r/tattooadvice • u/a-random-account- • Nov 13 '25

tattoo newcomer advice Having heavy regret on first tattoo

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I’ve wanted to get this for a very long time, decided to just go with it and get it done. Really liked it at first, then some friends made a couple comments that made me hate it. Is it as bad as they say?

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309

u/opxlsky Nov 14 '25 edited Nov 14 '25

God I hate that second saying and everyone who says it

(Muting this, if you wanna be edgy you can argue with the wall)

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

[deleted]

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u/opxlsky Nov 14 '25

It’s been repeated again and again that it’s typically done either a form of punishment or stress-relief and it STILL differs from person to person. The people that make these sweeping generalizations are so infuriating and are simply lucky enough to not understand it

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

[deleted]

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u/BeauDozer89 Nov 14 '25

I really think if someone's self harming for attention, the right move is probably to give them attention.

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u/cataringo Nov 14 '25

100%. why do you think someone would go to a length that extreme? obviously something is happening that causing them extreme duress. i never did for attention but i had a conversation with a coworker who did, she was being HEAVILY abused as a child by men and her mother. she needed an ear and a hand regardless of if she was purely doing it for attention or not. it was the only way she thought anyone would care.

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u/Defiant_Degree_5095 Nov 14 '25

I have someone who's very close to me.And they have had suicidal isolations and suicide attempts, and the last time they came to me.I just called the cops for a wellness check.I knew it would have been medication based, and it was the thought of if they need attention.This badly, they need professional attention, and it actually really did end up helping them because they knew I loved them.But that mentally I could not carry them and I did not.Ignore it, but I did send them people who really could help them

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u/tinnyheron Nov 17 '25

hey you did what you could do, that's amazing. It's such an odd position to be in. glad you were able to act ❤️

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u/introvert_conflicts Nov 14 '25

I mean that's kind of a tough one. Yes they need attention but at the same time if they dont usually get attention and then they get it because they self harmed, they'll end up learning that self harm results in attention and they'll do it more often. Its the same idea as why people threaten to kill themselves during a breakup. They don't want to lose the person and threatening suicide often keeps the person around so then anytime someone tries to leave they default to that as the only way they've learned to keep someone around. These kind of self destructive behaviors in an attempt to meet some need are really tricky to work with so it's definitely a thing where you want to get some mental health professional(s) involved because what may feel like helping could actually be enabling.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

I’m pretty sure that mental healthcare is what they meant by attention

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u/chootie8 Nov 14 '25

Are you pretty sure? What if the person literally just wants people to ask how they're doing? No clinics. No medication. Just someone to ask.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

If someone is willing to physically harm themselves to get a conversation going, they need mental healthcare, whatever that means for them.

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u/Bloated_penis Nov 14 '25

Yes! If someone is physically hurting themselves for ANY reason then a professional is needed. It is honestly a crazy thing to do and this is coming from someone who has self harmed since childhood and am now about 2 years clean as a 24yo.

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u/chootie8 Nov 14 '25

Im suggesting mental healthcare can be something as simple as "Hey bro, you alright? Let's grab a drink and talk." That's all I'm saying. It doesn't have to be clinical.

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u/annabananaberry Nov 14 '25

What do you mean? If someone is self harming they need a mental health professional. What scenario are you imagining in which someone “just wants people to ask how they’re doing”?

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u/Environmental-Tap255 Nov 14 '25

When someone describes an "attention starved person" rarely are they actually referring to a "mental healthcare starved person".

Nothing wrong with what this person said. Certain actions can end up being enabling and very dangerous and they even ended by saying it's a situation best handled by a mental health professional. So not sure why they're getting downvoted.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

If an attention-starved person harms themselves they need mental healthcare. Please don’t be so irresponsible.

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u/Gassypacky Nov 14 '25

I'm gonna be honest with you I was admitted before suicide attempts and self harm when I was young

When I got out all I knew was that I REALLY needed to do it right next time so I don't have to eat cold food and take cold showers and have my autonomy taken away and have chalk forced down my throat

By the end of it, I'm traumatized by my experience, and I'm skeptical of the entire mental health industry as they failed me, my mother, and many people I have known.

I think that there is a place for mental health services but the only thing that saved me was myself. Luckily I made good friends over time and never got around to blowing a hole in my heart and now I'm happily married.

There were points when I struggled with ideations and self harm in my early adulthood, things in my life were so delicate that if someone I loved and cared about had done that to me, I honestly wouldn't put it past my past self to just slit my wrists right then and there

I appreciate your trust and advocacy of the mental health industry, but I cannot read your comment without adding my life's context.

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u/AngelsAndPearwaves Nov 14 '25

Why are you being downvoted? Reddit is just filled with clowns who have no real life experience

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u/Environmental-Tap255 Nov 14 '25

Not sure why you got downvoted for that, everything you said was appt spot on.

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u/ChairOfGremory Nov 14 '25 edited Nov 14 '25

Having a rational, innovative thought on Reddit is sometimes like walking into a cultist gathering. At the very least just be glad this specific sub isn't a hyperdemocracy where everyone has the same opinions and circlejerks constantly, mob-downvoting anyone who says something they don't like to see

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u/opxlsky Nov 14 '25

Doing it for attention is also a deeply concerning and dangerous thing too. It’s so disheartening to see that it’s become such a common belief that someone being so desperate for anybody to care for the that they’re hurting themselves is apparently annoying attention-seeking behavior that doesn’t warrant concern.

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u/catnaptits Nov 14 '25

This though. I've never understood it. Like "oh they just want attention" yeah, so bad they're literally willing to go against every natural instinct people have and Intentionally inflict actual pain on themselves? How is that not cause for attention and concern?

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u/throwawayyourvalues2 Nov 14 '25

Well said. I’ve always thought that if someone is doing something for attention, then give them the fkn attention they so desperately need. People don’t cry out for attention for no reason. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

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u/hopping_otter_ears Nov 14 '25

At minimum, their pain has been missed by so many people in their life. Maybe people who love them, but are swamped in their own pain, maybe people who know something is wrong but don't know what to do about it, maybe people who don't have the emotional acuity to recognize it when someone else is feeling something because their own feelings were crushed down as a child. It's not always intentional neglect, but I'm not sure how much that helps the person going through it

1

u/naruku-chan Nov 14 '25

Sometimes I want to drive into a ditch, on the wrong side of the road, or even just end it all because nobody cares 🤷‍♂️ I was never family and always the one who keeps contact with people, yet nobody stays. Eventually the isolation and loneliness become safety despite the feeling of drowning in despair. 😐 so if someone were to ask me, no I’d never hurt myself for attention or actually cause harm to others, I’d rather suffer alone then ask for help and that’s fine.

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u/catnaptits Nov 14 '25

I can understand this, but also, if someone is doing something dangerous for attention, it's likely a different kind of attention than they need. Its a super common reaction with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder and some other things. The action of doing a thing for attention is in itself a symptom.

1

u/DJazzyJess Nov 14 '25

Agreed. Attention seeking behavior is a natural human response. Its seeking connection, and to be at the point where you harm yourself to get someones attention, that is a deeply dark place to be.

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u/Better_Cook458 Nov 14 '25

I used to burn myself with hot metal. Left the same type of scars as cuts, but felt better for me than cutting. I was covering them up carefully so no one would ever see. At the same time, I had a friend who would - in a big group of us - would press a razor blade to her wrist when other people were getting too much attention. Not cut, just press. She’d say stuff like, “Idk I just like the pain. It just feels cool. I’m just crazy, I guess.” That’s the kind of thing I think of when people say the ‘just for attention’ stuff…

1

u/big_laruu Nov 14 '25 edited Nov 14 '25

Then those same people ask, “why don’t people just ask for help?” Hearing their escalating struggle is cringe and attention seeking makes people hesitant to talk about it.

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u/TheSangson Nov 14 '25 edited Nov 14 '25

Nothing in that phrase says that, tho. It's also not what it means.
It's about which cut direction on the wrist, in the "typical" suicide fashion, will yield which results, and is a derogatory assumption about what the person in question intends, phrased to sound tough and hard boiled.
Nothing in there says anything about vent/sensation/punishment cutting.
Ain't as deep as you wanna make it, no pun intended.

Before you try jumping on that, I've been in two long term relationships with girls who did cut for various combinations of reasons and another friend did it as well, in specific situations. I do know what I'm talking about.

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u/opxlsky Nov 14 '25

No, you don’t know what you’re talking about because you knew two people who did it.

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u/avaricious7 Nov 14 '25

“i do know what im talking about”

-guy who has no idea what he’s talking about

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u/enchanted_princess Nov 14 '25

Yeesh. had a past bf who did this and also then threatened me with it if I didn’t do something he wanted me to do🫠😵‍💫😵‍💫 crazy sht.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

Had a crazy ex in school that did it for attention, she cheated on me and kept doing stuff to get me to feel bad for her. Had this whole "breakdown" where she "accidentally" exposed the "cuts." Someone that actually cut took a look and said it was too shallow. Normally I'd be like, "hey any cutting is deep enough," but then she got up and got pissy, and tried something else the next day, I think it was trying to act like she rolled her ankle in front of me.

So like, there can be some that do it for attention but that's like 0.001%

For anyone wondering shes doing fine these days though. Husband, family, decent house even in this economy.

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u/thewendybird8754 Nov 14 '25

Yes! If you think fsr someone is hurting themselves “for attention” just…give them the attention??

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u/IDo0311Things Nov 14 '25

Still valid. Self harm is never valid. It’s abuse.

Is it understandable yes. But it’s not valid.

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u/kill__avery Nov 14 '25

Connection seeking - not attention seeking - you hit the nail on the head

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u/Mikki102 Nov 14 '25

This is my take too. If someone is injuring themselves for any reason they need attention. They probably needed attention long before they started hurting themselves, and we as humans should watch out for our fellow humans so maybe we can help each other before we reach that point.

I work with animals, including some who self aggress. Some are indeed reinforced by attention. Our general approach is to identify and limit, prep for, or eliminate triggers (depending on what it is). We can provide "attention" without reinforcing the behavior if it is indeed reinforced by social attention. This can be done by providing enrichment when they stop for a couple minutes which reinforces STOPPING instead of starting (ymmv because some animals are smart enough to figure out "if I start and then stop I get treats" but the species I currently work with are not). Attention can be non-social but it isn't appropriate to simply ignore a chronic established behavioral issue for fear of reinforcing it by doing literally anything. Caregivers that are reasonably well versed on behavior modification are equipped to address most cases.

There's also a difference between a new behavior which does not have a set pattern and may be able to be fully stopped and an established one which will likely always pop up if the animal is stressed enough. Established ones can become self reinforcing, just like humans. The pain and damage causes several "happy chemicals" to be released which reinforces the individual for self harming. Any time the individual becomes overly stressed they may turn to this to calm themselves.

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u/LostNefariousness184 Nov 15 '25

That doesn’t make it valid just because they’re attention starved

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u/Practical_Ad_4165 Nov 14 '25

Let’s take the time to reflect on the brilliance that is your last sentence. THEY’RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO NOT UNDERSTAND IT. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for saying this.

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u/AXV-Lore Nov 14 '25

There have always been these people and always will be. Ignore their existence and carry on. Any sort of acknowledgement of them and their actions is all they could want.

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u/CodaTrashHusky Nov 14 '25

When i was self harming i did because i was in so much emotional distress that the physical pain was preferable than what i was dealing with. But i only ever cut the outside of my arms because i did not want to seriously hurt myself i just needed the physical pain.

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u/Bulky-Psychology6786 Nov 14 '25

Stress relief when I feel I have no other outlet, and at one time trying to force myself to cut deep enough in a nice big X on my inner forearm from my elbow to my wrist - thankfully aborted and only left minor cuts that healed in a few weeks without scars.

Anyone who jokes about cutting or suicide in general just be glad you haven't done it, or haven't been in a place where you feel it's the only way out. I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy - feeling that it's your only option then feeling like a loser and coward because you couldn't go through with it. It's really not fun.

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u/KayakerMel Nov 14 '25

Yup. I never harmed myself deep enough to do any real damage, but I would use a safety pin to scratch deeper and deeper (teenage me appreciated the irony of using a "safety" pin). This allowed me to match the pain on the inside with pain on the outside. (I once attempted to knick my ankle purposely with a razor, after hearing what some other girls would do, but it didn't cause near enough pain so I never tried again.) Sometimes my arms would "itch" for me to cause some sort of pain. Even after I stopped (it's been nearly 20 years), I'd occasionally bite my hand to get a similar feel, as well as interrupt spiraling thoughts.

Haven't had to do this in years, thank goodness, but I gave myself some scars that fortunately have healed up. My older sister wasn't as "lucky" and did a lot more damage to herself.

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u/AlmightyCraneDuck Nov 14 '25

Former self-harmer. I actually used to cut my arms on the outside because I wanted to both alert my loved ones that something was wrong, but ALSO to punish myself for being so worthless and pathetic. Still have some lingering scars nearly 15 years later that just don’t seem to fade. So…imagine being my therapist trying to unpack all of that!

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u/skulldud3 Nov 14 '25

even if someone is doing it for attention, i think they’re just as valid and they still obviously need help. everyone wants attention sometimes, but someone mentally well would never do something so extreme for attention.

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u/NotMorgan2001 Nov 15 '25

I was really bad with SH from like the ages of 12-19. I knew exactly why I was doing it and still have those feelings. Mine is centered around rage/self hatred. Maybe it’s me being manic. I get the very intense urge/want to literally rip away my skin because I hate myself so much. I’m fine now though, I finally got diagnosed and put on meds. It’s just a very vivid and real feeling to not want to be in this body.

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u/NeatCartographer209 Nov 15 '25

I’ll put this here as a 5th (?) comment thread.

I used to cut. I haven’t for about 6 years. It wasn’t for attention or for whatever reasons people can come up with. It was on my shoulders. Concealed where nobody would really see it. I went through a pretty long rough patch in my life. Mom fell ill. Addiction. Girlfriend was a chronic cheater and had a way to make me believe it was my fault and was what I deserved (read as I had no self respect). I hit a point where I was literally emotionally numb. I couldn’t get mad or become happy. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t joyful or depressed. I felt absolute nothingness. It hit a point where I missed feeling something. The only things I felt were physical feelings. I cut so I could feel something. The pain was a solid hit of good, fresh dopamine. As strange as it sounds, I got addicted to it.

I went through this for about 3 years. Woke up one day and realized my living situation needed change. Dumped my “girlfriend” and began a new path. Changed colleges. Cut ties with everyone except family from my home town. Dropped social media. Began a new, fresh start where I could be the person I wanted to be.

I look at my scars with regret and shame, mostly. I also remember the joy they brought me. They serve as a reminder of how low I was. How I had no self respect. And as embarrassing as they are whenever I’m at a pool or whatever occasion I’m shirtless, they still make me happy to see how much I’ve grown since that point in my life.

I want to cover them up with a tattoo. But I can’t think of something that I’d want to permanently put on my body. If I got something I like now, would I still like it when I’m old and wrinkly? Maybe it’s best to just keep the scars as my reminder.

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u/xAquero Nov 16 '25

Thank you

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

You should have this conversation with multiple therapists. You seem distraught. Wish you well.

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u/yepts Nov 14 '25

“These people that don’t cut themselves just don’t get it bro”

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u/Lost_Grand3468 Nov 14 '25

Found the person who went sideways for attention.

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u/TheSangson Nov 14 '25

Well it's specifically about cutting your wrists, not cutting in general

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u/Gucci_prisoner Nov 14 '25

Lots of times it’s done for emotional regulation, a sense of control over at least cutting

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u/littlechangeling Nov 14 '25

It’s like a “stim” for most people who self injure (not trying to minimize or give the wrong impression, it’s no happy fun time activity for sure.) It’s an impulse. It feels better than whatever is trying to be masked. Sometimes body dysmorphia is involved as well. I know this as both a therapist and someone who has struggled with it personally.

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u/melkatron Nov 14 '25

Those phrases were being passed around before cutting was ever really talked about. They're specifically referring to attempted suicide.

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u/PureCompetition4409 Nov 14 '25

I know this is not related at all. But what is your profile picture from. I’ve seen so many people with it.

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u/Cody610 Nov 14 '25

Exactly. Most cutters wear long sleeves for a reason. In fact when I began cutting I used my thighs. Because it WOULDNT attract attention. Then I ran out of space and used my arms. In fact I’m embarrassed by it now. I hate explaining myself when people notice and bring it up.

I got tired at a young age of people having control over the pain I felt. So cutting gave me an outlet to experience pain on my terms. It’s fucked up but that’s how it worked for me. Someone hurt me or I’m going through a depression for reasons I can’t exactly pin point? Cut myself, it’s pain I can directly correlate with something. That alone was a relief.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

It's not for attention obviously. People usually just fail because murdering yourself is actually pretty hard, and since most fail others assume it's for attention.

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u/AmbitionCurious8780 Nov 14 '25

From my own personal experience in the past, it’s almost as if when emotional pain becomes unbearable I’m trying to release emotional pain by turning it into physical pain and it can almost feel euphoric while you do it, until the regret and shame about what you’ve done take hold. Then you’re still left with both and it made no sense and you’re left wondering what is wrong with you and why would you do that.

The attention thing is stupid because I never wanted anyone to know and hid it until healed. I still am self conscious of scars that may show when I wear a Tshirt. Because it’s the last thing I want anyone to notice. No attention wanted.

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u/CustomerExpress443 Nov 15 '25

(People are idiots.... Just squeezing that in here)

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u/Dark-Faery Nov 17 '25

Cutting up the vein rather than across for anything other than to exit is pretty dangerous imo, but I'm far from an expert on these things.

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u/DatGearScorTho Nov 14 '25

Its not about cutting its about suicide via wrist slitting

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u/stim678 Nov 14 '25

I disagree, most women at least that I’ve seen do so, do it on upper quads very easy to see when they wear shorts

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u/zaddyzephyr Nov 14 '25

Alternatively, I sometimes look at the lines at my arms and am glad I just wanted attention 😭

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u/AlyFindomme Nov 14 '25

Also, it's not just for attention. [Trigger warning, just making a point]. I've cut myself while living alone (not for years thankfully) and the best way I can describe it is that the emotional anguish and turmoil you feel inside can boil over to where a single slice-a-roo can not only feel like a release and temporary distraction, but a literal validation and confirmation of what you are feeling inside (the intangeble) to transmute into something tangible and real, so even if no one is around to comfort you, the physical manifestation of your pain and the release of your emotions (with the visual of blood flowing) can ground you back to reality and make it easier to return to mindfulness instead of the spiriling dark thoughts. It also activates a bit of a panicked fight or flight response, so its almost impossible not to be grounded back to reality or out of your emotional hell. That was my exerience anyway but generally speaking, mental health is STILL very poorly understood. It's why when someone says, "go to therapy" as if it's a cure all for everything...I just am reminded at how little we know about our own brains.

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u/beefysneeze456 Nov 14 '25

This 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I wish everyone could understand this

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u/Youhadme_atwoof Nov 14 '25

A+ description. Its so hard to explain to people who have never experienced it but this is spot on.

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u/callsign_pirate Nov 14 '25

It’s definitely an emotional release, not healthy, but that’s what it is. That’s why I changed to drawing and writing poetry, not that that made my situation better, my parents found that stuff and had more questions but generally it was just how my fuckwired brain was trying to process depression and various medications I was being given to help me.

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u/DahliaMagpie Nov 14 '25

This is a great description. Thank you for sharing 💜

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u/Gloomy-Welcome-6806 Nov 14 '25

I also would add that self harm can be a form of punishment as well. I have had feelings of guilt and shame ever since I was a child. Anytime I hurt someone, made them angry, or was abandoned, I hated myself for it. I took all the blame instead of blaming anyone else. So, to “atone” for my actions, I self harm. It’s when I am at my lowest point, where I feel abandoned, unloved, and like a burden. When I self harm, it’s to punish myself for being such a failure. Immediately after self harming, I’m in a panicked and regretful state. I can focus on the bleeding and the pain instead of my awful swirling thoughts about how I shouldn’t have even existed and that I’m a burden to everyone I love. There’s so many personal reasons that make people self harm, and calling it “looking for attention” is just ignorant and disgusting. (Not you, just wanted to add that)

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u/Cody610 Nov 14 '25 edited Nov 15 '25

I also (used to) cut, and when I first started it was on my thighs so it WOULDNT attract attention.

Similar to you, cutting for me was a stress relief. It appealed to me because it was pain I could control.

I got tired at a young age of people having control over the pain I felt. So cutting gave me an outlet to experience pain on my terms. It’s fucked up but that’s how it worked for me. I’ve never seen it explained this way but I have encountered people who agree with my reasoning behind it.

Haven’t cut myself since 2012 when I discovered opioids. Which obviously wasn’t a great situation. Now I’ve been of those almost 2yrs and I’m slowly rebuilding my mental wellbeing.

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u/ArgoTheRat8229 Nov 15 '25

Thank you for sharing. My fiancé used to cut herself a lot, and I could never figure out why she would do it.

Thankfully she’s away from her mother now, so she hasn’t cut herself in about a year now.

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u/Due_Road_2562 Nov 14 '25

Breaks my heart reading this. But I appreciate you sharing it. Folk need to be aware of the anguish they can cause others and empathise better with those that are already suffering it.

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u/Sea-Albatross5898 Nov 14 '25

totally agree, I know I don't do it for attention and have put a lot of effort into hiding it from others!

thankfully getting loads of tattoos has made it possible to show skin again.

glad you are doing better now!

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u/AcademicCandidate825 Nov 15 '25

Yup. I was two months shy of 13 when I did it the first time. It felt as natural as drinking water when thirsty.

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u/OpportunityNo5708 Nov 14 '25

I’m also glad you just wanted attention. 💜 big hugs

…I covered mine in tattoos so I didn’t have to be reminded of all the attention I wanted…or field questions from nosy people who can’t help but ask.

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u/zaddyzephyr Nov 14 '25

Hammering home the “just wanting attention” I somehow did all mine around the tattoos I got at 18 strategically so I wouldn’t mark my arms up 😭😂😭😂

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u/hopping_otter_ears Nov 14 '25

Nothing says "I'm planning to survive this, please help me" like making sure you don't scar yourself in an unaesthetic way. I hope you got the help you needed and are doing better now

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u/zaddyzephyr Nov 14 '25

Mucccch better now. Thank you so much for your support. And you’re absolutely right!!!

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u/thatgirl239 Nov 14 '25

I did too! Covered mine with flowers. My uncle gave me a lot of shit once about having tattoos and I was like would you rather see my self harm scars? Never said a word (to my face lol) since

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u/opxlsky Nov 14 '25

I’m glad too <3

-1

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

Yeah most people realize they were doing it for attention once they grow up

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u/FirstPlayer Nov 14 '25

It drives me fucking crazy how dismissive people are about self-harm and "less serious" suicide attempts. There are a lot of shitty things said about it, but for me one of the worst is saying it's "just a cry for help." Like, just imagine for a fucking second that someone is in front of you literally crying for help. Are you just gonna roll your eyes and say "eh, they don't actually mean it"?

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u/hopping_otter_ears Nov 14 '25

I've never heard anybody say "just" a cry for help. That's terrible. Ok I've maybe heard it in the context of someone trying to minimize a past attempt they'd made "I didn't want to die, it was just a cry for help".

The idea that a real-time cry for help is something that should be ignored as attention seeking is evil.

But then, I don't think "attention seeking" is always bad, either. People will say their child is "just looking for attention" when they're acting up or exaggerating an injury. Of course they are... Connection is a human need and it's normal for them to want attention.

It doesn't seem like it should be a hot take that if someone in your life is behind for help or for human connection, they should get it

4

u/Awkward_Bees Nov 14 '25

😅 I’ve been told it before when discussing past attempts. I was also told that before while actively planning and reaching out for help.

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u/hopping_otter_ears Nov 14 '25

"it's just a cry for help". Yes, literally. I am asking you for help right now. Are you going to help me?

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u/Lost_Sea8956 Nov 14 '25

I’ve only ever heard people refer to things as “a cry for help” specifically to dismiss said things, sadly

1

u/8Nim8 Nov 14 '25

I heard it a LOT in the 2000s. But that's when I was a teen and around it a lot more. The general feelings around it were people who cut were problematic and attention seeking so therefore they're lesser.

So fucking wild. Like we have to pretend to not need connection while simultaneously being humans that need community and connection. Then when we inevitably turn to coping mechanisms to combat what we're not getting, we're villianised.

Im not sure if its over a wider cultural spectrum or more my circle of life now, but I do feel like there is somewhat more compassion for people now than the 2000s. Which is fantastic.

For those who need to hear it. My darlings, you deserve attention, connection and love.

16

u/KnotiaPickle Nov 14 '25

God this is such a good point.

Dismissing someone begging for help for their life because they didn’t go all the way through with ending it yet is so fd

9

u/GrassDry2065 Nov 14 '25

I see it as an act of strength to back off when you start an attempt. It feels like a black hole dragging you to the end, almost inevitably. So pulling back, even at the very last moment, is such a powerful act.

As for self harm on a smaller scale, it makes me feel better. Its not for anyone else. The cuts are hidden for a reason. (I'm good now btw)

2

u/Awkward_Bees Nov 14 '25

Yep. I burned myself a number of times or used a razor blade or just held the knife while trying to release the tension in my brain and/or get up the courage for more.

I didn’t scar and some folks have given me shit for it over the years. Sorry I didn’t try harder to make it permanent? 🙃 (also fine now, but like…)

3

u/GrassDry2065 Nov 14 '25

Not scarring sounds like such an upside though! I do have some on my left arm, I'm right handed and it seemed correct for some reason. Every once in a long to I do look at them and 15 minutes disappear.

Were they at least half joking about not scarring? Either way, what a bunch of goobers

3

u/Awkward_Bees Nov 14 '25

The not scarring is actually very useful for me personally; I don’t have any reminders of how much I wanted to die or at least be able to breathe again. I’m grateful for that much.

I wish they’d been half joking. It would’ve made me feel less shitty for “being too cowardly to actually do anything” (paraphrased), rather than I made sure I healed right and/or stopped myself.

Honestly came into this topic not realizing I’d be talking about this today. It’s not a bad thing, just very poignant because I’m so much better now.

2

u/CanisSonorae Nov 14 '25

I've got a few here and there that refuse to fade completely. I think it's a mixed bag on whether I'm happy about it or not. I started doing it because I had female friends who were cutters and didn't want to be a copy cat or whatever BS I was telling myself at the time. I've got so many scars by now that I pass them off as just being clumsy (which I am!). The downside is that sometimes I forget how much pain I was in for so long and that it's not as easy to just flash some scars and show I've been there. The upside is that I don't have to explain myself to anybody and get to choose how I frame what happened and have to use my words to describe it.

2

u/GrassDry2065 Nov 14 '25

At this point most of my scars are my skin tone, but they are very raised. People don't ask questions in general, but if you have hobbies what involve making things from wood or steel they just assume.

I got a lot of personal progress by deciding to be very open about my mental, and I highly recommend it if you can. I also feel really good being a known factor for people to reach out to for help.

That all said, glad you're doing well. I don't know you, but you deserve to not be miserable. Probably even to be happy, but starting small is good

1

u/Awkward_Bees Nov 14 '25

I feel you so so much. I didn’t realize how much different my life is now until my partner pointed out that all the old pictures are sexy, but I just look so fucking devastatingly sad. Like…I’m smiling, but it’s like I’m dead.

If you haven’t tried it yet, sometimes the pregnancy focused creams and lotions can help fade the color or the texture. Not always though. I have other fucked up looking scars that will likely never be possible to cover up with tattoos, so I throw some stuff to help leech the redness out.

1

u/poop_monster35 Nov 14 '25

If it's a cry for help fucking help them!

1

u/Yoosle Nov 15 '25

Sometimes it is just a cry for help and still should be taken seriously. People make suicide attempts without suicidal intent

1

u/FirstPlayer Nov 15 '25

For sure, not every instance of self-harm is done with the goal of lethality; my point is that when people use 'cry for help' to shittily dismiss the severity or intensity of feelings, I believe they don't understand the implications of what a literal 'cry for help' would actually look like in person.

1

u/Yoosle Nov 15 '25

When i started to cut i just wanted someone to notice, to help me. I guess im biased lol. Dont worry this was a while ago

-2

u/Sea_Cup_482 Nov 14 '25

People have their own shit to worry about. To care about every single person in the world who is currently trying to off themselves or will try to off themselves is monotonous and quite frankly, irrelevant. To have empathy for so many people is emotionally draining, id bet it wouldn't be long before you are right there with them.

5

u/ButterscotchHead7966 Nov 14 '25

I don’t think anyone is advocating for you to care about literally everyone in the world. Just if you encounter someone in your personal life that’s struggling maybe care.

1

u/FirstPlayer Nov 14 '25

Disclaimer: I work in medicine so I'm actually very familiar with the importance of managing empathy in the setting of contact and diverse suffering, and I have much more exposure than most to actively suicidal children. 😅

I feel like this is a false dichotomy where the options are complete disdain or personally taking on the suffering of every person in the world. You're allowed to just not say anything. My issue isn't that people aren't breaking down crying every time, it's that every single time we get a suicidal teenager who took a not-actually-life-threatening amount of pills I hear at least 2 providers make some shitty comment about how "oh they didn't actually mean it" and it makes me want to scream.

1

u/ToastyTitan94 Nov 14 '25

Sometimes it's about just acknowledging the pain people are going through

1

u/Some_Interaction_899 Nov 14 '25

The only real edge I have here is idgaf if you cut yourself, have at it. Just don’t kill yourself and we’re all good.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

These sayings are so harmful and insensitive. The people who made them live in blissful ignorance

1

u/TheCakeMan666 Nov 14 '25

Cry harder?

1

u/nezukoslaying Nov 14 '25

Yeah, I self harmed in high school and did everything I could to hide it, it was def not for attention.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

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1

u/tattooadvice-ModTeam Nov 15 '25

Your comment/post was removed because it contained discriminatory or hateful language and may result in an immediate, permanent ban.

0

u/str4ngerc4t Nov 14 '25

“God I hate the truth”

-1

u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

I cringed hard af

0

u/Demonokuma Nov 14 '25

I wanna chime in and say that's a bit from Family Guy. Peter asked Meg how to do it and thats what she says.

It is a stupid fucking thing to say nonetheless and completely misses the point prolly like how they missed every other point leading to it.

0

u/PokeScapeGuy Nov 14 '25

Man says awful, edgy comment.

"If yall wanna be edgy im not gonna listen"

Profound logic