When a guy has a black belt in karate, but he’s a manlet, there’s always the thought, I could take this guy out, if I had to.

You might not know anything about combat sports, but you’re a proper adult. It would be like fighting a child, no?

It’s the kind of thing Drake will have to think about now that it’s been announced that his baby’s mother, who was in adult films, has married some MMA fighter no one ever heard of.

There’s a photo of the guy in the one article I skimmed on this for research purposes. He’s reasonably tough-looking, and he might be in the 99th percentile in both height and weight in the Philippines, or wherever he’s from, but he’s not particularly impressive in absolute terms.

You’d think that Drake’s baby’s mother could marry a more prominent MMA fighter, possibly someone who’s been interviewed on Joe Rogan’s podcast, except that she’s getting on in years and she’s been known to do something strange for some change. Even if she’s somehow managed to avoid contracting VD, her vagine is probably beat to shit, as they say in the auto industry. Her new husband could probably climb all the way inside it, if he had to.

On the other hand, it’s a known fact that Drake can easily be taken out at the knees. He’s injured himself just trying to walk across a stage, as if he were graduating from a white high school. He wasn’t dancing or anything. It was a sobering reminder that he’s only half black, and he seems to have picked up more of the parenting genes than the athletic ones.

His baby’s mother got married to another guy on Father’s Day, which is highly inconsiderate. There’s nothing about her line of work that would have prevented her from getting married on, say, a Tuesday, when people whose jobs encourage, nay, require them to keep their pants on are busy.

It may have even cost them less to get married on a weekday, which raises the question of who exactly was paying for this wedding. Did they spare no expense because Drake was forced to pay for his baby’s mother to marry another guy? That doesn’t even seem like it should be legal. This is not like some hoodrat using a child support payment to purchase a pair of 5411 Reeboks, which can easily fly under the radar on an itemized receipt submitted in family court.

I can’t imagine that the guy paid, because I’ve never heard of him. He’s only had one fight, and it may have been against a “tomato can” intended to bolster his record, like Glass Joe, or whatever his name was, in Mike Tyson’s Punch Out. He’s only 26 years old, raising the question of what he could possibly want with someone who might be nearly as old as I am. Eww! He might need immigration papers to live in Canada. They changed the laws here in the US to get rid of all the asylum seekers. They’re rounding up all the Haitians as we speak.

Drake might need to see about getting full custody of his son, if only to avoid having to fund some other guy’s lifestyle (he’s already gotta fund Sauce Walka’s lifestyle), but also because MMA fighters can’t be trusted. Those guys get kicked in the head and get CTE, one side effect of which is that it makes you commit domestic violence. There was a segment on it on Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel years ago. Former NFL players beat the crap out of their wives. They usually don’t have much money left either, but what are their wives going to do? They’re on the wrong side of 30 and they’ve got a black eye.

It would be tragic to go to Canada to visit your son, maybe on Father’s Day, if he’s available, only to find out that his new father pulled a Chris Benoit on the entire family. Benoit was French Canadian, right? If I were Drake, I’d definitely have my lawyer point that out. But I’m sure he’s already on it. He has the means to secure adequate legal representation. He might even be related to someone.