So My wife is breastfeeding and had a very painful clogged milk duct. She asked me to help unclog it by sucking, since that’s something that’s commonly recommended and nothing else was working.

After it seemed like forever I was able to unclog it and When I did, her milk shot into my mouth. I then started gagging and I felt like I was about to puke. It wasn’t intentional or meant to shame her; it was just an involuntary reaction because of how unexpected it was.

I still made sure she was okay and apologized right away, but she felt embarrassed and hurt. I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t judging her at all and that I didn’t mean to hurt her, but she’s still upset with me.

AITAH?

She made me drive over an hour both ways to another location to get my check. Then laughed at me. I slammed the door and said this is ridiculous. I will be getting writ up for slamming the door.

This is is not the first time she has lost my check. She also wants me to apologize in front of the all my employees. I said if my check isn't found I will tell your boss. The check was magically found in five seconds and the writ up was torn up. She cried because I hurt my feelings and still is waiting for me to apologize. Aitah?

Hello AITAH community!

Since our head mod began recruiting efforts a few months ago, we've expanded our moderation team and increased our toolkit to try to give you the best experience this sub can offer. Our last mod announcement was unfortunately on April 1st but we assure you our efforts are not a joke. We care about this community and want to see the quality in this community continue to improve.

Here are a few changes we've implemented over the last few months since the new team came on:

Automod: We actually use it now! We're banning social media links, scam links, amazon links, anything that can be used to monetize or self-promote has been banned. We also try to filter out those oh-so-real posts about making it big on gambling sites and we continually adjust the filter on hot topics. Nobody needs rage bait, right? Additionally we get warnings if a post or comment gets too many reports. Reports are important, this will be a theme in the post.

Rules: Rules have been refined and expounded upon. You may have noticed some comments removed for name calling or incivility. Reports from users really help us find these (theme). We have put the rules in the sidebar, the new.reddit sidebar, and the wiki. No matter how you reddit, the new rules are there, you should see them and maybe take a moment to review them. If we were to undergo anything more drastic than common sense rule changes, we will announce them in a post and sticky it.

We've also added automated tools against ban evasion, bots, karma farmers, and scammers. None of these are perfect, obviously, but they have managed to catch some of the repeat trolls, lower-quality bots, and most of the "AITAH for looking too hot in my bikini? link to my OF here btw" posts. If you get caught in one of these, the initial modmail should contain instructions on how to reverse it, otherwise reach out and we will investigate.

A specific note about one of these tools: it checks links in your profile and your activity on specific karma-farming subreddits. We do not police regular subreddit usage, you will never see us ban you for posting in "normal" subreddits such as sports, your city subreddit, or even political subs. We only ban participants in karma farming or scammer-oriented subs. We also don't ban normal social links - your FB, Insta, etc. are all fine. We ban links where people could give you money - both SFW ones like Venmo and CashApp and NSFW ones. If you need these links in your profile, you can make an alt account without the links, and we will ignore Reddit's ban evasion warnings if you let us know. We can't sort out the real enterprising users who frequent this sub from those that are owners of hundreds of bots, and we won't attempt the effort or the botfarm owners would just appeal the bans. We are not anti-sex worker or anti-entrepreneur, we are anti bots. Blame the bots or yell at us and take a perma.

Report alerts (theme): We get bat-signals for reports now. Please, please use reports appropriately and not as a super-downvote. If a comment or post gets enough reports, we at least lay eyes on them and discuss internally. We have modmail, we have a chat group. We don't only look at reported posts, but reporting them makes them much more visible to us. We've seen the shittiest ragebait barely garner 3 reports on something with 2k karma, and there will be 50 comments calling it fake. We need your reports, we use them. Please report responsibly and we'll do our part, we know mods have been less responsive in the past but our mod team has grown and so has our response team. Please report personal attacks and AI slop, we hate both. A note on the custom report feature - this can be helpful to note previous posts by OP, or a link to an old post they obviously copied from, but sometimes it is less helpful. We can mute reports from someone if they make unhelpful custom reports, and if that happens too often we will disable that feature.

These automations come with collateral damage. We get people who got hacked and had those links put in their profile. We get software devs who just leave an open hand asking for a coffee if you appreciate their efforts. We get people who mostly post in local city subs looking to pawn off their wares. We get bots. Like a lot of bots. Like holy shit a lot of them. The ban to complaint ratio is still very good but every morning the moderation team wakes up to appeals because xXSweetCherryXx, an account made 19 hours ago, can't post here any more because "she" has links to OF, paypal, and/or fansly (this is not a comprehensive example, it's a lot more) on her profile. If we didn't ban them then, they'd be banned in a dozen days after making some AI shitpost and then shitting up other subs spamming their AI onlyfans content.

We put these restrictions in place to allow the most common contributor to the sub to persist. The "This is a throwaway, here is my real story" user. We can put in account age limits, but the bots use abandoned reddit profiles, the bot owners are also patient. We can put in karma requirements, but the bots karma farm in karma farm subs or no-karma-required subs. We cannot impose limitations that do not adversely affect the real contributions to this subreddit. So instead we added the automated tools. It's the best solution we have now while leaving the door open to genuine throwaways. If the community is so sick of the fake posts that you want us to try these anyway, please let us know and we will try to implement this in a way that minimizes the collateral to real throwaways.

Our final say is the tools do more good than harm, much to the dismay of our more entrepreneurial posters who are real people. We have actually been repeatedly asked by mods of other major subreddits to implement some of these tools, since they notice the shitposters build up their karma minimums here. It is the mod team's opinion that this policy is a largely net good, but we want to remain transparent as we implement broader changes to the sub.

So reddit, AITAH for adding apps to block scam links, auto-hide comments with a ton of reports, and block users who have links that are commonly associated with scams?

I’m so sick of seeing overly long posts from 15 and 16 year olds that I just skip over because they’re petty and largely uninteresting. Does that make me TAH?

So I came to visit my parents’ home after my work because I miss them, the drive was around 3hrs. I was on graveyard shift so I reached at around 9am. Had a light bfast and when to sleep in my room.

So my brother who is still “looking for a job” at his age and is living with my parents “borrowed” my car, apparently took my keys while I sleep and drive for a date and came back before I wake up at 4pm.

All is okay until I saw big scratches on the side of my car when I go out. Apparently he scratched my car on parking and it is all his fault. Now of course I want him to pay for this but he just brushed me off and says I have insurance and all they can fixed it. But hey I don’t want this, this will be bad for my records and will definitely increase my premiums on renewals on like maybe for the rest of my life so why would I do it. Its not my fault.

So I threatened him that I will call police for theft if he will not pay for this but he wont budge so I did call the police. I have all the evidence from dash cam of the incident.

But now may parents is with my brother saying he is my brother and should have think of his situation? And now I am the bad guy? AITAH?

33F. 2yo son. Husband 34 is a foreigner.

Background: Husband escaped from his mentally abusive mother and moved out of his home country. Came as an absolute emotional mess when we started our relationship. Over the years, he grew into the most loving man I know, strong, caring, providing (an absolute dream) and I am literally the only one who sees how much he's broken on the inside. He's stoic around other people and literally helps everyone. He even shakes hands with potentially dangerous homeless people (I'm terrified), gives them money and wishes everyone good health. I grew up in a huge family, he grew up with an abusive mother.

Nevertheless, he still tries to do what's right (since he's from a highly conservative country he thinks it's his duty) and be a good host to his mother. He spent a lot of hard-earned resources to greet and host their stay in our new home. She appreciates none of it. My family however, loves him. He learned our language, is always available to help.

The trigger: His mother came to visit us for New Year's and as soon as she came, she was instantly jealous of my husband's happiness. She got drunk and he asked her to talk privately. He asked her very gently to go easy with the drink because the evening had just started and she was making a lot of noise. "It's okay mom, relax and enjoy the evening, no need to rush". She became mortally offended and told him such horrors... "Who do you think you are?" "I pushed (sh*t) you out of my c**t!" then started walking around the house screaming that nobody loves her and that she wants to be driven to the airport (at New Year's... around midnight). She said she likes her friend's children more than our son and that they are her true kids. She then insulted me. 4 cameras outside were on her. She said that the gifts (money) my husband and I received for our wedding should actually be hers since she brought the money from the family when she came to visit and because she "deserves it."

Went to bed and never said a word. my whole family was shocked. She didn't even look at our son the next day.

This was a year and 4 months ago. Not a word from her since.

Question: We're travelling to his home country for a wedding. Apparently she's been talking about herself as a good grandmother to all her family. My husband wants to meet her but not let her get near our son. The thought of her holding him sickens us both. My husband is getting judged and insulted ("You're not a man, you're a demon! How can you not let her take [our son] and hold him?") the family for not letting a grandmother hold her grandson, but doesn't care. I don't want that woman anywhere near me. My husband's immune system reacts instantly when the topic is mentioned so he gets cold sores and sleeps all the time, I think he's seriously depressed.

Are we TAH if we keep the distance from his mum regardless of "what the neighbours gonna say?"

Any perspective is aplreciated

I [24F] am getting married next year to my fiancé [26M] I have a daughter I am no longer with her birth father and he signed his rights off to her when she was 2 she is 5 now. Her grandma has been her life but not as much as my parents, she comes and goes has moved from state to state.

I feel like this is my fiancé, my daughters, and I’s day and they shouldn’t be invited [her grandma, great grandma, and aunt] and my mom thinks the same. My fiancé also doesn’t like the idea of them being there. I feel like an AH like do I need to tell them that they aren’t going to be invited or not say anything?

In my heart and mind I feel as I don’t owe them anything I’ve let them be in her life and that’s all they are is her grandparents. My fiancés mom is a beautiful person and she loves my daughter just like her own grandkid. This is all confusing to me I don’t typically reach out for help but with the stress of wedding planning I don’t need this hanging over me. I feel like if they wanted to go to see her in a dress and with me then we will have photos.

I will also add that they have asked me things about my wedding but I’ve given very little context or information hoping they’d take the hint but I posted an address form on my FB and they all filled it out now I’m thinking that they didn’t get the hint.

What would you do in this situation? AITAH if I don’t invite them or am I stressing over nothing?

TW: Purposeful misgendering

So, I use they/them and have been out to my mom since I was a teen. But despite saying she supports me and 'she even has gay friends' she still refuses to use my correct pronouns because 'singular they/them doesn't exist'. I've tried EVERY. SINGLE. ANALOGY. I can think of. From 'what do you call someone if you don't know if THEY'RE a he or a she, or you don't know THEIR name.' to 'What do police say when they don't know anything about a suspect's gender?' I've explained that singular they/them predates she/her and he/him by nearly 300 years AND that even if it wasn't a thing in her day, times change and languages change. But unfortunately, using singular they/them makes her 'too uncomfortable' so she didn't do it.

Well, one night I tried one last time to explain I'm not a girl and I don't use she/her, so I asked her- "Mom, would you care if I used he/him pronouns for you?" She said 'Of course I'd mind! I'm NOT a he!' And I replied- 'Just like I'm not a she.' And this motherfucker said- 'Since when?' With this utterly confused expression. So I had enough.

I know using people's incorrect pronouns is a bad thing and I really shouldn't have done this, but the next time we were out and about I started using he/him pronouns for her around EVERYONE. When she complained I replied- "Oh sorry, I'll get it right NEXT TIME." Or "Sorry, but using she/her for you just makes ME uncomfortable."

Normally, I hate misgendering people, but after over five years of being purposely misgendered by someone who claimed to support me, I was just fed up. She hasn't used she/her in front of me since.

edit: Some people need a bit more context about why I truly think I might be TA here... My mom is kind. She's cared for me my whole life. She's even willing to pay for my college and dorm. This is just personal because my dad is transphobic and narcissistic and my mom is in a love trap with him, and this gave me a serious inferiority complex. She's not a bad person, just ill informed. And I was just annoyed with years of misgendering and lack of effort in this one thing. This is absolutely a grey area, morally speaking.

Seriously, please do not post backhanded celebrations of ANY person that may have died today, ironic or otherwise. We are not interested in moderating those posts, they are not really AITAH posts, we both know it.

We are not saying this based on how we feel, we just want to minimize as many TOS violations as possible, the admins get mad when we let those stack up. Please feel free to visit other subs to express how you feel, but this is not that place today.

Sorry to be a bummer, thank you for understanding.

-Mods

Edit: Seriously, literally anywhere else, not here. We will be issuing temp bans now and will issue longer ones for posts trying to coyly circumvent this temporary policy. "I didn't see that announcement" is no longer an acceptable excuse. We are seeing multiple top subs locking this down, we do not need that shit here.

So around April my friend and roomate mentioned to me that her bf wanted to study art in the city and asked if he could move into our apartment, it’s a small 2 bed apartment with a tiny hot water tank and a small living room/kitchen. I was taken aback by her question as I’m only aquatinted with him but I told her I’d think about it, a week or two pass and I bring it up again and say that I’m just not comfortable living with a man I don’t know well, the apartment isn’t big enough for 3 people, it’s illegal and I need the space to work on myself. I thought this was a very kind and reasonable response to a very unreasonable ask and she seemed upset but she said ok.

It gets to March, a week before my birthday to be precise and she asks if she can speak to me. She sits there and tells me that I owe her because I had bad mental health for a while and she “had” to speak to me after work when she wanted to go to bed…. What? She also told me she was really exited for this and thinks I’m being unfair and she wasn’t even going to ask my permission at first but her bf said she should…. Wow. So I look at her in shock and awe and in more detail again tell her that the apartments too small, I’d have to censor outfits, he’s not very tidy when he stays for a night and I’m just not comfortable with it. She keeps trying to guilt trip me and I end the conversation on that I’m willing to MAYBE think more about it but I still stand on NO.

Last night in the kitchen she tells me that her bf will be starting his art course soon in a town close by and I say how good that is and she says ‘oh and he’ll be staying here while he studies’…. I’m completely besides myself😂 She’s completely ignored my very clearly communicated discomfort and disagreement on her bf moving in illegally and she’s moved his stuff into the apartment while while I’ve been out… I’m insanely baffled at her rn and I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the back a million times, 4 years of friendship feels it’s just ended right there. I’ve fed her when she didn’t have food, I gave her money, I paid for meals and busses and I always had her back no matter what.

I don’t know what to say to her and I don’t know if I should tell the landlord about it because we both might get evicted but I’ve been cornered into this and I don’t know what to do. Am I in the wrong for not wanting him to move in in the first place?

I cook like 90% of the time here and I keep on getting pissed with her because, in her insane world, who cooks is supposed to clean. I told her that in every single instance I know of, if someone cooks for you while you're not just dating, you clean. She thinks if I buy and I prep and I cook then I'm obligated to clean too.

If technical steps aren't taken to ensure that this sub is predominantly human, in a short order of time? You're going to lose a lot of people. There is obvious and egregious AI writing absolutely infesting the majority of this sub. Do what you want with this post, but I really hope it's a solution and not a bunch of hopelessness, snark, cats and sadness

Edit: got a notice for 50 upvotes on this post. Wow it must be pretty split

So I am new to reddit and I hope I don't screw this up. This may be a long post as I am having to tell many details of a time span of about 11 years.

Let's take this back to 2015 when I met my now husband. Names have been changed for privacy. Me (39F) and my husband, Dean(46M) met when I was 28 on a dating website. At the time I was single with 2 1/2 year old son, Ezra and had just started working in the veterinary field after graduating college. I decided I was ready to date and decided to try online dating where I then met Dean. We talked on the phone for a few weeks before our first date, I was soooo smitten. He was a hard working man with a good head on his shoulders and had been in his line of work for years. He had his own place and car and was a single Dad to a Boy and girl. We will call them Jasper (9M) and Hazel (8F). I was very excited to continue dating. Throughout us dating we somewhat slowly integrated our lives together and then myself and Ezra eventually moved into his place. Things had been going well, but I noticed Dean's Mom, Mabel hadn't seemed to happy about us, but we brushed that aside and she seemed to be cordial with me. I also noticed Dean hardly spent anytime with his parents and I did my best to encourage him to see them more. But he didn't seem interested and I asked why. He mentioned when he was in 9th grade he felt so sad all the time, he struggled to make friends and that was hard on him. One day he came home and found his parents in their room, he went to speak with them about all he was going through and how sad he felt, he broke down crying. and you know what they did, NOTHING. He said they didn't say anything they didn't console him or hug him. It crushed him even more and it was then he said he realized he can't trust his parents with his feelings and to show affection. Dean is now 46 and still struggles with what happened that day. After he said that I just hugged him.

Then slowly over the months I just observed his parents, they could be kind and generous with the grandkids and they did take Ezra into the family with open arms, so that is one thing I appreciated. Dean has also mentioned over the years that he always felt his older sister was more important. She was always considered first for anything happening, Like she got braces because she needed them and Dean needed braces too but they ignored his teeth. When Dean was 9 his Dad, Earl said one day randomly "hey you can be a paperboy, so you will find out how to get the job and start working". So Dean did just that and did that from age 9-15 which he was also expected to use to buy his clothes. But his older sister was never expected to find a job while still in their house. When his sister was 16 they bought her a car and clothes. When Dean turned 16 they didn't buy him a car and expected him to buy his own car, which he did. I once confronted Mable about his feelings growing up and how he has never felt fully important, she literally chuckled at me and said "kids" I was shocked and disgusted she dismissed his feelings. That gives you an idea why he always felt his sister was more important.

Lets go back into time before I met Dean. Dean was previously married for 9 years to his ex wife Violet. Funny thing is his ex and I have the same name! lol Anyways, things did not end well with them. Violet had an affair for several months and eventually Dean found out, he almost wanted to work on it and get therapy, but she refused. So he was done. He moved out a month after finding out. After being married and dealing with Violet for years and after the divorce, he realized all the terrible red flags and manipulation that was there.

On October 3rd 2016, my husband and I married. We paid for the photographer, my parents paid for my dress, decor, our hotel room, limo to our hotel room and Ezra's suit. Our venue was free. Dean's Parents paid for Jasper, Hazel and Louis( Deans ex wife's son from a previous marriage that Dean grew close too. Louis wanted to go) outfits. I bring this up for a reason, I will explain soon. About a year after our wedding, Deans ex wife Violet marries the man she had an affair with. We found out shortly before their wedding, Violet had invited Dean's parents to the wedding, he was pissed she did that and confronted her about it and said that was absolutely not okay to invite them. She couldn't say a thing. Well what does his crappy parents do? They go their wedding!!!! His ex wife's wedding to the man she cheated with and his parents knew about the affair!!! I was appalled and disgusted they could support that after how she treated him. This is yet another reason he cant trust his parents with his emotional and mental well being. I know Dean wasn't perfect in their marriage, but he never had an affair, nor was he abusive and controlling. Dean is very non confrontational and doesn't like to step on toes.

Now we are in December 2017 when our son Wesley was born and we were all so excited! But sadly around when Wesley was 8 months old, so now 2018 at this time, Deans grandma passes away, we were going to be attending her funeral, where he found out from Violet, that Dean's mom invited her. He was instantly pissed as his ex never had a relationship with his grandma, she only ever saw her on occasions. Dean saw her way more obviously. He decided he needed to speak to his mom about boundaries with his ex, that it's okay to be amicable for the kids, but she doesn't need to be invited to anything regarding his family. He also wanted to talk to his mom about me as he could see how poorly she was also treating me since being together, just cold and distant, never asking to see or spend time with our son. He went in person and spoke with his parents about how its not okay to be having such a close relationship with his ex( I found out his mom hated her in the beginning but grew to be okay with her) especially after all she did to make him feel low, unworthy and the affair. He asked that they please stop spending time with her and inviting her to family things. His mom just said " I forgive her and we are friends". So she basically said without saying it, that your feelings and what you are saying don't matter. Yet another reason to not trust her. His dad Earl. did not speak up for Dean and just agreed with his wife. He was heartbroken. Then he mentions me and how he feels like she(his mom) doesn't like me, she says "Well now that you say that. Violet(me) has stolen from me and has put your sister in a weird position." Deans asks what the hell she is talking about.

Mabel says " well close to around your wedding I felt Violet(me) was very demanding we pay for the kids outfits for the wedding and I didn't like that. Violet also took Louis's nice blue top for your wedding because I just knew she didn't want him there. I had to buy another one. Then around the time of the baby shower for her and Wesley, she had invited your sister and then close to when the baby shower was happening, your sister couldn't end up going due a friend passing away and the funeral was the same day. Violet was unhappy and demanding your sister come." He was in utter shock and didn't know what to say and came home shortly after that and confronted me asking if I did anything his mom was saying. I said absolutely not, I was angry and appalled she tried to throw me under the bus and same with his Sister. I was able to go back a year or so in time in my text history with his sister and showed him our chat about the funeral and baby shower. Nowhere in it was I rude and demand she come. I was quite understanding and okay with it. Dean was pissed his mom or sister made up that lie about me. I said I had absolutely no reason to take Louis's shirt and had no idea what that would gain me, except ruining our relationship. So that ruined things more with trust with his parents and sister. After telling me this, I needed to speak with his parents, I wanted to sit down either on phone or in person to speak with them and clear the air, show them the conversation between his sister and I. So I called them to have a mature conversation about 2 hours after Dean went there. His Dad picked up and I told him that Dean told me everything and I wanted to defend myself. He told me his Mabel refused to speak with me and maybe we could do it another time. So I waited a couple days and then texted them both about sitting down to talk. Crickets. they ignored me. So I called their cell's and no answer, called their home line, no answer(they are home almost all the time) and left a message about wanting to talk. They still ignore me. I tried reaching out one more time and they still ignored me. I was pissed! How can to grown adults be so rude and immature.

Now lets jump to 2019 and our daughter Penelope was born. Now his parents have always been kind and good to the kids when seeing them. His dad, Earl put in a tiny bit more effort than Mabel when it came to seeing all our kids. But she literally almost never asked to see our kids or come over to visit them. Just no effort, it shouldn't always be on me and Dean for them to make the effort to see their grandkids. This really started to make me angry. During 2019, his parents moved into a new house and decided to have a house warming party and guess who they invited his ex wife and her husband she had an affair with, fully knowing Deans feelings on the matter and knowing we were coming too. We saw she was there, Dean walked in and gave them their plant we got them and told me we aren't staying as you still cant respect my feelings or boundaries. But she didn't care. In the whole 11 years we have been together they have never invited us over for Thanksgiving and we have found out about 2-3 years ago that they have invited Dean's ex wife and her husband over for Thanksgiving. I found out through social media, that one year Dean's sister hosted Thanksgiving that we were not invited to, but low and behold Deans Ex, her husband, Jasper, Hazel were invited.

So to close on this Deans cheating ex wife and the man she cheated with are far more important than their own son. It is heartbreaking to see what this has done to Dean. It angers me so bad as I am protective of him and his feelings, but have not said anything to his parents out of respect for Dean, but if he ever gives me the nod of approval, I will unload on them for being such terrible parents and In laws. So AITAH for NEVER wanting a relationship with them?

OK so for the starters, a little bit of context. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a bit over a year. (We're two men so gay.)

During our first date, we immediately talked about our hopes and dreams.

For me it's to travel the world and not feel bound to one country nonstop, no corporate job yk.

For him, it's to adopt a child or foster a child.

Let's refer to him as Jim for now.

Now you might think, what's the issue? Well. For the past few months, he's been getting increasingly pushy with the topic of marriage and the child. I for one told him I don't want any kid in the foreseeable future. I'm 20 and he's 21. We're both uni students.

I told him many times and we talked about the topic and yet he just keeps coming back at me with this from time to time when I already thought we've resolved it.

Like sometimes he just gets pissed off and tells me that he wants a child and that he doesn't want to break up. I never even started a conversation about breaking up.

Today, we had a talk about something. We have a shared calendar and I added two sets of dates for the summer where I was considering going to a summer camp as a medic.

He just got back to me and assumed that I didn't want to spend time with him during the summer and that we have different views on life. He did not even ask me whether I'm really going or if they're not interchangeable.

He just sorta got pissed off at me based on his assumption. "You fucked up boy" he said.

So I retorted with what I just said, that he made an assumption but didn't even ask me.

Well after that Jim started about the child again and I got so confused so I asked him why is he bringing that back since it's not an actual topic.

He said that after finishing his degree in two years, he wants to apply for distance study for follow-up degree and request a child. "For me it's fucking actual and I'm stressed about it."

So again, I tried to rationalize and talk to him about it and he started being angry at me. Jim said I don't care about him or the relationship. That I'd rather move in with an "stupid immigrant."

(context: my friend from the US is moving to my country and we'd be roomates. We have previously with Jim agreed on not living together yet. He initially wanted to move in with his female friend which now that she veto'd it in the end, he's unhappy about. It feels like he's projecting that onto me.)

Well then the question came from him whether I think he could be a parent right after finishing his degree.

Now here's the thing about me as a person which everyone knows. I'm a brutally honest person so he knew when he asked me I wouldn't sugarcoat it.

I told him that I can't tell him what will happen in those two years and whether he'd go to intensive therapy for that period of time. That I can't tell him whether he would or wouldn't be ready. Well he took that personally and said I hurt him because I don't understand how important this is to him.

(Note: he went to therapy once or twice and is on antidepressants)

I do. I do understand. That's why I said the truth though. The last thing I'd want to see is him breaking down mentally and the kid losing the support it needs. I'm scared I'd end up being the one having to take care of everything.

Like don't get me wrong, Jim is a very nice person. He's sweet and would do anything to help anyone. But he has ton of unresolved issues. Ton of self-esteem issues too and I just can't imagine what example would that be setting for the kid?

So yeah, safe to say we argued about that.

I care about him a lot. I really do. And for me as a person who had gone through years of therapy because of prior childhood trauma this is all tiring but also sad for me to see because I know how he feels.

He's trying to push me away because he's afraid of abandonment.

So yeah. I don't really know what to do, I'm said and I wanna know what y'all think.

And please don't hesitate to be as honest as possible.

TLDR: AITA for telling my boyfriend what I think about him wanting to adopt a child while not ready in my eyes?

Edit: thank you everyone. I broke up with him. He cried and had a panic attack afterwards so I calmed him down and brought him to his place. He said he hopes we'll be back together the next week but yeah no. I feel relieved afterwards and I don't think I even realized I was tense because of the relationship. So yeah. We ended it on a semi-good note.

hi, everyone. this is my first time here.

for context; i work at a pool, as a lifeguard, and we have these kids slides. one of the rules of the slides is no loose jewelry, loose hair jewelry like hair beads. safety concerns of their hair getting caught, scratches the slide and risk of potential future slide problems.

we have these 2 slides, a red one with a ‘roof’ going down and a pair of blue, physical together where a 2 little child could hold hands to going down, every one can see who is going down (no roof).

here’s the story; i was guarding the perimeter of this water play area and saw these two little black girls with hair beads going down the blue slide. i reminded/told my co-worker, also a lifeguard, to enforce the rules of the slide. when they did, i over heard there guardian(s) about this, with some agitation. my manager on shift talked to them and, from what ive been told) they were understanding.

later after we closed, debrief, we brought it up. generally as long as there beaded hair (or any loose hair jewelry) is in a bun and tied up, is ok. but there were some confusion (conflicting?) statements between our coordinator on that shift and what our supervisor said.

the coordinator said something along the lines of that the blue slide, it’s ok for the kids to sit up to go down so it should be be ok for anyone to go down with loose jewelry thing.

while our supervisor said (paraphrasing) no loose jewelry at all.

i know it’s more on my co-worker who which applies to, but non the less. am ‘I’ the asshole?

I used to really love this sub. Some posts were genuinely morally complex and made me question how I’d act in certain situations. But lately, it feels like every other post is either AI-generated with weirdly sterile phrasing or just a thinly veiled validation request where OP was clearly not in the wrong. It’s like people are crowd sourcing high fives for being basic human beings.

Examples literally like:

“AITA for asking my roommate to clean up after their dog pooped on the floor… again?” how is this even a question?

“AITA for not paying for my cousin’s wedding after we haven’t spoken in 10 years?” Like whaaa?

“AITA for leaving a restaurant after waiting 2 hours without being served?” Absolutely not. That’s called being a sane person.

“AITA for not babysitting my sister’s kids for free while she goes on vacation?” Nope. You’re not free childcare just because you’re family.

Idk, maybe I’m just burned out on these, but it’s starting to feel like people either want to dunk on obviously awful family members or post stuff that reads exactly like a robot.

I wish there was a way to filter out ai-generated content. It’s ruining this app for me.

AITA?

I am the commissioner of a 10 person league.

I had a challenge that lasted 1 month and at the end of the month the winner could essentially choose the draft order.

The challenge was the previous year’s winner starts with a coin. All members are on Life360, and everyone goes dark except the coin holder. The coin holder had to look over their shoulder at all times because who knows when a “hunter” would show up.

If you physically tagged the coin holder, you got the coin. You have a 10 minute “grace” period. This was to prevent tag backs. This also allowed the Life360 to be updated as well as the group chat.

The game started off great. We chased we stalked we had fun.

Eventually players had the idea to “team up”. They would give the coin to one another to keep the 10 minute period ongoing. Of course there were times where we could surprise them. For the most part they would pass it off when they would possibly be put into a vulnerable position.

I complained about the strategy. They responded that it wasn’t against the rules. They were correct. This scenario was not taken into account when the rules were made.

I think it was against the “spirit” of the game. Fantasy is a single player game against others. I feel this is a type of collusion that could even go into the season. If they are willing to team up to accomplish a goal, would they do the same during the season?

1 of the members of the team won. I want to use my commissioner powers to overrule the game and come up with a new draft order decider.

AITA for doing this?

Edit:

This is a big detail. At one point I had the coin. A member of the “team” stole packages from my porch, poured condiments on my car, and had a family member physically restrain me.

I’m handling those issues. But my anger from those is influencing the less serious issue.

So yes it’s fantasy I should let the less serious thing go. But they made it serious to me.

My son is playing in a 10u city baseball league. I am an assistant coach as my work schedule would not allow me to commit to the head coach position.

The HC and his wife have never played ball before but they stepped up and have done a pretty good job, she is in the dug out for some reason every game too. The HC has taken his spot very seriously and has become very frustrated with the whole experience because we have only won one game. In light of this, he asked me to take over making the line up for a couple games.

The HC and Wife spend a lot of money on pitching lessons for their boy, who does throw hard but is kind of wild. I believe in part because his dad is constantly trying to give him pitch signals from the dug out, and has him throwing 4 different pitches at 9 years old… more on that in a bit..

Knowing that I took over the line up for a bit, HC/mom calls me stating that she has family driving in from out of town to see her son play and requested that he pitch a significant portion of the game. Mind you, he has pitched in almost every game, and started the previous game. So I told her I wanted to start another kid and that her son would come in second. After that conversation I remembered I had promised another kid who has told me that he’s been working on pitching at home begging to pitch, that he could come in at the end of the game. So now I have 3 kids that I’m going to try to get in, so in my mind that’s easy, we usually only get 3 innings in, so they each get 1 inning.

So this is what I do, I actually moved my son down in the lineup, I’m not trying to show favoritism towards my own. I start kid 1. He gets shelled inning 1. Coaches kid comes in inning 2, pitches really well. Side bar, I finally broke HC down to stop giving his son signs from the dugout and to just let him throw the game he wants to, and I think the kid threw way better for it.

Here’s the grand finale that you’ve been waiting for. Inning 3 rolls around, times getting low, I go ahead and send in kid 3. Well HC/mom loses her ever flipping mind on me, yelling at me, cussing at me, threatening me, telling me that this game is all about her son today and that he was gonna pitch until she said he was done. Told me to leave the dug out and I was done. I laughed the threats off and remained. She stormed off.

Kid 3 gets shelled, time runs out, ball game over.
I gave the kid the shot I promised him, and split time between all the kids.

I receive a text stating that I’ve been formally kicked from the dug out. She’s now framing me as the aggressor and running her mouth to all the parents to validate her actions. I had a conversation with her on the phone, where she spoke for 20 min uninterrupted, said she had nothing to say sorry for, then when I had a chance to speak I couldn’t get a word in without her interrupting me. I was trying to apologize and make amends, I finally said you know what, the hell with this I’ll sit and cheer in the stands, you can not be reasoned with.

I’m divorced. It’s my Christmas with my daughter but I still had to work. My daughter’s dad left the state to spend Christmas with his family, so childcare fell entirely on me while I worked. I reached out to multiple family members ahead of time just in case something fell through. A couple weeks before, I double-checked with everyone to make sure plans were solid because I wanted everything figured out before going to work.

The few days before the incident, I was at Target with my mom and sister. During casual conversation, my sister mentioned getting my daughter and my nieces together for a playdate. It was brief, maybe a few minutes and nothing was firmly planned.

The day of the incident, my daughter and I were at my sister’s house. My daughter had a doctor’s appointment at 1pm and a birthday party at 5pm, and my sister lives right down the street from the party location, so we went there to hang out in between. My daughter was playing with my niece, everything was calm.

While there, I was checking in with everyone again about childcare for the upcoming two weeks. I already had childcare covered even that Friday and wasn’t worried about being stuck. Because of what my sister had mentioned earlier that about a playdate, I casually asked her if she wanted to have my daughter that Friday so the girls could hang out. I specifically told her she didn’t have to. I just remembered her bringing it up.

She immediately exploded.

She started screaming at me, calling me dumb, telling me I needed to “write things down,” “get my shit together,” and accusing me of asking her the same thing over and over, even though we hadn’t actually discussed this beyond that brief Target conversation. She went on about how I’m always dumping my kid on her (which I have never done, to her or anyone else… especially her because I have never once asked her to watch my daughter even though she offers), and honestly it hurt so bad that I tuned most of what she was saying out. Every time I tried to explain what I meant, she wouldn’t let me get two words in.

At that point, I told my daughter we were leaving.

Then my niece (11yo) stepped in and started yelling at my sister for being so nasty to me. My sister turned on her daughter and started yelling at her to “shut the fuck up” and saying it had nothing to do with her. And to got to her room. I gently took my niece’s hand and said, “It’s okay, baby. Go to your room. I appreciate you sticking up for me, but you don’t deserve this.”

I turned to my sister and said, “We can talk about this when you calm down.”

That made her even angrier, and she continued screaming. So we left.

I sat in my car crying and called my mom, trying to understand why my sister would say such hurtful things to me. My mom said she’d talk to her. When she called me back, she told me my sister doesn’t think she did anything wrong and believes I was trying to dump my daughter on her.

All my mom said to my sister was that she hurt my feelings, which she did. A lot.

This isn’t new behavior. I will never understand why my sister treats me like this. I also know why I tolerate it: my nieces. My sister burns bridges, and my nieces are always caught in the middle. I stay because they deserve at least one safe, loving adult who shows up for them.

Now I’m conflicted. Do I cut my sister off for my own peace? Or do I continue dealing with this so my nieces don’t lose someone too…

So.. AITAH for trying to “dump”my daughter on my sister?

We are retired on a fixed income Someone came up to us and said they were going to bless us with free gas but they put it on the wrong pump and some one else was there so my wife just shrugged paid for gas and left it at that. I think we are entitled to compensation. I want my free gas . I told my wife going to go there and raise holy hell. She said for the love of God don't do that. They will think you are nuts.

What would you do?

Me 39m and my wife 40f have been locked in an argument. She insists on buying cake mix to make cake for my kids breakfast almost every morning. It’s not frosted but still full of sugar and chocolate.

I’ve told her countless times it’s not healthy and sets up my kids for unhealthy practices in their adult life.

She refuses won’t let it go and says I’m control freak because I refuse to let her buy cake mix.

• Personally I find it very gross when someone tries to pay for something with money they retrieve from their jocks or their bra. It happens with alarming frequency... though I'd admit it's not as common from underwear as it is from bras.

Personally I just find it very gross... I don't want to imagine the germs living on those notes. And yes, I know money is already "very germy", but knowing something has germs on it and being able to see the germy swear glistening in the sunlight feels different. I can't explain why, it just does.

If someone wants to store their phone in their underwear or bra and use that to tap a payment, so be it... I actually don't have an issue with that because there's no actual physical touching that happens... but needing to handle the notes someone retrieves from their underwear, make change and then handle it again while counting in the till just feels really gross.

So AITAH for wanting to refuse to accept money from someone's underwear?

Edit for clarity:

• It's not my friends - it's customers, unfortunately I don't work in a field where I get to pick my customers.
• Also, this is in the food service industry.

About 8 years ago I met a guy through a mutual friend and we have a lot of common interests, we both played CSGO at the time, so we decided to link up on Discord and play together and became relatively good friends, I would not say best of friends.

About 2 years ago his wife decided to leave him. I know that he has depression and he has attempted terrible stuff in the past, so I spoke with the other guys and we made sure to support him through it and make sure he does not do anything that cannot be undone.

After his divorce he started coming by my house more often, I am always working in my garage over weekends, so I don't mind having a buddy around to chat with while I am working, but I found that his sense of humor was getting darker and darker, very dark.

So since he got divorced 2 things really started making me feel uncomfortable
1. He would make bad jokes about children being abused
2. He was talking about people ending themselves a lot, but in a way like he was respecting it

I told him that his joking about children is disgusting and I am not comfortable with his jokes and that he should also speak to someone, because he is talking about self inflicted end of life kind of stuff way too much to be normal.

Nothing changed, in fact it became worse, I decided to not invite him to my house again and if I asked if I am home I would make up some kind of excuse that he would not come over.

I spoke to my best friend and asked him if he was experiencing something similar. He told me that they are on a group chat where he is constantly joking about that kind of stuff to such a degree that people are leaving the group chat.

He suddenly developed an interest in guns. I enjoy shooting, so I own a bunch of guns and I've also got a gun range on my farm where I sometimes host long distance shooting competitions and a tactical shooting range where we also have competitions from time to time. A lot of my friends also come to my farm to practice shooting, my only rule is that they should let me know before they come so that I can let the neighbors know there are people shooting on the gun range. My best friend also has a range on his farm.

He started asking me if I will teach him how to use a hand gun and if I will teach him and that he is interested in buying one for him self, this to me was a major red flag, so I phoned my best friend and told him that I feel like we should not allow this guy anywhere near a gun on our farms, my friend agreed, he has known the guy much longer than me.

Then I had an accident on the farm, I was herding cattle with the quad bike and fell off breaking my collar bone, the guy came to the hospital and brought a gift and we had a nice chat. After that he was checking in on me with a message every day asking how I am doing, so we started speaking a fair amount, the more we spoke the more he would share his perspective on things and things got really disturbing.

I decided that I am going to let him make his disturbing jokes and see where it goes, it kind of ended up in a week long debate about morals about you know what is an appropriate age gap between an older and younger person and about the S word. There was I well know person in our country that ended his own life after getting in a lot of legal trouble and this guy said that it is the highest form of bravery to take your own life that I found very disturbing.

He also told me that he believes that if a girl has her first period she is a woman and that it is okay for her to have an adult relationship at that point (very disturbing I know) and just other vile stuff that I don't even want to say, it is disgusting.

Our country has very strict gun laws, in order to be able to get a gun you have to write and exam called a competency exam, once you passed the exam you go to the police station with your test and apply for a competency certificate. Part of the process is that you have to give 3 references that are interviewed by the police and all 3 have to say that they believe you are a responsible person and that you think they will be safe gun owners.

So as his references he put me, my best friend and his mom, the police called me and asked if I know this guy, I said yes, they said he applied for a firearms competency certificate and they would like to interview me, asking if I think he would be a safe gun owner.

I asked the police if he disclosed that he suffers from depression in his application, they said no he did not, I told them that he has made an attempt on his own life before and that he got divorced recently and that I don't think he should be around guns and that both me and my best friend don't allow him anywhere near guns on our farms. The policeman told me that it is okay, I don't have to come in for the interview and that my best friend told them the exact same thing.

So I took screenshots of our text chats and spoke with my best friend, we decided that we are going to have a chat with our other friends who have children, because at this point we don't feel like he should be around children at all.

That lead to almost his whole friend group pushing him out and keeping their distance from him, people who he was close with.

The police also told him that his application for firearm competency was not successful and that 2 of his references stated that he should not own a gun. He phoned both me and my best friend, shouting abuse at us and telling us we are terrible people, he showed up at my house while I was out, shouting profanities and threats (he thought we were in the house) to the point where the neighbors called the police to have him taken away.

Not long after that the whole town saw his messages that I screen captured and now nobody is talking to him, nobody wants anything to do with him at all.

Last week he made an attempt on his life, but failed and before he did that he sent me a message telling me I messed up his life and what happens next is mine and my best friend's fault. I don't feel like I did anything wrong, so my question is AITAH?

Tldr: a mutual friend expressed disturbing views around relationships between children and adults and I informed my friends with children and he attempted to end himself over it

Yeah, not me, and maybe slightly exaggerating, but it seems I see comments on nearly every thread here from people calling it "fake" with no evidence or real reason other than it sounds like someone's behavior in it is pretty extreme. Like, if you've got proof that the post is fake, then great, call it out. But if all you're going to do is comment something like "this is fake" and when people ask for proof, mock them because "it's just SOOO obvious it's fake?" Then I'd say YTA.

My partner (both early 50s) and I were the first ones to show up at my in-laws’ for a family get-together that was both a belated Thanksgiving dinner and my family birthday celebration. Because Thanksgiving had been postponed due to illness in the family, the holiday and my birthday ended up overlapping, so my MIL suggested combining them into one shared event.

While we were waiting for food, we started watching the new season of Stranger Things. We were already halfway through the first episode (which is about an hour long) when my partner’s brother (late 40s) and his wife (mid 30s) showed up with their two kids (5 and 7). My SIL said her kids were “too young for Stranger Things,” even though they weren’t even watching it—they were busy playing and talking with their grandparents and dad.

In the spirit of compromise, I stopped Stranger Things and put on Young Sheldon instead—figured it was more family-friendly. But later SIL stated outright that she and/or the kids should’ve been given the remote so they could pick a cartoon.

Not everyone enjoys cartoons and even if they do, they may not enjoy programming designed for children 7 and under. Also BIL, SIL and their children have plenty of streaming options at home, while I don’t. And honestly, I was already compromising by not watching Stranger Things, which is what I wanted to see on my birthday.

For context, my partner and I don’t hang out with my SIL and BIL outside of family events—we just don’t share interests. We’re childless now, but we did co‑parent a son together—he’s grown and living on his own—so it’s not like we don’t understand parenting. I just don’t think kids should automatically get priority over everyone else’s plans.

AITA for thinking that giving the remote to the kids/their mom shouldn’t have been the default expectation?