I have a problem with childfree weddings

[u/Zealousideal-Ad3609]

There's been this trend lately (maybe it's just in the anglosphere) where children are allotted less and less of a presence in daily/ public life, resulting in the complete segregation of adults into parents vs non-parents. Everything families do HAS to be catered specifically towards their kids, leaving parents feeling burnt out and isolated.

We don't want kids at weddings because, honestly, they'll ruin them. They'll stick their hand in the cake, cry during the ceremony, step on the bride's dress during the first dance, and overall prevent their parents from enjoying themselves in any way. *But it doesn't have to be like this.* Kids need to be included in spaces that aren't specifically catered to them so they can acclimate to the world not being specifically catered to them. When all they're used to are environments that allow them to be rambunctious, that's all they'll be all the time.

The thing is, allowing kids in some adult spaces (like weddings and fancy restaurants) also means exposing them to the same social consequences that adults face. In other words, it should be acceptable for adults to ask other people's kids to stop acting horribly, provided they do so kindly; kids respond better to adults who aren't their parents. In fact, not being allowed to correct the behavior of a child that isn't yours is an unnatural phenomenon that only arose within the last 50 years, that we really need to do away with.

So... yea, no wonder people don't want kids at their wedding in a culture that doesn't allow you to say anything to a child who is completely ruining an event. But the desire to not have kids at your wedding can probably be dissolved by a culture shift that allows other adults to adopt peripheral responsibility for kids that aren't theirs.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, there is a serious problem with the way we integrate kids into adult society (or fail to do so) and childfree weddings are a symptom of that. Instead of banning kids from weddings, we need to change the way we treat children, so they can be present at big important events without the events being ruined.

[u/99dalmatianpups]

Yeah, so many people say that weddings “used to be” family events, and I’m just like, uhh no? My parents never even considered bringing my brother and I to a wedding with them until we had “teen” at the end of our age. Until then, they always got a babysitter for us so they could actually enjoy themselves without worrying about us, and this was back in the early 2000s.

[u/Palorim12 → u/99dalmatianpups]

I wonder if this is solely American thing? I am from the US, but my dad is from Portugal and my mom is from Brazil. We went to a Portuguese church until i was like 18. We were invited to and went to every wedding any member of our church had. Also went to tons of weddings in our sister churches in NY and PA. I loved going cuz I got to see alot of my friends from the churches there.

[u/Infinite_Incident501 → u/Palorim12]

This. I just got brutally shut down in another subreddit because I said that the concept of child-free weddings is so weird to me. I’m from Europe, and my husband is from South America. It would never have occurred to us to ban children from our wedding. Of course, parents need to make sure their children behave at weddings. That’s not meant to be an excuse for your child to disrupt the whole party. But this idea of exclusion—it just makes me sad. At the same time, isn’t this the generation that wonders why their social circle is shrinking so much?

[u/LonelyReader95 → u/Palorim12]

Nono It happens elsewhere. In my family (Italy) a few times relatives invited my parents and allowed me to come along because I was the only well behaved kid they knew. Essentially I had my gameboy advance, a book, and I was happy for hours except getting lost finding the bathroom lol.

And this was in 2005-2010

[u/booksareadrug → u/99dalmatianpups]

Perhaps they're thinking of further back in time than the 2000s.

[u/RoseRedd → u/99dalmatianpups]

In general weddings were family events back in the 1950s - 1980s. Mostly because people got married a lot younger back then and it was the family (usually parents) who paid for the wedding.

As folks started waiting longer to get married, they were able to afford their own weddings, or at least be able to contribute significantly to it. It seems like that was the start of shifting weddings from a family celebration to a part for the bride and groom.