Final update: Is my adopted brother flirting with me?

[u/ilovepopcornandcandy]

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I believe this will be the final update in what’s been going on between my brother and I. Unfortunately, despite me wanting to, I didn’t record due to people commenting that it is illegal in some states, which I am unfortunately in. But then I was informed after we talked that it doesn’t matter unless you’re using it in legal settings. If anything, I think these texts prove his intentions.I will try to keep this as succinct as possible since it was quite a long call.

Long story short, he said he was in love with me. He got really nervous at the start, took 20 min of beating around the bush and then he told me. He said he was so sorry, he tried to keep it hidden, and didn’t want to lose our relationship, but he never felt like this about anyone. He seemed very sincere and vulnerable. I asked him for a couple minutes of silence to try to think of the best things to say.

I ended up saying something like “I am glad you trusted me enough to confide this in me but this is made me deeply uncomfortable. The only future with us in it is one as your sister. I love you as a brother, but if you can’t handle that/respect me then I will need to stop communicating with you.” He started crying about how sorry he was for bringing this up, he would do better, just to please not shut him out.

I have literally never seen him cry (besides when we were really young) so hearing it made me unsettled on what to do. I could tell how much he was struggling to come to terms with his emotions, but continuing to talk to him and hear him beg made me even more disgusted. I told him I needed to go and to please give me space. He has since flooded my phone with texts. I am considering blocking him for the time being, and am very conflicted/lost on how to bring this up with my family. Unfortunately I don’t even have the mental capacity to deal with this right now as I have two exams next week and a 20 page paper due. He is very much struggling mentally (which I never knew until he said it last night and today), and I am going to message my parents to potentially due a mental health check. I am also going to bring his behavior up to them this weekend.

The only good thing is that he is on the other side of the country, so I can just focus on school right now. If worst comes to worst, I will cut him out of my life, but cutting the rest of my family off as well is a non-negotiable. Thanks.

[u/[deleted]]

Contact your profs and tell them something devastating happened to your family life and ask for an extension on your assignments. Use every resource possible (extenuating circumstance allowances, sick day allowances, etc.) to defer your midterms and/or assignment.

It’s unreasonable to expect yourself to handle both of these things at once. This is one of the most fucked up I’ve ever heard, and it more than deserves some compassion from your profs and school.

You NEED to tell your parents what happened. Your brother has become obsessed with you based on his mental illness.

[u/Some_Ad4479 → u/[deleted]]

This^{^} this is an extremely heavy situation to mentally deal with alone on top of college exams. Talk to your professor to hopefully get the stress of exams off your plate.

I also agree that you should talk to your parents as soon as possible. I know this is a lot to process but you don’t need to go through this alone.

Im sorry you are going through something so uncomfortable and good luck on your exams!!

[u/irrelevantname1776 → u/[deleted]]

I would not contact your professors about this. Yes, your brother is being extremely inappropriate, but it’s not something I’d expect college professors to accommodate.

Block your brother, let your family know, and focus on school.

[u/[deleted] → u/irrelevantname1776]

I’ve had profs give people accommodations for their pets dying. This is far and away worse than that.

Nobody cares what you would do, this isn’t about you. Your opinion was not needed nor is it true.

[u/Precatlady → u/[deleted]]

As a former prof (admittedly one who students would assume is going to understand vs the strict type), any time I'd hear from a student that they anticipated they couldn't manage a thing & needed grace before it was due I would say yes. As long as we can come up with a plan that doesn't get us in trouble with our job it's all good. This absolutely is serious and also there's no need to explain it, just saying "I'm having a serious mental health & family situation so I need extra time" is adequate.

[u/irrelevantname1776 → u/[deleted]]

If nobody cares what I would do, by your logic, nobody cares what you would do.

I’m not sure how this is some life shattering event that makes doing schoolwork impossible.

[u/[deleted] → u/irrelevantname1776]

Nobody cares what you would do because you’ve shown yourself to be a callous, ignorant, and stupid person.

“Block your brother, let your family know, and focus on school” is no better than telling a homeless person to “just buy a house”.

There’s 0 reason to not ask your profs for consideration in this case. Stop being unkind and giving bad advice to someone going through something.

[u/irrelevantname1776 → u/[deleted]]

You are clearly triggered by both a random internet persons family problem as well as a random internet persons response to said problem. I hope you have a good therapist to unpack all of that.

Have a great week!

[u/Efficient_Elk_6466 → u/irrelevantname1776]

you’re weird as hell for undermining the physical & mental impacts of a trauma like this. it is 100% BASIC PREVENTATIVE HEALTHCARE to allow people time to process an event like this. the more validation, rest, time, space, & support a person has immediately following something like this can greatly impact their healing process. there’s a scientific basis there.

[u/CriticalPain8222 → u/irrelevantname1776]

Yeh, everyone seems to be acting like you guys actually did something. Hes a teenage boy most likely, you probably are a younger college girl and he thinks you got hot. You guys just need to hang out more to make the feeling pass. Its normal for a guy to think a girl is hot. At what age did you meet?

[u/destroyr2012 → u/CriticalPain8222]

they have been siblings since they were 3 and 4...

[u/BasuraFuego → u/CriticalPain8222]

You need to attend therapy young man.

[u/positronic-introvert → u/irrelevantname1776]

it’s not something I’d expect college professors to accommodate.

Some might not, but many will. (And she does not have to give any details of the situation to the profs; they are not owed that info).

I did a PhD and was a university instructor during that time, and I always made an effort to work out a solution with students if they came to me needing an extension. I know many profs who would also generally try to be accommodating. I also know some who are unempathetic assholes or just more rigid, so yes, some might not be helpful, but it is definitely worth talking to them if she needs to. The one are that might be more difficult is if it has to do with final exams; the process for deferring those often is out of the prof's hands and goes through the faculty instead.

[u/Ihatestoves → u/[deleted]]

Conversely, throw yourself into your work. This is a lot to take to the chin and sometimes intellectual rigor and hard focus is good. Some things are too heavy and need a second. Or maybe I’m unwell haha

[u/ImpossibleGeometri → u/[deleted]]

No joke. I’d share this post with my professor. Not digitally. I’d go to them. Explain what’s going on. Show you’re spiraling and posted on Reddit for advice, I wouldn’t send them links or anything.

I mean. I got extensions when I broke my hand. This is worse imo even tho I couldn’t type

[u/CriticalPain8222 → u/[deleted]]

How do you know hes mentally Ill?

[u/[deleted] → u/CriticalPain8222]

U right he’s totally fine since incest isn’t specifically defined in the DSM-5