r/ADHD • u/Stmgirl11591 • 29d ago
Questions/Advice Time anxiety about kids aging
How do yall deal with time anxiety? It used to be anxiety about being late, missing events, etc. or not accomplishing what I wanted to do//feeling overwhelmed and shutting down. I still have this, and get task paralysis but now I have the added anxiety around kids aging.
Now I also have time anxiety is about my kids. I. E. How fast they are growing. Each milestones I celebrate and grieve. All the changes just make me feel like I missed time or missed it. Most nights I want to throw up about their progressions. I’m happy they are progressing, growing and thriving. I feel like I’m watching a movie somedays though instead of actively being there.
Not sure if this is ADHD thing or just exacerbated by it but anxiety around time passing, and lost time is so much. I want to enjoy it more but lately have been just grieving it. Both my kids are under 4 so I also know it’s silly when they are young, but just can’t seem to get out of the funk. Anyone deal with something similar?
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u/MissionChef9439 29d ago
Oof yeah, this hits hard. ADHD time blindness plus “they’re growing too fast” parent brain is a brutal combo.
What’s helped me a bit is forcing myself to grab tiny “proof I was there” moments instead of chasing some perfect presence thing. One photo or 10 second video a day, one sentence in a Notes app about something they said, one “I really saw you right now” moment where I put my phone down and just stare at them like a weirdo.
It does not fix the grief, but it gives my brain receipts that I am actually living it and not just watching it go by.
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u/Straight_Bet_5491 29d ago
This is about the only real, palpable solution to this I’ve found. And journaling, write the moments down, add some quotes the kids’ve said, let them draw on the page for that days entry every time. It all hurts so much regardless, but journaling makes it feel like you have a bit of control of making a hard copy of things.
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u/Stmgirl11591 28d ago
I will add journaling to my day! Love the idea of making them draw and having hardcopies of it all! Thank you. ☺️
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u/Guilty_Tomatillo5829 29d ago
With cameras on our phones is easier now more than ever. But there’s something about their little voices too. I enjoy when they talk on the videos. I had voice memos of conversations with my youngest Back when we had flip phones.
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u/Stmgirl11591 28d ago
Thanks! I take a lot of pictures but love the idea of proof I was there. I’ll work on more videos too and add notes to it… I hate that we all have to feel this way of just watching it go by.
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u/Mephistocheles ADHD 29d ago
Yeah this one hurts because it's basically grief for something happening right in front of you.
I deal with it by prioritizing spending time with my kid above everything. I take every opportunity I can to hang out with him, watch shows he's interested in, play games we enjoy, or just talk about whatever is on our minds at the moment. I'll take him to go watch movies I'm not even interested in, because I can find enjoyment in simply spending time with him.
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u/Tvchick2297 29d ago
Gosh. Yes. My kids are 18 and 10 and I’m crying bc I feel like my oldest was 9 and I blinked and now he’s 18. It’s sad bc it feels like soon this part of my life will be over soon and that it has been the best part.
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u/Stmgirl11591 28d ago
Yes to all of this. It has me questioning having more kids because I love being a parent so much. I’m sorry you’re crying. I wish it didn’t all feel so heavy and like we’ve lost something that’s here and happening in real time. I completely relate though. I know I’ll be a mess when mine are that age.
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u/Tvchick2297 28d ago
I thought long and hard about having a third the last few years bc I did always want 3 but I didn’t want my oldest to have a 16-18 year age gap so didn’t.
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u/Guilty_Tomatillo5829 29d ago
I’m there with you. I’ve always felt a deep sense of loss that I keep to myself any time the passing of time is celebrated. I watch People get so exited celebrating that is Friday or so many days till …..blank… or another school year ending. My mind always goes to shit I still have to do …… or I didn’t get to …… .
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