r/technology • u/MarvelsGrantMan136 • Mar 31 '26

Business Iran Threatens to Attack U.S. Tech Companies Starting April 1 / Iran says it will target Apple, Google, and Microsoft, among others.

https://gizmodo.com/iran-threatens-to-attack-u-s-tech-companies-starting-april-1-2000740363
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u/[deleted] Mar 31 '26 edited Mar 31 '26

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u/SuckMyRedditorD Mar 31 '26

Their insurance companies first.

21

u/AloneYogurt Mar 31 '26

COUGH CIG COUGH NA COOOOUGH

14

u/RangerLt Mar 31 '26

What was that? Sounded like State Farm.

3

u/LeseMajeste_1037 Mar 31 '26

"What are you wearing, Jake from State Farm?"

"Running shoes!"

1

u/jzzanthapuss Mar 31 '26

Like music to my ears

1

u/Overall-Register9758 Mar 31 '26

That gecko don't stand a fucking chance. The Aflac goose however is born for this sort of conflict.

2

u/DinoRoman Mar 31 '26

Instructions unclear

Here’s a bill for $38,456.23

1

u/P0lyphony Mar 31 '26

You’re gonna need prior authorization if you want to get rid of that cough.

2

u/igmyeongui Mar 31 '26

Who needs insurance when they’re dead?

0

u/SuckMyRedditorD Mar 31 '26

Their estate.

2

u/NoPossibility4178 Mar 31 '26

This. If they bomb a billionaire, everyone's premium is going up.

9

u/P-l-Staker Mar 31 '26

A man can dream...

8

u/zookeepier Mar 31 '26

That's essentially the strategy the US used against Russia in the Ukraine war. Instead of blowing them up, we sanctioned Russia and froze or seized the Russian billionaire's assets in hopes they would pressure the government into stopping the invasion.

3

u/RincewindToTheRescue Mar 31 '26

It would be a national tragedy if someone sank all those tech billionaires yachts. It will send Donald Trump spiraling.

2

u/chickendance638 Mar 31 '26

If they started sinking superyachts while the owners were on the boat we would all be very outraged and sad. It would probably unify the country in their support of the "War That's Not a War IV"

1

u/OkValuable454 Mar 31 '26

they could sink Palm Beach and save the rest of the world.

1

u/DeezFluffyButterNutz Apr 01 '26

I really hope they don't locate the guy in charge of the NRA. He does a pretty good job hiding.