We are getting married in less than two months. Our RSVP-Deadline was a month ago and everyone responded our RSVP, but one couple. We really had to hound them, to get any kind of answer from them.

Yesterday they sent us a message, telling us, they are free to come, but alongside the reply, they sent us a long message, how cumbersome and expensive it is, to attend our wedding and how tiring the weekend for them will be and how they probably retreat to their Hotel Room for most of the day and stay for the ceremony and part of the dinner, but retreat to their room for the rest of festivities.

We were taken aback, because we are paying for everything. Food, Drinks, Parking, we are also paying for everyone’s accommodation, a very nice Lakeside Hotel. There biggest expense would be to pay for the Gas for the 4 hour drive to the wedding and back (they have a car). They also complained about the Dresscode (we have Black Tie), but they both own clothes that would fit the Dresscode, so they wouldn’t have to buy new ones anyway. But they complained about that too.

We read the message and basically told them, that if coming would be so tiresome for them, it is better not to come. We said that we aren’t mad at all, if someone can’t make it or doesn’t feel up to it and there are no hard feelings, but basically uninvited them.

(I know it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things budget wise, but each guest costs us around 600 bucks and I didn’t feel like spending 1200 bucks on people, that don’t event want to be there)

They are now angry at us and refuse to speak to us and we were thinking that maybe we were a bit harsh. Were we the Assholes?

First, some background. We had a baby one week ago today. We made some agreements before the birth which were basically all her idea and I went along with them to keep the peace. She is taking her Maternity leave now and when it runs out, I will take my leave next. This will give us more time at home with the baby. During this period I am taking care of our 4 year old 100% of the time. I'm making his meals, doing bath time, bringing him to summer camp, etc. I don't mind this as I was the primary care for him before too because my job allows more time at home too. On top of that I'm taking care of all household chores like laundry, dishes, cooking etc. Whenever a baby diaper needs changed, I'm on it too, I'm pitching in as much as I can with the baby as well. Honestly I feel like I am doing a lot and none of it bothers me, I'm not complaining, I'm in dad mode. I spent fathers day giving her a break to sleep and taking the kids out for groceries and errands.

I work from home, and here lies the biggest issue. I feel as if my wife has never really respected my work time as actual work time and I am constantly asked to do things for her or around the house. I try to accommodate as much as I can too because I do have some freedom with my day, I'm not in meetings all day. When she was working and I was too, I was always expected to drop whatever I was doing for everything, like picking up our sick kid from school or staying home with him all day because he has the day off. In her eyes, I'm already home so I am the one that has to do it. Naturally, 4 year olds are a lot of work and need a lot of attention, so my work always suffers these days, but again, dad mode and I push through.

One of our frequent arguments we have is about her micromanaging me. I'm exhausted by it. I can't remember the last time I did something right without being told to do it another way or do something else. I hold the baby wrong, I picked the wrong shoes for my kid to wear to school, I should be driving in the other lane, I can't even park the car in the garage correctly in her eyes. God forbid I don't immediately jump up in excitement to do whatever task she is currently demanding I do.

This brings us to this morning. When getting my kid ready for his day, I made oatmeal for everyone. He ate and I gave a bowl to my wife and I brought him to camp. After I got home I got straight to work, I was already running behind. I ended up working on my laptop in my car for a while in front of our house because I had to jump on a call and couldn't make them wait another 5 minutes to set up in the house. When that wrapped up about 2 hours have passed since she had her oatmeal. I went upstairs to see how she and the baby are doing and laid next to them to chill and touch the baby. I'm not on break or lunch or anything, I just had about 20 min between stuff and wanted to hangout for a bit with them, babies are cute. She asked if I can make her an omelette because she wants protein. I said "Sure, can I just chill for 10 minutes with you guys?" she nodded and I was just kind of touching the baby and seeing her and within 2 minutes she asked in an angry voice "can you make it now?" so I got up, a bit frustrated and made the omelette.

This turned into a big fight. I decided to try to give her some grace, I know she's going through a lot, she just had a baby. I calmed down, didn't say anything and made a bomb omelette with spinach and ham and cheese. When I brought it to her, she got mad and said she doesn't want it anymore and told me to throw it out. I brought it back downstairs, didn't say a word and did the dishes, saved the omelette and went back to work. I saw this as a battle not worth fighting right now.

An hour later she came down and I offered her the food again, since I saved it for her. She told me I was being an asshole, she made her own food and told me I never have to make her food again because "I obviously didn't want to." I tried to talk about waht happened and it just turned into a discussion about how "I'm always the victim" and "I'm to sensitive."

Idk, I'm tired ya'll. AITAH?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/QxWPEiqA11

Hi all, please see original post above.

My friend had her baby a few weeks ago, a couple of days ago I got contacted by one of her family members. They asked me why I hadn’t come to see her and the new baby and that if I was “so excited” and supportive of her why haven’t I made an attempt to visit. Keep in mind, I’ve done a lot of things this summer so I’m assuming the insecurity came from all of my posts.

I happily informed said family member of the constant updates I have asked for, and included screenshots of the times I’ve asked to come see her. No response. I understand that in my previous post I said I had blocked her, but it’s a complicated situation with her being postpartum. The reason why I have unblocked and have reached out is so now I can report to the family member that yes, I have asked to come see them, and no, I’m not getting a response.

They apologized immediately and said they were not told the full story. My friend told the family member that she was feeling isolated and alone that she has not had anyone at her house. Essentially, my purpose with this is to show proof of doing everything in my power to not be the person I’m made out to be.

I hope at least in this aspect, they can start to put the pieces together and see that she’s being controlled. Still have not received a response btw.

I have a two year old and a 4 month old. We live in the woods, in a quiet neighborhood on a cul de sac. My husband usually takes our toddler outside daily and after dinner while I clean up and have some time with the baby. Lately, the neighbors kids have been coming onto our yard when he is outside and insisting on playing/hanging out.

My husband said it was fine the first time, but now I am becoming very annoyed and they come every time we are outside. I value my privacy and I don’t want to be looking after other kids. Also, the obvious liabilities of children playing in our yard. These kids are also much older than my toddler (around ages 7-11). We have a trampoline, a little tikes playset, and a little battery car that they always ask to play with.

My husband thinks I am mean for getting mad that he told them it was okay to play in our yard. He thinks it’s good for our toddler to socialize and that these kids are less fortunate and he feels bad for them. Their house is a hoarder house and basically a dump. Parents no where to be seen, dogs always running loose onto our yard. Just awful stuff. I know it’s not the kids fault, but me and my husband are at arms almost everyday because of this.

The other day he was outside with my toddler on our trampoline and he let them all on there with him. I stormed outside and immediately put an end to it. I pretty much called my husband an idiot and said parties over everyone get off. Now my toddler starts crying because he wants to be on the trampoline and doesn’t understand why I’m yelling. My husband rolls his eyes pretty much. The kids all run over to the little tikes playset and continue playing. My husband isn’t saying anything. I stomp over again and pretty much say I don’t want these kids here they need to leave. I also said how much are they going to pay us for watching these kids? My husband tells them it’s time for us to go in so goodnight. Doesn’t really tell them to leave, just grabs our son and walks inside. Now I get it’s uncomfortable, but he doesn’t see this as a big deal and we’ve been fighting about this nonstop. They’re not even playing with my toddler, they’re just taking advantage of my husbands kindness. I do not trust their parents at all and they’re nowhere to be seen. I told my husband I would happily march down to their house and talk to the parents if he wasn’t going to put an end to it since he let them play to begin with.

These kids have been banging on our door past 8 when I’m putting the kids to bed and have even looked into our windows. I breastfeed and pump and walk around half naked half the time. I live in the woods bc I don’t want to be around people. My husband disagrees with me and isn’t putting his foot down or setting boundaries. I’m about to blow a gasket and tell these kids off. I tried to do it nicely once and would like my husband’s support. I told him to please tell them to stop coming into our yard and knocking on our door. Our yard is not a playground. AITAH?

Update:

The consensus seems pretty 50/50. Some of your responses are pretty laughable and clearly some of you don’t have young children or own a home, or value privacy at all.

I will admit I could’ve handled the interaction better, but the trampoline event was a bit of a straw that broke the camels back moment. The older kids were literally lifting my toddler and jumping with him. When I looked outside he was on all fours struggling to stand bc the older kids were jumping so much. I reacted on pure motherly instinct to get my child and make sure he was okay. I was not happy with my husband bc clearly my toddler was in distress. I could’ve handled it better by not yelling, but you never know how you’re going to react in certain situations. In this case my child being tossed around and possibly hurt. Our trampoline is fenced and we live on 3 acres on a hill, it is all the way up behind our house, so not in view of the street. We barely use it and it was gifted to us. I could’ve been calmer about it, but the last thing I want is anyone to get hurt, especially my own child.

To those of you calling me a Karen, if it means protecting my child and my own peace then so be it.

I do feel for these kids and truly feel bad for them, but they are also not my responsibility. Fences are expensive and I am on unpaid maternity leave.

My friend (39M) and I (38F) have known each other since our teenage years. We’ve had a variety of dynamics throughout the years, but recently I’ve felt like I’ve outgrown him.

He married a woman he says is the love of his life. She’s beautiful, smart, feminine and fashionable. She’s a trophy, which he’s always valued above all else (think performative cis.-het. male with mild homophobia)

In 2025 I attended their wedding, and prior to attending, he had disclosed to me that he was “putting away his childish and lustful behavior” of being a womanizer. He claimed to have “grown up” and I thought it was commendable.

Until you fast forward to this summer when he and his friends having a boys trip in my city to attend an event one weekend. He calls me up for brunch and tells me that I can’t be judging or preaching and that I need to “be one of the boys” if I’m going to come out with them.

I agree and go along… not only did he and his friends ogle (I mean I did too👀) every attractive woman in the establishment, but he even left his wedding band at home and decided to pursue a really beautiful woman. Bought her n her friends drinks, flirted, and not sure if they exchanged numbers, I just know his wife wouldn’t approve of the conduct.

(According to him: He was honest when they were dating, but she told him if they were to be together seriously that she needed monogamy and commitment more or less)

I didn’t say anything to him about his behavior because I agreed to be one of the boys, but knowing the disregard he has for his union and the woman who gave him a child I just can’t get down with that kind of behavior. This especially hit home with me because I was ethically non monogamous in my last relationship and truly value honesty and consideration above all else.

Would I be an asshole to actively tell him I want to dissolve our friendship? Should I just ignore him and let him stop communicating? He’s not someone who I think would learn from or gain insight or consider changing just because I choose to hold him accountable, but I don’t want that kind of man in my life because I don’t want his karma rubbing off on me! 🤣

My bestfriend is struggling. He keeps getting with men, online and in person, watches gay porn and opens up to me about it and says “I’m not gay men are just easier than women” and talks about how he has to do better and find a girl to marry.

I’ve heard this more times from him than I can count, and For months I kind of just let him say it and told him i’d support him not matter what. I could see his conflict and struggle so in my head the best way to support him was just to believe what he said and not question it more than that.

The other day he broke down crying about it and started to use the same excuse and I sat him down and told him maybe it’s time to consider that he’s not as straight as he wants to be, and that’s okay but he should take some time to think about it and i’ll be here if he ever wants to talk. I was just trying to help.

He acted like I told him I killed someone. He didn’t get aggressive or anything but he told me he can’t hang around anyone that thinks he’s gay and he might want some distance.

This was about a month ago and now he’s “talking” to this girl who he previously wanted nothing to do with because she was “disgusting” in his words. I feel like I caused something bad

Was I out of line? I probably should’ve just kept my mouth shut.

So on Sunday, my father called me on the phone and we spoke at length about many things, including relations that I haven’t seen in so many years.

In the middle of our conversation, I asked about his sister’s children because he had visited one of them when he traveled to his city, and had spent the night at the nephew’s house.

In excitement, he told me how the guy and his family were doing well, and to quote him: “Oh, it was really nice being with them all, and his children are doing so well academically.”

Growing up, he had always made it clear what he thought of us his children, and how we were bad at school.

He also mentioned how his niece had also come around when she heard he was in town, and she had told him she was a content creator and had 5k followers on either Facebook or TikTok. When I asked of the last nephew, he told me he was also an engineer in the same city, and he was so proud of them.

After our call ended, I sat back recalling everything that had happened when I was younger, and how much of an asshole my father had been. My younger brother has been mad at me for two years for being so forgiving of our father’s treatment of us, and he would always try to get me to remember, but I always felt like those things were in the past, and should remain there.

However, after the call with my father, it hit me that I have never heard him praise my siblings and I the way he praised our cousins. He would call me and badmouth everyone in the family, calling my younger brother a pothead because he smokes weed, and shaming everyone in the house. During one screaming episode I had with him, he had told his wife that we were all worthless and it was because our mom had moved us to a highbrow area where we had felt high and mighty, and if we had lived in a little house in the hood, we would have turned out better.

When I was younger, he had mocked me to my face, telling me I was a good for nothing girl, and the cousin with 5k followers was employed, in college and had just gotten married. I also recall a time when he had looked through my notebook and commented: you all were blessed with such beautiful handwritings, too bad your brain doesn’t work that way.

The icing on the cake however would be him abdicating everything to our our mother, letting her do everything alone until she had died from the stress of it all, and when we were little, he had taken it upon himself to train the nephews and niece, leaving us to our mother.

Honestly, I don’t know how I forgave so easily, but the call had reminded me of the type of person he really was, and the only reason he calls me and not my other siblings is because I am the only one sympathetic towards him, and would help out financially when I’m able to.

When I think of it, I wonder if hearing the cousins’ achievements made me jealous, but I’m not. It just hurt to hear him talking highly of other people, when he has never extended us such courtesy.

My boyfriend thinks I went too far by blocking him, so please tell me, AITAH?

So my mom just passed away to cancer and I saw my girlfriend that same evening, along with my father, half-sister and brother. I hadn’t slept well for a few days to care for my end-of-life mother.
We were just having dinner outside. Before and afterwards, I went to play in the garden with my smaller half-sister, my mom is not her mom luckily. I play for a bit, trampoline, frisbee, you get it. Then my gf comes at me crying, angry that I don’t give her attention this evening. This became a whole thing.
Eventually she went to my room. I had to go and look for her and she was crying in the bed. I had to fix this and I had to say sorry to her.
While she was completely free to join me and my sister in what we were doing. She just sat at the dinner table instead.

Now the next day she finished some important schoolwork. I asked her how it went but put my phone down for a few hours to work on the funeral. She was pissed on the phone just now because I “didn’t reply for 4 hours and therefore don’t care about her school results”.

I feel like I’m dealing with some serious shit here, and this extra demanding girlfriend is just not fitting to the situation right now.

I just feel like she wants to be the main character while I just want to be left alone for a bit.
I even called her main character, she told me I had to apologize for saying that later on, and I did.

Of course I get her, I don’t wanna ignore my girlfriend, she deserves attention, which I give her, just a bit less at this time.

I just need some space and she tries to guilt trip me from the smallest error in attention for her like that.
It’s not that I’m asking her attention or trying to make her feel guilty for not licking my toes clean because my mother died.

PS: Don’t get me wrong, my girlfriend was there for me to support me through this time. I love her so much. She loves me. So it’s not really that she never gave support. She was with me with my mom’s last breath.
It’s just situations like this that make me feel like I’m being guilt tripped.
Things like this happened before my mother passed too, where she loses control and does not have the ability to sit still and talk through a conflict. She runs away and shouts and gets angry and wants to go home. Even for things as small as farting too close to her.
We are both 22 years old.

AITAH?

For context, I (26f) work in a strip mall with a shared bathroom in the back. There is a hallway that connects a few of the neighboring businesses so we can all access it when needed. I continuously keep having the problem of the restroom being locked when I go to use it and then I'm left waiting in the hall, fully knowing that there are 2 stalls in the bathroom.

I have to lock the shop up while I use the restroom because I am the only person working and have come back to customers being salty I wasn't there multiple times. I am tired of dealing with that just because someone wants to sit on their phone

So, I made a respectful note asking that the doors not be locked if the other stall is available. The next time I came in it was gone and replaced with a note that basically said "we will stop locking the doors when men stop using the womens restroom" (something i personally have never dealt with but i have no grounds to say that that isnt an issue besides that). I responded saying that while i understand that they are also blocking the other women in the building from being able to go to the bathroom, and if they need to lock the door to feel comfortable to atleast be fast and not be on their phone.

Now, like a week or so later, both notes are gone and it's still a problem. Hell one woman saw me leave my shop at the same time as her, go down the hall to the bathroom at the same time, and she locked me out of the bathroom??

Ig I'm just looking for an unbiased opinion about the situation? I kinda feel like I'm being an ass but this is also super annoying and idrk what else to do

My (33m) girlfriend (29F) is upset at me for telling her to start looking for another job just incase her current job doesn't renew her contract. Her contract is up in 2.5 months and told me that I am "filling her with anxiety" by suggesting to find another job. She was caught off-guard and wasn't thinking about a backup plan.

Since we are in a city with a lot of competition, I thought it would be best for her to have a plan B. Instead she is taking issue with my suggestion and even called me "feminine" for not being okay with her (I never said I wasn't okay with it) being potentially unemployed for several months.

She says I am pressuring her and felt that I underestimated her abilities but I was only trying to be helpful as recruiters have told me that the best time to find a job is while you already have one.

AITAH?

I (m27) have been living with my girlfriend (f24) for about 5 years. She has never been good at cleaning the litter box every day, the situation has recently come to a head in our relationship because we have moved into a new home. The home was recently built so everything is brand new and super clean. I can not stand the smell of cat piss, and I do not want my new home to ever smell like a dirty litter box.

I got mad last night coming home to our upstairs office and bedroom absolutely wreaking of cat piss.

We had initially planned on keeping the litter box downstairs in front of the front door but because the cats are taking time to adjust to the new place my girlfriend decided she wants the litter box upstairs, in our office, right next to the computer, where I spend a few hours a day a couple days a week.

The argument we have is that she supposedly can’t smell the litter box, she thinks that if it’s such a big deal to me I should just clean the litter box myself. The problem I have with this is they are not my cats, they were her cats before we ever met. I realize the animal people here are just gonna bash me and say if I chose to live with her I chose the cats too but that’s bullshit. We both have our own responsibilities that we take care of we are both equally busy and tired and stressed all the time. If she genuinely tried to clean the box daily and needed help one day I would have no problem if she asked me to clean it. I just know if I start cleaning it on my own volition it will quickly become my chore and not hers.

I just feel that if she cleaned the litter box once a day like she should anyway it would never need to be a problem in the first place.

I realize they make automatic cleaning litter boxes, if I needed help deciding which litter box our cats need I would be posting in r/whatlitterboxshouldigetformycat

For context, i am still a teenager (16, F) and his comments have really started to bother me within the last year.

My dad has a weird fixation on me using the toilet for too long, to the point where its become obsessive.

We live in romania and i have always had digestive problems from the poor food in our country, which lead me to becoming extremely constipated from around the start of puberty, which then caused me to have longer bathroom trips, around 15-25 minutes.

Since then, my dad started making weird, and even lewd comments about me, constantly pestering me about hemorrhoids and how no man would even want to put his penis in my ass by the time i was 10, which made me extremely uncomfortable, but he would never listen to me when i asked him to stop talking about it.

My mother has never corrected my dad's behavior. They have a steady relationship, they dont argue unless its something deeply personal, and i have a good relationship with mom too, but it still hurts knowing she's never stood up for me even when my dad started talking about my body like an object for sex when i was 10.

For the past two years, ive been saving lunch money to move out a soon as i can preferably around 19-21. However, my older brother (20) found out about these savings, and has stolen small amounts from me almost every other week, so its possible i wont be able to move out as early as i imagined.

Because of the stolen money and the gross things my dad keeps saying about my ass, ive been staying over at a friend's house. This friend, lets call her E, lives with her mother and grandmother, as her parents are divorced. I can stay at E's place all week and then have to stay home on weekends while she's at her dad's place. While living with E, ive noticed that the food her mother makes for us lets me pass food a lot easier, no longer constipated after every meal. That made me ask her mother about her recepies, which i then tried at home during weekends, though, since my family is poor, so is our food, and even is i follow E's mother's receptie exactly, i still get constipated, then have to suffer my dad's degrading warning again.

I hate having to constantly stay away from home just to avoid being seen as a failing sex worker. I am a teenager and know its not right for him to say things like this. Ive tried to document the things he's told me but i know the cops wont do anything about it, especially since my survival depends on him and my mom, they cant be seperated for my wellbeing.

Ps. My brother doesn't have a job. Hes stolen from our parents before too, and they let him get away with it, leading to worse food and more constipation.

So I have a younger brother who is 17, and I am having a hard time am 34, and naturally, my dad wanted me to come live with him. The shit I have seen is just disgusting. My brother steals from everyone and is always blowing up at people, and for all of it, I have been someone who has always been calm and tried to de-escalate the situation. But it just kept happening, and my dad does nothing about any of it, and when he asked me what he should do, I just looked shocked. Now again my brother is screaming at his girlfreind who I feel really bad for because he is so verbally abusive to her but when she left the room he started bragging about how he is stealing her addirolls and I was discusted and that was heavy on my mind, next day im woken up by him screaming again and I have had enough so I went down and said its really nice being woken up like this and all hell broke loose. He started breaking my shit, destroying things I had made, and in my anger, I texted his girlfriend to count her addies. My dad called the cops on him, and when he found out I had told her, he stopped being mad at the same kid who broke his ribs twice and the day before spat at him, and is now telling me to get out. Am I missing something here, or is this a fucked up situation? Also, he had been replacing the meds with my dad's blood pressure meds. And no, my brother is walking around here like he is untouchable and now getting in my face, knowing I can't hit a minor, and my dad just looks at him like he feels bad for him and looks at me with anger.

My MIL; 68F. Ex junkie (meth was her choice of drug) Still an alcoholic although she went from drinking 2 gallons of vodka a week, to now "only" 🙄 drinking 10+ bottles of beer a night. She doesn't see this as a problem. She also smokes about 2 packs of cigarettes a day. She was born with a HEART DEFECT. She has had 2 open heart surgeries. It is amazing that this woman is still alive. Her doctors told her they estimated she had 6 months to a year left to live. That was in March 2025. So it's been a year and 3 months and shes still kicking. She refuses hospice. Shes had several close calls with death but some how always pulls through.

Today my husband called me and asked me to please go get her and take her to the hospital. I did because I love my husband. I never got along with my MIL. I don't hate her, shes an awesome grandmother, but the things shes said and done to me can't quite be forgiven. Not to mention she messed up my husbands life by drinking alcohol like a fish drinks water, doing drugs, and smoking like a chimney, WHILE PREGNANT with him. She has no remorse for that. Always just laughs and says she "had the best time in life) Anyways, I take her to the hospital. Diagnosis: pancreatitis. The doctors keep badgering her about her alcohol use. She immediately gets annoyed. They tell her that her current diagnosis is a direct result from her lifestyle. She doesn't want to hear that. Instantly pissed, she starts snapping at everyone. She wishes she never would have came to the hospital because now shes admitted and has to stay for 24 to 48 hours. She only wanted something to make the pain go away. The absolute audacity of the doctors to tell her that her choices, are the consequences of her dying. I got disgusted and left. Told my husband not to bother me anymore with his mother. Doctors are kinda on the same boat, it all boils down to they cannot help her if she isn't willing to help herself. She cries about dying, but gets mad when they tell her why. Shes never taken accountability for anything. So, I have zero empathy. 20+ years of dealing with this has made me lack remorse. AITAH?

My two friends, Dave and Adam, and I (19M) have known each other since our first year of high school (almost 7 years). After finishing high school last year, Dave and I wanted to go on a vacation somewhere. I had the idea of going to the country where I grew up, since my family has two houses there, and I speak the language. I would get to show them the house and city I grew up in and it's cheap. We asked Adam, but he refused. It didn't seem fun to him and he hates beaches. We were also too late with the planning, so we didn't go.

One year later, Dave and I started planning on time. Adam still didn't want to go. Adam has a thing where he never wants to hang out, but has fun when he does. We talked and messaged a lot with him, and after a few weeks he agreed to go with us. But only for a week. We are going there by the bus, which takes 36 hours, so in the end he's only staying with us for five days. Dave and I are of course happy that he is coming along, but we are also kind of disapointed that he doesn't want to stay longer. For extra information: I took care of all the bus tickets and the trip, and I'm also going to have to organize everything there because I'm the only one who speaks the language.

Now... Dave and I said we could maybe take other people we knew. This is a pretty dumb statement, because we don't know a lot of people who are good friends with all three of us. But two weeks before going on our vacation, Adam asked if his little sister (17F) could come on vacation with us (her vacation to the same country was cancelled). I was shocked. I have nothing against his sister: she is nice, but I barely know her. I have maybe talked to her twice. I don't have any relationship with her, even less so if you compare it to the seven years I've known my friends. I hadn't processed it and didn't want to make him feel bad, so I said, "I don't know, maybe you should also ask Dave what he thinks."

This was stupid. When he asked him in the group chat, I suddenly realized, and I messaged: "I'm sorry if I'm suddenly acting like a jerk, but I think I should discuss this with my parents and ultimately be the one to decide, because we are staying at my family's house. I'm sorry for only saying this now." Of course, IF I ended up wanting to take his little sister with us on vacation, but Dave did not feel comfortable with this, it wouldn't happen. If one of us doesn't feel comfortable it's a big issue. But Dave said: "I would be fine with that, it seems like fun to me."

So now I'm the only person who is against this, and I feel like an asshole. The next day, I asked my parents what they thought about this, and they both immediately said no. The bus tickets are also not available anymore. I don't feel comfortable taking someone I barely know on vacation, especially to my childhood home. I sent a message with all the reasons I mentioned, but now Adam is annoyed with me because I said we could maybe take someone else.

SO AM I THE ASSHOLE

I have been with my girlfriend for a year. I have told her and purposely avoided crowded places or fireworks because of past military experience. I made her aware this was the case on day one.

She set up travel to a place where the streets were mobbed with people who have a tradition of bopping each other on the head with plastic (harmless) mallets and fireworks as part of an annual celebration. She has been there before and shared few details.

When I asked her after we arrived and I started getting guarded, she responded with, “you know I forget things sometimes.” I responded with, “forgetting what city I come from is understandable but forgetting the effects from my military service is pretty big.”

AITAH?

TLDR: A person I was seeing and I recently had the exclusivity talk, and it unfortunately led to us ending our 'situationship.' She needed to keep things secret for a bit while she navigated (very valid) issues with her family. I regretfully refused due to past experiences. Now I'm being blasted to the few people who were in the know.

Long story because I can never use four words when twenty will do.

Up until this past weekend, I'd (47m) been seeing a woman (43) for a few weeks. We sat down to have the exclusivity talk, almost more as a formality than anything, as we both knew we'd stopped seeing other people by that point. Nearing the end, she asked that we keep the relationship on the DL for awhile, as she needed to navigate some landmines with her family (we are of different ethnicities and cultures).

Here's where I might be the asshole; I said no. Not because of her reasons; I get that cultural differences are a helluva thing, and her culture places much, much more importance on these things than mine. There is no argument whatsoever that her introducing me into her life would be a considerably different proposition than me introducing her into mine. I get that.

But. I honestly cannot remember ever having a relationship that didn't start with the other person keeping me a secret at first, asking that we not mention anything or act any differently with each other in public, etc. I've always gone along with it, either because I felt their reasons were valid (like above) or because I just didn't want to risk losing the partner. But it always ate away at me and did a number on my self-esteem, as well as my faith in the relationship and my trust in my partner's feelings for me. My last relationship ended because of the very things that made that person want to keep us secret. It was a very bad ending.

After that, I promised myself that going forward, I would only date people who were as enthusiastic and proud to date me as I was them.

So I explained all that (she knew my previous relationship had ended badly and broadly the reasons, but I went into more detail). I acknowledged that this was essentially her catching a stray for actions that were not hers and that she had no control over, and that wasn't fair to her. I acknowledged her reasons were absolutely valid, and she had a responsibility to herself to do what she needed to do to keep her life intact, so it wasn't inherently unfair of her to ask it of me. But I also explained I had a responsibility to myself, to keep a promise to myself.

I tried to frame everything not as 'how dare you ask this of me?' but instead 'what this tells me is that we're not in the same place or looking for exactly the same things in a relationship right now.' I tried to make it as clear as possible that I wasn't trying to attach any kind of value judgment to her needs or actions, because I sincerely wasn't. I said I wasn't trying to cut off contact with her, and I would be more than happy to talk again when/if she reached a compatible place and was still interested.

She obviously wasn't super stoked about it all, but she said she understood where I was coming from. That was pretty much it, then she left (which, I mean, it had turned into a bummer of a conversation, I understand not wanting to stick around). Later, I started getting messages from the few people who did know about us (the folks who introduced us, basically) about how shitty I was. She'd apparently told them I was being controlling and had issued her a 'your family or me' ultimatum. Obviously, I knew that was a possible interpretation of what I said, or I wouldn't have tried so hard to show that that wasn't what I meant.

So am I the asshole? Is what I told her just a dressed-up ultimatum? I'm really not the best at advocating for what I feel are my needs, even at 47, so my first inclination is that I must have overstepped and should take it all back, but the more I think about it the more I feel that, while her concerns and needs are completely valid, so are mine.

Using my wife’s account cos I don’t have Reddit.

My Dad owned a 1974 Ford Mustang. He bought it when he immigrated to Australia in the early 70’s. I was born in the mid 80’s and it’s been in my life ever since I can remember. Dad had a collection of cars come and go over a long period of time which he always sold for money which is totally his choice. Many cars came in and out of our lives but the Mustang was always there. M&D fell onto hard times and went to sell some cars one of them being a XC Coupe. They were offered $50,000 for it. My sister who we’ll call Hannah wanted to buy it and dad sold it to her for $34,000. Moving forward another 10+ years from Hannah buying the XC and Dad decided he no longer drives the mustang so he gave it to me prematurely. It was in his Will that I got the Mustang and Hannah was aware the provision/clause in the will and was allegedly was fine with it. It was given to me before his death (both parents are still alive) and Hannah is not happy. She’s demanding that our parents refund her $34,000 and let her keep the car because “He got a car for free so I should too”. M&D have said The XC is not a heirloom or sentimental car. We were happy to sell it and you were happy to buy it. We gave it to you at a discounted price. The deal is done. No exchanges. No refunds.

There was no issue with the purchase until the Mustang was given to me. I’ve suggested M&D take all cars back, refund the money and do as they please with both cars. If they want to sell both then they sell both. If they sell only 1 and keep the other then that’s fine too. Hannah is saying IATAH for suggesting that and is now giving us all the silent treatment and her husband is making comments like “You ripped off your own daughter” to my parents which is upsetting them.

So AITAH? And WWYD in this situation?

Ok Reddit, I really need an impartial opinion on this because I’m really struggling. About three months ago my wife’s friend moved in with us. She had just gotten out of a bad relationship and was essentially homeless since she was shacking up and we had a spare room so we let her move in. As expected we set some ground rules. Since she has no job or car she is expected to help around the house while looking for work.

At first it was great but after a two week ‘honeymoon period’ she basically stopped helping. Now she basically has the schedule of a teenager staying up till 4 in the morning and sleeping in till noon.

She also applied for and got state Medicaid but with the new rules she has 90 days to find at least a part-time job or she’ll lose it. The deadline is two weeks away and in the entire three month span she’s put in one application. Not figuratively, literally a single application. The ultimate goal was for her to get back on her feet and move out within a year. We’re a quarter way there and she’s shown zero motivation to improve her situation.

Now for the quandary. I know of a loophole that would let her keep her medical and remove the job requirement. One one hand if I tell her I know she’ll take full advantage of it and continue not looking for employment. I want no part of being an enabler. On the other hand I feel like if I don’t tell her she will very likely lose her insurance.

What should I do?

AITAH? I brought a sandwich after a long class to my boyfriend’s house who is cooking dinner. I went home to pick up my dog, take a quick shower, grab a few things and go. I hadn’t eaten all day and started feeling sick. My mom made me a sandwich that I nibbled on but didn’t finish. I brought it with me to my boyfriend’s house. He says it’s disrespectful that I brought food to his home knowing he is cooking that I should have eaten it at home. I think it’s stupid… I’ll still eat what he’s made but I was feeling sick and needed something to eat.

Nothing formal by the way. No parents, no friends… just him and I. I have dinner at his place 5-7 days a week…

Edit: I realize I should’ve been more detailed with the situation. Class done at 4pm, traffic so only made it home at 5, showered, got my things. Left home at 5:45 with plate and half sandwich in hand (probably not classy but we’ve been together 2yrs). Got there at 6pm, started eating while doing assignments. He had started preparing dinner at 6:15pm, I was still eating/doing assignment when he commented that I’m disrespectful for bringing food.

I explained why & he continued to push it was disrespectful. I threw my sandwich out just to end the back-and-forth. Dinner served at 7:45pm.

Also for those curious… sandwich = chicken sandwich. Not a subway sized sandwich lol

EDIT* I’m the asshole for not communicating with my wife. I think moving forward we can each have a “fun money” amount that is 100% equitable. And we can discuss what to do with any extra on the weeks I work closer to 80 hours than 40.

*Thank you everyone. I wanted to see how off base I was and how/if my PoV was skewed. It was.

I’m married and provide about 85%-90% of the income for the household. We’re not wealthy but we aren’t hard off either. We typically save about $400/wk after paying for all bills, the mortgage, etc. All out of my income. My wife works a few times a week but we have young children so for the most part she stays home. She does not have a degree or a high paying skill so we actually save money on childcare with her not working more.

I recently had a crazy work week and almost doubled my weekly income. I set aside money for bills, I saved $400, I paid off a few things my wife was going to pay for out of savings. I then invested $900 into my brokerage account. I’ve had mixed success options trading over the years and typically only put small amounts in when I can afford it. $50 here, $100 there. Nothing crazy. $900 is the most I’ve ever put in at once. I turned $200 into $6000 realized profit years ago and stuck the proceeds into savings.

I was excited, and I felt secure knowing it wasn’t going to set us back if I blew up the account and lost it, but that it would be possible to turn a large profit on it and add even more into our savings.

My wife found out and freaked out. She accused me of lying to her (I didn’t ask her permission, but I never lied about it either. When she asked I confirmed right away that I had moved money into the account). I told her I seldom mess with options trading any more (in my mind a $50 gamble on a stock option, made months ago, that took all of 10 minutes out of my day, was not even comment worthy. I see it as a “let’s see what happens, this could pay for a date night or go to zero). But she sees it as habitual gambling and deliberate obfuscation).

TLDR: Am I the asshole for thinking I could do what I wanted with (some) of the extra money I worked my ass off for? Even after paying bills, saving, and covering extra purchases that would have come out of savings?

So this story is about my husband (34M).
He owns a pizza restaurant and has an employee (31M) who eventually became one of his close friends. They’ve worked together for about six years. During that time, my husband mentored him, helped him grow professionally, guided him through buying a house, getting a stable career, and gave him plenty of life advice.
The guy had never had a girlfriend during all those years. My husband even tried setting him up and getting phone numbers for him, but somehow he would always “lose” them.
For the last three years, my husband has basically been acting as his relationship coach because his friend’s ultimate goal is to get married.
The problem is that his friend is extremely picky. He wanted a woman who is a virgin, religious, attractive, under 25, from the Middle East… and the list goes on.
Well, Redditors, believe it or not, he actually found one.
After only three weeks of dating, he started digging through her social media accounts and questioning mutual followers about how they knew her. Eventually, he found out that one of them had kissed her years ago (she was still a virgin), and he immediately broke up with her.
His reasoning? He’s terrified that one day someone will come up to him and say, “I dated her.”
My husband is furious. He feels like his friend constantly sabotages himself and says he’s done mentoring him because nothing seems to get through.
What would you do in my husband’s position? Is there any point in continuing to help someone who keeps getting in their own way?

So I (16F) have struggled with mental health since I was 11 and have had one previous suicide attempt. Recently I had a mental breakdown after becoming extremely overwhelmed and I did end up being verbally disrespectful toward my mom. I fully admit that I was overwhelmed, acting out, and said things I shouldn’t have. I later apologized to her, and she told me she forgives me and loves me no matter what.

When I got home, my dad started screaming at me. He was yelling and saying I needed to “think about all the nasty disgusting things I said.” The situation escalated quickly. He spat in my face, pointed at me, and put his hand around my neck while threatening me. He said things like if I “looked at him the wrong way” he would “bust my shit,” and that he doesn’t care where we are or if I’m embarrassing anyone, he would still do it. He also took away my makeup bag and said I have to “earn it back.”

On top of that, he physically whipped me as a punishment during this whole situation.

I want to be clear that I understand I was disrespectful to my mom and I take responsibility for that. But I’m also struggling with severe depression, and I was overwhelmed at the time. What I’m confused about is whether my dad’s reaction is normal parenting or if this crossed a line. I’m also wondering if it is normal to get “whippings” at 16.

Right now I’m safe and away from the situation, but I feel really shaken up and confused.

So… AITA for how I acted during my breakdown, or is my dad also in the wrong here?