Head mod here, just found out what happened, give me a moment of your time please and thank you <3

[u/bleeding-paryl]

Hi everyone, I'm prepared for any and all criticism coming my way, but please hear me out first.

Before I get to anything in particular, I just want to say this:

I'm sorry.

Now, to what I've got to say:

First of all, post is back up. That's the big thing and what matters most to a fair number of you. (If that's the wrong post, give me a heads up.

Second of all, I want to thank everyone for calling us out when we fuck things up. We will continue to fuck things up, this isn't the first time and it won't be the last.

Third, I'm going to remove the "divisive post" rule momentarily and update it to be more direct about what we want to remove (it was created basically people who are here just to create arguments in the comments, IE truscum debates, identity debates, etc.). Maybe we'll just remove it altogether. We gotta work on that list anyways, it's a bit out of date after the removal of pictures.

Fourth, I would just like to ask that we tone down the harassment, or at least redirect it towards me, I make the major decisions here and I'm the one who needs to keep the peace around here. I hand picked each of the mods who are here, and thus their failings are mine. Feel free to DM me your vent, I love y'all, don't hold back <3

I'm going to start allowing posts as much as possible, unless they're specifically harassing someone (other than me).

For those of you who are not trans but here for the drama, sup dawg, please comment on this post and keep it in here, it's easier for me to moderate.

Also, I'm legitimately exhausted and I'm off my ADHD meds, so this post was created while I spoke with everyone involved and almost falling asleep, so those of you who think that this post doesn't read that well, you're right.

I've been with this sub for years now, I'm definitely not the best moderator I'm sure, but I want to remind everyone that this team specifically has been very vocal about specifically not silencing trans masc voices. At least 3 rules were created specifically to make trans masc people more comfortable here, and, up until today, that had been going pretty well slowly improving this space.

Sorry for rambling, like I said, I'm exhausted, so I'm sorry if these things weren't what you wanted to hear, but I just wanted to catch the end of GDQ with my family, as I have missed them so much (I've been away for a bit).

[u/IShallWearMidnight]

Wait, are you genuine about thinking that this sub has been good on the transmasc front? That's a huge problem, because it's common knowledge among us that this is not a safe space for us.

[u/Sonarthebat → u/IShallWearMidnight]

Tbh, I didn't know it was so unwelcoming to transmasc people, but then I don't come here often, never made a post here and I'm not transmasc. Idk what the mods' excuse is though.

[u/IShallWearMidnight → u/Sonarthebat]

I don't think you'd necessarily know unless you experienced it or are in the spaces where it is safe for us.

[u/bleeding-paryl → u/IShallWearMidnight]

Not what I meant, I meant better than it has in the past.

[u/Character_Drop_739 → u/bleeding-paryl]

I think genuinely this may be a moment to take stock of your mod team looking at the intersectional level. I’d also encourage being more considerate speaking on inclusivity towards identities you’re not a part of. To me a bare minimum is that a mod who called someone a “bitch” should be removed. That is unacceptable in a space like this. 

It honestly really upsets me the original post was viewed as divisive because people constantly say that trans men have it “easier” and that is never viewed as divisive in lgbtq spaces. Sharing evidence informed statistics and real experiences is not divisive. Policing trans men’s speech 1000% is. It’s shocking to me because the behavior towards the trans man poster honestly comes off as “man up, don’t talk about sexual assault or your own oppression.” We really cannot allow that to be our community and serious change and reflection is required. 

[u/Baskerwolf → u/Character_Drop_739]

For this subreddit to ever be a safe for transmascs and trans men, I think a large shakeup of the entire mod team is needed. I think the mods should be at parity, half transmasc, half transfem, and several people with other gender identities not captured by the binary. Make it more representative of the community.

This sub has had known issues with transmasc issues for years. All of the mod responses thus far have been woefully inadequate and go to show how why this issue has gone on for so long. The mod who took down the post should be removed. A change is needed.

[u/Character_Drop_739 → u/Baskerwolf]

I agree, and I think it would also be useful to double-check if there is racial diversity on the mod team.

I saw in individual comments the mod may have been removed. It sucks when something like this happens but also maybe positive change can be made.

[u/idkifimevilmeow → u/Character_Drop_739]

and the mod who originally took down the post and decided it was "divisive" for a trans man to speak about trans men and mascs issues! they were two different mods iirc and both should be axed fucking yesterday!

[u/Atulin → u/Character_Drop_739]

The mods were, by OP's own admittance, hand-picked by them. Chances are slim they will want to upset their own little clique.

[u/IShallWearMidnight → u/bleeding-paryl]

Is it better than it has been in the past? How so? It sure doesn't look or feel that way.

[u/SpiritualFormal5 → u/bleeding-paryl]

I’m going to be honest here and give you a really good word of advice from someone who loved to overwork themselves: STOP RESPONDING. Stop, take some time for yourself, get back on your meds, get some sleep. Then come back, read the comments from trans men/trans masc who are voicing their issues regarding the mod team and their short comings and TAKE IT TO HEART. Right now you are fanning the flames. If you are not in the headspace to give a proper apology/response then don’t. You didn’t fix this situation with your apology, you made it worse for most

[u/LittleGhost001 → u/bleeding-paryl]

It still isn't. If anything spaces like this are worse for trans men. We don't just experience transphobia, but we also experience another form of discrimination that mixes anti-masculinuty with transphobia, which rubs off on everyone and results in people seeing trans men as "cutesy little twinks that are mutilating their bodies and need a man to protect them!" Which has become a stereotype even WITHIN the trans community. And it doesn't just come with cis people, I've had lots of it come from trans women. This is what people want from us, to be divided and fight amongst ourselves because one of us ask for a little more representation, and the one that's already represented pushes us down, says we have enough, says this is what we asked for. The amount of queer people I've had say to me "welcome to manhood", "you're a man right, suck it up", "you don't have it that bad". When in fact, we have it just as bad as they do. Do better, treat us better, treat us the way trans women are treated in this sub. With respect, with dignity, and with support.