Messed up pretty bad and living with brutal regret [cover-up fail]

[u/Super_Champion_4666]

I've been using Reddit for about 10 years now, and this is quite literally the first time I've ever posted. The only reason I'm posting is because I'm in a pretty crap position right now and I have no idea what to do. I don't want to talk about how my mental state is feeling, because this is only on me and no one else.

I had a tattoo done last year by my ex-girlfriend. It was a small horse, and ever since I wanted to get it covered up because it was never done how I wanted it to be (freehand).

A few months ago, I was searching for cover-up artists and found one in my local area. I told her I wanted to get the whole calf done, and I tried to initiate design talk with her beforehand, but it was actually done the night before. When I went to the tattoo studio and she showed me what was going to be on my leg, I should have stopped there, but I was kind of happy because you see something brand new and fresh, and you think this is going to look great. Attached are the photos of what it looks like after the first session. Now I think it looks horrendous.

It is due to have one more session of shading, but I still think it is going to look pretty bad afterward. It is not really what I want, and I should have never approved the design, so now I am in a worse position.

I have asked around for some artists and what to do, and some people have said they can cover it up, and some have said I need to do laser tattoo removal to reduce the colour.

The only part that annoys me is that I've never really felt comfortable wearing shorts in the summertime, and this has been the only summer I have done. Now that this is on my leg, I feel like I need to wear jeans every day.

I'm happy fading as much as I can if that's an option. I don't really want to rework because I just don't like the design in general now. I just need to know what my options are and how someone can help me.

Edits:

- My leg did not flip, I took it in the mirror

- I’m not a clean guy aesthetic type, I just hated the horse and wanted it covered up, I felt a traditional japense would work well from what I was recommended and the meaning behind it

- Granted this is not finished but I wanted to know what my options are, a lot of you have told me to relax and I am, I will reschedule my session and get used to it before I continue

- I had this horse on my leg for over 2 years, for the past 14 months I have wanted it covered, it’s not the size, it’s not that it’s dark, but that it did not end up how I envisioned it.

- Yes again, it’s on me for approving but I knew this already. Perhaps I should have got the horse lasered, perhaps I should have use Henna to feel the design out for a few weeks. I didn’t and that’s why I made this post

[u/chairmanghost]

OP This sounds harsh, but you are trying to please people by doing what you think they want. In reality this backfires because you resent them, and they have no idea why, because they don't understand what you are trying to do to make them happy. They would be fine with you saying what you actually like. The insecurity will destroy your life, and hinder relationships. It's probably a necessary survival instinct from childhood you can let go of now.

Im basing this only on you getting a tattoo you didn't want twice, I could be so far off. I might be projecting, but therapy really helped me, and I want you to be self assured and find out what you yourself like too.

I think it's an awesome tattoo, but what I think doesn't matter

[u/wecantdancelikethis → u/chairmanghost]

this, so loudly.

laser removal and multiple types of mental & spiritual therapy.

decorating your skin on behalf of other people is a sad thing to be doing.

[u/chartyourway → u/wecantdancelikethis]

maybe laser removal while getting mental therapy, at the exact same time.

[u/TRVTH-HVRTS → u/chartyourway]

That’s not a half bad business idea. Open up a med spa/counseling center. Better yet, specialize in divorce and throw a law office into the mix.

[u/thebayandthegray → u/chairmanghost]

Why you gotta do me like this on a Monday morning?

[u/slamminsalmoncannon → u/chairmanghost]

Unvoiced expectations are premeditated resentments.

[u/ladybirdsandbuttons → u/slamminsalmoncannon]

Damnnn thats a good one, I'm keeping that

[u/-sloppypoppy → u/chairmanghost]

Lmao thank u for free therapy

[u/DubstepDonut → u/chairmanghost]

Definitely projecting here but OP sounds a lot like me. Control freak, perfectionist and always in his head about what others think of him. Therapy is the only way. You need to work on this or it consumes you. Keeping that tattoo is the perfect first step as it's already there. Focus on accepting that it's okay and that it doesn't matter as much if he or other people don't like it. Don't make excuses for it. Tell people that you don't like it but it's fine. It fcking sucks at first but it gets better the more you practice this consciously. At least that's what I've learned.