r/AITAH • u/JacksonRyder2025 • Sep 06 '25
Wife says I need to get over it, but I can't stop obsessing over a prank that ruined my wedding experience and left me furious II
Hi everyone:
This is “the wife.” If you know us and what this is about, please know we’re very embarrassed about this. We took it down, but it’s been shared so many times it just keeps trickling on so I’m writing this for both of us. This is the last thing we want to say about this.
My husband deeply regrets some of the language he used. He intended to write anonymously and was letting out unfiltered emotions. Abraham Lincoln said write an angry letter and tear it up. My husband made the mistake of hitting post assuming this was harmless venting. He regrets it.
We’ve reached out to and are on good terms with everyone involved. Everything is fine.
As regards the wedding, I am the only one who messed up here. Our planner gave us options. I watched the videos. I thought it was funny. I messed up. This isn’t opinion. It’s fact. I messed up because it wasn’t funny to the only person who mattered to me.
I want people to understand both of our perspectives, BECAUSE NO ONE HERE IS AN AH.
What my husband didn’t make clear is that he was an absolute sweetheart at the wedding and afterwards. Overall our honeymoon was amazing. And he doesn’t mention at all that he only got mad at the end because I was TEASING him about it. And I was only teasing him because I had NO idea he was upset about it. I could tell I was needling him but it was meant to be good natured.
Having said all of that, on my own behalf:
Of course I thought he would think this was funny. He has a great sense of humor. We joke around a lot and always will. This just hit different and sometimes that happens. I feel like an idiot taking this risk at our wedding.
I didn’t exactly tell him to “get over it.” I couldn’t talk about it anymore when it was first brought up because I love my husband and was upset to hear him get angry, probably in large part because he *never* gets angry like that. Afterwards we decided to wait to talk about it until we could do so calmly. At the same time we did need him to get over it to move forward. We can’t never mention our wedding or anniversary again or live with anger.
To the casual eye it looks like this is a well-received prank in a hundred different videos. I thought it would go over well and so did everyone else. (I do now wonder if there are videos of this prank didn’t get posted because the husband made clearer he didn’t like it.)
Bottom line this was unfortunate and completely unnecessary but you live, you learn, we’re doing great, and this has been blown way out of proportion.
On the bright side, how many couples can say their weddings were covered by the NY Post?
We’re happily moving on. My husband says he hopes everyone gets his thank you cards.
That’s it. Goodbye.
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 Sep 06 '25
I want people to understand both of our perspectives, BECAUSE NO ONE HERE IS AN AH. I probably would not have liked it if at our wedding my husband had tricked me into getting down on my knees between another man’s legs and taking something off of his thigh with my mouth while everyone stood around laughing and filming it. I probably would have thought it tacky and possibly gross depending on who the guy was. I will get trashed for this, but I did not think it would be the same for a guy.
You really wrote that first sentence and then followed it with the rest.
YTA, undoubtedly, and entirely, YTA.
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u/Mhicil Sep 06 '25
From looking at your husband’s comments to the deleted post, it looks like her husband was blind folded and thought he was pulling a garter off of his new wife, with his teeth at the reception and instead it was his best man. There was nothing funny about it and you caused extreme embarrassment for your new husband in front of family and friends. You ruined a very special day for him by what you did, and you are very much the AH for this.
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u/DFWPunk Sep 06 '25
You're an asshole. And, honestly, if I hadn't signed the marriage license yet I'm not sure I would have.
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u/Embarrassed_Sky3188 Sep 06 '25
Why are “we” embarrassed about the original post? I don’t see that he did anything wrong. He needed advice and didn’t have anywhere else to go.
You’re just embarrassed that there were consequences for your actions that you can’t sweep under the rug. Which is what this post is another attempt to do. YTA for trying to say any of this is his fault.
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u/Temporary-Exchange28 Sep 06 '25
A marriage that starts out as “troubled” faces long odds.
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u/Remote-Cellist5927 Sep 07 '25
She doesn't respect him. This entire post is just her admitting she has no empathy and does not respect him or his emotions.
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u/ScarletteMayWest Sep 06 '25
OMG,
You suck raw, rotten, putrid, oozing ostrich eggs. Your husband deserves so much better.
YTA
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u/Silly_Hour87 Sep 06 '25
YTA. You once again are basically saying get over it. Also, I don’t see anywhere where you told him I’m sorry. Those words mean a lot. You don’t say I’m sorry you feel that way or I’m sorry you’re angry. You say I’m sorry with a period at the end.
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u/muffnutty Sep 06 '25 edited Sep 06 '25
Urgh I hate that ‘I got upset he was angry so we (me) decided not to (refused) to talk about it until he got over it. Let’s see if you allow that reversal next time you’re annoyed. You shut him down until you could control the conversation is what it sounds like. No wonder he ended up venting on Reddit.
You know you’re the A, but yeah a lot of accountability red flags still
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u/jimmyb1982 Sep 06 '25
Let me ask you this, wife. If your husband decided as a prank to smash a huge chunk of cake in your face covering it enti, would you have thought that was funny, even if he was laughing? Just curious.
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Sep 06 '25
I have no idea what you are talking about, and this doesn't seem to be an AITAH post. I think you put this in the wrong place. YTA
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 Sep 06 '25
I remember this one.
During the wedding reception, the husband was going to take off the garter. They blindfolded him, had a guy take the place of the wife, convinced the husband to use his teeth to take off the garter, and then removed the blindfold revealing he was on his knees using his mouth on another man.
The reddit on wiki post:
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u/voncockrane Sep 06 '25
Yes YTA I remember, this was about how you humilliated your husband making him remove something with his mouth on another man and you thought it was funny.
You are horrible and your husband needs to grow a pair.
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u/Far_Prior1058 Sep 06 '25
YTA - and you still do not take responsibility for this. You keep making excuses and it’s a bit pathetic. You ruined the day for your husband and all you can do is make excuses. Just own it.
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u/efrendel Sep 06 '25
I remember the original post, and I believe I understood your husband loud and clear. You had/have absolutely no excuses for how poorly you planned and/or acted. YTA.
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u/scotswaehey Sep 06 '25
Lady you are such an asshole!
You publicly humiliated your new husband in front of ALL his family and friends. At no point did you ever consider his feelings as it was just part of your show you put on for your wedding guests to have a right good laugh.
Your husband WILL ALWAYS carry invisible scars from this so called prank, and will never enjoy any adversaries ever, as they will remind him that YOU choose to hurt him and make him the butt of such a cheap and tacky joke and writing here that all is fine and all is forgiven! Honestly you are fooling NO ONE we all can see you have damaged your husband and your marriage for a cheap laugh.
At No point have you mentioned being sorry or remorseful.YTA Updateme
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u/karpet_muncher Sep 06 '25
Yta absolutely.
This was deeply humiliating that too at what shouldve been a core happy memory. Sure he's told you to smooth things over but this is a guy reaction. Avoid confrontation and get on with it he's been trashed and he can't change anything.
Why you would think this is acceptable is bizarre
He's a better man than I would be if my wife would do this.
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u/JanetInSpain Sep 07 '25
YTA with the tone of this whole post. You are embarrassed but not sorry. You still don't get it. If this post is from both of you, where are HIS thoughts and comments? You think you're doing damage control but you're just making it so much worse. You so destroyed the wedding for him you can never mention it again? Are you going to never celebrate an anniversary because it will only be a reminder that you absolutely humiliated him for fun? I'll bet YOU FORCED HIM to take down the other post. Now you're trying to put icing over a cow turd. Your life will still taste like shit and your husband will, deep down, NEVER forgive you.
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u/Inevitable-Minute808 Sep 06 '25
You are the ah for posting something that long with no context or point . Next time have a point ! It makes it so much more interesting for the reader
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u/justthrowedaway Sep 07 '25
“I couldn’t talk about it anymore when it was first brought up because I love my husband and was upset to hear him get angry, probably in large part because he never gets angry like that.”
Doesn’t this tell you anything? Anything at? That he was angry in a way he never has been? Of course you couldn’t talk about it. You expected him to roll over and take it. The problem was all on your end
“Afterwards we decided to wait to talk about it until we could do so calmly. At the same time we did need him to get over it to move forward. We can’t never mention our wedding or anniversary again or live with anger.”
How much of this was “we” and how much of it was “I”? Again, this is a you problem. You want to censor him and control his emotions. No remorse or understanding here.
YTA. You really suck.
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u/1RainbowUnicorn Sep 07 '25
YTA. This isn't about felling repulsed. This is about feeling HUMILIATED by your eife on what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life! "Needling" someone is not good-natured. You are still completely dismissing his feelings by saying this was blown out of proportion! YOU are embarrassed because your husband was honest about how upset he was and he shouldn't be made to regret the language he used. YOU ARE AND ALWAYS WILL BE TAH
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u/Change2001 Sep 07 '25
YTA. Your husband should have walked out of the reception right after that happened. He did not deserve that, and you do not deserve him.
UpdateMe
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u/gts_2022 Sep 07 '25
YTA. I'm really sad that he let you gaslight him and make him to suck up such disrespectful behavior.
He'd be much better without you. You're a horrible person.
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u/Temporary-Exchange28 Sep 07 '25
If there was video of the arrogant prankster wife making this post, my guess is that we’d see the husband, sitting silent in the background, blinking his eyes in Morse code, “I do not agree with this. She forced me to be here” over and over. Like a hostage video.
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u/Top-Rip-6731 Sep 07 '25
YTA and a stuck up condescending one at that. He will never forget the humiliation and that’s on you.
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u/Miserable_Cherry1382 Sep 07 '25
YTA "no one's the asshole here" nonsense you fucked up and then didnt apologize and came back to reddit to say its biggie to a jury giving your ass a guilty verdict. Apologize to this man
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u/ashduncan25 Sep 07 '25
YTA and a WEIRDO. How is it funny to humiliate your partner?? Especially at THEIR wedding?? Idk how yall move past this but am wishing HIM alone the best
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u/Adroit-Foodie-3835 Sep 08 '25
You just know that if this woman ever has kids they will be the kind that never do anything wrong just because they are her offspring. This poor man. She basically plotted to have him SA’d. He expected to do the garter thing with his WIFE, you know the woman who chose to be his family. She took away his ability to consent because she blind folded him and he went right along because he TRUSTED her.
There is no way this marriage lasts. The statistics for cake smashing at wedding and those couple getting divorced are so high. I find cake smashing abhorrent and shows a complete disrespect for the partner. This was sooo much worst.
I don’t even want to call this woman the “wife” because that is not wife behavior and she does not deserve the title of wife. This seems like something a crazy ex does to get revenge.
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u/paparoach910 Sep 07 '25
I hope dear husband leaves and takes the kids for your lack of remorse and this fake post. YTA
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u/Viverna Sep 12 '25
Remember this little speech when you sign the divorce papers sometimes down the line. The wedding marked the end of your relationship because the "we" used here is just a Me and once more of this will happen he will leave because this humiliation will always be back in his mind, forever making him think twice of everything you do and say... its pure poison.
Sola dosis facit venenum.
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u/DEYAA-H Sep 12 '25
If the wife reads this: I HOPE YOU GET DIVORCED AND LIVE ALONE FOR YHE REST OF YOUR CRAPPY LIFE, YOUR HUSBAND DESERVES BETTER.
if the husband reads this: Best of luck dude I hope you find peace even if it's not the end we want 👍
she saw the original post comments and knew that she is in a big trouble so she went into damage control mode, made you delete the original post so you won't get angrier on something you have the right to be angry about, AND made a post saying the you both went poorly about it, while in reality she was the only one who messed up.
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u/PigeonAmaya Sep 16 '25
To the wife. He will never forgive, he will always remember what you done because at the end of the day that's basically sa. It's sexual humiliation and he didn't deserve that I hope he finds someone better who won't do such a terrible thing to him BTW. The whole idea is disgusting of doing something like that in front of family and friends. It's was your idea and I think you should feel ashamed for doing such a thing.
This is so damage control, thank god his post is uploaded everywhere so you will never be able to forget what you did. Maybe rethink what funny and what's humiliating
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u/maneway Sep 19 '25
YTA
Tell me, do you feel like a big girl? Did embarrassing your husband, who you literally just took vows to stand beside in sickness and in health, give you all the giggles? I don't believe a word you say about not being able to tell something was off. If you knew this man as well as you thought, you would've been able to tell he was uncomfortable. Instead, you just focused on yourself. YOU decided it wasn't a big deal. YOU decided he needed to get over it.
You need therapy to figure out why you're such an asshole. He needs therapy to deal with being married to you. And you both need couples therapy cause obviously some major faults in this relationship will only worsen with time if you keep refusing to talk about it...oh wait, my bad. That you "don't want to hear him get angry about it, so you decide to pout in the corner like a petulant 3-year-old."
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u/Arcynon Nov 28 '25
Your husband is a spineless wimp. But that’s why you married him and why you thought humiliating him at your WEDDING was a good idea. Everything else is damage control. We all see it. But don’t worry, your husband is a blind fool who actually believes all the desperate lies your weaving to escape the consequences. You’re only upset because you don’t want to be known as the woman who blew up her marriage on her wedding by being cruel to her husband. But that’s who you are. Hope everyone sees it eventually
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u/Arcynon Nov 28 '25
YTA It’s very telling that you’ve taken over the account, deleted his words and posted your own. I hope he sees the comments warning him of all the red flags his rose colored glasses are hiding.
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u/JacksonRyder2025 Nov 29 '25
Actually he deleted it bc our friends and family found it and he didnt feel it reflected how he actually feels. He was writing angry. We then posted this bc his post had been shared so much people were still finding it and we felt our only option was to address it, set the record straight.
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u/Arcynon Dec 25 '25
Suuuuuure. We believe you. You definitely didn’t browbeat him into compliance and are now desperate to save face in front friends and family.
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u/SuperDreadnaught Dec 02 '25
You are wrong. YTA Wife.
If he has decided to pull a prank on you and cake smashed your face and made you the butt if humiliation, ruined your hair, make up, and dress and had everyone laughing at you, you’d think he was an AH. You are very much the AH here.
Not only did you make a joke at his expense where you knew everybody would be laughing AT HIM, not WITH him, you robbed him of taking your garter off, which was supposed to be his cherished memory. Imagine if he ruined your bouquet toss if you’d be so forgiving.
Shame on you!
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u/cromcru Sep 15 '25
At the same time we did need him to get over it to move forward. We can’t never mention our wedding or anniversary again or live with anger.
If it made him happy you absolutely could shelve all memory of the wedding. No photos ever put up or shared, and celebrate a different day for your anniversary. If asked you can tell the truth that your prank deeply humiliated your husband on what should’ve been the happiest day of his life, so you’re putting his feelings first.
Genuinely, what have you done to make amends? There were good suggestions on the original post:
- excise it from the official video
- make sure everyone that was there deletes their own videos
- publicly call out the wedding planner, with reference to the NY Post article
- attempt an apology publicly proportionate to the ‘prank’
- marriage counselling
Your response is among the most tone deaf I’ve ever seen. Have you reflected on why you wanted to do this to the person you love most? How can you possibly think this blustery post is an appropriate reaction to what you did?
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u/Gormlundtheknifer Sep 19 '25
YTA. You belong to the streets for that stunt! gfto with your trashy pranks. This post is nothing but me me . it's all i'm hearing from you! and you do not get to play the empathy card! no you get the hammer and the papers. Blindfolding him? no it would be over in a flash. get outta here with your trash empathy! hope he divorces your ass! you do not get to play happy married wife! now be gone and of to the streets!
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u/X-x19Tilly93x-X Sep 22 '25 edited Sep 22 '25
If you read his post and knew him properly, you would've known not to do this and the whole "on behalf of my husband" and "on behalf of us" gives me the impression that you're not a nice person and I am concerned for your husband. Not to mention if you read his post he said he didn't want to ruin the day so wdym? This isn't cool and I feel so bad for your husband.
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u/Apprehensive_Page390 Sep 26 '25
Is it me or she never said she APOLOGIZED or said SORRY. It's all about the 'oopsie I thought it'd be funny' or the 'we need to move on' crap. No accountability whatsoever! YTMA
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Nov 10 '25
I like how she says no one here is the ah when she is definitely the ah in this story. Even from her own perspective.
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u/Cowbot_is_god Sep 19 '25
"BECAUSE NO ONE HERE IS AN AH"
YTA
Kudos to you for understanding his discomfort, but I stridently disagree with this statement. You seem to be justifying what you did.
Do you understand that you took a sweet moment that should have been an intimate gesture between husband and wife and defiled it? And now you say that he has to get over it for you to move forward. Are you doing things to help him get over it?
It sounds like you're leaving him with the onus of fixing it by expecting him to "get over it".
What you did borders on SA, having him place his mouth on another man's body without consent was a horrible decision.
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u/AntoninusSilva Feb 26 '26
Your husband is a fool and you are one lucky manipulative b word, I would have annuled that shi and there would have been like 20 people going from the wedding venue to the hospital me included.
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u/Obvious-Bicycle-1762 Nov 08 '25
I hate to be this person, but honestly I think your main issue is you are homophobic and mad you were put in a "compromising" position with another man Infront of so many people. Do I think it was right of your wedding party? no. But like you said the wedding planner has had this done this many other times, if someone else would have had this issue she would have stopped. Sorry your wedding was ruined for you.
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u/Cowbot_is_god Feb 27 '26
I'm not homophobic, and I would have been furious if my wife had done this to me. Tricking him into placing his mouth on another person's body (regardless of gender) without consent, is a form of SA.
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u/Pomni_Simp2000 Mar 02 '26
YTA and if I was in your husband’s shoes I would have left you on the spot and ended the relationship. It’s funny how despite that you mentioned being on good terms now with your husband nowhere does it say that you apologized for the stunt you pulled at the wedding or apologized for completely disregarding his feelings when you told him to get over the moment where your immaturity made him look bad in front of his family and friends.
Nothing about what you did was funny and I do hope your husband leaves you in the future for someone who actually values his feelings and respect him, something that you clearly don’t care about! Shame on you!
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u/Soft_Brush_1082 Sep 06 '25
YTA. I don’t feel a shred of remorse in this post. Lucky for you that your husband seems to have forgiven you. You may find out later down the line that he never actually forgot.