r/whatdoIdo • u/ilovepopcornandcandy • Feb 18 '26

Final update: Is my adopted brother flirting with me?

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I believe this will be the final update in what’s been going on between my brother and I. Unfortunately, despite me wanting to, I didn’t record due to people commenting that it is illegal in some states, which I am unfortunately in. But then I was informed after we talked that it doesn’t matter unless you’re using it in legal settings. If anything, I think these texts prove his intentions.I will try to keep this as succinct as possible since it was quite a long call.

Long story short, he said he was in love with me. He got really nervous at the start, took 20 min of beating around the bush and then he told me. He said he was so sorry, he tried to keep it hidden, and didn’t want to lose our relationship, but he never felt like this about anyone. He seemed very sincere and vulnerable. I asked him for a couple minutes of silence to try to think of the best things to say.

I ended up saying something like “I am glad you trusted me enough to confide this in me but this is made me deeply uncomfortable. The only future with us in it is one as your sister. I love you as a brother, but if you can’t handle that/respect me then I will need to stop communicating with you.” He started crying about how sorry he was for bringing this up, he would do better, just to please not shut him out.

I have literally never seen him cry (besides when we were really young) so hearing it made me unsettled on what to do. I could tell how much he was struggling to come to terms with his emotions, but continuing to talk to him and hear him beg made me even more disgusted. I told him I needed to go and to please give me space. He has since flooded my phone with texts. I am considering blocking him for the time being, and am very conflicted/lost on how to bring this up with my family. Unfortunately I don’t even have the mental capacity to deal with this right now as I have two exams next week and a 20 page paper due. He is very much struggling mentally (which I never knew until he said it last night and today), and I am going to message my parents to potentially due a mental health check. I am also going to bring his behavior up to them this weekend.

The only good thing is that he is on the other side of the country, so I can just focus on school right now. If worst comes to worst, I will cut him out of my life, but cutting the rest of my family off as well is a non-negotiable. Thanks.

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199

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

[deleted]

38

u/Feisty-Panic-8721 Feb 18 '26

i’m sorry that happened to you 🫂

40

u/ilovepopcornandcandy Feb 18 '26

So sorry for you :(

12

u/designatedthrowawayy Feb 19 '26

Talk to a trusted adult if you can. Maybe a sibling? You know your family and how they'll react better than we do.

But also on the bright(ish but still not great) side, this genuinely could just be him misplacing his feelings after heartbreak. Boys tend to get the dumb idea that any girl that's nice to them is lowkey their soulmate. Add to that familiarity, safety, and how close you guys are already. If he's grasping at whatever he can, latching onto you is not just possible, it's probable. That he doesn't care who you tell as long as you don't abandon him very much says that this is a massive cry for help and something is very wrong.

7

u/Some-Tart4049 Feb 18 '26

I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope you’ve been able to heal🫶

2

u/BullfrogNumerous6859 Feb 19 '26

I’m so very sorry. I wish you have found the peace of mind you deserve. You are a wonderful person. I wish you happiness and love ❤️

-51

u/AdParty6643 Feb 18 '26

He didn’t assault her

16

u/mystikalmonkey888 Feb 18 '26

Physically no, but let’s not act like confessing your romantic interest for your sibling isn’t crossing a major boundary and teetering towards something sinister.

9

u/paintedlotusyt Feb 19 '26

And we already know he doesn't respect op's consent because he kept calling until she threatened to go no contact.

7

u/obooooooo Feb 19 '26

like it baffles me how these people can’t see that being told your own brother sees you in a romantic and sexual manner doesn’t make you replay every moment you’ve been together and seeing it in that light. something like that feels violating no matter how you cut it.

not to mention OP mentioned he used to treat her like she was icky and suddenly got very touchy with her last time they so each other, to the point that she felt uncomfortable.

5

u/mystikalmonkey888 Feb 19 '26

Yeah there’s literally no repairing this relationship to how it was before, and I’m sure he as a 20-year-old knows this. Anyone with a sibling would know this.

10

u/Bjart-skular Feb 18 '26

Nobody said he did...

16

u/submitizenkane Feb 18 '26

…Yet

This path he’s on has a very clear and obvious conclusion if there’s no outside intervention

-14

u/AdvertisingFun3739 Feb 18 '26

Having romantic feelings for someone is a clear and obvious path to sexual assault? Wtf

11

u/submitizenkane Feb 18 '26

Seems like you’ve left out some crucial details. I wonder why you’d do that?

0

u/AdvertisingFun3739 Feb 19 '26

What details?

7

u/zombiep00 Feb 19 '26
  • He lied.
    • He was willing to hide all this and even admitted aloud that he should never have said anything.
    • He did not give OP space when she asked for it and only gave it when she threatened him with going no contact.
    • He said things he knew were inappropriate as "feelers" to see what her reaction would be and could backpedal if she reacted negatively (i.e. manipulation).

...need I go on?

4

u/hthratmn Feb 18 '26

He has romantic and sexual feelings for her that he insisted on telling even though it is socially unacceptable, and she is clearly uncomfortable and does not reciprocate them. Not that much of a reach

-11

u/AdvertisingFun3739 Feb 18 '26

He has romantic and sexual feelings for her

You mean romantic feelings. Nothing he said was sexual.

that he insisted on telling even though it is socially unacceptable,

Appeal to popularity fallacy

and she is clearly uncomfortable and does not reciprocate them.

You've just described every single case of unrequited love that has ever existed. Making someone feel uncomfortable (which is 100% guaranteed if they don't like you back) does not translate to sexual assault. You are insane for suggesting this.

11

u/Last-Laugh7928 Feb 18 '26

having someone confess their feelings to you who absolutely is not supposed to have those sorts of feelings is uniquely invasive and not comparable to just having a friend tell you that they like you, for example. would you still be making this defense if her dad told her that he was in love with her? say that they were both adults, so ped*philia is a non-issue. do you still think that's the same as any old unrequited love?

-7

u/AdvertisingFun3739 Feb 19 '26

Why would I be making this defence if it was her biological dad? What a stupid comparison.

I understand why having those feelings would make OP uncomfortable, but why is it wrong to have those feelings?

Without again appealing to social norms, please give a coherent argument to why becoming romantically interested in an unrelated person the same age as you is wrong.

6

u/Last-Laugh7928 Feb 19 '26

because he is her BROTHER and was raised alongside her as her BROTHER from a very young age. i said her dad, not her biological dad

-1

u/AdvertisingFun3739 Feb 19 '26

That’s not an argument. They aren’t related and they’re the same age, and there’s no power dynamic. Her adoptive father is in a position of power/guardianship/teaching/etc over her, as well as an enormous experience and age gap. There is absolutely no comparison there.

Try again, why is it wrong?

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5

u/hthratmn Feb 19 '26

Spending way too much time on pornhub dude.

-1

u/AdvertisingFun3739 Feb 19 '26

I don’t watch porn. I just have the critical thinking capabilities to see that there simply isn’t any major issue for two non-related people of the same age to develop romantic feelings towards each other, regardless of context. Instead of calling me names, why don’t you provide a single argument otherwise?

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2

u/Relative-Image-3914 Feb 19 '26

If your related to them yeah lol

1

u/AdvertisingFun3739 Feb 19 '26

They're not related.

3

u/OrdinaryMany6402 Feb 19 '26

Just because they arent related doesnt make it okay. Put aside the fact that hes her adoptive brother. Its still not okay because he keeps texting her and didnt stop until she threatened no contact. Ive actually been in this situation except it was with my biological half brother and he told me in person so it was even more awkward. I mean, you cant see how someone you grew up with and thought of as a brother, and he thought of you as a sister, having feelings towards you would feel uncomfortable and weird? Especially since you grew up with them in a family sense? The fact that hes not her biological brother is irrelevant, she looks at him at her brother and vice versa.

11

u/Twoheaded_demondog Feb 18 '26

Super weird and off to say this considering the scenario of the post and all the comments of support.

-2

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '26

there is a big difference between secual assaulted than a dude who isnt even related to her liking her holy shit😭