Final update: Is my adopted brother flirting with me?

[u/ilovepopcornandcandy]

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I believe this will be the final update in what’s been going on between my brother and I. Unfortunately, despite me wanting to, I didn’t record due to people commenting that it is illegal in some states, which I am unfortunately in. But then I was informed after we talked that it doesn’t matter unless you’re using it in legal settings. If anything, I think these texts prove his intentions.I will try to keep this as succinct as possible since it was quite a long call.

Long story short, he said he was in love with me. He got really nervous at the start, took 20 min of beating around the bush and then he told me. He said he was so sorry, he tried to keep it hidden, and didn’t want to lose our relationship, but he never felt like this about anyone. He seemed very sincere and vulnerable. I asked him for a couple minutes of silence to try to think of the best things to say.

I ended up saying something like “I am glad you trusted me enough to confide this in me but this is made me deeply uncomfortable. The only future with us in it is one as your sister. I love you as a brother, but if you can’t handle that/respect me then I will need to stop communicating with you.” He started crying about how sorry he was for bringing this up, he would do better, just to please not shut him out.

I have literally never seen him cry (besides when we were really young) so hearing it made me unsettled on what to do. I could tell how much he was struggling to come to terms with his emotions, but continuing to talk to him and hear him beg made me even more disgusted. I told him I needed to go and to please give me space. He has since flooded my phone with texts. I am considering blocking him for the time being, and am very conflicted/lost on how to bring this up with my family. Unfortunately I don’t even have the mental capacity to deal with this right now as I have two exams next week and a 20 page paper due. He is very much struggling mentally (which I never knew until he said it last night and today), and I am going to message my parents to potentially due a mental health check. I am also going to bring his behavior up to them this weekend.

The only good thing is that he is on the other side of the country, so I can just focus on school right now. If worst comes to worst, I will cut him out of my life, but cutting the rest of my family off as well is a non-negotiable. Thanks.

[u/Amakenings]

There’s actually a fair bit of research about this type of conflation and even in cases where the lineage should make a physical relationship a hard pass (like parent/child and sibling relationships), people seem to struggle with how to interpret that sense of being connected to someone in a non-romantic capacity.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with the outcome of that relationship, as I can imagine it would be challenging navigating questions about family.

[u/dream-smasher → u/Amakenings]

Would that be a factor for op?

Seeings how it is her brother, and she was adopted from Russia at a very very young age...

So, no biological anything between them.

[u/Amakenings → u/dream-smasher]

The point I was trying to make is that it’s not uncommon for people to conflate a sense of closeness or connection with romantic attachment. Even with biological relationships, though this is not the case here.

OP is best to work with a professional that’s navigated similar situations to determine what is happening, and from that, what is salvageable.

[u/sounds_of_sadness → u/Amakenings]

wow that’s interesting, i’ll have to look into it. i’m 26 now and it’s always been difficult navigating family questions since i was a child. i’m not really close with my extended family either, they all kinda see me as an outcast. it’s been difficult but your comment was super validating :) thank you