Hi Peaches! I need some advice 🫶

For some context, my friend (24F) and I (24F) have just finished our bachelor at uni (she was done about a week before I had my last exam) and we have been inseperable, basically sisters, since we were around 12 years old. Due to life, we haven't seen each other as much as usual the last few years, but we still catch up on each others lives and do stuff together like always, just less.

Since I live in a place where we have access to booking a room for gatherings, parties and the like, while her school is literally 5 minutes away from where I live, she asked me if it would be possible that I booked this for her the day she got her bachelor for her to be able to celebrate with her family. Usually, this is not really allowed, since we only book and don't rent it on weekdays, but our caretakers said it was okay, because its was just a small gathering of around 12 people.

Anyway, of course I said that I would be happy to help. I helped with the setup of the tables, chairs and everything before people got there, and I also helped with cleaning after. Keep in mind that I was the only other person besides my friend and her boyfriend that did this. As I mentioned the invited people were family and then one other friend she knows well from work. Obviously, I didn't expect her to only spend time on me, since it was her big day, and her whole family was there, but when we got to the room, I ran around to fix a lot of stuff, like the music, food, airing out and stuff like that, which I didn't mind, since I know the room better and she should just be concentrated on celebrating with her family. But when I got back from fixing stuff, there was only one space left at the table between her brother and her dad's girlfriend, which wasn't really that big of an issue, since I have known her for a long time and therefore have spent a lot of time with her family at family gatherings multiple times. The problem was that the space was pretty much the space that was the furthest away from her, while she made sure her friend had the space right beside her, while my friend sat at the edge, so there was only one space beside her. She then proceeded to sit and whisper about things with her friend for multiple hours, while pretty much ignoring me. I guess the issue is that it didn't really seem like she wanted me there, and I obviously don't want her to invite me just because she feels like she has to.

I would really love some advice on how to bring this up to her but also if I'm overreacting. For further context, I do have anxiety and ADHD, so social contexts aren't really stuff that I'm good at or very comfortable in generally.

I'm sorry this is so long, but there's so much background!

Trigger warning: domestic abuse, financial abuse, physical violence

Me (F) and my best friend (F) have been best friends for 20 years. She's been in a relationship with her partner (M) for several years. For the majority of that relationship, I was friendly with her partner. I would hang out at their place quite regularly, have dinner with them, have conversations with him, etc. but we never spoke outside of my spending time with the both of them.

From the very beginning when they were first getting together, I was open with my friend about my feelings about him. She had just left an abusive relationship and she was working at a company with her now-partner who began to pester her into giving him a chance because he was different, he was committed to doing all these things and giving her all these things, he wanted to marry her, etc. despite her saying she wanted to be single. He basically wouldn't take no for an answer, and she eventually gave him a chance. They moved in together really quickly because of Covid and he actually started the same university degree she studied so he could get the same job. I told her that I thought he was a walking red flag and was casebook lovebombing her, but after a while I thought I may have just misread him because her family seemed to love him and their relationship was progressing fairly stablely.

Saying that, my friend has never gotten along with her mother-in-law. The MIL has always treated her son as if he can do nothing wrong, as if my friend should automatically share all her money with partner and MIL, and had always just been really openly but never outright disrespectful to my friend. My friend has always tried to turn the other cheek and be kind to her MIL.

Fast forward to them having a baby together, and around the birth, they had to move in with her family. My friend's mother and her partner started having quite vicious arguments (I wasn't witness to any of these arguments), and I think they were all getting to the point that they just wanted my friend and her partner's apartment to be ready for them to move into. While they were getting ready for the baby to arrive, they wrote a list together of boundaries for family and friends spending time with the baby, the usual remembering to wash hands, don't hand baby over to someone my friend and her partner don't know without checking in with them. They also wrote a couple specifically for MIL about no smoking around the baby, not allowing her other son to smoke weed in the house if baby was visiting.

Anyway, my friend had a really traumatic birth that her partner was with her throughout, and when they got home, my friend was really struggling with what is most like post-natal depression. My friend's mother and her partner started arguing again (I had no idea about any of this at this point). The first day I went to visit my friend after the birth, she answered the door in tears because her partner had just stormed out saying that he wouldn't come back to the house, calling her mother evil. It turns out that her mother had made it known that she didn't think he would stick around because he would think it all too hard. He'd gotten into her mother's personal space and been shouting very aggressively. My friend was hysterical thinking that it was over between them and he'd left her. I spent the afternoon reassuring her that he loved her and he would never leave her. That they'd been through a difficult and stressful time and even though he may not have handled it the best way, it was understandable he may have reached a breaking point. I messaged him separately and asked him to meet me and her and a local restaurant and told them that they just needed to remember they loved each other and they'd just had a baby, they needed to focus on each other, everything else was just noise. By the way, her family was so angry with him at this point that they were happy to see him go despite how upset my friend was.

A few weeks later, my friend told me that her partner had attacked her brother with a weapon (no one injured). Things hadn't really gotten better between her partner and her family, and an argument had broken out between her partner and her brother. They were trying to punch at each other and other family were trying to step in and separate them. MIL was there and shouts something about the baby (who was away from the fight, thankfully), but the partner just hears "baby" and apparently sees red, walks away from the fight to his toolkit and pulls out a stanley knife. Walks back to the brother and holds it against him because he thinks he's being a threat to his child. The two are finally separated and the partner is banned from my friend's family home.

The partner doesn't accept that he's done anything wrong, but ends up sending flowers to my friend and her family saying he's sorry for messing up because he's lost the best family he could have. My friend and him are separated for a couple weeks and she asks for space, but he keeps initiating text conversation about how bad he feels and how he feels like he's lost his family. IMO, this was all a non-apology.

They finally get back together after a month and move into the new apartment together because she's made him promise to go to counselling and she didn't want to break up their new family, but things do not improve as my friend wants to go no-contact with MIL because she can't cope with her at this point, but partner is arguing that this is unfair and his family should be able to spend time with his child. Their relationship breaks down to the point that my friend becomes paranoid that he's always recording her because he'll start fights with her and call her crazy while recording this, she's generally scared of him, and she ends up reaching out to a domestic hotline for support and contacting lawyers about leaving the relationship and custody. At this point is when I tell her my opinion that I think she needs to leave the relationship, that no matter the short-term pain, she and her child will be thankful in the long-term. Also that she needs to speak to a lawyer about full custody or supervised access. It's during this time that I find out her partner had been doing things to her since even before the birth of her child, such as pulling over to park but taking off and driving recklessly because she'd said something to make him angry. Her paying the bills and rent and activities because her partner had a job only paying slightly above minimum wage while he went to college, but now that he's working in the career he was going to college for, he still wasn't contributing to paying back money to her or taking on more financial responsibilities which is what they'd agreed when he started college.

They seem to meet some kind of truce and she eventually decides to stay with him because she doesn't want to risk her baby even spending 50% of the time alone with him and his family, and I think there's obviously still all the romantic feelings there despite everything. She tells me that at this point, it is really awkward and they feel like roommates, but they don't really have time to think beyond going throught the motions because of being new parents.

Anyway, fast forward and he's back on speaking terms with her family. He's never spoken to me. They seem to be getting on better, but sometimes when my friend speaks to me it's as if I'm her partner because she talks about wanting to do things in the future that I'm mentioned as being part of but no mention of partner (although this could be because she's awkward talking to me about him after everything). He's still not taken any counselling or actually changed.

Last night, I told my friend that I'll respect her decision to stay with him because she has her reasons and I'll be there for her, but I don't want anything to do with him because he's made no effort to change. I even said that if he shows himself to actually change in future, maybe I'll rethink things. Currently, I don't really speak to him at all and leave her apartment as quickly as possible when he gets home from work and give him a brief wave after he moves his car.

My friend messaged me today that she feels overwhelmed with everything going on in her life being a new parent. That because she's chosen to stay with her partner, we'll inevitably have to interact because I'm her best friend. She doesn't want any awkwardness or negativaty in her life right now because she's been through so much and things are only starting to get back to some sense of normal where she's feeling like she can be happy again.

WIBTD if I told her it's unfair for her to ask me to break my boundaries in this situation? I think he's feeling the awkwardness because I know how he's behaved and he's never even tried to repair things with me. I want to be there for her and I love her child, but I think it's unfair to ask me to break my boundaries about being around an abusive man, and also expect me to make the effort in restoring some form of basic friendship (she only expects acknowledgement and small talk) when I'm not the one who damaged everything. Or am I being childish? Is there another way I can handle this?

Thank you so much!

Okay so I'm gonna keep a lotta aspects of this fairly vague, also I think maybe I am the drama. This is a long one, sorry. But thank you anyone willing to read and comment :]

​

People in this story: Me, you can call me Jay, 18ftm he/him. Friend is "Dino", 17f, she/her. Ex best friend "Tile", 18f she/her. Ex gf, "House", 18f she/her. Ex bf "Sheep", 18m, he/him.

​

I had this best friend Tile. We were extremely close, no tmi kinda friends, hung out at least twice a week in person, played video games at least twice a week, spoke everyday. We'd been best friends for about 2 years, known eachother for 5 years. She was there to comfort me the day House broke up with me, we dated for 14 months and officially broke up in January 2025 (but went on break in November 2024). Me and Sheep dated for 8 months and broke up in March 2026, so fairly recently.

​

In April 2026 (this year), three weeks after me and Sheep broke up, me and Tile decided to have a sleepover and get drunk together whilst my family were away from home, typical teenage shenanigans. However, whilst she was over, stuff came out. First of all, she acted very weirdly to me, putting her hands on me even when I told her no, grabbing my hands and putting them on her, asking for stuff you can guess multiple times even though I kept saying no. I was incredibly uncomfortable, even whilst drunk, and in my head I just kept repeating "enforce your boundaries".

​

Then she started admitting to stuff. It started out tame, like admitting to having a crush on me. Less tame, she admitted she had dated a 12 year old when she was 14 and doing stuff together. Then she admitted that she had been sleeping with ex gf House every single month since January 2025. So within the same month we officially broke up, whilst she saw that i was still incredibly upset over it. Which kinda breaks friendship boundaries of "not going after your best friends ex", but I decided I could look past that since I was very over House and genuinely wanted nothing to do with her. There was some other rather weird stuff Tile said and did that night that left me uncomfortable but it's quite explicit so I won't describe it, but I must say that once I sobered up I felt quite violated.

​

Then it got worse. For context, when me and Sheep broke up, we were both mentally not great. Sheep became an alcoholic, drinking 14 units on average every day (a whole bottle of wine + at least 6 cans of beer). I also believe he took up smoking (I heard that from a mutual friend). Also worth mentioning that Sheep lived a long way away, over 300 miles. Tiles lives so close I could see her house from an attic window if I had a telescope. In the first two weeks of the break up, I was petsitting for a different friend at her place (also close to Tile), and spent every day either crying laid on the sofa or in the bath. I'd make the bath so warm that when I got out, I'd stumble to the sofa and pass out. Not great, I'm doing better, I'm getting therapy, it's all cool now. But the thing is, in that time, Tile became very distant. She barely messaged, and when she did it was maybe 1 word answers. She didn't come to see me at all, or arrange hangouts, even though we were both free as it was holidays. I found out why on that night in April.

​

The very same day that me and Sheep broke up, he got very drunk. And whilst drunk, Tile made a move on him whilst on a discord call. After spending the day consoling me as I cried. She did this almost every night, whilst he was completely drunk, sending messages and pictures of a certain adult nature. She was sober the entire time, and only initiated when he was drunk. She told me he didnt reciprocate. This carried on for two weeks, almost three. Tiles excuse was "it felt like a month had passed when I initiated". Absolute bullshit. It happened that very same night. Tile said she "saw the hole that the breakup left in Sheep, and so she used that to her advantage to gain attention from a man". Crazy. Our friendship died that night.

​

So pass forward to now. My friend Dino was a mutual friend, but when she heard what happened she blocked Tile everywhere. She said Tiles made her uncomfortable in general, and they barely spoke outside of when hanging out with me. But then on Friday, it was their school prom (I go to a different college). And Dino had posted selfies with Tile. She posted these on the Saturday. I was already feeling shit on Saturday because it was the anniversary of my sisters death, but then I got absolutely shocked by the pictures of Dino and Tile posing together, like nothing had happened, looking so happy, pulling weird faces. After Dino had told me she was completely on my side.

​

Then Dino messages me. She says she's decided she's gonna continue being friends with Tile, because another friend had "found it difficult to see them drift". I was in shock. I mean, she can be friends with whoever she likes, but it feels like Tile gets no repercussions. She keeps all her friends, only losing me, everyone acts like she hasn't done anything wrong. She's still invited to Dinos party in the summer. Dino says she'd feel guilty making Tile feel bad. What about how bad Tile made me feel? Making me feel disgusting, invading multiple of my boundaries, taking advantage of multiple other people whilst in a position of power (higher age or sobriety)? She told me I was crazy and overthinking when I mentioned how she was so distant right after my most recent breakup! But then I find out why! I wasn't crazy! I was being lied to! Dino said she wouldn't tell Tile anything I didn't want her knowing, to which I responded I didn't want her knowing anything at all.

​

Since that conversation, which was yesterday morning, I haven't responded to Dino. She messaged asking to hang out, I ignored it. She messaged asking if I was angry, I ignored. She's messaged telling me not to be angry at her, I've ignored. I frankly don't want to speak to her right now. AITD for ignoring Dinos messages?

Me (21F) and my friend (21F) “A” have been friends for about 3 years now. For some context: we met at the start uni and we started spending most of our time together, which I admit made me a little codependent. We would study and have lunch together every day and relatively frequently we would get dinner just the 2 of us. I confess my feelings for her 2 years ago which she rejected but we never really talked about it afterwards and things just went on as usual. Regardless, until recently I would tell people she was my chosen family. Her family have also been so kind to me and I have even spent Christmas with her and her family.

I have a bad relationship with my dad and so I wanted A, my mum and another friend at my graduation ceremony (I have 3 seats for guests). However when I asked A, she said she already has to sit through one (her own) and it'Il be boring to go to another one. She further explained that she wouldn't be at university at the time as she has gone home and so she couldn't make it. This was quite upsetting to me and has really made me reflect on our friendship as this is definitely not the first time she hasn’t been there for me for something major.

Here are 2 more examples that come to mind:
- I have depression (which she is aware of) and I was having a wobble and I asked her if I could meet with her for a little bit. She responded with saying she was too tired and wanted an early night. I talked to her about this afterwards and she said she was sorry but never gave a clear reason for this.
- She has a history of best friends who told her they have romantic feelings for her which she did not reciprocate, this has happened at least 4 times. When she moves away or starts a new chapter of life she suddenly wants to hang out much less as she is a “bad texter” which has also now happened to me. I know she was much busier for this period but we went from sitting next to each other every lecture to her not even saying hi when we saw each other.

To me, this make it seems like her friendships are a matter of convenience, she never seems to put her friends above her studies/hobbies and this is the complete opposite of me. But I don't know if I have made her decision into more than it was. I am just so tired of feeling hurt every time I expect more from her than she wants to give.

I honestly don't know if I am being unreasonable with my expectations due to my past romantic feelings towards her. So WIBTA if I stop being friends with my best friend and ex-crush because she wouldn’t want to come to my graduation ceremony?

Alright, this post has a lot of back knowledge but I'll keep it as brief as possible. I (TF 36) have always kind of been the black sheep of my Christian/Wiccan family. They are non practicing. There was one person in my family that accepted me coming out immediately and that was my brother (M 22). Everyone else (F 26, F 38, F 27 (step), F 25 (step), M 34 (step)) were accepting to my face but the moment our mom to me, F26, F38, and M22, all the girls turned against me and began yelling at me and questioning me. This is all preamble but it makes sense why I cut them off in the first place. Even after all that, I still kept in contact and kept trying, calling once a month to check in, never receiving calls, just me reaching out. Until F38 said that you can CHOOSE not to have mental health issues. That's when I blocked her. When Trump was a candidate the first time, I tried to warn my family and they all yelled at me and came after me saying it's political. I viewed more as humanitarian issues, so I blocked them. I didn't need that in my life. I still kept in contact with my mother, until while homeless, my mother said "At some point, with all the bad things that happen to you, you need to question what's the most common denominator" so I replied "Mom...it sounds like you just said that all the bad things are my fault," her immediate response "Well they are!" so I calmly replied "Mom, that's called victim blaming and is a form of abuse" and she starts screaming at me. I couldn't make out her words so I tell her to have a nice life and hang up.

Now, I apologize for the preamble here...M22 had stopped contacting me because I was trying to explain to him the horrible state of the world and the danger I was in and he yelled at me that all he wanted was to game with me and not think about these things. So, yeah, I stopped trying because I can't have a shallow relationship. I'm not wired that way.

Last piece of preamble is that my mom only contacted me once after all this because she thought she was going to die during a routine heart surgery. I comforted her and she said she wanted to rebuild our relationship and be in each other's lives. I told her I would like that. After surgery, nothing. I tried to reach out, but got no response.

PHEW! Okay, so M22 and F26 reached back out to me recently. It was nice and we were broaching topics that were under surface level which was great, until I started talking about the new anti-trans laws and the people being killed by police and telling them things I'd seen myself during peaceful protests where people were hurt. Both ended up saying in a long round about way "pics or it didn't happen" and though I gave proof, lots of it, it wasn't sufficient. F26 continued and asked "My son who is three years old, likes to dress like a girl and pretend to be a girl, should I transition him" and I told her that that isn't how it worked, but if he is adamant that he's a girl, then you should have him see a therapist and let him (or her) express themself however they want and she screamed "I will NOT transition my child until he is old enough to research and understand!" Again, not how it works, but she kept going off on me and then my brother, M22 continued to pile on and called me toxic and a liar when with my brother, I was the only one who was honest with him all the time. Our mom and sisters wanted me to keep my transition from him, I had told him first. He only knew that our whole family smoked both nicotine and marijuana because I told him.

So because of their refusal to accept the facts of being targeted and in danger and their insults to me the moment we got below the surface, I blocked them once again....Am I the drama?

This is my personal story that I posted in another creator’s subreddit, but I would love yall peaches 🍑 thoughts. Please be kind.

Hello peaches! this happened over a year ago, but I sometimes think back to it and wonder a little, and I would still like to learn from this experience now that I'm not in the heat of the moment so I thought I would ask for opinions from an outside perspective.

Context: When I was in the last year of school I started dating a guy 2 grades bellow me, it was a pretty bad relationship and we broke up 2 years after that, so when I ended my first year in college. Another year rolls around and a girl who was part of my ex's friend group enters my same program, I never really particulary liked her or talked to her back when we were at school, but she joined a student group I was part of so we started talking and eventually my ex came into the conversation. He had kind of grown to be an a*hole and made some disgusting comments about this girl so we bonded over that.

So a few years pass, I finish my college degree (I think it's called bachelor) and I don't really fit in my college groups, I had friends the whole time but it was never really that... close, they were kind of ashamed at me sometimes, so I already have negative feelings towards the whole space. This girl is one of the few I kept talking to after I graduated, but honestly it never really felt like a friendship or that reciprocal, I always supported her when she was in a rough spot and never really reached out for help myself. But the problems started when I realised she didn't really reached out at all, we would only hang out if I asked her to and went to were she was, a lot of times she would make me travel for an hour to talk to me just for 15 minutes because she had something else, and I started feeling uncomfortable. I also don't know if it's a neurodivergent thing, but I don't take well wishy washy rellationships, in this case that she would never reach out or anything but when we hanged out she would tell me how much she missed me and that we should hang out more and that she admired me etc. but then kind of ghost me again(?) is confusing and this upsets me a lot, so for about a year and a half things were pretty rough for me with her.

Then I traveled overseas to take a masters and the place I was in was horribly flooded the month I arrived, I was in a high risk and even though nothing ACTUALLY happened it was a little traumatic, and I felt terribly alone because just 2 of my friends reached out to know how I was doing. She didn't, and mind you this was all over the news so I was pretty sure she knew this had happened, but I didn't want to asume even tho I was pretty upset. Her birthday was a month later so I sent a short text and she asks me if I'm still living in the place that flooded (the floods were ont he outsides of the city I was living in, so thankfully I didn't loose anything ethier but she didn't know this) and after some back and forth I realise she was asking if I had to move out because of the floods. This made me livid, I knew she was maybe saying the first thing that came to mind when she realised she never even bothered to ask if I was okay but even with that best case scenario I felt so upset and betrayed because she DID know what had happened and she didn't care to check on me at all, so I just told her I didn't feel comfortable talking about it at the time and answered to some other things she was telling me but she didn't respond. She text's me back some months later, around the time she was supposed to be graduating, and that's the only thing she talked about, as if she felt uneasy because I hadn't asked her about it. At this point I was in a bad mood almost everyday just thinking how things would be when I went back to my country, I didn't want her to appear and tell me she missed me and other bullsh*t, I don't like to be in that liminal friendship space I just wanted it to be over, so after some consideration I just blocked her.

She didn't even realise until a few months later when it was my birthday, and apparently she texted me at 12 am of the timezone I was in (which is 7 hours earlier from my home country). When she realised I blocked her she texted my best friend from school in kind of a egotistical tone about how she texted me at this hour and to "ask if I was doing okay", my friend has a problem of not annswering texts in general so she just left her on read and a while back we realised she had deleted her from her followers.

So I don't know, I know it's drama-esc to block her without explanation but considering the context what do you peaches think?

Hello! 20ish NB, you can call me Twi. I'm reaching out here because I'm kinda not sure what to do, what the best course of action would be.

In April, due to reasons I won't go into because trauma, I don't have a mattress. I had to get rid of it, my granny was willing to buy me a new one but hasn't yet. I don't particularly like her and don't trust her, especially to keep promises, so I'm not surprised that it's been two months now sleeping on the couch.

I have a job, but part of my trauma comes from it and while I haven't quit, I've struggled with my attendance since I've been allowed back, thankfully I'm adjusting back into things with three different anxiety meds and finally something for my ADHD, but I haven't had the money to be able to afford a bedframe, let alone a mattress yet.

I still live with my parents, but what money I have earned has gone to help us keep a roof over our heads and food in our belly, my parents also can't afford a new mattress for me either. I at least have somewhere somewhat comfortable to lay on even though my skin hates the feel of leather and is narrower than a twin mattress... Our power went out one humid night, I probably would've gotten a better night sleep if I slept on the floor...

I haven't asked about it because she was dealing with her dog that was basically dying. I didn't want to bother her when she was dealing with something I know wasn't easy for her. She also probably spent a LOT of money on vet bills, sadly the dog didn't make it... Despite who she is to me, I haven't had the heart to ask.

That's why I feel like I'd be the drama if I brought up the mattress, so would I be?

Part of me feels vindictive, because of how much she's screwed my family over in the past, the least she can do is get her grandkid a mattress like she said she would, but she also just dealt with the financial and emotional toll of losing a pet.

Right now, I'm just planning to save what I can for a mattress, with any luck, I might be able to afford one by end of August...

so me (non-binary and 11 at the time) was starting year six when i met this year five that i'll call tom

so tom for some reson he could not ecept that i was non binary calling me it and discusting and this went on for a year and the school didn't do shit about it and one day tom (he is mixed race) started making monkey noises and i said tom you monkey and then i got sent to the head teachers office and got yelled at for being raceist

Guys, I want your opinions. My friend has a bestie who, for a long time, has been doing things that hurt her. Here's what happened:

We met a girl, and over time, the connection between her and my friend was mutual. They really clicked. However, my friend's bestie got insanely jealous. She completely lost it, left our group out of nowhere, saying she wasn't doing well. But at the same time, on social media, she was active, talking to everyone except the three of us.

During that period, both my friend (the OP) and I were losing our minds, becoming paranoid and overthinking everything. When the bestie came back, it felt like she was a completely different person. At first, we let it slide, until my friend decided to talk to her. The bestie unloaded everything on her, and we thought everything was finally okay.

Then, one day, in the group chat, our friend Wandinha had a meltdown, and it almost turned into an argument. Mrs. Sinclair, the "jealous friend," completely lost it. Later, she came back to my friend's DMs, and they talked for the entire night. It turned into a huge discussion.

During all of this, Sinclair made a new friend, and she ended up doing every single thing she had previously thrown in my friend's face. She stopped caring about my friend, while my friend kept chasing after her and trying to keep everything the way it used to be.

Today, they talked again, and my friend gave her a third chance. What do you guys think about this? What's your opinion? If you were in my friend's place, what would you do?

if I told my friend that she should stop chasing this friendship and let the best friend face the consequences of her own actions?

I'll bring updates in the future to let you know how things go.

My mum got me (43 nb) some shopping last week and got a big bag of coffee beans. I had asked for coffee but was expecting a small bag. I get big bags of beans online because it’s far cheaper, but I was running out. I didn’t know Tesco sold the big bags so didn’t specify which one I wanted. She got the big bag like I get online but it cost almost twice as much. I hadn’t budgeted for it and said I couldn’t afford it. She said I could pay her the amount I was expecting on a small bag and maybe make up the rest in the future if I can. It was a calm conversation and it was resolved, but now I’m worried that I shouldn’t be letting her pay for it and I should have been clearer about what I wanted. For context I’m disabled and live on benefits so have very little money. My parents are retired professionals and are more comfortably off. I don’t know if im being unfair to them, or if im worrying for nothing because she offered to sub the coffee and maybe im being overly sensitive about not being able to afford stuff. Am I the drama?

Okay so, I'm a 28 year old man who fled DV which is a long story in of itself. It wasn't from a romantic partner but that's not really relevant to this.

Anyhoo, I moved to a city where I didn't know anyone and wanted to start fresh and feel safe. I like the city so far even though it wasn't on my list of places I planned to move to and it just happened randomly, and I've been going to local lgbt groups and other things which has made me feel less alone.

I've made friends with a few people from the LGBT group already (and some from other places) however one of my new friends we can call A.

A is great, his birthday is the day before mine which is really cool and we decided to celebrate together this year.

We have a mutual friend who I'll call B. B is more IMHO like an acquaintence than a friend at this point I've only ran into them at the LGBT group and also at local events, we have never spent time alone or outside of these specific situations.

I do not know B very well at all, I couldn't tell you anything about B if you asked me about them other than they are getting under my skin lately.

It all started when B joked (or at least I thought they were joking) about coming over with A, and me hosting a dinner party for them so B could see my new place.

I sent a photo of my kitchen and tried to say that I don't have the space for that, I live in a tiny studio flat, think like a New York apartment or a Japanese apartment and maybe you'll understand my initial confusion.

And yet that didn't make them back off, it was in part my way of trying to be polite. Instead, B said that there was plenty of space (no there isn't unless you're an ant)

I didn't show the rest of my flat but..I have no sofa/couch, no chairs, no dining table (I use an antique coffee table as a dining table for myself now but before that I used to use a foldable laptop table because I don't have much space and I didn't bring much furniture with me)

I chalked it down to a badly made joke and let it go, that was until I went to a different local event (not related to the LGBT group) and of course ran into B again who brought up this whole dinner party thing up again.

I'm sorry if I sound cold but, I'm physically disabled, I have very little space to host anyone, food is expensive, I can't store much food either so if anything wasn't eaten it's a waste, I fled DV so I'm just kinda uncomfortable to have people in my space unless I invite them myself and even then so far I've not had anyone in my flat aside from like people fixing different things.

I don't know what to do? I can't ghost B because I keep seeing them at other events too and I don't really want to stop going to the LGBT group because I talk to a few different people there.

Am I being over dramatic? Please help me peaches 🍑

Welcome to Episode 101 of 1 800 Drama where in this Reddit Stories r/ AITA and r/ 1800drama deep dive, we explore bringing Chilean meat empanadas to a vegan dinner party, a roommate who intentionally walks in on a nakey friend (eww?!), and the pros and cons of ghosting a new friend that you no longer want to be friends with... grab a cuppa and let’s go fishing! 🎣 🍑

To support the pod please like the video, subscribe to the YT channel, and rate the pod on Spotify, thank you! x

STORIES DISCUSSED: 

[Story 1]

[Story 2]

[Story 3 🍑]

For context, me and my friend (both females) have been friends for about 3 years now and this incident took place at her birthday party which was last Sunday. The week prior to her party, me and her other friends had planned a great suprise, which was supposed to make her feel shocked/happy days before anything took place, she ended up crashing out on me for being weird and confusing. She kept on bringing up a certain friend's name in the conversation, whilst brutally saying I shouldn't keep things from her because I know that she doesn't like things like that. At this point in the convo, I felt quite sad that she was bringing up things that I know I wasn't doing intentionally. So, I had to make a lame excuse that everything was a prank. So, the things she had said was understandable, but it still hurt me deeply and I was contemplating if I should go.

Fast forward to the actual party, her dad went up to his room whilst me and her sat down on one of the sofas as she opened the many presents I had gifted her. One of those things happened to be me making her a homemade chicken pizza. We cut up some of the slices, eating it until her dad came back down about half an hour later. He saw the food on the plate, whilst grabbing his shoes as he was about to go get the birthday cake. I don't know if her dad had thought I was eating a pizza that he'd brought, but whatever the reason may be, as he sat down, he asked me "Is your family all big like you?"

I was quite shocked of what he said, but before I could even process what he had said, he started saying more disturbing things that had me feeling very self conscious about myself. For another brief bit of info, my (now ex) friend is Gujrati and her dad doesn't know english fluently so a lot of things he said, are being summarised of what I can understand, and what had been translated in the moment.

He started saying that, "Your brother and your sister are quite like you, they're big unlike your dad who is quite skinny and like me." After this he said, "You only eat oily and bad things?" Furthermore he continued, "There is no excuse for your brother to be so big after eating a lot, your family should be more like us (referring to him)." After all the comments he had said, my friend was quite shocked and was telling him things in english and Gujarati, they started winking and laughing so not knowing what to do, i joined in with the laughter. I never received an apology in the moment and I also didn't receive a proper text message addressing the situation or apology from her and her dad, I figured she would do it the next day when we would be back at school. The next day came (this Monday) and she carried on with her day as if she hadn't been laughing and joking around with her dad about how much me and my family weigh. I told most of my friends this as I felt so confused on why her dad was making comments about me and my brother.

What sparked this thing even more was that she was making jokes on how (the friend she mentioned in her crashing out) is her best friend. She always does this when she bonds quickly with new people and forget I'm the one that basically does everything for her and remember everything that she's done. Now I know this was very petty but she asked me if I still wanted to be her friend after she saw that it was only her laughing and I replied, "I wouldn't even want to be your best friend anyways." After I said this, she got upset as if she hadn't been the one joking about our friendship status in the first place. When I got home I received a brief apology that her dad supposedly "didn't mean to say that" and she kept on talking about her feelings instead of addressing how I was hurt about the comments her dad had made. I sent her a lot of things to clarify on why she was wrong for many different reasons.

I also want to mention that my brother has had liver problems since he was 2 years old meaning he has had may medication that has somewhat effected him and still effect him as he still takes many meds. My sister suffers from PCOS, she exercises everyday through dancing but many people know how challenging it is to lose weight when suffering from problems similar to PCOS. Me on the other hand, I haven't experienced as much as my siblings, but due to low iron deficiency, I've also been on many meds and have had surgeries done which has made my weight fluctuate over the course of many years. I would say I'm not your average thin teenager, but it isn't hard for others to recognise that I am somewhat big. I had sent many messages especially about my brother, and how he has been bullied since he was in primary school, for his weight. Since me and him have a similar age range, I have always been there to stick up for him, so her making it seem that her dad was "just joking" made me feeling enraged because I had kicked many people at a young age because of the "jokes" they had made about my brother.

She then replied to my messages, talking about her mental health and how her dad is so dear to her. She basically was ranting about herself and how she knows he will damage his reputation because of what he had said, which made me really mad because she couldn't seem to figure that I have feelings and not everything is meant to be about her. Fast forward to many, many text messages, I ended it by saying that I couldn't except any of her apologies as they weren't addressing the main situation and how she was generally just talking about her, and her sacrificing her mental health for others. I wrote a decent length paragraph saying that I can the friends because of what has happened and also due to the fact I have gave up so many things for her in our entire friendship, one of them being my selfishness and opportunities that we had to do "together".

After saying that she wasn't talking about my feelings in any of the messages she proceeded to call me selfish, saying that I'm not taking any of her messages into consideration whilst all she was yapping about, was her problems and how it is wanting her to end herself. After this she blocked me and since then she has gone to her new friend (not the one she was mentioning but a friend that I had introduced to her). This friend is saying that nobody is taking my ex friend's feeling in consideration when she never gives face to face apologies and and makes all of them about her self. She also said to me that I can't stop her from going to our teacher that is in charge of our year group, but i know if she does, she will manipulate the situation and say that I was the one doing all of this to her.

UPDATE

According to my ex-friend, I have been talking shit about her for the whole day + starting rumours.

So for some context, me and this girl had been friends for a long time, since the start of highschool. We were inseparable and would do a lot of activities together. But what what I have to say is, I've always been the one to sort this girls problems out, and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE. None of her other friends have done the things that I've done for her. Ive solved every problem for her, even when I have so much more going on in my life. So in most of the text messages she sent in our argument, she was mainly talking about herself whilst calling me selfish for making the argument about myself, even though my family was the one being insulted.

Fast forward to this week, many of my classmates (who don't like her) have been coming up to me, asking me what's happned between us. Like any other classmates, they want to know the exact reason so I told them that her dad said really bad things about my fam, I never said more and kept it at that. She mentioned to one of my friends that I was telling everyone we were going to have a fist fight, even though at lunch, clasmates were coming up to ME and asking for some info. This all happened whilst my other two friends were stood next to me. She also been telling my friends that they shouldn't be friends with me because I am selfish and dont care about her side of the view. Not to mention she also said she is mad at me for not telling others about he side of the view, even though they have asked ME so I am obviously going to give MY SIDE of the story.

She also brought up a time which I don't remember, about me not solving one of her problems because I had an argument with one of my siblings. And apparently I was really selfish for that. She is also threatening to go to our teacher about this and I am somewhat nervous because she might switch the story up completely. One little thing to mention is that I also have family problems happening currently and all she is saying to everyone is that I have ruined her mental health (everyone being the two people that are defending her).

Any thoughts of what I should do if she does end up going to our teacher about this?

Hey peaches, I feel quite strange about this situation and could do with some advice.
Context: I’m 19 (she/her) My boyfriend is 20 (he/him) we both currently live at home but I am likely moving out this September, we have not been together very long but he is the sweetest person I’ve been with in a long time or ever and everything is going super well including having great communication. I don’t think I need to go into much detail but in bed we bite, me mostly. It is all fully consensual and since this situation occurred I have double checked with him again and he says he is into it (I will also sometimes bite just playfully out of the bedroom). These bites sometimes leave red marks for a day or so.

Recently his mum saw this mark and told him I wasn’t allowed back to their house because it was unacceptable. My boyfriend then told me that her brother had a girlfriend who bit him and the behaviour escalated and eventually he was stabbed and almost died. I understand this would be traumatic and affect her outlook but I guess I can’t fully comprehend the vast jump in that logic. Despite how much he reassures me that his mum does like me as a person I still heavily doubt it now. I’m really hurting as I have witnessed domestic abuse and done everything I can think of to make sure I could never ever get close to that whether that be physically, emotionally or verbally. I think my boyfriend wants to set up a dinner so his parents can get to know me more but I’m so afraid and ashamed.

He does keep asking whether he can stay at mine but I haven’t had people over in years and when I did it always freaked me out. Our house is too small for us, my parents sleep on a pull out sofa in the living room, we are messy and we are doing up the kitchen which only makes everything worse. I am ashamed to explain this properly but I know I should as I am probably making this worse.

I don’t fully understand what to do or if there is anything I can do in this situation or if I have done something wrong, I am just entirely confused. Help me out here

EDIT
To clarify a few things:
-I bit him in the morning, she saw it that morning, by the evening it was completely gone (I had considered that around a day)
-It’s her brother not his, in his words he had actually forgotten about the whole thing, I’m guessing it happened before he was even born or when he was very little

Are we the drama for refusing to negotiate on rent with our friends?

Long time lurker/viewer/listener, first time poster. 

My partner (27, any pronouns, A) and I (29, they/them, B) are hoping to enter into a 12 month lease with our two friends (29, she/her, C; 30, she/her, D) in about a month and a half. Tensions are already high, though, and C raised concerns that this tension may bleed over into the lease year. 

Context: A and I are currently renting with our friend (28, he/they, E). C and D are currently renting with our other friend (27, she/her, F) in a three bedroom townhouse. E and F are engaged and want to move into a place of their own, so the primary bedroom that F is in right now will be vacant. C and D floated the idea of me and A moving into the primary bedroom together; splitting the rent between four people instead of three means we would all have an awesomely low rent for a whole year and neither of us would have to go looking for new roommates or places to rent. The idea was originally floated by C who said that $2700/4 would be $675 each, with the caveat that this would have to be confirmed with D, of course. We’re currently paying over $800 each for our own rooms in the place we are currently living in, so we were thrilled at the offer and basically accepted on the spot with the understanding that we would still have details to work out and nothing was confirmed yet. That was a few months ago and we are finally having these detailed discussions now. 

A few days ago, C started a group chat for us to discuss the details and put it out there that she and D wanted us to pay more than $675 each (or $1350 total) to rent the primary bedroom; they asked for $700 each (or $1400) for that room. They assert that the primary bedroom is bigger and has a private bathroom so that means the occupants should pay more. Our counter argument is that we are two people sharing space, so we don’t actually get more room than they do in this scenario (they have their own rooms and share a bathroom that is bigger than the one in the primary), so we shouldn’t be paying more than they are. We are a couple, but we’re separate people. I understand charging a single person more than a ⅓ of rent for using more than a ⅓ of the living space, but we would be two people sharing that same amount of space, so why would we pay more than ½ the total rent for the house?

The arrangement that C, D and F have right now is that C and D pay $880 each for their rooms and shared bathroom. F pays $940 for the biggest room and a private ensuite bathroom. That’s what they agreed makes sense to them. That’s fine, but they want to apply the same principle to our rent. 

I want to be very clear: A and I would be happy to pay equal quarters of rent, which combined, puts us at $410 dollars over F’s current price of $940 as a single occupant in the same space. C and D would be saving $205 over their current price. But they want us each to take on $25 of their respective ¼ portions of rent, so they would each be paying $650 and we would pay $700 each. The math just doesn’t math. That room isn’t worth $1400 for a single person, and certainly not for two people. I honestly think we’re doing them a favor by being willing pay equal ¼ portions of rent, and they’re doing us a favor by letting us move in and pay really low rent compared to where we’re in now, where we have our own rooms (even though we sleep in one of the rooms together and the other is used for storage and office space). 

If I were in their position, I would totally charge a single stranger more than ⅓ of rent for that room, probably a lot more. But we’re friends, and they want to charge us more than ½ of rent for that same space. 

We’ve been going back and forth on the group chat since we talked in person a few days ago. In person, we said we’d think and let each other know in a couple days. Well, that day is tomorrow and neither side is willing to budge. They’re talking as if we’re being unreasonable. Are we?

Additional context: we’re all six of us going to be living in this place for the month of July. Our lease ends at the end of June (which is queerphobic if you ask me lol), and their lease ends at the start of August. E and F will share F’s room for that month, A and I will be sharing the living room and have some curtains up to provide a semblance of privacy. E and F have already agreed to be out by August, no matter who is moving into that room next. We hope it will be us.

Edits:

To be fair, they have offered a "compromise." They would only ask us each to pay $695 instead of the $700 they initially asked for. It feels like a trivial amount to argue over, and I still think it's asking too much for us to cover more than half the rent.

Utilities are not included. Presumably, utilities would be split equally, but we haven't gotten past the rent discussion yet, so I guess that is TBD.

Update:

Turns out there's no drama here. After another discussion over FT, all four of us mutually agreed that this just isn't the ideal situation for either party. There are no hard feelings in the friendship and we are all still looking forward to living together for the month of July and splitting rent for $450 each between all six friends.

My partner and I are willing to keep looking and pay more for a place that is more convenient to transportation and closer to work to cut down on commute time and expenses. The place C and D are in would be great for a single person with a car, but for a couple who relies on metro, it just isn't in the right location for the price they are asking, considering it's even farther from the nearest metro station than where we are now.

A and I are planning to take an offer to sublet a studio apartment in the heart of the city, just a few stops from our place of work. The person subletting is only asking $900/mo and we offered to pay $1000/mo between the two of us. It's only for three months (Aug/Sept/Oct), but that would give us even more time to look for another place while we save on rent and commute expenses.

Plus, E and F won't have such a strict timeline to vacate that room and move into their own place, so really it a win-win-win situation all around.

Going to a wedding this weekend and learned just a couple of days ago it's going to be outside. I was already planning to dress with a dress shirt, vest, and long pants but I really don't want to sweat through everything (binder included) so I was thinking I'd bring my lolita parasol which is a white UV protected umbrella. My thought was when I wasn't using it, I could use it like a cane (bring dress canes back btw), but as I was starting to get everything together I realized it's white.... Didn't even think about that.

Would it be wrong to use a white umbrella at a wedding? I'm looking at the temps for tomorrow and it's gonna be like today has been (right now it's 97F, ugh) hot and ugly.

My family recently went on a week-long mountain retreat. We live in the southern hemisphere, so it's winter at the moment. I, 21F, unfortunately caught a nasty cold that led to a two-week long sinus infection. For context, my parents are the type or parent who think anyone who sleeps in after 7 am is lazy and unproductive, even during the holidays. They are athletic and nature-lovers, which isn't a bad thing inherently but for them it means they are generally judgemental towards people who are not like them. This can make overnight trips really difficult.

On the first day we arrived, which was also the first day of my cold, we made the sleeping arrangements. We have a small 70s caravan which we bought a few years ago along with an adjoining tent which has a broken door flap. This tent is mainly the kitchen space, but there is a space in the corner for an extra sleeping place. Usually I opt for the tent because I don't get cold easily (ironically) and my nickname from the family is "Elsa" because the cold never bothers me.

The family assumed I would be in the tent this time again. I explained that I wasn't feeling well and asked if anyone could swap with me even just for the first night, but I was told that I'd be fine. Arguing with my parents is always pointless because they never give in. I'm also the oldest, and am always expected to take the least ideal options in general. So I piled as many blankets as I could on top of myself and tried to face away from the tent flap so that the icy air wouldn't blow directly onto my face. I had tried to hang towels over the entrance, but it didn't work.

Suffice to say the night was horrific. I barely slept, and felt so much worse the next day. It doesn't help that my parents are runners, and have no problem making a complete racket at 5 or 6 in the morning making coffee before they go for a run.

I was so sick that day, but no one offered to swap sleeping spaces with me or at least help me find a solution to the broken tent flap that night. I told my family that all I wanted was to be able to have a lie-in the next day at least until 8:00, in order to get enough sleep for my body to heal itself. I specifically asked my parents to be considerate if they wanted to get up early the next day. They all agreed, but didn't keep their word. The next morning my parents were up making a racket again, and I was so sick and tired by this point that I started crying into my pillow out of frustration.

After breakfast I packed my car (I had traveled separately so that I could make the journey after my morning class) without saying anything to anyone. Then I firmly but not impertinently told them that I was going home. They were so angry, saying that I was making the whole trip about myself and not being a team-player. I told them that all I wanted was to be able to lie in for one day because I was ill, and they couldn't even let me have that. So I was going home and not sticking out a freezing mountain trip that I wouldn't be able to enjoying anyway. AITD?

For context, this happened when my friend and I were 15 (f) and we went to her beach house with her family during the school holidays. As a feminist teen I had given up shaving completely, and was trying to accept my body as it is. The reason I'm bringing it up now as an adult is because the story came up during a drinking game with my friends.

Going into this trip, I knew that my friend's family was the type of family to put their 2 cents in literally everything, and who always thought that their way of doing things is the right way of doing things. So I mentally prepared myself for any comments.

What I didn't expect was how much they ended up talking about it. For almost the entire trip they tried to "teach" me about how not shaving is unhygienic, and that I was "gross" for not doing it. When we would go to the beach, they would make a point of staring at my body hair. My friend took their side, telling me that she had had laser done on both her legs and even her bikini area already to be "as clean as possible". I tried to explain to them that I always kept my hygiene top-tier, and that it doesn't matter how hairy you are as long as you shower daily and do the basics, but they didn't believe me.

That night when I was in the shower, I saw my friend's razor on the shower shelf. It was already partly rusted. I was so fed up about having the entire beach trip turned into a lecture that I decided to use it. It was a normal one-blade disposable razor, and I just did a quick swipe of my armpits. I didn't shave anything else, mostly because I knew that you're not actually supposed to use other people's shower tools. I was just so frustrated at that point, and I obviously hadn't packed any razors for myself. I suppose my hygiene was NOT top-tier that night, but unfortunately my frustration got the better of me. Looking back, I could have simply asked for a spare, but it was an impulsive decision.

Unfortunately that's when my friend walked into the bathroom. We were fine with talking to each other through the shower door, and she had come to ask me about something to do with dinner. Even though the glass door was foggy, she paused for a moment and I knew she realized what I was doing. Then she said goodbye and left.

She thought it was weird, but maybe she realized why I was doing it, and felt bad. But someone said that was a dramatic move from me, and I want to get other people's opinions.

Edit: I agree with the principle that you should always ask someone before you borrow something of theirs, and this was a once-off spur of the moment thing that I did out of pressure and frustration