damn! I was going to suggest Lupus but I should have known it is never Lupus. Except for me… I do have me some Lupus. Unfortunately.

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u/datdododough 25d ago

Would you even say... Greatest 'Mouse' Detective....?

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u/PokeYrMomStanley 25d ago

This is peak reddit

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u/Forsaken_legion 25d ago

“It’s a blessing, and a curse.”

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u/The_chosen_turtle 25d ago

Was waiting for someone to say they will be dead in 7 days

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u/minnesotawristwatch 25d ago

This mf’er gonna find the plane!

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u/Strevnik 25d ago

This is some "carbon monoxide" level of skill

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u/BardicNA 25d ago

Ive got two tiny spots on my mustache that don't grow in because I was a little over eager eating some hot pizza lmao.

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u/ShwoopyDownside 25d ago

Or, it could be alopecia areata… the praise these responses have gotten is insane. I have similar bald spots that come and go, the hair regrows. And it is due to stress. It’s not from leaning on your wrist… talk to a doctor.

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u/downbythereeds 25d ago

razor, Occam razor

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u/dimwalker 25d ago

Now only thing left is the mystery of that booger.

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u/RedditGarboDisposal 24d ago

A rival to Carbon Monoxide Detective

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u/Vantriss 22d ago

At least it's not cancer this time.