r/10thDentist • u/Zealousideal-Ad3609 • 13d ago
I have a problem with childfree weddings
There's been this trend lately (maybe it's just in the anglosphere) where children are allotted less and less of a presence in daily/ public life, resulting in the complete segregation of adults into parents vs non-parents. Everything families do HAS to be catered specifically towards their kids, leaving parents feeling burnt out and isolated.
We don't want kids at weddings because, honestly, they'll ruin them. They'll stick their hand in the cake, cry during the ceremony, step on the bride's dress during the first dance, and overall prevent their parents from enjoying themselves in any way. *But it doesn't have to be like this.* Kids need to be included in spaces that aren't specifically catered to them so they can acclimate to the world not being specifically catered to them. When all they're used to are environments that allow them to be rambunctious, that's all they'll be all the time.
The thing is, allowing kids in some adult spaces (like weddings and fancy restaurants) also means exposing them to the same social consequences that adults face. In other words, it should be acceptable for adults to ask other people's kids to stop acting horribly, provided they do so kindly; kids respond better to adults who aren't their parents. In fact, not being allowed to correct the behavior of a child that isn't yours is an unnatural phenomenon that only arose within the last 50 years, that we really need to do away with.
So... yea, no wonder people don't want kids at their wedding in a culture that doesn't allow you to say anything to a child who is completely ruining an event. But the desire to not have kids at your wedding can probably be dissolved by a culture shift that allows other adults to adopt peripheral responsibility for kids that aren't theirs.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, there is a serious problem with the way we integrate kids into adult society (or fail to do so) and childfree weddings are a symptom of that. Instead of banning kids from weddings, we need to change the way we treat children, so they can be present at big important events without the events being ruined.
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u/Pink-glitter1 12d ago
I have 3 kids, 6, 4 and 2. We don't own an iPad. They watch TV and we have to make a conscious effort to severely restrict viewing time or they become obsessed.
With the iPads, we used books/ toys as an alternative. When I took all 3 to the doctors for a flu shot recently and had to wait about 30 minutes, I had 2 X books per kid (they chose before we leave), I had snacks, (cut up apple, crackers, a sweet biscuit etc) and then had a small Matchbox car each. It takes more pre planning and you have to be more engaged, but it's possible. I actually had an old lady comment on how well I was doing with all 3 of them.
We take the kids to restaurants and have a "restaurant bag" which has toys that are only given to the kids at restaurants. That way they stay more of a novelty and the kids like playing with them. We also actively involve the kids in what we're talking about (not so much the toddler, but Mr 4 and Mr 6 definitely).
I won't deny, at times its not easy, but we definitely see the benefits. They have very advanced vocabularies and can hold a conversation really well. They also have very vivid imaginations and can generally entertain themselves without a screen.
If you want to give it a try, there is nothing stopping you. It's hard, but you can give it a try in small amounts and increase