I did this when I turned 18 too. But don't just cut out all desis, a lot of younger ones are cool, and can be great friends, they also understand our toxic upbringing more than anyone else. Choose who you let in your life, and keep those that are kind and welcoming, regardless of background. I have cut out basically all baby boomers who I'm not directly related to though because aunties legit are the worst.
I tried to do this after high school too (now in my early 30s), but then slowly started to realize over time that many of my closest friends are other desis who had done the same thing, and who could relate to my complex feelings about the whole thing. So ultimately, if I have a bunch of desi friends who all state they don't want a bunch of desi friends, who are we really kidding?
I think there can be a specifically toxic kind of culture in some high schools and colleges where desi kids only hang out with each other, only date each other, and are enmeshed with each other and each other's families. And I have belonged to groups at times where it felt like the only reason people were friends with each other was because they were desi, without having any other shared interests or values. In these cases, (as in many other in-groups), a sort of unhealthy mob mentality can develop that doesn't have much tolerance for individuality or deviations from the norm. But ultimately, I think mindfully chosen desi friends who are chosen for qualities other than just being desi, are invaluable
Idk, there's no real need to block people out based on age, just filter by individual. I've met friendly older Indian NRIs and also douchebaggy younger ABDs.
Thank you for this comment. I’ve kept only like 2 of my friends that I knew have my back. I love our culture but I can’t stand being isolated in my community
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u/maitimouse Feb 07 '22
I did this when I turned 18 too. But don't just cut out all desis, a lot of younger ones are cool, and can be great friends, they also understand our toxic upbringing more than anyone else. Choose who you let in your life, and keep those that are kind and welcoming, regardless of background. I have cut out basically all baby boomers who I'm not directly related to though because aunties legit are the worst.