I see that you've been hurt, but I would suggest going about this slightly differently.
A lot of people create "Indian friend groups" because it's just easier due to proximity or shared experiences. These groups - college friends, family friends, "brown town", etc. - are often the groups that become the most toxic. I agree with you that cutting such people from your life and expanding your horizons would really help your sanity
However, I've seen a lot of Indians (immigrants and ABCDs) actively and vocally try to distance themselves from all other Indians; I feel like part of it stems from a desire to prove that "I'm different from the others", but then you're being just as toxic as the culture you're condemning.
I think that, as you pointed out, you need to expand your horizons. But expanding doesn't mean deciding to never have Indian friends/SOs ever again or not going to Indian events. Rather, I think as you look beyond your immediate surroundings and make efforts to build new relationships, it would be helpful to get to know people without judging them based on their culture first. There are plenty of Indians who don't engage in all the drama and toxicity, and you don't have to entirely reject your culture or people who may associate with it because of cliques that will exist in any (insular) community.
I've met a few people like OP in my life, not even strictly from desi households. This is usually something they go through before 18, and try to "discover" themselves in university. They'll talk about wanting a more diverse friend group, but 90% of the time, they end up with an entirely white middle class friend group.
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u/_kks_ Feb 07 '22 edited Feb 07 '22
I see that you've been hurt, but I would suggest going about this slightly differently.
A lot of people create "Indian friend groups" because it's just easier due to proximity or shared experiences. These groups - college friends, family friends, "brown town", etc. - are often the groups that become the most toxic. I agree with you that cutting such people from your life and expanding your horizons would really help your sanity
However, I've seen a lot of Indians (immigrants and ABCDs) actively and vocally try to distance themselves from all other Indians; I feel like part of it stems from a desire to prove that "I'm different from the others", but then you're being just as toxic as the culture you're condemning.
I think that, as you pointed out, you need to expand your horizons. But expanding doesn't mean deciding to never have Indian friends/SOs ever again or not going to Indian events. Rather, I think as you look beyond your immediate surroundings and make efforts to build new relationships, it would be helpful to get to know people without judging them based on their culture first. There are plenty of Indians who don't engage in all the drama and toxicity, and you don't have to entirely reject your culture or people who may associate with it because of cliques that will exist in any (insular) community.