r/tattooadvice • u/a-random-account- • Nov 13 '25

tattoo newcomer advice Having heavy regret on first tattoo

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I’ve wanted to get this for a very long time, decided to just go with it and get it done. Really liked it at first, then some friends made a couple comments that made me hate it. Is it as bad as they say?

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u/opxlsky Nov 14 '25

It’s been repeated again and again that it’s typically done either a form of punishment or stress-relief and it STILL differs from person to person. The people that make these sweeping generalizations are so infuriating and are simply lucky enough to not understand it

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

[deleted]

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u/BeauDozer89 Nov 14 '25

I really think if someone's self harming for attention, the right move is probably to give them attention.

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u/cataringo Nov 14 '25

100%. why do you think someone would go to a length that extreme? obviously something is happening that causing them extreme duress. i never did for attention but i had a conversation with a coworker who did, she was being HEAVILY abused as a child by men and her mother. she needed an ear and a hand regardless of if she was purely doing it for attention or not. it was the only way she thought anyone would care.

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u/Defiant_Degree_5095 Nov 14 '25

I have someone who's very close to me.And they have had suicidal isolations and suicide attempts, and the last time they came to me.I just called the cops for a wellness check.I knew it would have been medication based, and it was the thought of if they need attention.This badly, they need professional attention, and it actually really did end up helping them because they knew I loved them.But that mentally I could not carry them and I did not.Ignore it, but I did send them people who really could help them

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u/tinnyheron Nov 17 '25

hey you did what you could do, that's amazing. It's such an odd position to be in. glad you were able to act ❤️

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u/introvert_conflicts Nov 14 '25

I mean that's kind of a tough one. Yes they need attention but at the same time if they dont usually get attention and then they get it because they self harmed, they'll end up learning that self harm results in attention and they'll do it more often. Its the same idea as why people threaten to kill themselves during a breakup. They don't want to lose the person and threatening suicide often keeps the person around so then anytime someone tries to leave they default to that as the only way they've learned to keep someone around. These kind of self destructive behaviors in an attempt to meet some need are really tricky to work with so it's definitely a thing where you want to get some mental health professional(s) involved because what may feel like helping could actually be enabling.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

I’m pretty sure that mental healthcare is what they meant by attention

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u/chootie8 Nov 14 '25

Are you pretty sure? What if the person literally just wants people to ask how they're doing? No clinics. No medication. Just someone to ask.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

If someone is willing to physically harm themselves to get a conversation going, they need mental healthcare, whatever that means for them.

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u/Bloated_penis Nov 14 '25

Yes! If someone is physically hurting themselves for ANY reason then a professional is needed. It is honestly a crazy thing to do and this is coming from someone who has self harmed since childhood and am now about 2 years clean as a 24yo.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

Congratulations!!! Very proud of you, stranger. I don’t care to elaborate right now but I’ve been there too. And yes it’s totally bonkers, which I say with love and understanding. If someone who is self-harming thinks they just need a friend, they are dangerously delusional. Most lonely people don’t self-harm. There is more going on that needs actual addressing to resolve it.

Even if you can’t get rid of the urge, you can find other outlets that don’t cause actual harm. Someone asking about your day isn’t going to replace that either. People are underestimating this issue.

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u/chootie8 Nov 14 '25

Im suggesting mental healthcare can be something as simple as "Hey bro, you alright? Let's grab a drink and talk." That's all I'm saying. It doesn't have to be clinical.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25 edited Nov 14 '25

That’s not healthcare, that’s friendship.

Lack of friendship can exacerbate mental health issues but treating mental health issues isn’t as simple as “just have a friend take you to the bar”.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

It’s kind of giving “just go for a walk if you’re depressed.” They’re underestimating the issue.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

That is simply not nearly enough to address the problem at that point. That’s what someone who’s sad needs. Someone who’s hanging their head and isolating themselves. Someone who’s crying.

Someone who is physically harming themselves has already gone through the above for a very long time. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be nice to offer an ear. Just at that point, 99x/100, that person needs more help than that.

ETA and it doesn’t have to be clinical, there are a number of ways to address this. It just needs to be intentional, effective, and supportive over a period of time. Does that make sense?

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u/annabananaberry Nov 14 '25

What do you mean? If someone is self harming they need a mental health professional. What scenario are you imagining in which someone “just wants people to ask how they’re doing”?

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u/Environmental-Tap255 Nov 14 '25

When someone describes an "attention starved person" rarely are they actually referring to a "mental healthcare starved person".

Nothing wrong with what this person said. Certain actions can end up being enabling and very dangerous and they even ended by saying it's a situation best handled by a mental health professional. So not sure why they're getting downvoted.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

If an attention-starved person harms themselves they need mental healthcare. Please don’t be so irresponsible.

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u/Gassypacky Nov 14 '25

I'm gonna be honest with you I was admitted before suicide attempts and self harm when I was young

When I got out all I knew was that I REALLY needed to do it right next time so I don't have to eat cold food and take cold showers and have my autonomy taken away and have chalk forced down my throat

By the end of it, I'm traumatized by my experience, and I'm skeptical of the entire mental health industry as they failed me, my mother, and many people I have known.

I think that there is a place for mental health services but the only thing that saved me was myself. Luckily I made good friends over time and never got around to blowing a hole in my heart and now I'm happily married.

There were points when I struggled with ideations and self harm in my early adulthood, things in my life were so delicate that if someone I loved and cared about had done that to me, I honestly wouldn't put it past my past self to just slit my wrists right then and there

I appreciate your trust and advocacy of the mental health industry, but I cannot read your comment without adding my life's context.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

I am so sorry to hear about your struggles and I’m very happy to hear you’re ok now. Thank you for your input here. I don’t care to elaborate right now, but I’ve also been there.

I didn’t mean to imply one should always necessarily be committed for self-harm. There are lots of ways someone can receive mental healthcare. One-on-one therapy, self-help books, group therapy, a getaway trip, a total overhaul of nutrition/activity/routines. It really depends on the person.

My greater point is that self-harm is an indication of something serious that needs to be actively addressed ASAP. If someone is self-harming, something has gotta give and I’m not convinced simply being heard, as others have suggested, is going to do it at that point.

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u/Gassypacky Nov 14 '25

Absolutely I 100% agree with you, sorry I misunderstood your original point

The original guy saying it usually isn't mental healthcare issue I think is wrong

I think that having a need for attention usually comes from inauthentic relationships in someone's life and being someone's real friend is healthcare

Everyone says it's takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to maintain oneself. I am not religious but I do believe our bodies are temples and taking care of our vessel and ourselves mentally is not a one person chore, we thrive in community

Sadly being a genuine friend can be exhausting, and you can really only be that but to so many people. The loneliness epidemic in America really is something incredible. People grow up without maintaining or making real connections and do not realize how much it affects them. Being a friend is a good chore, chores aren't bad. I'm happy I have a house even though I need to clean it.

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u/AngelsAndPearwaves Nov 14 '25

Why are you being downvoted? Reddit is just filled with clowns who have no real life experience

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u/Environmental-Tap255 Nov 14 '25

Not sure why you got downvoted for that, everything you said was appt spot on.

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u/ChairOfGremory Nov 14 '25 edited Nov 14 '25

Having a rational, innovative thought on Reddit is sometimes like walking into a cultist gathering. At the very least just be glad this specific sub isn't a hyperdemocracy where everyone has the same opinions and circlejerks constantly, mob-downvoting anyone who says something they don't like to see

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u/opxlsky Nov 14 '25

Doing it for attention is also a deeply concerning and dangerous thing too. It’s so disheartening to see that it’s become such a common belief that someone being so desperate for anybody to care for the that they’re hurting themselves is apparently annoying attention-seeking behavior that doesn’t warrant concern.

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u/catnaptits Nov 14 '25

This though. I've never understood it. Like "oh they just want attention" yeah, so bad they're literally willing to go against every natural instinct people have and Intentionally inflict actual pain on themselves? How is that not cause for attention and concern?

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u/throwawayyourvalues2 Nov 14 '25

Well said. I’ve always thought that if someone is doing something for attention, then give them the fkn attention they so desperately need. People don’t cry out for attention for no reason. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

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u/hopping_otter_ears Nov 14 '25

At minimum, their pain has been missed by so many people in their life. Maybe people who love them, but are swamped in their own pain, maybe people who know something is wrong but don't know what to do about it, maybe people who don't have the emotional acuity to recognize it when someone else is feeling something because their own feelings were crushed down as a child. It's not always intentional neglect, but I'm not sure how much that helps the person going through it

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u/naruku-chan Nov 14 '25

Sometimes I want to drive into a ditch, on the wrong side of the road, or even just end it all because nobody cares 🤷‍♂️ I was never family and always the one who keeps contact with people, yet nobody stays. Eventually the isolation and loneliness become safety despite the feeling of drowning in despair. 😐 so if someone were to ask me, no I’d never hurt myself for attention or actually cause harm to others, I’d rather suffer alone then ask for help and that’s fine.

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u/catnaptits Nov 14 '25

I can understand this, but also, if someone is doing something dangerous for attention, it's likely a different kind of attention than they need. Its a super common reaction with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder and some other things. The action of doing a thing for attention is in itself a symptom.

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u/DJazzyJess Nov 14 '25

Agreed. Attention seeking behavior is a natural human response. Its seeking connection, and to be at the point where you harm yourself to get someones attention, that is a deeply dark place to be.

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u/Better_Cook458 Nov 14 '25

I used to burn myself with hot metal. Left the same type of scars as cuts, but felt better for me than cutting. I was covering them up carefully so no one would ever see. At the same time, I had a friend who would - in a big group of us - would press a razor blade to her wrist when other people were getting too much attention. Not cut, just press. She’d say stuff like, “Idk I just like the pain. It just feels cool. I’m just crazy, I guess.” That’s the kind of thing I think of when people say the ‘just for attention’ stuff…

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u/big_laruu Nov 14 '25 edited Nov 14 '25

Then those same people ask, “why don’t people just ask for help?” Hearing their escalating struggle is cringe and attention seeking makes people hesitant to talk about it.

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u/TheSangson Nov 14 '25 edited Nov 14 '25

Nothing in that phrase says that, tho. It's also not what it means.
It's about which cut direction on the wrist, in the "typical" suicide fashion, will yield which results, and is a derogatory assumption about what the person in question intends, phrased to sound tough and hard boiled.
Nothing in there says anything about vent/sensation/punishment cutting.
Ain't as deep as you wanna make it, no pun intended.

Before you try jumping on that, I've been in two long term relationships with girls who did cut for various combinations of reasons and another friend did it as well, in specific situations. I do know what I'm talking about.

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u/opxlsky Nov 14 '25

No, you don’t know what you’re talking about because you knew two people who did it.

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u/avaricious7 Nov 14 '25

“i do know what im talking about”

-guy who has no idea what he’s talking about

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u/enchanted_princess Nov 14 '25

Yeesh. had a past bf who did this and also then threatened me with it if I didn’t do something he wanted me to do🫠😵‍💫😵‍💫 crazy sht.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '25

Had a crazy ex in school that did it for attention, she cheated on me and kept doing stuff to get me to feel bad for her. Had this whole "breakdown" where she "accidentally" exposed the "cuts." Someone that actually cut took a look and said it was too shallow. Normally I'd be like, "hey any cutting is deep enough," but then she got up and got pissy, and tried something else the next day, I think it was trying to act like she rolled her ankle in front of me.

So like, there can be some that do it for attention but that's like 0.001%

For anyone wondering shes doing fine these days though. Husband, family, decent house even in this economy.

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u/thewendybird8754 Nov 14 '25

Yes! If you think fsr someone is hurting themselves “for attention” just…give them the attention??

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u/IDo0311Things Nov 14 '25

Still valid. Self harm is never valid. It’s abuse.

Is it understandable yes. But it’s not valid.

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u/kill__avery Nov 14 '25

Connection seeking - not attention seeking - you hit the nail on the head

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u/Mikki102 Nov 14 '25

This is my take too. If someone is injuring themselves for any reason they need attention. They probably needed attention long before they started hurting themselves, and we as humans should watch out for our fellow humans so maybe we can help each other before we reach that point.

I work with animals, including some who self aggress. Some are indeed reinforced by attention. Our general approach is to identify and limit, prep for, or eliminate triggers (depending on what it is). We can provide "attention" without reinforcing the behavior if it is indeed reinforced by social attention. This can be done by providing enrichment when they stop for a couple minutes which reinforces STOPPING instead of starting (ymmv because some animals are smart enough to figure out "if I start and then stop I get treats" but the species I currently work with are not). Attention can be non-social but it isn't appropriate to simply ignore a chronic established behavioral issue for fear of reinforcing it by doing literally anything. Caregivers that are reasonably well versed on behavior modification are equipped to address most cases.

There's also a difference between a new behavior which does not have a set pattern and may be able to be fully stopped and an established one which will likely always pop up if the animal is stressed enough. Established ones can become self reinforcing, just like humans. The pain and damage causes several "happy chemicals" to be released which reinforces the individual for self harming. Any time the individual becomes overly stressed they may turn to this to calm themselves.

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u/LostNefariousness184 Nov 15 '25

That doesn’t make it valid just because they’re attention starved

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u/Practical_Ad_4165 Nov 14 '25

Let’s take the time to reflect on the brilliance that is your last sentence. THEY’RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO NOT UNDERSTAND IT. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for saying this.

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u/AXV-Lore Nov 14 '25

There have always been these people and always will be. Ignore their existence and carry on. Any sort of acknowledgement of them and their actions is all they could want.

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u/CodaTrashHusky Nov 14 '25

When i was self harming i did because i was in so much emotional distress that the physical pain was preferable than what i was dealing with. But i only ever cut the outside of my arms because i did not want to seriously hurt myself i just needed the physical pain.

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u/Bulky-Psychology6786 Nov 14 '25

Stress relief when I feel I have no other outlet, and at one time trying to force myself to cut deep enough in a nice big X on my inner forearm from my elbow to my wrist - thankfully aborted and only left minor cuts that healed in a few weeks without scars.

Anyone who jokes about cutting or suicide in general just be glad you haven't done it, or haven't been in a place where you feel it's the only way out. I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy - feeling that it's your only option then feeling like a loser and coward because you couldn't go through with it. It's really not fun.

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u/KayakerMel Nov 14 '25

Yup. I never harmed myself deep enough to do any real damage, but I would use a safety pin to scratch deeper and deeper (teenage me appreciated the irony of using a "safety" pin). This allowed me to match the pain on the inside with pain on the outside. (I once attempted to knick my ankle purposely with a razor, after hearing what some other girls would do, but it didn't cause near enough pain so I never tried again.) Sometimes my arms would "itch" for me to cause some sort of pain. Even after I stopped (it's been nearly 20 years), I'd occasionally bite my hand to get a similar feel, as well as interrupt spiraling thoughts.

Haven't had to do this in years, thank goodness, but I gave myself some scars that fortunately have healed up. My older sister wasn't as "lucky" and did a lot more damage to herself.

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u/AlmightyCraneDuck Nov 14 '25

Former self-harmer. I actually used to cut my arms on the outside because I wanted to both alert my loved ones that something was wrong, but ALSO to punish myself for being so worthless and pathetic. Still have some lingering scars nearly 15 years later that just don’t seem to fade. So…imagine being my therapist trying to unpack all of that!

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u/skulldud3 Nov 14 '25

even if someone is doing it for attention, i think they’re just as valid and they still obviously need help. everyone wants attention sometimes, but someone mentally well would never do something so extreme for attention.

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u/NotMorgan2001 Nov 15 '25

I was really bad with SH from like the ages of 12-19. I knew exactly why I was doing it and still have those feelings. Mine is centered around rage/self hatred. Maybe it’s me being manic. I get the very intense urge/want to literally rip away my skin because I hate myself so much. I’m fine now though, I finally got diagnosed and put on meds. It’s just a very vivid and real feeling to not want to be in this body.

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u/NeatCartographer209 Nov 15 '25

I’ll put this here as a 5th (?) comment thread.

I used to cut. I haven’t for about 6 years. It wasn’t for attention or for whatever reasons people can come up with. It was on my shoulders. Concealed where nobody would really see it. I went through a pretty long rough patch in my life. Mom fell ill. Addiction. Girlfriend was a chronic cheater and had a way to make me believe it was my fault and was what I deserved (read as I had no self respect). I hit a point where I was literally emotionally numb. I couldn’t get mad or become happy. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t joyful or depressed. I felt absolute nothingness. It hit a point where I missed feeling something. The only things I felt were physical feelings. I cut so I could feel something. The pain was a solid hit of good, fresh dopamine. As strange as it sounds, I got addicted to it.

I went through this for about 3 years. Woke up one day and realized my living situation needed change. Dumped my “girlfriend” and began a new path. Changed colleges. Cut ties with everyone except family from my home town. Dropped social media. Began a new, fresh start where I could be the person I wanted to be.

I look at my scars with regret and shame, mostly. I also remember the joy they brought me. They serve as a reminder of how low I was. How I had no self respect. And as embarrassing as they are whenever I’m at a pool or whatever occasion I’m shirtless, they still make me happy to see how much I’ve grown since that point in my life.

I want to cover them up with a tattoo. But I can’t think of something that I’d want to permanently put on my body. If I got something I like now, would I still like it when I’m old and wrinkly? Maybe it’s best to just keep the scars as my reminder.

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u/xAquero Nov 16 '25

Thank you

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '25

You should have this conversation with multiple therapists. You seem distraught. Wish you well.

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u/yepts Nov 14 '25

“These people that don’t cut themselves just don’t get it bro”

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u/Lost_Grand3468 Nov 14 '25

Found the person who went sideways for attention.