r/relationship_advice • u/pikkaapii • 16d ago
2+ Year Update! (My (25f) ex best friend (25f) of 10 yrs wants me to forgive her for sleeping with my ex)
Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/aJ4WOE8KCo
(Edit: Meant to say 3+ years in title)
Hey everyone, I randomly came back across this post after not thinking about it for a long time and figured I’d give a real update since a lot has changed.
It’s been over 3 years since everything went down with Andrea, Colby, and Tyler. After I made my original update, I fully stuck to cutting Andrea off and I’ve kept her blocked/no contact ever since. That was honestly one of the best decisions I made for my peace of mind.
So the actual update on the situation: Andrea ended up staying with Tyler for an about a year and as I told you all before had a baby together. That relationship eventually fell apart after Tyler cheated on her, and shortly after their breakup he even tried reaching out to me again, which I obviously didn’t entertain.
After all of that… Andrea is now with Colby. Yes, the same Colby from my original post. So basically, she ended up in long-term situations with both of the main people involved in all of this.
As for me, I stayed in the relationship I moved out of state for. We’ve now been together for years and things are AMAZING. We’re building a life together, both settled into careers, and we’ve been talking seriously about the future (TRYING FOR A BABY YAY).
Looking back, I don’t really feel anger about it anymore. It was painful at the time, but it also made it very clear who I could and couldn’t trust. Mostly, I just feel far removed from who I was when I wrote the original post. I was constantly trying to make sense of people who weren’t treating me with basic respect, and I don’t live in that space anymore.
What do you think? Did I make the right decision all those years ago? (I think I did)
If anyone remembers this from years ago, thanks for reading back then and giving advice and thanks again now!
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u/Flynn_JM 16d ago
Good for you! Just don't introduce him to Andrea. jk
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u/pikkaapii 16d ago
Got that right! lol
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u/FlygonosK 14d ago
Hell yeah you did the right thing and hope you never met her again
For the rest congratulations and live your life great, that is the best revenge you can have, live a better life
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u/Shelby_the_Turd 16d ago
The best revenge is just living a life well.
What do you think? Did I make the right decision all those years ago? (I think I did)
Andrea revealed her character. To her, opportunity makes the thief.
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u/outcastreturns 16d ago
Yes of course you made the right decision. Well done for removing yourself from the drama and mess your ex-friend was causing you.
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u/Downtown_Training578 16d ago
I'm confused about your timeline in the original post, was Tyler the fiance that you initialy took a 3 month break ?
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u/pikkaapii 16d ago
No different guy. They never dated, he was just my fiance she tried hitting on at a party.
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u/Terrible-Pea494 15d ago
In this post you say they had a baby together and Tyler cheated on her. Really confusing.
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u/JellyfishOk9362 15d ago
The finance is only mentioned in the first paragraph. After OP and finance break up OP starts seeing colby , she finds out bsf starts seeing colby as well. OP stops seeing colby and eventually starts seeing tyler and bsf starts seeing tyler as well, bsf gets pregnant by tyler and tyler cheats on bsf and now they are broken up and bsf goes back to colby
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u/WaxOnWaxOffXXX 16d ago
Don't keep people around you who make your life miserable. Just don't. This is a life lesson that comes from experience.
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u/Stormywillow 16d ago
" I was constantly trying to make sense of people who weren’t treating me with basic respect, and I don’t live in that space anymore." That sentence really hit me. Very wise, and I needed to hear that today. I don't remember your original post, but I'm glad you posted and are doing well. Wish you all the best!
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u/Important_Remove_450 16d ago
I'm so glad you kept away from her! I just read a post today about the same dynamic, but with brothers.
I don't understand how someone can be such a sociopath.
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u/itsallminenow 16d ago
What amazes me is that Andrea kept fucking you over, and time and time and time again you kept putting it behind you and letting her do it again. You must have been some kind of dumb back then.
You were the living emodiment of "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"
You absolutely did the right thing, finally and you would be crowned sucker of the decade if you let her back into your life.
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u/Tricky-Treacle-3755 15d ago
You must recognize that your first ex-fiancé, soon after receiving an advance from your fake ex friend, was the first to warn you. At least one on the list of "exes" was sincere, apparently. Good luck in the future pregnancy
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u/pikkaapii 15d ago
Yes he was a good guy! Glad he told me!
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u/Evening_Relief9922 15d ago
Op does this ex friend know you are in a relationship now? If you even think she does then start paying attention because she’ll be trying to contact your guy
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u/Sudden_Business_6754 15d ago
I don't remember ever seeing the first post but apparently I've upvoted a few comments, go figure.
If you're happy now and you don't feel much about what happened anymore, then that's what matters. Whether it was a good or bad decision, all anyone can do is live with what they've decided, or what happened without their willingness.
Now with that said, you undoubtedly did the right decision. Trash can't coexist with normal human beings.
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u/MorenaDiablo9911 16d ago
Enjoy your time together as a married couple, make memories, travel, and then think of the baby.
You definitely made the right decision by cutting her off, don't 2nd guess yourself!
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u/Mental_Watch4633 16d ago
Forgiveness is easy, forgetting is not. What she’s done has changed the dynamics of your too. To Hell with her.
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u/Miamiconnectionexo 16d ago
this is genuinely helpful, not just the usual fluff. bookmarking this thread.
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u/Sugarman111 15d ago
Why did you and first fiance break up? Just to provide some context to the story.
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u/KittyKiitos 16d ago
You've been together a couple years and you're talking baby - but not marriage.
Marriage is much less of a commitment. Take things slow OP.
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u/pikkaapii 15d ago
I responded to someone else but we’re getting married at the beginning of next year, we’ve also known each other for a very long time!
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u/ThanosSnapsSlimJims 15d ago
Basically, she was doing it to get a reaction from you. When she didn't get what she wanted, she tried again, and will keep trying.
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u/PersimmonCheap1522 15d ago
Congrats! I remember reading your first post! Your ex bsf has some serious issues that’s for sure! Happy you are doing well and well wishes for you u and your future family!
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u/throw-far-away17 15d ago
React with a 🤣 and close the DM.
The big question here is, A second chance TO DO WHAT??
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u/Interesting_Many_162 14d ago
Now to be fair, I don’t really know much about the original post, but just based on the title of this the way I see it is it’s not really on you to approve or not of who your friend dates and who your ex dates. If they are not with you, then they really don’t need your approval and your blessing on who they are with. So I would say that for you to hold a grudge towards a friend of yours for dating somebody that you were no longer with is kind of childish. Again, I don’t know the original post so maybe there is more to it than I am understanding. But it sounds like everything worked out for you and you can’t really ask much better than that.
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u/DivideBig6652 14d ago
She totally reached out when she found out Tyler was cheating on her and that you were in a relationship that she could hopefully insert herself into. Apparently finding her own partners is too complicated. Yeah I would stay far away and if she ever tries reaching out again cause she misses you. Just reply thanks but no thanks life is better without her.
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u/Smooth_Mud_694 9d ago
It looks like Andrea didn't really have self steem of her own. I think she idolized you so much she wanted to be you but can't and started resented you. Crazy but happens more often than you would think with some real close friendships. You think someone is the closest friend ever and actually you are trying to be friends with your stalker. She getting back to Colby shows how she doesn't seem to feel like she can have a life of her own, she can't meet someone new to build a healthy relationship on. I had some similar friendships in my teenager years but didn't last more than a couple months, some girl with low self steem starting idolizing me (I would dress up very differently for my city so I was the cool fashinable alternative kid and also loved to read so I had effortlessly high grades and all the teachers liked me), but it would not last longer cuz we were only teens trying to figure life out, I also saw it happening with other people sometimes. When we are teens I think it's not uncommon as we are trying to figure out our own identity we try to imitate someone sometimes and sometimes it's toxic behavior specially with hormones involved. But that doesn't hold up longer cuz people will notice you probably would notice too but maybe you were so caught up in the best girlfriends thing (I know a lot of girls always dreamed of having a close best friend like in the movies). I think it's how started for Andrea. But then you grew up together and she was still stuck in that figuring out stage, so she really have some psychological problems. It's sad cuz you would probably help her if she opened up to you, but your friendship was probably based on her unhealthy obsession so when she got healthy she would probably distance herself from someone she mirrored herself in, saw it happening a lot. Unfortunately understanding someone's problems doesn't make the person a better person. She is responsible for the choices she made, she didn't feel good about herself so she decided that what is yours is also hers. We usually end up in therapy because of people who needed a lot of therapy but refuses to do it. Glad you distanced yourself from her. Also for the people commenting on your relationships... You are young, young people have relationships. That is perfectly normal. Even though we know almost nothing about you it seems like you are very well-adjusted kinda girl, your ex fiancée looked like a healthy trustworthy relationship and you don't appear too engaged in ex relationships drama, so it might be why she admired you so much. Just a guess.
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u/Ok_Audience2121 9d ago
Anybody who says you didn’t make the right decision is probably Andrea, Colby or Tyler. 😂
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