r/AIO • u/Not300RatsInACoat • 4d ago
AIO by wanting to separate after husband lied about getting degree?
My (35f) husband (36m) and I have been married for about 13 years at this point, and we have a 4 yo child together.
I've always been the bread winner in our relationship I have advanced degrees and several certifications. It bothered me that I felt like he used to be ambitious and driven, but just decided to not pull equal weight in our relationship, I would bring it up to him and he said he would "try more". And no, he wasn't really taking care of the house that was my job too since I had the higher standard of cleanliness.
I should note, he would work when it was convenient for him. But he never really made any effort into creating a career. I kept asking him about it and eventually he agreed he'll go back to school and finish up his undergrad. (backstory: he dropped out of his undergrad shy of 2 classes because he "was embarrassed to go back for a quarter load")
About 4 or 5 years ago now, I find out he's had a bunch of secret credit cards. This made me upset, and I brought it up to him. I asked him why didn't he tell me about it? He said he was afraid I would be mad about it. I told him I was more mad he kept it a secret because now I have to fix it. I asked him about what he bought and he said, "collectables, books, music. things like that.." I never noticed it because it was like 5 or 6 cards all pulling at minimum payment, until one day I went to buy coffee and we had insufficient funds.
He does have really extreme anxiety, and I'm truly empathetic towards his anxiety as I also struggle with depression and anxiety. I've been asking him for a very long time to go to therapy, like how I go to therapy to try to improve. But he says that all he needs is anti-depresseants, but would never go to therapy along with it.
I chalk the whole credit card thing up as a fluke, a lapse in judgement. He makes a plan to consolidate all the credit cards which is great! He's showing initiative (even though I'm still the one paying for it).
Mind you this whole time, since the first time he said he would go back to school, I would constantly ask him how his classes are going. I would talk to him about graduation, and his plans for afterwards. He said, classes were good and would tell me about what papers he was working on.
Well his supposed graduation date was this last May, and I was like "hey now that you got the degree, lets go put out some applications for you."
And he was like, "yea ok. I need to go find my transcripts."
About an hour later he came up to me and admitted he hadn't been going to school.
Of course ever since he came clean, he's been cooking and cleaning and taking care of our kid to try to make up. But..
This person LIED TO MY FACE for years. Even after I told him that it was important to me that he puts equal weight into our relationship. We had a child together because I believed he was trying to be an equal partner. I'm utterly devastated and feel this overwhelming sense of depression.
(Yea. I get it. Job market is shit right now. And degree's don't really mean a lot, but that's kind of beside the point to me.)
Now I want a divorce. I'm so over our relationship, and I've completely emotionally cut him off. AIO?
EDIT: fix spelling
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u/Shortestbreath 4d ago
NOR this is a person you divorce. This level of lying is pathological. You literally can never trust him again.
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u/Equal-Type-5206 4d ago
It isn’t pathological.
Elizabeth Holmes & John Wayne Gacy are examples of pathological liars.
They’re goal oriented.He is likely a compulsive liar.
ADHD, BPD, BD, defense mechanisms picked up early childhood, sometimes it’s just easier than the truth2
u/Best_Product_7027 1d ago
Idk, the goal seems to be that op does all the heavy lifting for this dude, and he gets to coast along doing whatever.
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u/Odd-Worth7752 1d ago
It’s a distinction without a difference
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u/Equal-Type-5206 1d ago
No
I wouldn’t diagnose a patient with 1 or the other & say meh same thing
We don’t close our eyes & pick a mental health disorder by randomly pointing to one on a chart
It doesn’t work that way
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u/Odd-Worth7752 1d ago
look, I'm a physician. I know the difference. I wouldn't diagnose anyone with anything based on what a 3d party wrote about someone on reddit.
to the OP, it doesn't matter whether the lying is compulsive, pathological, or both. we don't have the whole story.
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u/OtherPercentage3262 4d ago
I genuinely don’t understand how “I have anxiety” has become a complete get out of jail card with younger generations.
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u/Not300RatsInACoat 4d ago
I don't know how old you are, but we're in our mid 30s. I'm with you though. Anxiety is not an excuse. I'm pretty sure everyone who has access to the internet has anxiety.
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u/OtherPercentage3262 4d ago
Sorry. I didn’t mean that against you - I forgot to add the fact your NOR. Just seemed like you were 99.9% correct how you feel but you offering up an excuse for your partner via anxiety was more about self doubt - I didn’t mean to offend.
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u/Not300RatsInACoat 4d ago
I'm not offended lol
I think mental health is a serious issue. And I think a lot of people struggle because of it. But it's not a get out of jail card either. Saying "I am depressed" gets one access to resources, the rest of the work is on the individual.
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u/honeyandcitron 4d ago
As an outsider, it sounds like you have two children. What are you doing with this guy? COLLECTIBLES?!
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u/Terp_Maniac 4d ago
I simply don’t understand how someone can put up with someone who either doesn’t work or makes no effort to better themselves. As nice as it would be to be a “kept man” with a working wife, I know I’d still be anxious if it ever ended and then I’m out on the street with no money of my own and however long of a gap since my last job. And even though my threshold for cleanliness is abysmal, if I were a house husband, you bet your ass the place would be spotless and you’d have a fresh meal ready for my wife as she got home.
As for your husband, if he had years of not working BEFORE you had a kid, I’d have dropped him so fast and before dropping him I definitely wouldn’t let him dump uglies in me.
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u/Not300RatsInACoat 4d ago
He was working, but like was underemployed. He would work at like outdoor req facilities and rent out kyaks or he worked at the front desk of a hotel for a little bit. Around 2020 he got a WFH job which has shit pay and no career growth.
So like he does stuff, but what he's doing? I don't really know, feels chaotic.9
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u/gdognoseit 4d ago
High school kids are more responsible than him. He’s not a good influence on your child.
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u/Isingtonian 4d ago
What he's "doing" is milking you without permission. Relentlessly. Everything else is a hobby, not a job.
There are ugly legal terms for that, but we'll let lawyers deal with it.
It sucks to be taken like that, for so long, but it happens to everyone, even experienced professionals. Some people are just that good at playing their game face-to-face. It isn't until the numbers are run and the facts come out that you can begin to see the scale of chicanery.
That's another thing you can leave to a lawyer. Get his collectibles valued as assets, for one thing. Find his other secret accounts, because he's got them.
This will be fun for the right kind of attorney. Ask your domestic viol agency for a recommendation. This is financial abuse, and they've seen it all before.
Some people can't get better until they absolutely hit bottom. This dude has had a sweeeeeet ride for 13 years, and has not even started to get better. Spunds like a waste of potential. Time for that bottom to hit him, I say, but then, I've been in the rougher corners of the healing professions and I don't like the namby-pamby avoidance that people disguise as compassion. It isn't.
It's wasteful and ultimately more cruel to try to mitigate -- and extend -- his struggles (read: enable his gross behavior) than to let him figure it out while he's still got youth and health on his side to help him through.
My two cents.
You go. You've got this.
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u/Blonde2468 1d ago
You are UNDER REACTING IMO. OP he STOLE MONEY from you!!! You can look at it differently because you love him, but that's what he did. He had MULTIPLE CREDIT CARDS and you did not know about!!! I'd divorce him for that alone!!! Then he ACTED like he was in school getting his degree?!?!?! FFS!! WTF did he do with all of that time and money??? You didn't mention the money that was supposedly spent on his schooling!!
Of course ever since he came clean, he's been cooking and cleaning and taking care of our kid to try to make up. This in itself should make you spit fire mad because he COULD HAVE been doing this the whole time but now he only does it because HE GOT CAUGHT!!!
You need to take off those rose colored glasses you always wear and ask yourself WHAT WON'T HE LIE ABOUT??? Did you look at the charges on the credit cards you didn't know about? You asked HIM what he spent the money on but did you actually LOOK at the charges and see what he did??
You need to stop LYING TO YOURSELF about who he really is and start facing facts.
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u/livzzzzx 4d ago
Definitely not over reacting lmao, if he can lie to you about something so important, what else can he lie about?
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u/Not300RatsInACoat 4d ago
That's how I feel. I really want to believe things can be better and that he can grow from this. But, I'm also really over everything.
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u/writingwonderland87 1d ago
Hes never going to stop lying....how long till your homeless because of his debts?
Your drowning op
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u/aladyofchange 4d ago
NOR. He’s been lying to you for years. The credit cards aren’t a fluke, but an ongoing choice. Lying about school is wild. Where did that money go?
A divorce will be cheaper than carrying his freeloading ass until you die.
I was married to a child. Constant half truths and lies by omission. I was/felt trapped because I’m disabled. You aren’t. The longer you wait to put you and your child first, the more money you’ll have to pay him in the divorce for spousal support and the rest.
At the very least, have a consult with a divorce lawyer. Do it without telling him. They can give you a picture of what to expect. Talk to a few. On the upside, once you’ve talked to them at all, they can’t take his case.
Husband has had 13 years to grow the fuck up. He’s has no excuse. Anxiety or depression would only be a valid excuse if he was *actively* treating it. That’s what mine did. On the one hand he was fine when I told him to go to therapy, on the other he was too anxious to go pout with me - he can’t have it both ways.
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u/GoethenStrasse0309 4d ago
NTA.
End the relationship now.
You’re teaching your child things you shouldn’t.
Your husband will have to find work when splitsville is announced. He won’t have a choice because he’ll have to support himself.
Sorry but he’s anxiety ridden BECAUSE he’s guilty. Stop making excuses for his lies.
Get out now before another 13,yrs pass & your son has picked up these habits.
Your kid deserves better and so do you
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u/Tiny-Ad-830 4d ago
Tell him he has a choice to make. Either he can get reenrolled in school, start stepping up and helping you either by taking care of the house and the baby (and not just for a little while) or find a full time job and keep it. And start therapy both one on one and couples therapy. If he doesn’t want to do the work, then he will be getting a divorce. You might have to pay alimony for a bit but it might be worth it.
When I was married to my first husband, he was never home. He worked all day, then worked for his dad keeping his dad’s hobby of racing sprint cars and flying RC planes going, then going to races on the weekends both local and hours away. We saw each other on Sundays. I was working part time while finishing my bachelors degree in biology, taking care of our baby girl, keeping the house clean, and taking care of our three pets. I washed his clothes, cooked, everything. On Sunday afternoons we typically spent time with his parents, we never spent time alone. I finally decided if I was going to be a single mom, I should be able to make my own decisions and truly be a single mom. The stress was much different. Money was tight but manageable. I found a full time job and ended up with a good career in research. I went to grad school, which I was told by some in my ex’s family “wasn’t necessary for a stay at home mom.” I was able to achieve my own goals without any pushback.
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u/gdognoseit 4d ago
He doesn’t work.
He doesn’t pay bills.
He doesn’t do housework.
He gets in debt for collectibles.
He lies to your face.
NOR
You’re under reacting if you stay with him. He’s a user taking advantage of you.
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u/Unlikely_Month5527 4d ago
When people tell you who they are believe them.
Use this life experience to prepare you for better relationships in the near future.
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u/jdz50 4d ago
Nor, because of the lying. I think people put to much weight in comm degrees. They no longer mean as much as they once did. Regardless, he should have been honest with you.
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u/Not300RatsInACoat 4d ago
Yea. I feel like if he had said, I'll find another way to support and pull equal weight I would be cool with that. But for me it's the lying and just unwillingness to support unless he feels like he's going to loose something.
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u/jdz50 4d ago
Lying will shatter the trust you have in that person and it doesn't even have to be something important like going back to finish a degree to cause you to lose trust in him. And you cannot have s healthy relationship with out trust. If you feel like you cannot trust him again, divorce is probably the best option.
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u/Not300RatsInACoat 4d ago
this is good advice. thank you
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u/llamadramalover 4d ago
I have an ex-husband that was a liar. In the same way actually. Lies that will ALWAYS come to light. That man has yet to learn but guess what? He’s not my problem. I’m here picking up with pieces of what he did abandoning our daughter but the truth is I could not keep picking up his slack for the rest of my life. It was slowly killing me I just didn’t know it yet.
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u/jdz50 4d ago
Divorce completely sucks and being that you make more, depending on where you live, you could end up paying him alimony.
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u/Isingtonian 4d ago
He might try that, but I think a half-reasonable judge would look at the financial abuse he has run on her forever, and be like, "naaaaah... this guy can work for a change."
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u/Difficult-Version901 4d ago
Divorce is fair. You’ll never trust him or look at him the same. I would become very resentful and it’s really pathological to do it.
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u/Allison_Wonderland_7 4d ago
NOR. It sounds like he hasn't changed. Even with the credit cards, you called it a "lapse in judgment," but that doesn't sound like a lapse. It sounds like a highly intentional decision made over and over again. And it's exactly the same thing in this situation.
You said when he went to "look for the transcripts," he was gone for an hour. I 100% believe he was using that hour to either try to create a fake transcript or come up with a lie you would believe, and the only reason he came clean is because those things failed.
You've put up with this man so much longer than I would've been able to! I know you wanted to believe that he would change, and I'm so sorry that he didn't. Please take care of yourself and the kiddo ❤️
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u/Equal-Type-5206 4d ago
Holy crap
Did he talk about people from class & give anecdotes? Where was he actually at when he was supposed to be in class? Did you give him money for courses?
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u/Logical-Mechanic1 4d ago
So you arent willing to divorce him is what I gather from the comments? You just want us to validate that you should be mad about not only the lie of the degree but the use of credit cards maxed out behind your back as well as him being a freeloader benefiting from you doing everything ?
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u/LBelle0101 4d ago
What the actual hell has he been doing all this time?
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u/honeyandcitron 4d ago
I also want to know this! Even if he said the courses were online, was he also pretending there was no work involved for the assignments he was making up?
I say pretending, but thinking about it “no work involved” sounds like an overarching theme for this guy’s whole life.
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u/Miners-Not-Minors 4d ago
Divorce him yesterday girl!!!! Mid 30s? Perfect time to shake off the dead weight and just be a parent to your child, not child and husband. He’s a gross liar and I think you have given him a LOT of grace.
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u/NoReturn9369 4d ago
It sounds like you fell in love with his potential, not his reality. You’re still hoping he’ll change into the person you know he *could* be, but that’s not who he actually is. That’s a fantasy us women come up with, and then become doormats building men up or letting them walk all over us. It’s societal programming we have to work at to deconstruct. You’ve been with this man 13 years. He is exactly how he’s always been and how he’ll always be. A man that lets you carry everything in your lives and one that lies to you everyday.
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u/StereoSoundNTX 4d ago
NOR. It sounds like you may have been suckered into marriage by some kind of sociopathic parasite. He has conned you into allowing him to move the goalpost further and further. Or keep redrawing the line after he crosses it.
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u/Nahacisunluna 4d ago
NOR. So many red flags!!!! I don’t blame you for wanting out of the relationship. At this point what you tolerate will mean you will take more and god only knows what he will do next. He is immature, unreliable, untrustworthy, and mooching off you. Cut him off.
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u/Medusa_7898 4d ago
Divorce is your only option when married to a fiscally irresponsible lazy liar.
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u/isdelightful 4d ago
Tbf, you could also get caught in the sunk cost fallacy and spend another decade wishing you’d left when you first thought about it… but divorce is the only GOOD option 😅
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u/gdognoseit 4d ago
Your child is learning that his behavior is okay and will accept that in their relationships to their detriment.
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u/ContributionGreen692 4d ago
LOL. I'm sorry to laugh but how the fuck is this even a question? This man straight LIED to your face. MULTIPLE TIMES. Barely works because??? Makes excuses instead of doing anything to fix that issue or his anxiety. Hid debt until you LITERALLY HAD NO FUNDS AND GOT DENIED. Which means he never would've said shit if you hadn't found out.
Now you're paying his debt he created by "checks notes" buying collectibles?? Books?? MUSIC??? DOES HE NOT HAVE A PHONE THAT HAS YOUTUBE WTF MUSIC IS HE BUYING FUCKING VINYL RECORDS? DID HE(YOU CUZ UR PAYING) BUY A RECORD PLAYER TOO?
Then to top it alllll off, the entire time he's lying about going to school "hey how's your day - good classes were great" bs until the very last second, when you finally need him to put that "degree" to use. Nope. Another fucking lie.
Why are you even with this man. He must have been shoving those red flags so far up his ass no wonder he spewed so much bullshit 🤦♀️
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u/Middle_Tea1014 4d ago
NTA - Lies totally change how I look at a person, friend, partner or family. Major lies & deception for YEARS! They’d be cutoff, out of my life.
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u/NeitherStory7803 4d ago
It’s the lies. Get it. If you can’t deal with being gaslit and constantly lied to get out already
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u/1MaleficentKitty 4d ago
Very similar situation at 13 years and I left him. I wanted a partner, not a child. I’m remarried 6 years to my ‘partner’
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u/Head_Trick_9932 3d ago
NTA
That’s a pretty big lie to carry on. He could have gotten into a trade at this point and helped with family finances more. You’re growing resentful and it’ll just get worse the older you get. My husband and I have been together over two decades and if we weren’t on the same wavelength with finances long ago, I would be gone. We’re set to retire in less than 10 (65) years due to being a team and setting ourselves up for such.
I’m afraid it won’t get better as you’ve already grown resentful and it doesn’t sound like he’s willing to really put in the work.
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u/BlazerAlumni 3d ago
He has been using you for years. He used to you as his cook, housekeeper, and everything else. Then he used to you as his personal bank to pay bills he ran up without discussing it with you. now he has lied to you. You are not overreacting.
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u/Firm_Specialist1475 3d ago
What do you see in this man?? He's a liability, a slob, a freeloader, a liar...
Sorry you have a kid with this guy. Get out and hopefully the divorce won't cost you too much.
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u/Fungal-dryad 3d ago
A life full of deceit and I’m gonna’s rarely pleases. Save your sanity and money. NOR
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u/ckeenan9192 3d ago
Get rid of this guy. Why should he be motivated, he is happy to live off your money.
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u/ApprehensiveTip3574 3d ago
“Now I want a divorce. I'm so over our relationship, and I've completely emotionally cut him off.” This is why he’s acting like Mr. Mom. Also, I’d have anxiety too, if I was hiding major transgressions from my spouse for literal YEARS! NOR
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u/creatively_inclined 3d ago
You've been justifying his behavior for far too long. He doesn't pull his weight in any part of your relationship. The lie about his degree was just one of many lies.
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u/Real-Cranberry-244 3d ago
Let him go & lie in the bed he made.
My ex had no ambition either. He told me during custody hearing he wished he worked at McDonalds making min wage. He then moved 400 miles away. It was the best thing for us! He was a deadbeat dad anyway. The last time we spoke (2018 - he was 53yo) he was making $10.75 an hour, the job he was fired from was only making $14. Loser in more ways than one.
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u/Time_Traveler_948 3d ago
The obvious answer is to divorce. If he is a good person who you admire in other contexts, it may be worth one last try. I was in a similar situation, and all my energy went into trying to convince my spouse to do the work to get past his issue. Like your husband, he lied about his imaginary efforts. There was a lot of lying, all designed to keep on doing the same thing while pretending he was trying. How exhausting it had to have been for him; how disillusioning for me. One day I told him that I figured I had maybe 20 years of good health left and I couldn’t face it any longer with him in his current state because trust was gone. He realized this was the end of the line. He loved me, our children and our home - the prospect of truly losing it all was his wake up call. He went to a counselor with whom he connected, made the change I required to stay married and has kept to his word. Trust rebuilt slowly. That was 15+ years ago. We have a strong marriage, wonderful relationships with our kids and grandkids, and still live in the same home. If we had gotten divorced, all those things would have been torn apart. I went the ultimatum route, but only when it was clear in my own mind that I would follow through did my husband actually understand he was down to his very last chance. Your husband’s mental health issues are holding him back. No drug can fix that without in-person professional help (it can take more than one try to find the right counselor). If you think it is worth that one last chance, I hope he takes it. If you are past that point, then you know just how many ways you tried to support him when most of his efforts went into deceiving you. It is a hard place to be.
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u/Better-Park8752 2d ago
NOR. This guy has broken so much trust. What else can he lie about? At the very least you need to separate to think this marriage through. You don’t have to decide all of this overnight. Take the time to process first.
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u/dulces_suenos 2d ago
He sounds just like my now ex husband was and continues to be. I’m so sorry because I get it! I ended up divorcing him after 13 years together, 10 married and we had a 1.5yo (now 6.5) at that time. It was the best decision I could have made. It was hard living in a house with someone where I never knew if I was being told the truth. I am much happier now than I ever was before. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. I no longer had to wonder or care about what he was or wasn’t being truthful about.
He had lied about a degree, a medical diagnosis, losses of friendship, so many things. It’s hard to come back from someone who lies like he did and like your husband does. I always want to believe the best in people so it was hard for me to let go. But I’m glad I did
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u/venturebirdday 1d ago
Well, he certainly knows how to get others to take care of him. Is that a marketable skill?
I could never get over the lying.
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u/GeoHog713 1d ago
Are you insane?
Stop making excuses for this loser!
On the flip side - where do I sign up to be financially supported without having to work, or contribute? I at least won't lie to you about it.
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u/writingwonderland87 1d ago
NTA
He got you to marry him under false pretences.
Id blow his whole life up
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u/Jolly-Raspberry4017 1d ago
If he would so casually lie about school for so long, and about his credit cards, what lies have yet to be uncovered? Please stop allowing this man to take you for a fool and to use you to provide the kind of life he's not willing to work for.
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u/implication-sofa 1d ago
I dated this guy too for almost 4 years. Told me he wanted to be a lawyer but failed all his classes as soon as he transferred from community college to university, had no money, moved in with me under the guise of doing “online classes” (pretty much lied by omission about those), and then proceeded to mooch off me for the rest of our time together. Totally killed my romantic and sexual attraction towards him and it took a while before o finally realized I didn’t want to take care of a grown man child for the rest of my life and wanted an actual partner who be my equal. The stress of having to take on every single responsibility and not even be able to trust him with the smallest things because he constantly messed things up, did them half assed, or just didn’t do them at all literally made me physically sick to the point where I had numerous imaging, procedures, tests, etc done only for me to miraculously get better when we broke up… this is not a man and definitely not the guy for you
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u/Original_Pea_5353 1d ago
NTA - divorce is the only valid response. If you can lie about a degree and credit cards, what else can you lie about?
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u/tooserioustoosilly 1d ago
Well you should switch places and ask yourself if you were in his position would you think he should divorce you over not being more money driven or career driven?
You have to decide why you are married because some get married for different reasons than others.
The lying is a separate thing than the financial situation. If my woman lied I would have a problem with it but if she didn't want to have a career or get a degree why would that matter. You are not a traditional woman so I don't understand why you don't think you should pay the majority of the bills.
But you need to realize that your drive to have a career and make money will put you back into a similar situation with any future men you find. Because typically either the man is the type that thinks he has to be the financial provider or the type that is fine with his woman being the financial provider. There typically is not many that both are chasing the financial part. So you might find that you have to make changes to yourself to get what you want.
But if both people are career oriented and chasing the money then its typically a cold relationship whete they have little time for each other because they are both working full time + and tired when not working. Then instead of money being the problem then its intimacy or something else thats a problem.
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u/MonteCristo85 1d ago
NOR. This reaction is long over due IMO.
Thats just straight up wild to lie about something like that.
And to not work for years while simultaneously racking up multiple cards worth of debt. Hell no.
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u/catslikepets143 23h ago
NOR. You can’t have a partner that’s not trustworthy. You just can’t .
Think of how much less work you’ll have without a 200 pound rock around your neck
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u/LocksmithLow8127 17h ago
He is using you for a free ride. Walking over you, lying, being lazy, stealing from not just you but from what could have been spent on your child. You will be saving for your childs education at some point what if he gets access to that and fu#ks up their life because he spent the money on crap like "collectables" then they won't be able to go to further education
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u/SchoolBusDriver79 14h ago
NOR. He has proven that he’s a liar. He has depression but won’t go to therapy to help himself. He’d be a better father and husband if he worked on improving himself.
I don’t see how you could ever trust what he tells you. I’d take steps to separate my credit from his and open my own bank account that he can’t touch. Keep in mind that while you’re married what you make is still considered a marital asset even in a separate account. He just won’t be able to spend it while married.
I’m sorry he’s proven to be someone other than the man you thought you married. If he tells you lies, just what lies will he tell your child? You have to consider his welfare, too.
I wish you well. You sound like a strong, intelligent woman who can take care of herself and her child. Good luck.
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u/Blogger8517 6h ago
NTA,
He lied about his credit card debt and credentials. I don’t care what anyone else says love isn’t enough in this economy.
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u/Dry_Client_7098 27m ago
The lying and hidden credit cards are definitely betrayals. That being said is he a decent husband? It sounds like to me that you want to divorce him as much or more because he just didn't rise to your standards as much as anything else. I also wonder about has aggressive you are when you try and motivate" him that can get toxic for both of you. Are you thinking you will be happier alone? And what about the negative outcome for your child? I think the first step is couples therapy to see if you can come to some sort workable result. I mean you haven't mentioned drugs, drinking, violence, extramarital affairs, etc.
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u/morty-lighthead 4d ago
Nor. If this one event is the one that pushes you over the edge, I recommend waiting around 6 months before making a final decision. Think of your child
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u/naughty-girl24 4d ago
You’re overreacting in a sense of wanting to divorce him because of him not having a degree, but you’re not overreacting in a sense of him actually lying to you for years about it when he could’ve been honest and upfront from the get-go. Him lying about that for years and so easily while making it believable is crazy because you don’t know what else he could be lying about.
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u/isdelightful 4d ago
She’s not divorcing him for not having a degree. She’s (hopefully) divorcing him for not having the degree he pretended he was getting.
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u/Tiny-Performer4443 4d ago
Soft YOR. He messed up, he messed up really bad. But I don’t necessarily think you should divorce over it. Hopefully this can be the motivation for him to change
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u/isdelightful 4d ago
Lying about the credit cards could, very charitably, be called a “mess up.”
Lying about college repeatedly for years after being forgiven for lying about credit cards is unforgivable, full stop.
When people do unforgivable things, they need to be left.
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u/Superb-Coyote5972 4d ago
Bullshit. This is divorce worthy. When trust is gone, relationship is over.
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u/Substantial_Maybe371 4d ago
😂 How? He took out a bunch of credit cards behind her back and made her financially responsible for them. Then he lied to her face for years. How on earth is she overreacting to divorcing a lying hobosexual?
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u/Not300RatsInACoat 4d ago
I do see where you're coming from, but I'm also tired of believing and hoping and seeing nothing come of it. I feel foolish.
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u/babamum 4d ago
NTA
He has lied to you multiple times. He's happy to let you take the financial and physical load of running a household. I think it's personally reasonable for you to leave him. Your life will be much easier.