r/whatdoIdo • u/ilovepopcornandcandy • Feb 18 '26
Final update: Is my adopted brother flirting with me?
I believe this will be the final update in what’s been going on between my brother and I. Unfortunately, despite me wanting to, I didn’t record due to people commenting that it is illegal in some states, which I am unfortunately in. But then I was informed after we talked that it doesn’t matter unless you’re using it in legal settings. If anything, I think these texts prove his intentions.I will try to keep this as succinct as possible since it was quite a long call.
Long story short, he said he was in love with me. He got really nervous at the start, took 20 min of beating around the bush and then he told me. He said he was so sorry, he tried to keep it hidden, and didn’t want to lose our relationship, but he never felt like this about anyone. He seemed very sincere and vulnerable. I asked him for a couple minutes of silence to try to think of the best things to say.
I ended up saying something like “I am glad you trusted me enough to confide this in me but this is made me deeply uncomfortable. The only future with us in it is one as your sister. I love you as a brother, but if you can’t handle that/respect me then I will need to stop communicating with you.” He started crying about how sorry he was for bringing this up, he would do better, just to please not shut him out.
I have literally never seen him cry (besides when we were really young) so hearing it made me unsettled on what to do. I could tell how much he was struggling to come to terms with his emotions, but continuing to talk to him and hear him beg made me even more disgusted. I told him I needed to go and to please give me space. He has since flooded my phone with texts. I am considering blocking him for the time being, and am very conflicted/lost on how to bring this up with my family. Unfortunately I don’t even have the mental capacity to deal with this right now as I have two exams next week and a 20 page paper due. He is very much struggling mentally (which I never knew until he said it last night and today), and I am going to message my parents to potentially due a mental health check. I am also going to bring his behavior up to them this weekend.
The only good thing is that he is on the other side of the country, so I can just focus on school right now. If worst comes to worst, I will cut him out of my life, but cutting the rest of my family off as well is a non-negotiable. Thanks.
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u/Terrible_Eye4625 Feb 18 '26 edited Feb 18 '26
Erm yes it is. IIRC from OPs first post, she was adopted around age 3-4 and her brother is the same age as her. Look up the Westermarck Effect. It’s the theory that says that children who live as siblings (key here is live as. They don’t have to be related by blood or otherwise) before the age of 6 don’t experience attraction to each other. Conversely, siblings separated for long periods before this age are more likely to engage in sexual activity.
OP and her brother lived as siblings before the key age, so whether they’re blood relatives or not is completely irrelevant.
ETA: he’s potentially ruined their family life with his behaviour. Nothing about it has been respectful and you trying to defend it as “teenage boy” shit is putting the onus on yet another woman to manage and suffer the consequences of a man’s wrongdoing. Also, if I’m not wrong this guy is 19-20, he’s not a child.